Maggi85:
Hey. Im a woman, 39 years old and together with a nigerian man living in norway. He moved in with me 1,5 years a go, and we had a baby at the start of our time living together.
I own the apartment, but in norway we have a system that you pay loan and a also a houserent. Outside that we have electricity, tv, warm water. My whole salary is used on living expances and also for the baby. My man doesnt want to pay even if he make money. Only thing he wants to pay is half of the kindergarden. He used a lot on designer clothes for himself when he visited Nigeria. But didnt buy anything for me and our daughter. The familiy in Nigeria didnt give our daughter anything either even if the father is a pastor and looks like they have money. He is looking for a good engineer job, but doesnt have it yet. Still he works a lot and he earns money. Im comfused why he doesnt want to contribute to his familiy in norway, and im tired of fighting about it. Maybe someone from Nigeria can explain. He is very active in church and he is there every weekend. He doesnt do much economically for us, and he has only changed diaper ten Times since she was born. We are not married. I dont know how long this can last. In norway we are used to 50/50 contribution both finalcially and duties.

Maggi85:
Maybe someone from Nigeria can explain. He is very active in church and he is there every weekend. He doesnt do much economically for us, and he has only changed diaper ten Times since she was born. We are not married. I dont know how long this can last. In norway we are used to 50/50 contribution both finalcially and duties.

Shokoloko:


Nigerian men provide - they are wired to. If your partner is not providing, you are NOT a priority for him: some other woman is and he will leave at some point

Nigerian people are family oriented - they identify with the children of their sons and daughters. It is the nature of most Nigerians/ Africans to keep in touch and give gifts (no matter how small) to nieces and nephews and grand children.
If your partner's family is not actively making efforts to buy gifts and contact you and his child in Norway, its because there is a second wife and a second set of kids that they have already identified with.

Maggi85:
Hey. Im a woman, 39 years old and together with a nigerian man living in norway. He moved in with me 1,5 years a go, and we had a baby at the start of our time living together.
I own the apartment, but in norway we have a system that you pay loan and a also a houserent. Outside that we have electricity, tv, warm water. My whole salary is used on living expances and also for the baby. My man doesnt want to pay even if he make money. Only thing he wants to pay is half of the kindergarden. He used a lot on designer clothes for himself when he visited Nigeria. But didnt buy anything for me and our daughter. The familiy in Nigeria didnt give our daughter anything either even if the father is a pastor and looks like they have money. He is looking for a good engineer job, but doesnt have it yet. Still he works a lot and he earns money. Im comfused why he doesnt want to contribute to his familiy in norway, and im tired of fighting about it. Maybe someone from Nigeria can explain. He is very active in church and he is there every weekend. He doesnt do much economically for us, and he has only changed diaper ten Times since she was born. We are not married. I dont know how long this can last. In norway we are used to 50/50 contribution both finalcially and duties.

Vision101:
Is either he is married or he has no intention of marrying you. He has not emphasized to his people back home that he has a wife or a wife-to-be in Norway.

Yes his dad call me wife, and they all have been talking to me. But i dont like that he came back from Nigeria without any present from his family to our child. Some people say that nigerians dont give things if you live in a rich country like norway. But i get a feeling that they dont care much for our daughter. But i feel like he maybe doesnt want to marry me. I think he would have been more interested in showing himself as a provider. Im thinking maybe he is saving his money for a future with another woman. Maybe someone in church. He shows that we are a couple on insta, but on Facebook he doesnt have pictures of me and him or our daughter. He says he doesnt thing its good to show baby on Facebook. But i dont believe it. Maybe he has to hide his life on Facebook for some reason.


The baby is not a priority to him. Be wise.

Vision101:
@Maggi85

Well thank you for your help.
Any suggestion on how to Expose him, like find out the truth about him?



@me
His Nigerian friends in Norway will not tell you the truth. Confront him and tell him that his attitude shows that he has other plans outside you.

Threaten him that you will take the matter to his church.

