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Stats: 3,134,320 members, 7,747,112 topics. Date: Saturday, 24 February 2024 at 05:56 PM
|How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by purples25(f): 6:53am On Jun 30, 2021
I live in a good, comfortable neighborhood. The majority of people that live there are rich Muslim Hausa's. Due to their lifestyle, most of them see a woman that opens her hair, gets into any male's car, walks with a guy down the street, dates without being secretive, or generally isn't their tribe, as a LovePeddler. They hardly have good attitudes towards others who are not of their tribe/lifestyle.
They are the ones handling every store in my area. Due to their mindset, I, amongst others, have gotten disrespected by those selling things in the area. They are unrepentant. The last time one of them said something lewd about me in my presence, the matter was taken up by a powerful neighbor. The Hausa's apologized to the neighbor but started a deadly malice with me. They did not apologize to me. They also told me not to buy from them or greet them. They, not considering that they are supposed to be devoted Muslims, even kept the malice throughout Ramadan.
Till today, I have to walk far to buy my things, because the mallam at the gate won't sell to me. He has also forcefully taken the role of security. Neighbors had meetings to root him out due to his generally rude nature, but this man went and built a cement foundation for his shop while an open meeting was being held for his removal.
I didn't go further on this because as those handling our security, and me being of a different tribe, I may be in danger. The mallam brings a mass of wandering sellers or poor Hausa's or Fulani's to our gate, and these people could turn on me anytime as they share the mindset that I amongst the inferior who are not their tribe.
At the closest mall, which the Hausa's also control, trouble is also brewing. I have gone there with my brother a few times to buy things, laughing and chatting along the way. My brother is tall and lanky and could pass for my boyfriend. They took it upon themselves to spread rumors about me being indecent from there, which led to more than the usual harassment I face from men around the area. I couldn't do anything about this. However, the male staff started one thing where they rub their hands on my body when talking to me. Then they grin at each other while doing that. It seems to be an inside joke with them.
I don't want to turn everyone to my enemy in my area. I want to be able to buy things. I am generally a peaceful person and I hate to cause a scene or make enemies. The last time I reported misconduct, I was barred from buying things. This time too, I am afraid, because the hausa people at the mall know the hausa people selling at my gate. This may be a matter of life and security to me.
I am really angry about this. I plan to go to the mall today and warn them. If not, being a calm person, I may continue not to react and stop going to this mall close by, which would be stressful for me, as I will have to go farther to buy things.
As a woman, how would you handle this? By the way, this post is not tribalistic. I am part Fulani, in fact.
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by Nobody: 7:00am On Jun 30, 2021
Ok, you are partly fulani. I for say because Dem no born Dem well to try it with Igbo girl like me. But wait... Can't you relocate and leave that aboki infested area? I mean... How do you enjoy the environment? Oh.. I forgot you're part of them but that not withstanding, you still need to leave that area especially as they don't like your guts. You know those people don't regard life.
Secondly, knowing how everything is haram to them, you should have been more careful with the kind of life you live.
If I'm to look at it from their own angle, seems you bring in different guys hence their notion about you because I mean... What will make a group of people perceive you in that manner if they haven't seen something like that?
Just try and lead a decent life and try to leave the area because the next thing might be rape. God forbid.
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by Zonex1(m): 7:04am On Jun 30, 2021
Sorry didn't have the time to read through bfor commenting, I'll b back soon lemme try to secure mazi nnamdi kanu unconditional release
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by purples25(f): 7:35am On Jun 30, 2021
First, thanks for your answer.
They don't even know what tribe I am, they only guess sometimes due to some of my features. But I will never even tell them. I mostly live, act, and identify as a Yoruba lady.
I have male and female friends, mostly Igbo and christian. I make attachment, I wear jeans, I talk and walk with my male friends down the street. I don't know what else caused their notions because none of them have slept with me before.
I feel the question should not be what I have done. Life has consequences for every action, but I still believe that a woman should not be mistreated or harassed based on any ones belief. If I start wearing a short skirt, would that justify this?
Well, thanks and you are wonderful. I will try to be more careful because I am actually noting that attacks may not be too far ahead, just like you have observed.
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|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by CandyOps(m): 7:35am On Jun 30, 2021
I for say make I marry you make all those nonsense end but I no get strength for woman now.
