We asked Nigerian women what they would do differently if they had the chance to become mothers again. Here’s what they had to say:

1. Dupe, 60
I would learn each of my children’s love language and correct them in a better way than I did.

2. Valentina, 48
If I had the opportunity to start afresh, I would discipline my children more and enforce more rules on them. Simple things such as making them do things immediately I ask them to would go a long way in making sure that they turn out to be more disciplined adults than they are right now. The way they are now, it’s obvious that I was too soft on them, and that I was too protective. I would definitely let them face more hardship than they did growing up. I’d let them go out on their own earlier and face more challenges than they did. They grew up too sheltered.

3. Patience, 56
First of all, I would go abroad to finish my master’s before I have children. Then, I would use my first salaries to build my own house so I can have a more settled life. I would basically invest more in my finances so that when I finally have children, I’ll be able to provide more for them. I didn’t invest enough in myself when I was younger, and I went ahead to have children, forgetting that I have 8 siblings, and black tax means that I’d spread my earnings across my own family and my extended family. If I made better financial decisions, I would have been able to provide for my children better.

4. Toun, 56
There’s lot of things I would do differently if I had the chance to start parenting afresh.
First of all, I would marry a different husband that would join me in raising godly children early enough, and not one that counteracts my upright upbringing with subtle criticisms and displays that a laissez-faire life is superior.

Then, I would honour my children more by protecting them from an overdose of respect and service to domineering inlaws who claim some kind of lordship over them. I would no longer be stupid to allow the traditional culture of “we must train them together” to affect my parenting. In my experience, these people shielded their children, while “training” my own. I was too stupid, looking on and letting uncles and aunties turn my children to errand boys and girls, letting my children sleep on the cold floor while they took over their beds, and allowing them to eat the best part of the meals, all in the name of family, love, warmth, and hospitality. These people lived with me. I sent them to school.

When it was their turn to receive me, they treated me like trash. I couldn’t even send any of their children to get me a glass of water. It made me feel stupid because I could have lived a nice, simple life with my children and they would have enjoyed me better, but I decided to be Mother Christmas and spend all my time and energy on people who didn’t do the same for me.

Then lastly, I would spend more time with my children. I would play with them. Now that they are grown, I really miss them. There was a saying that was popular when I was growing up “Ọmọ tó bá da ni ti bàbá ẹ, ọmọ burúkú, màmá ẹ ló fà” (When a child turns out good, he’s his father’s child, but when he turns out bad, it’s the mother’s fault). I raised my children with anxiety because I didn’t want to be the reason they didn’t turn out well. So I was very strict. It didn’t help that my husband was nonchalant in parenting, so I had to take up training and discipline both as a mother and a father.

5. Loveth, 54
I have three children, and parenting is very difficult. If I was to do parenting all over, I’d marry a very rich husband so that we can hire plenty maids and helps to do the parenting while I spend all my time traveling and touring the world.

6. Alo, 59
If I could turn back the hands of time, I would focus better on my health and deal with my health challenges more hands-on, instead of casually thinking my family members and doctors had the best interests for me. I didn’t do any research, I just went with whatever whoever told me and it led to more complications. That affected the way I brought up my children.

Continue reading: https://www.zikoko.com/her/6-older-nigerian-mothers-on-what-they-would-do-differently-as-new-mothers/

Dem go use 2by2 flog there children,if na today..the kids of today.no dey hear word.

I'm quite surprised bigcabal did not write a "Dupe"
Who would raise her children to be woke trans feminist LGBTQ+ supporter.


Radarada

Zikoko ko zeeworld ni

Interesting read but sad all of them have so many regrets.

I feel sad for her. There are some things you can’t do over and some of them are the kids’ tender years. I hope they understand and forgive her

4. Toun, 56
There’s lot of things I would do differently if I had the chance to start parenting afresh.
First of all, I would marry a different husband that would join me in raising godly children early enough, and not one that counteracts my upright upbringing with subtle criticisms and displays that a laissez-faire life is superior.