Thank you for your advice. He is not much interested in taking me and the daughter to his church (last year). But i have a strange feeling about that. His responsibility in the church is much more than before. He has a bigger role. Maybe the church is questioning why we have kids outside marriage. In this church its seen as not good at all. Well this man is a mystery and im tired of being comfused.

How old is he and how often does he come to Nigeria? Don't be carried away by their calling you wife.

Maggi85:
Well thank you for your help.
Any suggestion on how to Expose him, like find out the truth about him?

Maggi85:



Thanks so much for your honest reply.
This is the same im been worried about for long. Do you have an idea of how to expose him or find the truth?

Shokoloko:

Does he attend a Nigerian church or a Norwegian church?

Double0h7:
I don't understand, how do you own a property and pay rent?
In norway its most common to have a houserent or we call it shared rent. We are a country with very high expances. Even though the system is good, its also a system that works best if two are contributing to the expances on housing. To explain it short. When you buy an apartment or terrace house you have loan from the bank (its few in norway that owns it- the bank owns it) and then you pay from 2000 to 9000 a month (kr) to the housing assosiation (borettslaget). So i have to pay 6000 kr a month for house rent and also loan on house. In the rent there is hot water, fire safety, money they use to fix garden/property, internet. People coming to norway are shocked that we pay so much everywhere. And also have high tax. But same time we are safe here, with NAV taking care of us if we are sick. And a good health and school system. The rich people though are working in private sector, not teachers like me.



Anyway, you need to talk to him and find out what he wants and what you want. If you want him to pay the rent then give him the bill and if he refuses then follow through with the consequences (eviction-end of relationship etc) but if you're scared to lose him then be quiet and carry the burden.

I think it shouldnt be only two options. Im looking for the middleway. But if he is not in this for the right reason then i would rather know now than some years later. Im looking for the truth about him, hope God reveals it one day.

He is an African man so he doesn't come from a 50/50 background and he may want a relationship with clear gender roles, there's no right or wrong system it's just people's preference. You should find out what kind of home he wants to run. Maybe your cultures are too different and you're not compatible.

Maggi85:


He is attending a nigerian church

Mariangeles:


There's such thing as a Nigerian church in Norway?

Maggi85:
im so agree with you. But if the nigerian system is patriark system (male is the head) then why doesnt he want to provide for us. Its not logical that he can be the head at home and at the same time not contribute at all. I feel like that is what he wants. And he has speaches in church about marriage. Read something he wrote about that a wife should be submitted, not talk to much. That woman always should see man as above the child. In norway children are seen as very important. And they often gets more attention than the relationship. We are not treating our men like kings at home. Its not much about power but more about having equality and freedom at home. Men are not seen as more important than women. But he reads a book that had the view that a woman should always be submitted in a marriage, and bring food on the table and never arguing. Always say yes to sex, and do alle she can to look beautiful so the man are not tempted by others. This book has the name «revolutionary thoughts on marriage»by Tanee Fomum Z. I hope this book is not what he agrees to. If so i cant marry him.

Maggi85:


He is attending a nigerian church

Richy4:

It sounds like u are living with a room mate... Your communication level with him is zero.. U don't know much about him after 4yrs... U don't even know if his family were well to do or not, U don't even know if he has told them about you and your daughter.. and u were upset that they did not buy anything for u...

Its true that communication is bad. But his parents knows about me and our daughter. I have talked to them on phone some Times. They know that we live together and have our daughter. But last year is less than before and i react over that they dont give my baby anything. Not for baptism either. Yesterday his dad posted on my insta how me and the baby was. So i feel like either they play games too or they dont know that he isnt contributing at home.

If his parent doesn't know about you and your daughter, how will they get u things?.. He is a pastor's son I suppose, and there are standards.. I'm guessing he has broken that standard by having a baby and a live in girlfriend...

Yes the standards can be a problem. The family has a high status in the community too.

Don't you think it's about time both of u evaluate things?.. Ask where the relationship is going? Ask If he's in or out... If he's in, then he must act like it... If he wants out, u know what to do next...
Yes avsolutely. Thanks