Hathor5:


Oh, I very much agree with you that marriage should be enjoyed and not endured but if you have to 'threaten' your spouse with divorce so that she does not misbehave then you have gotten married to the wrong person.

Well said.

Thereddevil:

Our forefathers married women for farm works.. They indirectly brought something to the table.. A hunter's wife probably worked as a hairdresser or sold bush meats at the market.. No one paid school fees then, all the children did was learn from their parents.. The sons became hunters like their father and the daughters learnt respect and management from their mother.. Don't make it sound like our forefathers carried all the burdens, they only captained the ship and their wives served as chief officers/first mates... Whenever it seemed the husband got broke, the wife from her managerial skill(savings from what the husband gave) or from her earnings(from making hairs, beads, market sales) would support her husband to make sure the family's shame is hidden until the husband is back on track.. Some days, a hunter would go hunting without a meat, a farmer would look stupid when there's no rain.. You didn't learn well from the forefathers

Wisdom.

Klass99:
So, after 25 pages of this thread I am mostly curious about two things;

1. What constitutes disrespect to or for you men? You can share with real life examples of times you have felt disrespected by your woman.

2. Apart from your kids, what would make you remain in a marriage with your wife? It seems a lot of couples (both male & female) opt to remain in marriages for the sake of the kids.

If you don't mind sharing as a man please share, I want to read and learn. Even though I have a reasonably good idea about question one in particular, a male perspective won't hurt.

You could as well open a new thread. It would be interesting.

pansophist:


I said "if" she acted like a b!tch, I didn't call her a bitch, two different things. You're trying so hard (although futile) to narrow the interpretation of my comment and put it in a negative light. And yes, he is the prize. If someone is with a low-quality partner, then the high-quality person (be it male or female) is the prize.

If in spite of her shortcoming, she refuses to change (which was implied by the op) and still wants the innocent man to still be with her because of one thing called "for better for worse", then she should be divorced. Marriage should be enjoyed not endured. True, partners carry each other's weight, but some weights are too heavy and should not even be carried at all. I'll give you examples.

If he beats her regularly, if she doesn't respect him, if he doesn't provide even when he is very capable, if he/she is a cheat, then divorce and move on. The weight that can be tolerated is if the person is trying hard to change it, after acknowledging their fault. Please read to understand, and don't narrow my stance negatively.

If does not negate that it is name calling it’s all figure of speech how does a bitch act?.why the need to use a harsh narrative?.For an example an individual says if you are mad reply me does it not mean once a reply comes in the individual is mad?..I am not trying at all to narrow your interpretation and you have agency over what you say.I know this and will tell you for free that Marriage is a partnership and there is no low quality or high quality individual,I have been married for 12 years and enjoyed the journey so iv got experience.

Rozcol:
Please let us hear word and for your information she's right about that number 2,in marriage a man should provide everything and its solely depend on your wife's decision to assist you or not,its not a mandatory task.Women are care givers and not providers, you can't expect a woman to provide and still respect you it usually don't happen that way .She's not here to say her own side so nobody has the right to condemn her yet. No be Nigerian men again mtchewww

I agree but those women shouldn't be yapping about feminism and associated theories.

Pecoleee345:
Previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/6653469/another-marriage-crash

So

If you found a woman you want to marry please put love aside and get to really know her background well......cohabit with her for 6month......lastly even if you don't have money, please borrow and go for comprehensive medical check up with her.... (check your sperm count and the state of her womb) please.

OK sir.

NoToPile:


Yeah I get the drift.

I was actually beginning to wonder if its out of place for a man to provide.

The men want the model below:
Joint provider + absolved of domesticity + Sole ruler/ undisputed C-in-C.

The above would make for the model wife.




The women want Sole provider + joint domesticity (or paid) + joint rulership.

Unfortunately in Nigeria, we believe:
1. He who pays the piper dictates the tune unless it is the woman
2. A man should solely dictate the tune check point one

'Nigerian' husbands and wives are a perfect fit with all their innuendos constantly trying to outmanoeuvre themselves.

The day both parties come to the table with equity and clean hands, we will begin to see the light

NoToPile:


Loool this madam is vexing.

Its good to marry a working wife but this their mindset of not providing is totally not it.

Lagos husbands

The ones that would have and still not provide

AutoChick4U:
Helpmeet not helpmate

Who’s the English lecturer now?

Bankowner:

Who’s the English lecturer now?

