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About Nigeria/norway Relationship by Maggi85: 7:20pm On Nov 09, 2021 |
Hey. Im a woman, 39 years old and together with a nigerian man living in norway. He moved in with me 1,5 years a go, and we had a baby at the start of our time living together. I own the apartment, but in norway we have a system that you pay loan and a also a houserent. Outside that we have electricity, tv, warm water. My whole salary is used on living expances and also for the baby. My man doesnt want to pay even if he make money. Only thing he wants to pay is half of the kindergarden. He used a lot on designer clothes for himself when he visited Nigeria. But didnt buy anything for me and our daughter. The familiy in Nigeria didnt give our daughter anything either even if the father is a pastor and looks like they have money. He is looking for a good engineer job, but doesnt have it yet. Still he works a lot and he earns money. Im comfused why he doesnt want to contribute to his familiy in norway, and im tired of fighting about it. Maybe someone from Nigeria can explain. He is very active in church and he is there every weekend. He doesnt do much economically for us, and he has only changed diaper ten Times since she was born. We are not married. I dont know how long this can last. In norway we are used to 50/50 contribution both finalcially and duties. 1 Like 2 Shares |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by daddytime(m): 7:38pm On Nov 09, 2021 |
Perhaps he feels you don't make him feel like an equal owner in the apartment because he moved in with you. You might now know when you exhibit some of the above attitudes that'd stock him off, make him regret the move and probably begin to resent you and the living arrangement. Yes, the above excuse might not be a justification but they sure could be a trigger and if indeed this is how he feels, moving out to get his own place where he'd be in charge, and asking you to move in with him should be an appropriate alternative. He's wrong not to buy stuff for you and his daughter not helping out with babying the kid. I sincerely hope you guys can find a middle ground. It's complicated mehn... |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by Shokoloko(f): 8:17pm On Nov 09, 2021 |
Maggi85: Nigerian men provide - they are wired to. If your partner is not providing, you are NOT a priority for him: some other woman is and he will leave at some point Nigerian people are family oriented - they identify with the children of their sons and daughters. It is the nature of most Nigerians/ Africans to keep in touch and give gifts (no matter how small) to nieces and nephews and grand children. If your partner's family is not actively making efforts to buy gifts and contact you and his child in Norway, its because there is a second wife and a second set of kids that they have already identified with. 6 Likes |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by Kobojunkiee: 8:17pm On Nov 09, 2021 |
Maggi85:You are not married to him and you are responsible for pretty much all of your bills even though he lives with you? Why not tell him to go and find himself a place of his own? You can get yourself a roommate who will actually help you with the bill. Also file to have him pay child support so you can get more from him than you currently do to help in your raising your child, since he does not seem to be invested in either your relationship or the child. 3 Likes |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by Amanee(f): 9:42pm On Nov 09, 2021 |
White women and doing things upside down Get rid of that user, he doesn't and will never love you or your child. 2 Likes |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by Maggi85: 10:32pm On Nov 09, 2021 |
Shokoloko: Thanks so much for your honest reply. This is the same im been worried about for long. Do you have an idea of how to expose him or find the truth? |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by Nobody: 11:34pm On Nov 09, 2021 |
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Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by Mariangeles(f): 11:53pm On Nov 09, 2021 |
Maggi85: If he's not being sincere with you, he doesn't deserve your sincerity. |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by Vision101(m): 12:50am On Nov 10, 2021 |
Is either he is married or he has no intention of marrying you. He has not emphasized to his people back home that he has a wife or a wife-to-be in Norway. The baby is not a priority to him. Be wise. 1 Like |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by Maggi85: 1:34am On Nov 10, 2021 |
Vision101:that is absolutely true. Its like he sees the baby as my responsibility not his. Of course he plays with her and likes to be with her and loves her. But economically he doesnt suppprt her or us. And he always give exuses for what he needs his money for (fix car, travel to Nigeria, the vacation was expensive so i need to work a lot after Nigeria, dentist, tax) So he only gives half of kindergarden. That is ten prosent of what he earns a month. I use 99 prosent of my income. Well thank you for your help. Any suggestion on how to Expose him, like find out the truth about him? |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by wunmi590(m): 1:46am On Nov 10, 2021 |
This is very pathetic, when we talk, some red pillar would tag us enemy of progress, we are being used by our woman, or we are a simp... Some men are just useless, they don't like owning up to their responsibilities, yet they go out there bragging they are the head of the family, they pay this, they pay that.... Can you imagine a man you took to Norway and even house, couldn't provide for the family, despite the fact that his working.... That man need to be sent back to Nigeria ASAP, marriage is not for everybody, he should remain single. 1 Like |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by Vision101(m): 1:47am On Nov 10, 2021 |
@Maggi85 Well thank you for your help. Any suggestion on how to Expose him, like find out the truth about him? @me His Nigerian friends in Norway will not tell you the truth. Confront him and tell him that his attitude shows that he has other plans outside you. Threaten him that you will take the matter to his church. How old is he and how often does he come to Nigeria? Don't be carried away by their calling you wife. 1 Like |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by Maggi85: 2:14am On Nov 10, 2021 |
