You have no problem, you are creating issues for yourself. When some husbands are creating families outside, beating their wives blue and black.. your own problem is that you want to enter village, to do what exactly?

fearlessmum:
For those asking why i like village, well my parents are there should i abandon them simply because I'm married? He never discussed this with me before marriage otherwise i wouldn't have married him.

you can video chat with them and send them money, I know it’s not the same but you are still breastfeeding your youngest, your children are still small. Why do you even want to be carrying a breastfeeding child up and down? Your husband is only trying to protect you and release you from unnecessary stress. It is not an emergency, your parents are not ill and you have responsibilities to attend to. In this case you have to put your children first. Stop creating drama when it’s not necessary. Stop allowing your emotions to take over you, you will regret it.

Also do not compare yourself to your husband, as you are the nurturer for your kids. You are the one breastfeeding not him. If you go to the village your children must follow you. When the children get older and independent, you will have more independence to do what you like. You can keep the kids with your husband and go to the village for a few days. Be patient. Sacrifice of a mother.

Acidosis:
Your husband allowed you to visit your village last year, despite lockdown, scamdemic? What a good man.

If I were your husband, you won't step a foot in your village for the next 10 years for nagging my life because of your village people.

Asides from wicked village people, aren't you worried about the activities of unknown gunmen/kidnappers?

I'm glad you aren't my husband, wicked village people?
Don't we also have wicked town people. Even the town that you're living is someone's village. How did we even get to this point of attributing wicked deeds to the village people? smh

olabrinks:
you can video chat with them and send them money, I know it’s not the same but you are still breastfeeding your youngest, your children are still small. Why do you even want to be carrying a breastfeeding child up and down? Your husband is only trying to protect you and release you from unnecessary stress. It is not an emergency, your parents are not ill and you have responsibilities to attend to. In this case you have to put your children first. Stop creating drama when it’s not necessary. Stop allowing your emotions to take over you, you will regret it.

Also do not compare yourself to your husband, as you are the nurturer for your kids. You are the one breastfeeding not him. If you go to the village your children must follow you. When the children get older and independent, you will have more independence to do what you like. You can keep the kids with your husband and go to the village for a few days. Be patient. Sacrifice of a mother.

Thank you very much for your advice, I really love my kids and will not intentionally do something that will harm them. I guess I have to be patient then.

fearlessmum:

[b]I'm glad you aren't my husband, wicked village people?
Don't we also have wicked town people. Even the town that you're living is someone's village. How did we even get to this point of attributing wicked deeds to the village people? smh

Haba

fearlessmum:
Good evening all, I have been a guest of this forum for some years now, I
decided to register after reading a story shared yesterday by NPTJ to also share
mine and asked for advice as i am really confused right now.
Although my own case is different as i am legally married.
My husband and I have been married for five years now with two wonderful
kids.
Aside the reason for this thread, He's a very good husband and father to our
kids.
The issue is , he doesn't want me to go to the village with the children that
automatically means I can't go as I'm still breastfeeding our second child , I
cannot leave him and travel as he's not even up to one year.
My husband and my parents stays in different states. We went to the village
last year July and there's no plan of going this year, whenever I raise discussion about the issue he
simply replied that we'll go when there's a need for us to go.
I hardly go for any function in the village except it directly involves my parents.
This has brought a lot of issues between my nuclear and my extended families.
It wasn't like this when we married newly, we do visits them then and even go
during Christmas holidays but all that changed when we had our first child, he
feels we can't take the child to the village so that "village people" will not
attack him.
We've quarrelled about this severally yet nothing changes, I am tired of arguing
about this .
Please married folks, am I suppose to abandoned my extended family just
because I am married? Please I need matured advice before I do something
that I will regret.
Is my husband right on this ? has anyone been in my position, please help me.
He goes to his village whenever he has any issue to sort out but I cannot

What's so special about you frequenting the village, were you born and breath in the village

Is your entire life and happiness revolves around the village settings or themes

I think your husband is trying to protect you from evil eyes in the village but you want to risk yourself and your children

Anyway, if the cost will get on you, talk to him and if the entire cost will be on him, don't travel, stay and hide your family

Anyone that wants to see you, should come over to where you are

Kobojunkie:
Submission is a curse placed on marriage by God from which those who live in Jesus Christ are meant to be redeemed from.

Sadly, so many of you claim you are Jesus Christ while still bowing down to the curse.... recall, you cannot serve two masters in the Kingdom of God. By bowing down in submission to the curse, you forfeit your chances at God and His Heaven..

What are you saying?