So u went through my posts to prove a point shey? U b senior lecturer sha

AutoChick4U:
So u went through my posts to prove a point shey? U b senior lecturer sha

Classic case of ‘if you live in a glass house, don’t throw stones’. As for senior lecturer, I am a professor.

Cheers.

Klass99:
So, after 25 pages of this thread I am mostly curious about two things;

1. What constitutes disrespect to or for you men? You can share with real life examples of times you have felt disrespected by your woman.

2. Apart from your kids, what would make you remain in a marriage with your wife? It seems a lot of couples (both male & female) opt to remain in marriages for the sake of the kids.

If you don't mind sharing as a man please share, I want to read and learn. Even though I have a reasonably good idea about question one in particular, a male perspective won't hurt.

CC:

IT Bo.mb
Djo.n7
Reve.nsckar
Ri.chy4
Ge.rrard59
Sanche.z01

Honestly, I didn't bother going through this thread because of the ridiculous comments on the first page. This is my response to your questions:

1. I hardly get triggered or feel disrespected in a relationship but here are some things I take personal and consider to be disrespectful.

a. Abuse of any kind: Heaven knows I won't give any lady a second chance. An abuser is an abuser and they can't change, whether male or female. I have been with someone who doesn't see anything wrong with verbally abusing people and interestingly, she never directed it at me for a day but I knew it was over the day I found out this dark side. We stayed a while longer but that was it.

b. Yelling or shouting: I enjoy communication a lot and would rather the other person communicate meaningfully and pour out their heart in a 12—hour discussion rather than raise their voice at me. The moment that happens, I will not only put the person in their place, I could leave the house for them. I recall being with a temperamental person one time and she yelled during a mild argument. I just took one of my shuttle bags, picked some clothes and went to hotel to stay for 2 days. Unfortunately, I am unforgiving about these kind of things. The moment it happens once, I will continually judge and find it impossible to erase the event out of my head.

c. Cheating: I consider cheating to be an act of 'see finish'. As with the first, I won't give any lady a second chance. I am of the opinion that cheating is a nature and people who indulge in it can't change. I ended two relationships the day I found out. Other than trust issues, I sincerely don't see how low someone could think of me so much so to lump and 'manage' me with other males (or females).

2. This is weird but I doubt kids can make me remain in a chaotic marriage. I won't cope or tag along in the name of kids and I won't have kids grow up in a home that could traumatise them tomorrow. I love the idea of a home and a peaceful family, just as most people but I will never wish anyone remain in a relationship or marriage particularly when they are being abused, violated and subjected to domestic violence or abuse.

If it is not working, it isn't. If it is workable, then fine. If it isn't, let everyone go their separate ways, but not without first discussing how the children will be managed.

Bankowner:

Classic case of ‘if you live in a glass house, don’t throw stones’. As for senior lecturer, I am a professor.

Cheers.

Good evening Sir. True words

[quote author=Klass99 post=104257973][/quote]

I didn't read all 26 pages of it either, but I don't blame the OP or judge him for ending his marriage. Toxic people can cause serious damage to one's psyche.

Neh, I don't blame the OP at all. As a matter of fact, I would have acted exactly the way he did, most likely earlier. The problem is with most of the males on the front page who see threads as this as an opportunity to turn the whole thing into a gender war. It is a no go area for me and I find it exhausting.

This had me Lol grin, did she call or try to reach you in the 2 days you were gone?

Yeah, she tried or so she said. I don't have much friends, say two know friends and that's it. She got through to them but they couldn't help. The idea was to go away for as long as possible but I turned on my phone out of curiosity only to see tons of Glo missed call notifications which came in as text messages. I got texts from her and my friends as well and they influenced my going back because I had to return their calls.

In situations like that, I find it very easy to leave the environment for a while rather than stay back, become tempted and get physical. Not me.

LMAO, I admire your sense of self worth and self respect. Cheers!

Well, thanks

I have the same sentiments about this

Sweet! As should everyone.

Thank you Sanchez, I appreciate the feedback.

You're welcome!

lordally:


My Comments were directed to someone who said he wants to marry a doctor and I was just trying to let him know it's not all about the profession but about the individual!

I was the one who posted that. I understand but from little experience, doctors are mostly well-behaving with good morals. and are always busy got no time for trivialities.

Klass99:
So, after 25 pages of this thread I am mostly curious about two things;

1. What constitutes disrespect to or for you men? You can share with real life examples of times you have felt disrespected by your woman.

2. Apart from your kids, what would make you remain in a marriage with your wife? It seems a lot of couples (both male & female) opt to remain in marriages for the sake of the kids.