Then, I would honour my children more by protecting them from an overdose of respect and service to domineering inlaws who claim some kind of lordship over them. I would no longer be stupid to allow the traditional culture of “we must train them together” to affect my parenting. In my experience, these people shielded their children, while “training” my own. I was too stupid, looking on and letting uncles and aunties turn my children to errand boys and girls, letting my children sleep on the cold floor while they took over their beds, and allowing them to eat the best part of the meals, all in the name of family, love, warmth, and hospitality. These people lived with me. I sent them to school.

When it was their turn to receive me, they treated me like trash. I couldn’t even send any of their children to get me a glass of water. It made me feel stupid because I could have lived a nice, simple life with my children and they would have enjoyed me better, but I decided to be Mother Christmas and spend all my time and energy on people who didn’t do the same for me.

Then lastly, I would spend more time with my children. I would play with them. Now that they are grown, I really miss them. There was a saying that was popular when I was growing up “Ọmọ tó bá da ni ti bàbá ẹ, ọmọ burúkú, màmá ẹ ló fà” (When a child turns out good, he’s his father’s child, but when he turns out bad, it’s the mother’s fault). I raised my children with anxiety because I didn’t want to be the reason they didn’t turn out well. So I was very strict. It didn’t help that my husband was nonchalant in parenting, so I had to take up training and discipline both as a mother and a father.

. Loveth, 54
I have three children, and parenting is very difficult. If I was to do parenting all over, I’d marry a very rich husband so that we can hire plenty maids and helps to do the parenting while I spend all my time traveling and touring the world.

On point with the traveling and touring but don’t let the maids raise the kids ma’am.

Hathor5:
Interesting read but sad all of them have so many regrets.

I’m very glad to be in a position where I can still learn and not make the same mistakes. I Would hate to have regrets concerning how good or not I was to my kids when I get old.

Hathor5:
Interesting read but sad all of them have so many regrets.

They were asked about what they would change, not what they loved about raising their children. So of course, the focus is on their mistakes.

It doesn't mean their motherhood was all gloomy and doomy

Jaycobbs:


They were asked about what they would change, not what they loved about raising their children. So of course, the focus is on their mistakes.

It doesn't mean their motherhood was all gloomy and doomy

Yeah, I guess you are right.

Klass99:


trust busy-body people with their oversabi to say things like - you will never be happy without a child of your own as a woman, your children will make you happy when you look at them, who will take care of you in old age and more.....

She probably caved under the pressure to do what others thought was right or best for her (like Alo 59, the last woman in the article) only to end up not liking the results..

That’s like a large percentage of the population. Lots of us do things cause we are expected to.

Jaycobbs:


They were asked about what they would change, not what they loved about raising their children. So of course, the focus is on their mistakes.

It doesn't mean their motherhood was all gloomy and doomy

Hmmmmmm so on point.

Changes how one views the thread.

One can look at a glass half full or half empty.

And there is no choice that has no opportunity cost/ forgone.

cococandy:

I’m very glad to be in a position where I can still learn and not make the same mistakes. I Would hate to have regrets concerning how good or not I was to my kids when I get old.

As parents we have to do our best but also accept that we will make mistakes along the way and make our peace with it. There is no manual for raising children and what works for one child may not work for another. You see some things only in hindsight.

Klass99:


She sounds like the sort of woman who didn't truly want kids or didn't grasp the full impact of parenting and would have been better off, not having children.

But, trust busy-body people with their oversabi to say things like - you will never be happy without a child of your own as a woman, your children will make you happy when you look at them, who will take care of you in old age and more.....

She probably caved under the pressure to do what others thought was right or best for her (like Alo 59, the last woman in the article) only to end up not liking the results.

Your life is yours to build, it is not for others to steer, is a powerful message I will forever be grateful that I came across in my lifetime.

Biggest lie ever sold to women.