Try change location. Na why I like Lagos. Nobody send your papa for Lag.
And you've cited security concerns more than
once which means it's really a big issue esp since you let the issue get this bad before seeking for a solution.
Sha dey careful make dem no go kuku kill you one day. And you sound like a stubborn liberal why u go de allow male staff members tap current from your body for that kin place sef?
Establish your personal space and work to get rid of the securirty man asap. You're his madam for Pete's sake. Unchecked envy is dangerous
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|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by ojun50(m): 7:35am On Jun 30, 2021
They try wear iron pant if you dey go out or better still relocate
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by Casham: 7:41am On Jun 30, 2021
I lived in a Muslim community almost all my life. The Muslims I stayed with will never disrespect a lady without any good reason. Maybe you dress freely, and many of them despise a lady who dresses "anyhow". But let me suggest this: next time they try any rubbish, tell them to back off! Mostly, these people are always intimidated by a confident lady. Show them you are a no-nonsense lady else they walk all over you. They are only testing the waters. If you show any sign of been intimidated, na OYO for you. Always dress a bit decently and try to be firm without been rude. If possible, do not shout or bark. Just warn them once and ignore their very existence afterwards. They will back off eventually if they discover that their snide remarks don't get to you anymore. And don't, because of this, start hiding as they will smell the fear. Finally, just be yourself! Don't change who you are for any fuking body. Let them all go to hell if it has to get there. Nothing will happen t you. They won't harm a lady. StaySafe
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by xpressionx(m): 7:43am On Jun 30, 2021
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by Nobody: 7:46am On Jun 30, 2021
Oh... I see. Sorry for speculating though.
Don't worry, no harm will come upon you. You are a daughter of Zion.
The Bible says,
"ye though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for thou art with me. The rod and they staff they comfort me." So fear not.
Pray to God for protection and read Psalms 91 every morning or 12 midnight if you can. You'll see them retracting from you like worms.
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|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by Casham: 7:49am On Jun 30, 2021
purples25:Another advice: try make friends with one of them and ask him why they disrespect you. Thank me afterwards.
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by purples25(f): 7:51am On Jun 30, 2021
Thanks sis. God bless you.
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by purples25(f): 7:51am On Jun 30, 2021
I'll look into that. Thanks.
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by NiRfreak(m): 7:52am On Jun 30, 2021
You can't be blamed for their hatred. They are only tribal religious bigots who think like cow and primitive fools.
Even if you are a runs gal who different guys drop everyday..it's still not their problem to the extent of harassing you...You can call the police on anyone that tries to harass u. It's battery and assault.
And be vigilant. Don't go out in night alone..And if there's going to be something funny, stylishly record it with ur phone for evidence....
Henceforth, don't greet or return their greetings, don't look their way..Dem dey crase...even if Aboki go schl their cow behavior can not be cured.
Funny enough they are the most sexually depraved tribe in Nigeria, fuccking under aged gals...engaging in homosexuality....
Please at this point...You need to make a statement/report at the police station that you are being harassed and ur life is being threatened in your neighborhood to the point that u are scared for ur life...
With 1000k u can do that... Any subsequent issue, police can quickly believe ur case..But be careful
4 Likes 1 Share
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by Nobody: 7:52am On Jun 30, 2021
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by NiRfreak(m): 7:54am On Jun 30, 2021
purples25:Making friends with one of them will be a big mistake that can be used to get more info about you....they all have same impression abt her...
Asking why they hate her won't change anything.. she shouldbt be bother abt their stinking opinion. They are simply goats
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by Nobody: 7:54am On Jun 30, 2021
See, don't let her go and start making trouble with them. You know its only her against the multitude. it could get nasty and you know how riot and wahala dey sweet them. They don't care to die for a course they believe in but our dear sister will now be in middle of the whole thing facing more attacks.
See how they stopped greeting her just because she reported a matter within, now imagine if she reports to the police.
Let her just ignore and avoid them altogether or better still, leave the place for good.