If you don't mind sharing as a man please share, I want to read and learn. Even though I have a reasonably good idea about question one in particular, a male perspective won't hurt.

CC:

IT B.omb
D.jon7
Re.vensckar
Ric.hy4
Gerr.ard59
S.anchez01

I'm not married so I can't answer your questions accordingly.

Klass99:
So, after 25 pages of this thread I am mostly curious about two things;

1. What constitutes disrespect to or for you men? You can share with real life examples of times you have felt disrespected by your woman.

2. Apart from your kids, what would make you remain in a marriage with your wife? It seems a lot of couples (both male & female) opt to remain in marriages for the sake of the kids.

If you don't mind sharing as a man please share, I want to read and learn. Even though I have a reasonably good idea about question one in particular, a male perspective won't hurt.

CC:

IT Bomb
Djon7
Revensckar
Richy4
Gerrard59
Sanchez01

Talking back at me while I'm talking is disrespect. Lying to me about yourself is disrespect. Shows you ain't real. Hiding things from me is anything but disrespect. Shows you don't trust me.
It will take the grace of God to stay in that marriage.

BiggyB242:


I was the one who posted that. I understand but from little experience, doctors are mostly well-behaving with good morals. and are always busy got no time for trivialities.

Then you haven't been fortunate to meet the bad ones then!

lordally:


Then you haven't been fortunate to meet the bad ones then!

Because the bad ones are few.

BiggyB242:


Because the bad ones are few.

Very big lie O! A woman doesn't need to be a doctor to be good! A good woman/Man is good irrespective of the profession.

bukatyne:


The men want the model below:
Joint provider + absolved of domesticity + Sole ruler/ undisputed C-in-C.

The above would make for the model wife.




The women want Sole provider + joint domesticity (or paid) + joint rulership.

Unfortunately in Nigeria, we believe:
1. He who pays the piper dictates the tune unless it is the woman
2. A man should solely dictate the tune check point one

'Nigerian' husbands and wives are a perfect fit with all their innuendos constantly trying to outmanoeuvre themselves.

The day both parties come to the table with equity and clean hands, we will begin to see the light

Can we blame feminism and modern day sensibilities for all that is happening today?

bukatyne:


Lagos husbands

The ones that would have and still not provide

You know their style

lordally:


Very big lie O! A woman doesn't need to be a doctor to be good! A good woman/Man is good irrespective of the profession.

lol, I never said a woman has to be a doctor to be good, I said most women in the medical profession especially doctors have good morals, no time for frivolities and their kids are usually brilliant. This statement is not always true, but is often true,

VULCAN:
So basically you got triggered by OP saying something that many people have observed simply because you were raised by a single mother?

How sentimental of you.

Is the OP talking to you personally?

FYI the crisis being faced by Black American women is directly caused by the govt back then who intentionally broke strong black families by giving the women so many incentives to either remain single or become single.

So the majority of Black Americans were raised by a single mother and never enjoyed the stability of a two person home.

How it's easy to know you were unreasonably emotional is your last line.

According to you the men "chose to die"

What a stupid statement!

Your entire post deserves deletion on that one insane sentence alone.

OK Mr smart. Seen

bukatyne:


The men want the model below:
Joint provider + absolved of domesticity + Sole ruler/ undisputed C-in-C.

The above would make for the model wife.




The women want Sole provider + joint domesticity (or paid) + joint rulership.

Unfortunately in Nigeria, we believe:
1. He who pays the piper dictates the tune unless it is the woman
2. A man should solely dictate the tune check point one

'Nigerian' husbands and wives are a perfect fit with all their innuendos constantly trying to outmanoeuvre themselves.

The day both parties come to the table with equity and clean hands, we will begin to see the light

I couldn't agree more, what a balanced analysis.

That's why being a "GOOD" or "NICE" guy/girl in relationship wouldn't help anyone, you have to be civil and be kind when it requires or take firm hard decision when it requires too.

Most partners always want to take as much as they can while giving little to nothing in return. It seems to be a winner vs loser game. So there is usually conflict of interest in most relationships.

If you discover that your partner is giving little or nothing in return, it's best to walk away.

Same reason why i advocate that both men and women should Work and earn a living, take care of children, learn how to change diapers, bathe for the children and both should also know how to cook. The purpose of this is to make sure no one is looking down on the other's job and feeling they are just chilling. Each person would still retain their original roles but they must also participate in everything.

Motherhood is hard, earning an honest decent living is also fvcking hard too. Both of them need to participate to appreciate the efforts they both put in.

IamAdeyemiBadmu: