...

Try relating to him like a man.

Tell him the tension you feel about having a conversation with him... You're an adult now, he can't spank you.. But you guys can iron things out

Atleast clear the air so he doesn't feel your mum is driving a wedge between y'all.

Men have emotions too..

It's because you both didn't bond well while you were growing up.
Or perhaps, he is quite hostile while you were a child/growing.

Parents, especially fathers need to work on this aspect of life. Don't let your name or presence terrify your children. Rather, bond with them. Let them feel free around and with you even from their childhood. You don't have to be the terror their mum will use in scaring them to do something or forced into obedience.

Your children must not feel happier and free because you ain't at home or around. They must not turn mute because you've returned home. They must not begin running helter skelter within the house because they heard your car horn or even voice walking towards the door.
Your children must never see you as a terror, because it won't bite on you now, but in the future.

Don't because you want to raise godly kids, torture your own children because 'everything' that can talk reports them to you, because some of these reports might be false! When your child(ren) do something impressive, commend them. Don't just keep it to your heart. And if you don't want to talk much, let them see that smile on your face. It makes their heart glad to know you are proud of them.

And to moms, stop the, "Let your dad return, you'd smell yourself!" of a statement. It's psychologically derailing to your children. It makes them feel free and love you, it makes them feel you love them better and would never want to hurt them, but it turns them away from their own father. It kills their sense of affection, possibly can be felt or received from their father.

If your child did something wrong, and deserves to be talked to or whipped, do it yourself ma'am! Don't keep it till their father returns to do it. Stop using their dad to scare them!

Please!!!

Well you haven't mentioned that your dad is abusive or even the difficult type else I would've agreed that you have a genuine reason. I've a very difficult and abusive dad and its reason why I'm a little distant from him. Yet I communicate directly with him when necessary.

I advise you reduce the distance between you two else you will regret it when he decides to go hard on you too. You will need him in issues regarding marriage and travel and such.

He go reach your turn.

yuping:
He go reach your turn.

Lol, depends on how you relate with your children growing up. He was quite hostile while growing up so I don’t have that bond yet with him.

SimpleGuy001:


Lol, depends on how you relate with your children growing up. He was quite hostile while growing up so I don’t have that bond yet with him.

Some father don't no how to relate with their kids, but he is extending his hands now so embrace him but you want to run.
He go reach your turn.

yuping:

Some father don't no how to relate with their kids, but he is extending his hands now so embrace him but you want to run.
He go reach your turn.

Who told you I want to run

Abeg leave me joor, he’s dad regardless. There’s no how I will run. Just that he is misunderstanding things.

I’ll find a way to relate with him sha.

SimpleGuy001:
So there’s this tension I feel between me and my dad. I’m 21, just graduated and will be going for nysc this week.

So it happened that I’m making preparations to travel but haven’t told my dad yet. Will be traveling by Friday or Saturday, so I intended to tell him by today evening.

Dad asked me about it this morning and I told him, and he said if he didn’t ask me I wouldn’t tell him. I told him I would and he started saying I never tell him things going on with me but I always tell my mom and why must I send my mom to him whenever I want something and never come myself and says I feel he is not important abi.

He then went further to say it will get to my turn bla bla bla.

But the thing is honestly, I can’t talk to him. I find it difficult to relate with him. This even got worse when I started making my own money, I don’t ask him anything even my traveling arrangements down to everything I did paid everything myself.

He only did one thing for me, even that self I had to tell my mom and my mom told him.

I find it really difficult to talk to him, sometimes when he comes back from work, I stylishly leave the sitting room into the bedroom.

Not that I have anything against him, it’s just not there and he feels my mom is behind it and angry at my mom sometimes.

I don’t even have any intention to come back home after nysc, just feel I should start my life when I go for nysc.

Don’t know if I’m wrong, I just feel somehow to be honest.

Interesting... but I suggest you should finish your prose by telling everyone exactly why you can't relate with your dad.

There has to be something, what is it?

at this stage, you should start relating and discussing stuff with him,
you will learn a lot from him.

it is for your own good

crackhaus:

Interesting... but I suggest you should finish your prose by telling everyone exactly why you can't relate with your dad.

There has to be something, what is it?

I think it has to do with my growing up around him. He was quite hostile, so I always have that fear.

anthonyuncle:
at this stage, you should start relating and discussing stuff with him,
you will learn a lot from him.

it is for your own good

Yeah, thanks.

SimpleGuy001:


I think it has to do with my growing up around him. He was quite hostile, so I always have that fear.

You're not a child anymore though.

Since he's already made attempts to be closer to you, I suggest you try meeting him halfway.

If you and your dad are not relating and sharing 'men' moments, I wonder who you want to have those moments with within the family.

