leavinglon:

my husband and i have been married for the last 10 years. both my husband and i were born here. he is cultually more british than nigerian and to be honest, that was one of the many reasons i fell for him. we have 2 lovely kids and secure in our jobs. my mother in law has been visiting us from nigeria throughout the 10 years we have been together but now, we have decided to apply for her to live here indefinitely. #

sadly, since she has got her papers, i am beginning to see a different side to her. she now speaks to me very rudely-no more please or thank you, she is terribly aggressive- snatches this from me and looks me up and down, has no tact, barks at the kids and to make things worse, she expects me to clean up after her and do this constant bowing thing. the last trod, is when she told me not to wear shorts in the house or eat when my husband is eating ~(i should eat when he has finished). to cut a long story short, we has an argument in which she told me that if i was in niigeria i would be her slave, then she made the mistake to caLL ME 'silly GIRL'. I told here she was a fool. the whole family is waiting to kill me because 'i have abused an elder'.

in my view, respect goes in 2 ways. but, according to them, elders can say and do anything. My husband is beginning to change since his mother is here. he isnt saying much, instead, he spends most of his free time (which we normally share) with her, watching this nigerian film, one after the ohter. the worryinng thing is that he is beginning to  behave aggressively to me like they do in those films. I fear, this is the end of my marriage.

Surprisingly, my husband told me that when we got married, i got married to the culture so my mother in law is here to live with us,in our home, eternally. Not sure i can cope with that. Where have I gone wrong?

sorry for the typos; typing with one hand as my daughter is falling asleep.

leavinglon:

Akan, I am not from nigeria. my parents were born here and so was i. Thanks though for your response. i take it that you are nigerian yourself, can i ask why the elders always demand that children do something instead of asking, eg. bring me water, instead of may i PLEASE have some water,

Ndipe:

Nobody has the right to insult you in your house. I would expect such subservience from an African woman, not a British woman. Assert yourself!

Ndipe:

Your mother inlaw has this primitive mentality that it is HER son's house, hence, you either put up with her bossy nature or you move out. if the insult persits, tell her in no unmistakable terms she is no longer welcome again and stick with it.

Richvkunt:

@leavinglon,
You have got to understand that when you marry a Nigerian man,you also marry his family.There is no way to isolate one from the other especially if it is a close knit family.You have to take your mum in law as your own mother and give her the respect you would give your own mum.It is not so difficult once you put a little effort into it.
When your mum in law sees the effort you are putting in she will grow to love and accept you as her daughter and you will get along fine.
I would like to sound a note of warning that you should never be confrontational such as calling her a fool.
Insulting elders is frowned upon seriously in Africa,and if she reports you to family members the results could be very unpleasant.
You are the person in the marriage and you know how the shoe is pinching you. Be careful the kind of advise you take from people on NL.
Goodluck.

festac77:

Wow, I hope that this is a warning to every self respecting woman not to marry a NIGERIAN man!! WTF! Can someone write a psych paper about this already. Same poo, different woman. The problem is Nigerian culture doesn't respect women, and treats married women like property.

I would have gone ballistic on the MIL, but that's just me (I actually did, but that's a whole 'nother post). I'm surprised more people didn't give you the standard response like Richvkunt did. This is the way many Nigerians are programmed to think, hence we don't question our leaders (I use the term leaders loosely), they can get away with bloody murder, we idolize greed and corruption and can't stand up for our rights.

My dear, you're going through psychological and emotional abuse. At the rate your MIL and husband are going, I won't be surprised if it turns physical. You're an equal contributor to the household and the mother of his kids. Why should a grown man be living with his mother? Am I the only one to see something pathological in this? Anyway, I won't preach; I will tell you that you need to put yourself first (cos they sure ain't), think about your wellbeing and your children's wellbeing. Don't let anyone threaten you (what the heck does Richvkunt mean by things could get unpleasant for you? Empty threats like the typical 'do you know who I am' demo that Nigerians do). Stand up for yourself, the longer you wait to do this the harder it will become.

You say your husband is spending more and more time with his mom, but I'm assuming that he still sleeps with you. How is he working up to that? Does he still romance you or just expect the ATM to be open 24/7. I'm asking, because part of what leads up to the big event is usually spending time together and being thoughtful, kind, etc,

Anyway, put on you big girl panties and deal with it, you'll be fine.

PAGAN 9JA:
it serves the white woman right! doing all this cheap interracial marriages. i hope the mother-in-law makes a slave of her. if you dont have any reasonable thing to contribute you better in and hung a transformer

ifyalways: What's going on here?

@OP, any updates?

leavinglon: j


Dont know what is happening. Spent almost an hour typing up post and it keeps saying "post is hidden".??

leavinglon: j


Dont know what is happening. Spent almost an hour typing up post and it keeps saying "post is hidden".??

ifyalways:

Sorry.I think its the spam bot.You can break and post in bits,the spam bot usually mark lengthy posts as spam.

leavinglon:



Just by chance, i checked my profile and found my most innocent post was banned. Can someone tell me why pyguru did that? There was no explanation for doing this which means that history kept repeating itself. I think it is absurd. How do i get it published cause at the moment it is hidden.