From what I understand, you grew up in the village so you are attached, it isn't necessarily about your parents, he doesn't like this but he can't stop you.

You can still take care of your parents and video call them anytime. What if you are in Canada, would you be thinking of going to the village every year?

Nothing stops your parents from visiting too. Your attachment is with the village, if you are willing to tell yourself the truth.

He has said you can go but don't go with the kids, sure you can wait for 4 more months when your kid would be able to eat anything and you can go to the village for a few days.

This is not so complicated.

Village ke, what is village? The man is just being protective of you and your children. There are some arrows that can be thrown at a matured body but can't enter but can easily enter the bodies of young ones.

He had said that you can go alone which means that he's not denying you contact with your parents and village people. If you miss any of your siblings so much invite them over.

This woman , you’re married abeg! What is wrong with you for God’s sake ? You want to destroy your home cos of village? It’s like you don’t have sense at all.

The way you’re even going about the issue with your husband, lol, you’re obviously looking for the big fight that would finally break your marriage.

If your marriage ends cos of your village wahala, pls don’t complain at all. You’re even saying “you don’t want to do something you would regret”

Aunty abeg do the something make we see!
A wise woman builds her household , but this one wants to destroy hers cos of village. You’re not a serious person, get out.

I believe when you were getting married, there was a part where the priest/pastor said "do you agree to forsaking all and being with the one you are joined to, now and forever, till death do you part" and I know you said, "I do"...unless you didn't do a church wedding

This does not mean you should abandon your parents o, it just means that your husband and children comes before all else...

It's not wrong to visit your people, but the frequency at which you do so is what he objects to...

You said it yourself, he's a good husband and father, are you willing to trade this just to visit your village people??

From your write up,he doesn't object to you seeing your parents, so what other village function should make you so worked up that it's causing trouble in your home??

See eh ...
Men are wired differently, forget that thing he's saying about village people killing his children, that may not be entirely true....he's probably thinking of the expenses your trip will cost, transportation, small things for your parents and other relatives and all those cost money!! Money that can be used to take care of his children...

Madam, focus on your home...
This is not a matter of what's right or wrong, it's a matter of keeping the peace in your home...

Be wise!!;

fearlessmum:
Good evening all, I have been a guest of this forum for some years now, I
decided to register after reading a story shared yesterday by NPTJ to also share
mine and asked for advice as i am really confused right now.
Although my own case is different as i am legally married.
My husband and I have been married for five years now with two wonderful
kids.
Aside the reason for this thread, He's a very good husband and father to our
kids.
The issue is , he doesn't want me to go to the village with the children that
automatically means I can't go as I'm still breastfeeding our second child , I
cannot leave him and travel as he's not even up to one year.
My husband and my parents stays in different states. We went to the village
last year July and there's no plan of going this year, whenever I raise discussion about the issue he
simply replied that we'll go when there's a need for us to go.
I hardly go for any function in the village except it directly involves my parents.
This has brought a lot of issues between my nuclear and my extended families.
It wasn't like this when we married newly, we do visits them then and even go
during Christmas holidays but all that changed when we had our first child, he
feels we can't take the child to the village so that "village people" will not
attack him.
We've quarrelled about this severally yet nothing changes, I am tired of arguing
about this .
Please married folks, am I suppose to abandoned my extended family just
because I am married? Please I need matured advice before I do something
that I will regret.
Is my husband right on this ? has anyone been in my position, please help me.
He goes to his village whenever he has any issue to sort out but I cannot

Sorry o, but there are ways to smell terrible people from a distance even without meeting them. You got 'motivated' about NPT'J's thread—someone whose sister unceremoniously went away with a man and you think the man you are married to does not allow you to visit your village puts both situations in almost the same box? I want to believe you are rightfully married to your husband and everything in your life readjusts, priority-wise the moment you two married and the same goes for him. How can a married woman be screaming "my village" in this day and time to the point that she fights her husband over it?? And then you quarrel with him over it and he entertains your periodic quarrels?? At this point, it is best that the man returns you to your family, demands his bride price so that you can walk around the village and market square as you please.

This is what happens when some homes are chaos-free. One person will just use his/her hand to destory the peace therein just because they are idle and have no worries.

@fearlessmum, you are in a very tight sitn.

African marriage is a kinda marriage that gives the husband the total right ova the wife.
Since u say u also visit his parents u can probably discuss it with his parent during ur next visit.

If there are no changes, other way u can revolt peacefully is when he says u people should go to his village, respectfully tell him don't want to go probably come up with an excuse that u re not feeling well. If he chooses to go with the children u can also stylishly cheap it in that u don't want to take ur children to his village cos of village people na both of u get the children but u need apply plenty of wisdom.