Just try developing a relationship with him because as a growing man, there are certain things about life you will NEVER learn from your mother... I gotta be honest.

Your topic actually reads 'I am I wrong'?

Right thing should be ' am I wrong' ?

crackhaus:

You're not a child anymore though.

Since he's already made attempts to be closer to you, I suggest you try meeting him halfway.

If you and your dad are not relating and sharing 'men' moments, I wonder who you want to have those moments with within the family.

Just try developing a relationship with him because as a growing man, there are certain things about life you will NEVER learn from your mother... I gotta be honest.

Ok thanks.

Richy4:

For u to create this thread about it shows that u feel bad about it...For him to ask u about your whereabouts shows that he feels concern about u... And indirectly missed the kind of son and family he wanted..

Sometimes u can't blame your parents.. it was how they were treated that they try to treat their offsprings too.. some doesn't know any better, some exposed ones tried their best to change the statusquo though... Even u, if care is not taken, u might do to your kids how your dad treated u... But u can change that...

You might ask, how will I change it? Communications... Promise yourself that every fortnight, u will call him and ask him how he was doing... Even if U have nothing to say, tell him that your camp is difficult even when it was not... Start from somewhere... It will definitely help... By the time u do this in 7months, u will start having a lot to say to each other...

Every dad got an imaginary family and sons that they wanted, most times it doesn't happen.. please make your dad's vision of the son he wanted to come true despite his short comings...

Definitely, I’ll try my best. Apart from this, I think he’s great.

SimpleGuy001:
So there’s this tension I feel between me and my dad. I’m 21, just graduated and will be going for nysc this week.

So it happened that I’m making preparations to travel but haven’t told my dad yet. Will be traveling by Friday or Saturday, so I intended to tell him by today evening.

Dad asked me about it this morning and I told him, and he said if he didn’t ask me I wouldn’t tell him. I told him I would and he started saying I never tell him things going on with me but I always tell my mom and why must I send my mom to him whenever I want something and never come myself and says I feel he is not important abi.

He then went further to say it will get to my turn bla bla bla.

But the thing is honestly, I can’t talk to him. I find it difficult to relate with him. This even got worse when I started making my own money, I don’t ask him anything even my traveling arrangements down to everything I did paid everything myself.

He only did one thing for me, even that self I had to tell my mom and my mom told him.

I find it really difficult to talk to him, sometimes when he comes back from work, I stylishly leave the sitting room into the bedroom.

Not that I have anything against him, it’s just not there and he feels my mom is behind it and angry at my mom sometimes.

I don’t even have any intention to come back home after nysc, just feel I should start my life when I go for nysc.

Don’t know if I’m wrong, I just feel somehow to be honest.

U must be scared of him perhaps, he is harsh.

.

Op, everything for this life na turn by turn.

SimpleGuy001:


Who told you I want to run

Abeg leave me joor, he’s dad regardless. There’s no how I will run. Just that he is misunderstanding things.

I’ll find a way to relate with him sha.

Smiles

SimpleGuy001:
So there’s this tension I feel between me and my dad. I’m 21, just graduated and will be going for nysc this week.

So it happened that I’m making preparations to travel but haven’t told my dad yet. Will be traveling by Friday or Saturday, so I intended to tell him by today evening.

Dad asked me about it this morning and I told him, and he said if he didn’t ask me I wouldn’t tell him. I told him I would and he started saying I never tell him things going on with me but I always tell my mom and why must I send my mom to him whenever I want something and never come myself and says I feel he is not important abi.

He then went further to say it will get to my turn bla bla bla.

But the thing is honestly, I can’t talk to him. I find it difficult to relate with him. This even got worse when I started making my own money, I don’t ask him anything even my traveling arrangements down to everything I did paid everything myself.

He only did one thing for me, even that self I had to tell my mom and my mom told him.

I find it really difficult to talk to him, sometimes when he comes back from work, I stylishly leave the sitting room into the bedroom.

Not that I have anything against him, it’s just not there and he feels my mom is behind it and angry at my mom sometimes.

I don’t even have any intention to come back home after nysc, just feel I should start my life when I go for nysc.

Don’t know if I’m wrong, I just feel somehow to be honest.

You treat your own father with disdain? That is wrong and he is right that your own children will do the same to you.

Imagine leaving the parlor because your own biological dad came around. That shows the highest level of hatred and that you can't stand his presence... Your own father?

Bro, stop now. It has gotten worse because you now make your own money. Obviously, you have pride and want to show your father that you can take decisions yourself and manage your affairs without him but you are doing it in an extreme way.

Your father will not live forever, and to think you are just 21?

