Ongoing Concerns:Osama, Anini and other wars on
terror
By Tolu Ogunlesi
May 11, 2011 05:49AMT
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The killing of Osama bin Laden has shown just how obsessed Nigerians are with
generating conspiracy theories about matters that do not concern them. When
the citizens of a country that consistently fails to correctly identify its own
terrorists feel no sense of irony or shame in challenging one that takes its internal
and external security seriously, you know it’s time to change the channel.
Do you find it hard to believe Nigerians were actually loving the sounds of their
own voices as they issued all sorts of messages calling on President Obama to
release visual evidence of the death of Osama bin Laden?
I’m appealing to all newly-elected governors to please add mass payment of
Blackberry/DSTV/HITV subscription fees to their annual WAEC/JAMB fee
payments — we urgently need to find stimulating distractions for Nigerians, so
they can keep their irritating opinions to themselves next time Serious Nations of
the World are discussing law enforcement matters.
The videos that apply to us, and that we’ve already seen — e.g. of that woman
who, during the recent elections, was busy thumb-printing ballot papers like she
was running a race against an approaching apocalypse — what have we done
with them? Instead we forward those in chain emails (“Come and see INEC
wonder!”) and then sit back to tie wrapper and postulate from chewing-stick-
stuffed mouths: “Eh, unless Obama show us video, me I no dey believe say
Osama don die o.” “Aha now, why the man no wan show us video sef?”
I continue to be baffled by our genius for failing to see the obvious indictments
screaming at us in all of these. To evade detection by his technologically-
sophisticated pursuers, Osama bin Laden lived for years in a compound without
internet or telephone lines. MEND’s Jomo Gbomo, on the other hand, is in
regular email contact with the Nigerian authorities and the media. I can imagine
the national security adviser hissing and clicking on ‘SEND TO SPAM’ every time
an email appears from Mr Gbomo.
The last time we heard said from the office of that adviser, it was to issue
unnecessary warnings to ordinary citizens regarding their conduct at polling
units. When columnist and professor Okey Ndibe was invited for questioning
early this year, the story (correct me if I’m wrong) was that his name featured
on an SSS watch-list that had not been updated in a while.
We are the tail-less cow who has to depend on God for relief from flies. Frankly,
I think we’d be better off entrusting our national security to a joint committee of
divine powers drawn from all our local and imported religions.
Now ask yourself: when was the last time Nigerians had any cause to be proud
of efficiency of their law enforcement agencies? Anini’s era?
As an Armed Forces Ruling Council meeting drew to a close in October 1986,
President Ibrahim Babangida reportedly turned to the Inspector General of
Police, Etim Inyang, and snarled: “My friend, where is Anini?”
Three months later, Anini was in the can, sealed and ready for execution. I don’t
know if IBB watched the capture live from the “Situation Room” of Dodan
Barracks. Neither do I know if he gave a triumphant televised speech to the
nation. (One person I do know who was prevented from giving his own
triumphant speech was Muhammadu Buhari, whose boys bungled the Umaru
Dikko operation 27 years ago.)
Ten years after Anini, one imagines Sani Abacha turning to Sgt. Rogers, his
bloodshot eyes concealed behind his trademark dark glasses: “My friend, where
is Wole Soyinka?” Thankfully, they never found Kongi.
But it continues to be a tragedy when a country’s intelligence agencies find their
fullest expression in the oppression of ordinary, innocent citizens; as opposed to
the criminals who daily wage war against the country.
I keep imagining that someday soon, President Jonathan will pleasantly surprise
the nation with a midnight broadcast (a day or two after releasing the long-form/
unabridged version of his PhD thesis, to quell Sahara Reporters rumours that he
submitted a children’s story as dissertation):
“Good evening. Tonight, I can report to the Nigerian people and to the world
that Nigeria has conducted a series of operations that disabled the largest
generator-manufacturing factories on the planet. Today, at my direction, Nigeria
launched a targeted operation against compounds in the cities of Guangzhou,
Zhongshan and Shanghai in China. A small team of Nigerians carried out the
operations with extraordinary courage and capability. No Nigerians were
harmed. They took care to avoid civilian casualties. After a firefight, they dealt
what we believe is a significant blow to the manufacture of generators in China,
thus guaranteeing that the end is in sight for power failure in Nigeria.”
Oh, that will be the day. Imagine the rejoicing across the land; inebriated
Nigerians trooping to the streets to celebrate a turning point in the War against
the Terror of Darkness. Until then, dream on, I tell myself. Meanwhile, there are
more important tasks to be done, like wondering if I should be concerned that a
Diesel King is my president’s new best friend. Or checking to see if Jomo Gbomo
has replied my latest email.

Interesting write up