...

Simply call/ sit him down and explain to him why things cannot work out btwn you both. The most important thing is making you happy

Please go to the nearest bar and do One or Two ....abeg

Your problem is just a pseudo projection in your head. In reality it's something just a plate of red porridge taken with something chilled can clear of while you think to sort things out.
There are mixed feelings, all piled up, which need you to brace up and attend to one by one, so as not to land in a bigger mess.

Tell your boyfriend to hold on with the marriage stuff, until you sort things out.
Is it finance? Well, last time I checked, over 60% young Nigerians like you are faced with the same Sapa challenge, so it's a national challenge not your personal challenge, except you want to join some of your sisters in the Kayamata ministry. As long as he's not lazy and ambitionless, w'all know how Cubana Obi started in a squatted room with his friends and fiancée.
Some silly mistakes don't come with undo buttons, a baby boy is already bouncing coupled with your polygamous background, you don't want to end up in the shadow of your past.
Nonetheless if he isn't good enough, you're not yet legally joined as couples, you can still repackage what's left of you for a brighter day. Losing half of your cake is better than losing everything.
If you think his personality repulse you, I'll tell you no human is perfect. Provided he has tangible good sides, why put your mind on flimsy things.
You admitted how humble, quiet and weak he is, which means he's not a bad guy. Nonetheless, since you insist he still pisses you of for what what he did, if that is the problem you have with him, he's your ball and he's in your court, play him whichever way would placate your lingering anger.

For you to keep the baby and be raising him/her shows that you are already a strong woman.
What is happening to you is emotionally blackmail. Your guy presence in your child's life is to be a provider otherwise you are better off alone

I will be honest with you
What you need most at this time is money
Try and get a source of income
While at that sit him down and talk sense into his head

I won't lie too u my sister there is no Love again ... All u have too do is find a better job and take care of u child ...the important part is that don't make love with him again b4 it lead to another pregnancy .. because a neighbour of mine had a similar case like this ....(later u no go fine for he face again) the ball is in ur Court .... All the best

Whatever you decide to do, don't allow the relationship with him affect your business.

Tell him to look for a job, you said he came back last year after abandoning you. What exactly has he been doing with his life? It Is only after he has a source of income that you both should marry. If you marry a man who's got no source of income, you will suffer and things will get worse.

Mrvision625:
We were about getting better financially before he came, my business was beginning to have shape and direction but now, I help him with the little I have and my business is going down.

I don’t understand the part about helping him to the detriment of your business. Why would you do that when he ran away before ? Your business/finances are very, very important and you need good money to raise your kid well, especially in today’s Nigeria.

If your business completely runs down because of him, do you have a solid plan B? Reminder that promises from someone that already absconded once is not a plan.

Best wishes

Mrvision625:
I'm from a broken home. I know how it feels coming from a broken family.
Despite all my carefulness, I got pregnant out side wedlock. Then, my one and only boyfriend walked away after persuaded me to keep the baby.

Last year he came back begging, I looked at my son and I forgave him. We started another relationship. The truth is, several times, he keeps apologizing telling me reasons why he left, (how he felt not meeting up with some things in his life, including his family not supporting) but with all that, I can't forgive him from my hrt.

I'm battling with unforgivingness and I don't know how to solve it.
One part of me is afriad of having a broken home and another part of me is afriad of the part I'm walking now.

All his wrong deeds are always fresh in my head. Sometimes, I completely forgive him, but most times, I hate him deeply.

One part of me wants him just because of our son the other part despise him especially when he is not helping financially.
He has never been there for us financially.
He still put too much load on me.

We were about getting better financially before he came, my business was beginning to have shape and direction but now, I help him with the little I have and my business is going down.
Although, he's contributing ideals on how to make my business work. He's so humble, quite and weak. Its unlike him. All these nature he put on now, detest me.

He keep promising everything will be ok soon. How? I don't understand

Since 3days I've been indoor, feeling depress. Lonely with deep pain.
I don't know if this is the kind of life I wanted? He's planning marriage. Seeking support from families, the whole idea irritates me.

I can't feel any love inside me right now.
I'm feeling I've really failed.
I'm depressed. So lonely and very weak.


How do I survive this?

Pls, don't be too harsh on me. I'm losing it already

So sorry about your emotional trauma

But it's time for you to realise that, it doesn't realy end in marriage most times

The most important thing for you is to find your bearing just because of your child

Stop. Expecting anything from that guy because he is not even helping himself

He goes round the world and still come back to put you through depression

What's your gain ?