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by Obakashdee(m): 7:54am On Jun 30, 2021
It’s easy to just relocate na, just wake up early morning and relocate
And what’s the meaning of you are part of them? Na wa o
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by NiRfreak(m): 7:58am On Jun 30, 2021
Obakashdee:It's not always easy to relocate.. sometimes u might have to plan for about six months before you get enough money and the right house u want. That's why in eviction notice, 3 to 6 months grace is always given for the inconvenience.
In that case even if it's 3 months. She still has to live in the area, and has the right to be safe
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by Nobody: 8:07am On Jun 30, 2021
Not saying to relocate overnight. At least let her add that to her plans.
I didn't mean any harm by saying she's part of them. She said shes partly fulani so what I meant was, it's because you're part of them they can pull such stunts on you and the OP already cleared that by saying they don't know she's one of them to which I apologized. Abi which ones?
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by Yusufisraelj(m): 12:29am On Jul 04, 2021
Impressions last, and everything we do as people create perceptions about us. What perceptions have you given to get a hate vibe? You are not the only lady with male folks or who wears jeans and is hated on by abokis. Lols
First it's un-natural for people to just hate you, there must be an underlaying cause.
Now, I've lived in the three regions of the country, pertaining your issue I will enumerate the following;
1. In the northern region, when a lady greets elderly people she's considered in high esteem.
2. Respect is earned, through how you live and choose to relate in the north or relating with folks from that region.
3. Disrespect of any kind comes with disdain to an average northerner, either through academic superiority, life style or speech.
I'm not saying you should be a conformist, what I'm saying is, if you understand the ways of the people of any environment, and make adjustments that are not detrimental to you, just to accommodate or show respect for what they value, you stand chance to always have your way or be highly respected.
Adaptation is the proof of honour.
Going forward, study your environment and see for yourself what works and try doing same, however people may hate you bkos of your background, religion or tribe, that you can't do anything about. But the picture you are painting here talks more of you not understanding how to relate by respecting other people's Values, hence the strong hate, I think.
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by purples25(f): 12:41am On Jul 04, 2021
You have points. I'm trying to adapt a bit, but not because of them.
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by Yusufisraelj(m): 5:12am On Jul 04, 2021
One of your post caught my attention.
Can you go through this;
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by lifenajeje(m): 6:04am On Jul 04, 2021
Security comes first
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by purples25(f): 4:58pm On Jul 04, 2021
Ok I will. Thanks.
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by sunnedee2: 12:16pm On Jul 12, 2021
Please try and relocate from that area.
We dont want anything to happen to our favorite artist.
The issue is deep now and if you bend to their will then you are game.
Meanwhile, with what I read, physical attack (including rape) cannot be ruled out.
So, please try and change location.
Stay safe sis.
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by purples25(f): 12:36pm On Jul 12, 2021
Thanks. It is lovely to see this issue being addressed by you. I appreciate your concern.
I hope that some things will take me away for a while, soon. Hopefully.
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by peacefull(f): 5:20am On Jul 15, 2021
Somebody mean to you?
I hope you are ok and stay in safe.
I'm sorry if I misunderstood. I maybe don't understand well.
I really hope nobody mean to you!
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by purples25(f): 7:02am On Jul 15, 2021
Hi peacefull. Glad you showed concern.
There are some guys that try to harass me in my area. I have taken action on their bad behavior, so that it would stop.
I also come out less and avoid them more, apart from reporting them to authorities.
So I'm okay now.
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by donteddy(m): 7:32am On Jul 15, 2021
Please make a plan to leave the environment. One thing you know is a typical northerner treat women as second hand citizen talkless of you that even wear trouser or look different. They will use every available opportunity to provoke you to react so that they can harm you because they see you as an abomination. A typical Hausa man is a fanatic disguising under religion to perpetrate evil. Please find way and leave before they will jungle justice you tag you as a blasphemer.
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by purples25(f): 7:37am On Jul 15, 2021
My father suggested setting me up in somewhere new this morning. In two weeks. Before that, I have resolved to stay at home much more to reduce the aggression. Also dressing more conservatively to fit in.
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by donteddy(m): 8:47am On Jul 15, 2021
This is better. Please stay indoor more often. I have stayed with is people for 30years I know how they relate. Also limit walking around with male friends. Whenever you see anyone of them greet them salaam alaikum and move.
|Re: How Would You Handle This, As A Woman? by donteddy(m): 8:52am On Jul 15, 2021
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