Richy4:

It is a simple case.... choose between a new flourishing relationship and send the kid back to the mother or stick with your baby and forego the relationship.... u cannot choose both because your new found love might destroy him emotionally...

@ Elrafiki2
Please u need to take what this person said seriously! The future of that boy is at stake, do not commonize what is about to happen to him! If u can't choose between both, return him to his mother!

Rubbiish:

@bold u think so?
Women naturally don't like anything that encroach on their space when it comes to relationship & marital issues, reason wives don't agree with mother in laws. That boy is encroaching on that lady's space & she is already developing hatred for the boy & seeing him as a rival.

@Elrafiki2 u are about to make your son experience a very rough growing up. You need to choose between that boy & your girl! Your girl is still pretending because u are yet to wife her, once u marry that lady, she will show your son the other side of her, not to talk of when she start having her own kids, that boy is going to pass through hell. Now u are already contemplating of denying him certain things, this is something u never thought of before now. If u are unable to choose between both my best advice is; return that boy to his mom & send her money for upkeep, even if his mom is married to another man, that won't be an issue because men don't abuse kids, it is a woman thing, she will still be in a better position to take care of that boy as it stands now. The boy can come back when he is of certain age & able to speak for himself.

As I said, that's not always the case. Not every lady will maltreat her man's child. Her concern is that the father is spoiling him too much and that can never turn out well.

It's just that people are quick to see a red flag on this forum especially it realtes to women. And from experience and observation, I have come to realize that Nairaland is different from real life. The stories cannot aptly qualify what happens in real life.

I know people who have step kids that they love. A close colleague of mine tells me how his wife is closer to his mum than to hers.

It's not everyone that has hate in them. That's why I said the op should observe her closely to know if she has genuine love and concern for his son.

I don't deal with preconceived notions or assumptions that all women or men are a particular way. I prefer to treat each case individually instead of putting them all in the same judgement box.

ImaIma1:


As I said, that's not always the case. Not every lady will maltreat her man's child. Her concern is that the father is spoiling him too much and that can never turn out well.

Not every lady will maltreat her man's child I agree, there is always an exception, but what is the percentage? Are they up to 5% out of a 100%? It is not even debatable, there is no gainsaying a lot of women maltreat their step children! She may pretend for now, but when she start having her own kids, she will certainly favour her kids more than any other person's child. If u think otherwise, then u are not being honest with yourself! Her father is spoiling the boy is what will prompt the maltreatment! Returning the boy to his mom is best, no woman will take care of another person's child more than her own child! It's nature.

Rubbiish:

Not every lady will maltreat her man's child I agree, there is always an exception, but what is the percentage? Are they up to 5% out of a 100%? It is not even debatable, there is no gainsaying a lot of women maltreat their step children! She may pretend for now, but when she start having her own kids, she will certainly favour her kids more than any other person's child. If u think otherwise, then u are not being honest with yourself! Her father is spoiling the boy is what will prompt the maltreatment! Returning the boy to his mom is best, no woman will take care of another person's child more than her own child! It's nature.

What if she will be better at raising the boy than his mum? His mum that could leave a boy that young.

Even if the percentage is less, should we then generalize? Or haven't you seen children that have good relationships with their step mums? There are some children who grew up not knowing the woman they call mum is their step mum. There are women who genuinely love children, and would not visit the sins of the parents on the child.

Hasty generalization should not apply because of what we believe is the norm. I have seen great step mums, so I believe the op's gf should not be written off because of assumptions. He still has to observe.

But then, people tend to think one way and could be narrow minded when it comes to cases like this.

I don't kwn how old is ur boy, since you don't want his mother to take full custody of him, I suggest you can sometimes let him stay with either your mum, or sister so that he can get used to other pple apart from you has he is growing.
Sometimes you and your girl need total privacy, I understand.

Your business has collapsed, you have a young son and your priority now is a girl who is jealous of a toddler?
Get your acts together. You need income, that should be your priority. After getting a steady source of income, you can now start looking for a woman who genuinely cares for you and your child.

Hmmm

Elrafiki2:


While what you just wrote is not beyond the realms of possibilities, as I've heard from various stories, I assure you that nothing can diminish the love I have for my son. If as u say it turns out that any woman I marry starts maltreating my son, she goes right away. I know she cares for him and that's why she's trying to make me do things differently and not out of malice. I hope it stays that way. Thanks for Ur input anyways

Don't allow people spoil your mind towards your girlfriend. Just be observant