I blame your father for seeking your attention. If my own son try this type of attitude with me, I will regard him dead before me. Imagine the cold treatment to the man that gave you life!

You think you are grown but you have not, little man. You're just 21.

Sometimes, you have got to play a fool just to make people feel among or accepted. You can even ask your dad for something you know very well what to do just so he can feel some kind of useful to your life. I do that to people and if you see the passion they use in trying to explain what I obviously know, because they never expected someone like me would want to seek for information from them.

Life is not about money and achievement oo bro, there are little form of humanity that matters as well.

He told you "it will get to your turn"?

There's no lie o. Wait until you start hustling. May God help your career at this stage and pray to have a woman that will always acknowledge your presence and effort even when you're not available due to work.

Kayberg:


And to moms, stop the, "Let your dad return, you'd smell yourself!" of a statement. It's psychologically derailing to your children. It makes them feel free and love you, it makes them feel you love them better and would never want to hurt them, but it turns them away from their own father. It kills their sense of affection, possibly can be felt or received from their father.

If your child did something wrong, and deserves to be talked to or whipped, do it yourself ma'am! Don't keep it till their father returns to do it. Stop using their dad to scare them!

Please!!!

God bless you. Every family deserves to read this. This crazy trend has destroyed many family relationships.

SimpleGuy001:


Definitely, I’ll try my best. Apart from this, I think he’s great.

Yea I know he is great... Since you did not appear with a manual while coming into the world.. so he tried his best to handle you the best way he knows( even though it was not good enough for u)...
When next you were coming into the world, come with a manual so that he can read and know how to treat u ..

Richy4:


Yea I know he is great... Since you did not appear with a manual while coming into the world.. so he tried his best to handle you the best way he knows( even though it was not good enough for u)...
When next you were coming into the world, come with a manual so that he can read and know how to treat u ..

You’re not in my position to understand, that’s why you’re saying this. You fathers need to do more, everything isn’t about instilling fear. I get anyway

@ Dailyparrot

I can’t quote you because your post is long. But I need to address somethings.

I don’t leave the parlour because I hate him. Far from that, I just don’t want his troubles. He’s tough and flares at little things, I always try to avoid things that will make him shout.

No one is perfect, he expects you to do everything perfectly which isn’t possible. But I don’t hate him, God forbid I do that.

Also to everyone coming across this. Most fathers are reading this and are getting fired up by my write up.

I don’t hate him, we talk sometimes and all that. Just that I’m not as close to him due to his harsh nature.

I’m a man and there’s a lot of things I’ve learnt that I will make sure I do when I have my own children.

Like I said, I have nothing against him. Trying to make sure I get close to him now and build my bond with him. Thanks

InTheCloudySky:
As he has told you how he feels, try and tell him things or confide in him more. Perhaps open up to him that you've been scared to get close to him because of his strictness but want a better relationship with him.

Some Nigerian fathers are strict and/or sometimes create this fear with their kids, which makes it hard for the kids to draw close to them. It was like that for me growing up, but since I moved away I'm now close with my Dad, and call and text him often.

Thanks

SimpleGuy001:
.But the thing is honestly, I can’t talk to him. I find it difficult to relate with him. This even got worse when I started making my own money, I don’t ask him anything even my traveling arrangements down to everything I did paid everything myself.

He only did one thing for me, even that self I had to tell my mom and my mom told him.

I find it really difficult to talk to him, sometimes when he comes back from work, I stylishly leave the sitting room into the bedroom.

Not that I have anything against him, it’s just not there and he feels my mom is behind it and angry at my mom sometimes.

I don’t even have any intention to come back home after nysc, just feel I should start my life when I go for nysc.

Don’t know if I’m wrong, I just feel somehow to be honest.

You didn't do anything wrong. You need to understand that not everyone out there is comfortable with their parents units, even they don't openly talk about it.

What you can do is try to learn about your father and you are sure to come up with someway to better relate with him , maybe not now but in the near future. Just don't give up on looking for ways to resolve that tension that exists between you two..

Look him right in his eyes and tell him that u are proud u are in son. Tell him u love him.

After that tell him there is something u ve been wanting to do for along time. When he ask what, tell him u want to beat your chest with his and exchange that handshake that pal men usually share.

If he is really cool with that then go ahead and don't keep distance from him again.

Foodqueen:
Look him right in his eyes and tell him that u are proud u are in son. Tell him u love him.

After that tell him there is something u ve been wanting to do for along time. When he ask what, tell him u want to beat your chest with his and exchange that handshake that pal men usually share.

If he is really cool with that then go ahead and don't keep distance from him again.

Thanks because I actually love him. Just that I’m not close to him but I’ll definitely Improve on that.