Reading through the comments in this thread is really getting me scared and worried.

I'm a man and I can neva stop my wife from visiting her parents and also stopping them from seeing their grandchildren. O wrong na.
Though there would be moderations to it which I also trust her to be reasonable with it

My major worry is I ve two younger sisters whom we re very close. I would be sad if their future husbands cut them off from bonding with us and I'm sure my mum would be sadder than I am

Regex:
What are you saying?

What did you read?

Thank God I didn't marry someone like this. I would just alow her relocate to the village and let me be with my kids.

When people are running from the village, this one wants to go and attend parties.

Apart from occasional visits to your family, you have no business in the village anymore.

Vision101:
Village ke, what is village? The man is just being protective of you and your children. There are some arrows that can be thrown at a matured body but can't enter but can easily enter the bodies of young ones.

He had said that you can go alone which means that he's not denying you contact with your parents and village people. If you miss any of your siblings so much invite them over.

Thanks

frozen70:


What's so special about you frequenting the village, were you born and breath in the village

Is your entire life and happiness revolves around the village settings or themes

I think your husband is trying to protect you from evil eyes in the village but you want to risk yourself and your children

Anyway, if the cost will get on you, talk to him and if the entire cost will be on him, don't travel, stay and hide your family

Anyone that wants to see you, should come over to where you are

Thank you I appreciate your advice

Favfables:
I believe when you were getting married, there was a part where the priest/pastor said "do you agree to forsaking all and being with the one you are joined to, now and forever, till death do you part" and I know you said, "I do"...unless you didn't do a church wedding

This does not mean you should abandon your parents o, it just means that your husband and children comes before all else...

It's not wrong to visit your people, but the frequency at which you do so is what he objects to...

You said it yourself, he's a good husband and father, are you willing to trade this just to visit your village people??

From your write up,he doesn't object to you seeing your parents, so what other village function should make you so worked up that it's causing trouble in your home??

See eh ...
Men are wired differently, forget that thing he's saying about village people killing his children, that may not be entirely true....he's probably thinking of the expenses your trip will cost, transportation, small things for your parents and other relatives and all those cost money!! Money that can be used to take care of his children...

Madam, focus on your home...
This is not a matter of what's right or wrong, it's a matter of keeping the peace in your home...

Be wise!!;

His upbringing is different, his whole life has been in the city.
I guess I will follow his suggestion for the sake of peace

Sanchez01:

Sorry o, but there are ways to smell terrible people from a distance even without meeting them. You got 'motivated' about NPT'J's thread—someone whose sister unceremoniously went away with a man and you think the man you are married to does not allow you to visit your village puts both situations in almost the same box? I want to believe you are rightfully married to your husband and everything in your life readjusts, priority-wise the moment you two married and the same goes for him. How can a married woman be screaming "my village" in this day and time to the point that she fights her husband over it?? And then you quarrel with him over it and he entertains your periodic quarrels?? At this point, it is best that the man returns you to your family, demands his bride price so that you can walk around the village and market square as you please.

This is what happens when some homes are chaos-free. One person will just use his/her hand to destory the peace therein just because they are idle and have no worries.

Is this all you could come up with? You don't know me so stop assuming what you're not sure of

fearlessmum:

Thank you I appreciate your advice

Thanks, God will guide you

fearlessmum:

Wow! thanks for sharing your story, is not as if I want to be going to the village every month, atleast once in a year is okay for me.

and what makes you think if you don't go every year you will not be fine, sometimes we with our own hands raise unnecessary dust and when it results to something else we begin yo cry fowl.

Orlaoluwayimika:
@fearlessmum, you are in a very tight sitn.

African marriage is a kinda marriage that gives the husband the total right ova the wife.
Since u say u also visit his parents u can probably discuss it with his parent during ur next visit.

If there are no changes, other way u can revolt peacefully is when he says u people should go to his village, respectfully tell him don't want to go probably come up with an excuse that u re not feeling well. If he chooses to go with the children u can also stylishly cheap it in that u don't want to take ur children to his village cos of village people na both of u get the children but u need apply plenty of wisdom.

Reading through the comments in this thread is really getting me scared and worried.

I'm a man and I can neva stop my wife from visiting her parents and also stopping them from seeing their grandchildren. O wrong na.
Though there would be moderations to it which I also trust her to be reasonable with it

My major worry is I ve two younger sisters whom we re very close. I would be sad if their future husbands cut them off from bonding with us and I'm sure my mum would be sadder than I am

God bless you, you really understand my point and my concerns.
Reading through the comments you'll realize that this generation has a lot to learn from the older generation. Thank you

[quote author=zed7 post=106641509]Thank God I didn't marry someone like this. I would just alow her relocate to the village and let me be with my kids.