Vision101: He is 32, and im 39. We have been together for 3 years. He went to Nigeria this year, but it was 4 years since last time. He spent most of the time in his fathers church because of celebrating. He is a very Christian man. And im like most Norwegians not much religious, but i sing in gospel choir. And he comes to my church. But seems like he is not that interested to take me to his church anymore. They know about me and his daughter. And she gets presents from church. Well i guess i need to confront him. He is good at lying (lied about a girl a year ago that he met behind my back as «friends») thats why its not easy to get the truth out of him and i try to find other ways to find info about nigerian guys. 1 Like |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by Vision101(m): 2:34am On Nov 10, 2021 |
@Maggi85 He is 32, and im 39. We have been together for 3 years. He went to Nigeria this year, but it was 4 years since last time. He spent most of the time in his fathers church because of celebrating. He is a very Christian man. @me From what I sense, he has not married another woman but he doesn't want to marry you. He has another person in mind. What is the name of his church? |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by Kobojunkiee: 2:50am On Nov 10, 2021 |
Maggi85:What exactly do you want from him at this point, what you think you should get from him? What do you want to Expose him as, and this to his Nigerian folks,maybe in his church? |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by Double0h7(f): 3:33am On Nov 10, 2021 |
I don't understand, how do you own a property and pay rent? Anyway, you need to talk to him and find out what he wants and what you want. If you want him to pay the rent then give him the bill and if he refuses then follow through with the consequences (eviction-end of relationship etc) but if you're scared to lose him then be quiet and carry the burden. He is an African man so he doesn't come from a 50/50 background and he may want a relationship with clear gender roles, there's no right or wrong system it's just people's preference. You should find out what kind of home he wants to run. Maybe your cultures are too different and you're not compatible. 1 Like |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by greencard: 6:36am On Nov 10, 2021 |
Maybe he doesn't feel the child is his nor his business and prolly sees you as his helper not his helpmeet |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by Shokoloko(f): 7:39am On Nov 10, 2021 |
Maggi85:Does he attend a Nigerian church or a Norwegian church? |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by Maggi85: 8:05am On Nov 10, 2021 |
Shokoloko: He is attending a nigerian church |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by Maggi85: 8:38am On Nov 10, 2021 |
Double0h7:im so agree with you. But if the nigerian system is patriark system (male is the head) then why doesnt he want to provide for us. Its not logical that he can be the head at home and at the same time not contribute at all. I feel like that is what he wants. And he has speaches in church about marriage. Read something he wrote about that a wife should be submitted, not talk to much. That woman always should see man as above the child. In norway children are seen as very important. And they often gets more attention than the relationship. We are not treating our men like kings at home. Its not much about power but more about having equality and freedom at home. Men are not seen as more important than women. But he reads a book that had the view that a woman should always be submitted in a marriage, and bring food on the table and never arguing. Always say yes to sex, and do alle she can to look beautiful so the man are not tempted by others. This book has the name «revolutionary thoughts on marriage»by Tanee Fomum Z. I hope this book is not what he agrees to. If so i cant marry him. |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by Mariangeles(f): 8:44am On Nov 10, 2021 |
Maggi85: There's such thing as a Nigerian church in Norway? |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by Maggi85: 10:41am On Nov 10, 2021 |
Mariangeles: Yes it is☺️ |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by Klass99(f): 11:48am On Nov 10, 2021 |
. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by Double0h7(f): 12:54pm On Nov 10, 2021 |
Maggi85: You've answered your own questions. It seems you're not compatible so what are you going to do? Will you compromise or move on? It looks like both of you are unhappy. You can find a man who happy being equal and he can find a woman who is submissive. |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by Shokoloko(f): 1:03pm On Nov 10, 2021 |
Maggi85: There is no way to expose him. The second family are in Nigeria not Norway. Focus on getting child support for your kid. Go to the church pastor AND WIFE and lay this complaint. Norway has welfare offices. Go and lay this complaint there. Beste hilsener |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by Richy4(m): 1:30pm On Nov 10, 2021 |
It sounds like u are living with a room mate... Your communication level with him is zero.. U don't know much about him after 4yrs... U don't even know if his family were well to do or not, U don't even know if he has told them about you and your daughter.. and u were upset that they did not buy anything for u... If his parent doesn't know about you and your daughter, how will they get u things?.. He is a pastor's son I suppose, and there are standards.. I'm guessing he has broken that standard by having a baby and a live in girlfriend... Don't you think it's about time both of u evaluate things?.. Ask where the relationship is going? Ask If he's in or out... If he's in, then he must act like it... If he wants out, u know what to do next... |
Re: About Nigeria/norway Relationship by Maggi85: 2:20pm On Nov 10, 2021 |
Richy4: |
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