Thanks @All.

You have to Learn, Unlearn and Relearn.
It's hard but you need to understand that people do dumb things and it doesn't matter the magnitude of the action. It is how you receive it. Good thing he came himself and is making efforts to right his wrongs, holding the pain or grudge would be you poisoning yourself.
You have either of two choices: stay and fix things with him or leave and have endless options of meeting someone else or other people, or staying single forever, or wondering what would have become of you guys, etc.
I am sorry that you find yourself in a messed up world but only you can renew your mind and only you know what works for you. Shalom

Mrvision625:
Thanks @All.

Your problem is just feelings you need to pay attention to.

When you start having different mixed feelings of fear, unease and confusion like this, they're good to caution and force you to amend things before you jump into a bigger mistake.

Get a free time to think over your life, attend to the cause of these feelings one by one, and take the right decision.

There's no other time to take decisions than now, before you find yourself in a bigger mess.

Be truthful to yourself when making the decisions. Don't base your decisions on greed or flimsy temporary criteria. Make the best decisions for yourself now. In my previous reply, I already listed different things that might be causing those mixed feelings inside you and how to approach the decision making.

You're only the one in the right position to take the best decision for yourself.

Please Forgive him whole heartedly, there is a lot of blessing that comes from Forgiveness.

Once you forgive, you will experience some kind of peace from within and thereafter enjoy the blessings attached to it.

In addition, we are all humans, we ain't perfect but that not an excuse for not trying to be good and kind always.

This was deep, you need to heal first. Have you voiced out what exactly hurt you to him? Being vocal will help.. even if you can write it down. These things do take time, but you can learn how to forgive.

In addition to the contributions above, pend that marriage don't be in haste it might be a trap to trap you down. Let him sort himself out first financially why you rebuild your business.

Infact, if both of you are staying under the same roof let there be a gap so that another pregnant will not result which can be an automatic trap for you.

Remember;

A promise from someone who has absconded once is not a plan.

Be careful.

My dear, there are men who want things to be given to them at free will n de will run when ur source is getting dry n return when it's flowing with make I con enjoy mentality. Please be strong n bcoz u don't av to lose it due to ur son. Just av a @ 2 @ talk with ur man for u guys to agree on how to change things for d better, so dat u can let go of those bitterness in u. Good luck.

If I may ask please..... How old are you??

Mrvision625:
I'm from a broken home. I know how it feels coming from a broken family.
Despite all my carefulness, I got pregnant out side wedlock.

you made the mistake.
don't blame your partner or accuse the person of being cunning.
this is the first solution to your problem.

Mrvision625:

Then, my one and only boyfriend walked away after persuaded me to keep the baby.
Last year he came back begging, I looked at my son and I forgave him.
...
telling me reasons why he left, (how he felt not meeting up with some things in his life, including his family not supporting)

it is good he supported you keep the baby, it is a sign of good intentions.
but you need to know the real reason why he left & why he's back.
this is very important to determine the progress of your relationship with him.

Mrvision625:
I can't forgive him from my hrt.

I'm battling with unforgivingness and I don't know how to solve it.
...
All his wrong deeds are always fresh in my head. Sometimes, I completely forgive him, but most times, I hate him deeply.

there is no partial forgiveness.
if you have forgiven him, you have to let go.
you guys must not be together to prove your forgiveness.

Mrvision625:
especially when he is not helping financially.
He has never been there for us financially.
He still put too much load on me.

We were about getting better financially before he came, my business was beginning to have shape and direction but now, I help him with the little I have and my business is going down.
Although, he's contributing ideals on how to make my business work. He's so humble, quite and weak. Its unlike him. All these nature he put on now, detest me.

He keep promising everything will be ok soon. How? I don't understand

tell him to pause the wedding plans first so that you can sort things out.
you need to know if he's with you because of the material relief he is getting from you.
giving you ideas on how to improve your business is good, but you need to check if he's really trying to make things better from his own side.
he might be sincere but you need to be careful here.

Mrvision625:
I
Since 3days I've been indoor, feeling depress. Lonely with deep pain.
I don't know if this is the kind of life I wanted? He's planning marriage. Seeking support from families, the whole idea irritates me.

I can't feel any love inside me right now.
I'm feeling I've really failed.
I'm depressed. So lonely and very weak.

How do I survive this?

Pls, don't be too harsh on me. I'm losing it already

calm down,
cheer up,
and stop worrying.