When people are running from the village, this one wants to go and attend parties.

Apart from occasional visits to your family, you have no business in the

Thank goodness , I know your type, do you have love ones in the village?
I guess no, if not you wouldn't have come up with this

frozen70:

Thanks, God will guide you

Amen

SanctifiedSista:


Please submit to your husband and obey his instructions...stop giving him issues or nagging him...simply take it to God in prayers and watch as ur husband changes his language
Trust GOD and pray...

She’s not a child or a robot

Y’all need to stop giving xtupid advice to women.

fearlessmum:

Is this all you could come up with? You don't know me so stop assuming what you're not sure of

Sadly, I understand all there is to know about your person and I am guessing it is either:

1. You don't have a proper career or a proper job.
2. You are a full time house wife (not like it is a bad thing).
3. You are a social animal (which isn't bad) but can't prioritise between which needs to go between the home and social events if the former is on the line.

Regardless, you have so much time on your hands to worry so much about village parties. And the fact that you are constantly seeking validation by responding to every response proves you fall between 1 & 2.

Is this supposed to be an issue in marriage? Have you tried telling him to allow them come over or to give you reasons why he doesn't want you to travel at all times?
Do you know that traveling this days is very risky due to insecurities everywhere? Chai. Married men Una dey suffer

cococandy:


She’s not a child or a robot

Y’all need to stop giving xtupid advice to women.

marriage is not for every body .if u want to enjoy ur marriage adhere to instructions by submitting...u and I know how many times u may not like something or someone but end up buying with them...God works dat way too.he can change anyone mind

Orlaoluwayimika:
@fearlessmum, you are in a very tight sitn.

African marriage is a kinda marriage that gives the husband the total right ova the wife.
Since u say u also visit his parents u can probably discuss it with his parent during ur next visit.

If there are no changes, other way u can revolt peacefully is when he says u people should go to his village, respectfully tell him don't want to go probably come up with an excuse that u re not feeling well. If he chooses to go with the children u can also stylishly cheap it in that u don't want to take ur children to his village cos of village people na both of u get the children but u need apply plenty of wisdom.

Reading through the comments in this thread is really getting me scared and worried.

I'm a man and I can neva stop my wife from visiting her parents and also stopping them from seeing their grandchildren. O wrong na.
Though there would be moderations to it which I also trust her to be reasonable with it

My major worry is I ve two younger sisters whom we re very close. I would be sad if their future husbands cut them off from bonding with us and I'm sure my mum would be sadder than I am

And who told you the husband has refused her from seeing her people? Can't they visit her in town? Must she go to the village before seeing her parents?
Oga swerve you are a weak man. Tell your own wife to park her things and go stay with her parents in the village. Thank God the OP's husband is not as weak as you.

fearlessmum:

His upbringing is different, his whole life has been in the city.
I guess I will follow his suggestion for the sake of peace

No don't follow his suggestion. Break his head with a pistle and go permanently to that your village. Wise women build there homes while the foolish ones scatter theirs.

Justbehave:
And who told you the husband has refused her from seeing her people? Can't they visit her in town? Must she go to the village before seeing her parents?
Oga swerve you are a weak man. Tell your own wife to park her things and go stay with her parents in the village. Thank God the OP's husband is not as weak as you.

.

Lol weak indeed.

Has one off visit now turned into living with them.


Mr Strong man sir

I hope u will be very fast to advise ur son-in-laws to bar Ur children and grandchildren from visiting Ur House cos it is tantamount to them being weaklings.

I honestly do pity ur daughter in laws

Orlaoluwayimika:
.

Lol weak indeed.

Has one off visit now turned into living with them.


Mr Strong man sir

I hope u will be very fast to advise ur son-in-laws to bar Ur children and grandchildren from visiting Ur House cos it is tantamount to them being weaklings.

I honestly do pity ur daughter in laws

You lack sense. Since her husband doesn't like them to be traveling to the village frequently as she desire,what stops her from inviting her parents over? Did he also ask them not to visit? Doesn't her mum visit for omugwo? Like I said. Thank God he is a man who can take decisions and stand by it not a weak ass sissy like you who discard his decesions by seeing ordinary tears from a woman.Na people like you dey put other people's wife for problems thinking all men are weak like you.And as for my daughter,She has no business coming to my house to see once she is married. Let her face her home because that's where she belongs. I can pay them a visit and I must not sleep over.