I know it’s hard narrowing it down to 101 things considering the state of the country but let’s start with that.

1. The fact that lay Nigerians big up Hausas as regards relevance just because they’re technically a majority tribe. That may be the case but outside politics and the two food imports that Nigerians can be grateful for (suya and kilishi), core northerners might as well be nonentities. As far as (mainline) Nigerian culture is concerned the southern minorities who occupy the space between Igbo and Yoruba (Edo, Kalabari, Urhobo, etc.) are way more important and relevant than ndi Fulani/Hausa will ever be but a lot of people seem to think that it’s only the majority tribes that matter and it’s wrong. Nigerians need to drop this silly, nonsense idea that the only relevant ethnic groups in this country are the three majority tribes (Hausas and Igbos in particular have absolutely nothing to do with each other other than the fact that they share a country of origin).

2. Igbos who cry marginalisation at every little thing. It’s true that we’re not given the governmental-political representation we deserve but not everything unjust in Nigeria is a slight against Igbos per se. Some young Igbos in the diaspora made out the SARS brutality to be worse on “poor, marginalised Igbos” and that just wasn’t the case. SARS messed up people from every ethnic affiliation, not just Igbos.

3. Certain ignorant Yoruba people (I’m not saying this is even the slightest majority but it’s definitely a lot) not having the bottle to look a whole nwafor Igbo in the eye and tell them that Yoruba na the best tribe for Naija but otherwise carrying on as if they belong to the elite/VIP ranking in Nigeria and that other than their ‘rivals,’ (Igbos, and possibly the northerners who technically own the country) all they need to concern themselves with as far as Naija affairs go is with their own (this is a real wahala among British Yorubas, especially the millennial ones who only grew up around fellow Yorubas as far as Nigerians go). Both tribes (Igbo and Yoruba) are blessed in different ways and quite complimentary in the grand scheme of things but certain people on either side don’t seem to want to co-operate and integrate because they want to believe that only they (should) matter.

4. Non-Igbo Nigerians (again, it’s not all or even the vast majority, just the ignorant ones) seeing Eastern practices and customs as inherently weird.

5. The governmental-political situation in general (no need for further elaboration but the fact that Buhari’s still floating around in-cognito is the most annoying part of it).

6. The senseless misogyny (Nigerians in general/Igbos especially might have special migrative and intellectual qualities but black men in general aren’t regarded as shit so you can’t be out here serving as a post-colonial agent in white male supremacy) and polarising gender stereotypes/roles that only came into play after colonialism (in Igboland at least). Pre.-colonial men braided their hair like no man’s business and they didn’t wear trousers at any point either. Women should not be told they’re going to hell for wearing trousers when a.) it’s a scientific fact that trousers fit the anatomy of women better than men anyway and b.) the wearing of trousers by non-Westerners in a historical context was reserved for women alone in some cultures. The only truly gender-specific item of clothing is the bra (and even that’s not set-in-stone because men can get moobs for different reasons). Everything else is just a matter of social conditioning, not intrinsic differences. Trousers aren’t inherently masculine and skirts aren’t inherently feminine. These are all post-colonial lies that even the Westerners themselves didn’t spin until comparatively recently in the evolutionary cycle.

7. The fact that certain people still no sabi half-correct jollof. It’s 2021, peeps - it shouldn’t hard to cook ordinary jollof rice to at least a semi-decent standard). If you’re past the age of 17 and you can’t cook common rice or anything other than indomie, I feel sorry for you.

8. The fact that young people don’t seem to like traditional delicacies as much anymore (indomie has its place but in a land where okpa, abacha, ojojo and ikokore dey plenty, you’re not culturally seasoned enough if you can’t eat your traditional meals at least once in a while without worrying about being seen as local/razz).

9. The fact that some young people (the ones who sabi speak their mother tongue) form ajebo in public (there’s nothing wrong with being refined but African languages aren’t inferior and there’s absolutely no shame in being bilingual, least of all from a linguistic-intellectual point of view).

10. The fact that men who tie wrappers choose to obliterate the whole point of wearing them in the first place by putting on trousers/shorts (that thing wey they call half-shimi has a practical function and it’s just as appropriate for men who tie wrappers as women since it’s technically not a gender-specific item of clothing).

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When someone also drags FTC on their own thread.....