I have read some write ups about issues in todays marriages...and some say it is more complicated for those abroad...but lets use Nigeria as a case study.

I hear some suggestions by some persons and am wondering......is it actually an easy thing to do? especially when u have someone that is demonic n stubborn...Not homely trained actually.

In dating women submit and can give as much sex as u need, but in marriage they demand submission first and go on celibacy.

I hear "If you can't handle this woman it's better to let her go, or send her back to her house...
what if she refuses to leave the house??.. and if kids are involved.
and If the man leaves the house...then he begins to foot double house bills..(rent on the kids/wife and his private apartment)...else the woman can also file for abandonment.

If the man threatens to walk out, and she threatens same but actually waiting for ur move..
some women can be a bone in the neck.

I also hear "u're the man, take charge of ur home...be the man....HOW in this case

my wife can stay as long as possible without sex nor asking for it.....i will have to appease, make her feel good, and put her in the a good mental state before i can sometimes have it.....if she's not in mood...dats all....and only God knows when the mood returns cos she wud never say or ask...thats a burden

For example..my wife clearly refused that she or the kids wont travel with me to see either parents..and that I cant take the kids without her.
will i force her?

Food....U punish yourself by not eating her food cos she doesn't care.

Seriously i have a woman with a big mouth...really big anger provoking mouth.
She is a dominant alpha female actually....A woman without a blink not afraid to raise a hand or call me names..and if I dare retaliate...someone would be dead.

One of the issue is this - she's from a broken home only raised by the father, mother abandoned them since she was 10 or so and is out of country...so no home training.

I missed some vital agreements/rules before marriage..out of pity...am 36, and 3 yrs apart....and we dated long.
U can call me a simp...but am learning n growing the hard way....things are improving gradually...but it's not been easy.....but what else do u advise.

Truly...she was all submissive during dating...no issues

Hnnnmmm

this life really no balance...

thesayer:
I have read some write ups about issues in todays marriages...and some say it is more complicated for those abroad...but lets use Nigeria as a case study.

I hear some suggestions by some persons and am wondering......is it actually an easy thing to do? especially when u have someone that is demonic n stubborn...Not homely trained actually.

In dating women submit and can give as much sex as u need, but in marriage they demand submission first and go on celibacy.

I hear "If you can't handle this woman it's better to let her go, or send her back to her house...
what if she refuses to leave the house??.. and if kids are involved.
and If the man leaves the house...then he begins to foot double house bills..(rent on the kids/wife and his private apartment)...else the woman can also file for abandonment.

If the man threatens to walk out, and she threatens same but actually waiting for ur move..
some women can be a bone in the neck.

I also hear "u're the man, take charge of ur home...be the man....HOW in this case

my wife can stay as long as possible without sex nor asking for it.....i will have to appease, make her feel good, and put her in the a good mental state before i can sometimes have it.....if she's not in mood...dats all....and only God knows when the mood returns cos she wud never say or ask...thats a burden

For example..my wife clearly refused that she or the kids wont travel with me to see either parents..and that I cant take the kids without her.
will i force her?

Food....U punish yourself by not eating her food cos she doesn't care.

Seriously i have a woman with a big mouth...really big anger provoking mouth.
She is a dominant alpha female actually....A woman without a blink not afraid to raise a hand or call me names..and if I dare retaliate...someone would be dead.

One of the issue is this - she's from a broken home only raised by the father, mother abandoned them since she was 10 or so and is out of country...so no home training.

I missed some vital agreements/rules before marriage..out of pity...am 36, and 3 yrs apart....and we dated long.
U can call me a simp...but am learning n growing the hard way....things are improving gradually...but it's not been easy.....but what else do u advise.

Damn! O thought I wrote this. Or someone that I told my story wrote it. This is exactly my story word for word. I am just dumbfounded

thesayer:
Food....U punish yourself by not eating her food cos she doesn't care.
Seriously i have a woman with a big mouth...really big anger provoking mouth.
She is a dominant alpha female actually....A woman without a blink not afraid to raise a hand or call me names..and if I dare retaliate...someone would be dead.
One of the issue is this - she's from a broken home only raised by the father, mother abandoned them since she was 10 or so and is out of country...so no home training.
I missed some vital agreements/rules before marriage..out of pity...am 36, and 3 yrs apart....and we dated long.
U can call me a simp...but am learning n growing the hard way....things are improving gradually...but it's not been easy.....but what else do u advise.

If you think marriage is there to set you up as commander-in-chief over your wife, then you have something else coming for you.

Your marriage is an agreement between you and your wife, a contract like a business where you are both partners and when things aren't going well in your marriage, you are both meant to come together and negotiate issues in order to resolve them, not seek ways to one-up the other party.

You married her, and she married you, so you cannot now pretend you married a "bad woman" or that somehow her upbringing is a new discovery or issue to blame it all on. She has that same upbringing/issue when you chose to marry her, so stop looking for excuses and begin, now to think like a capable adult and individual, in what is, after all your marriage.

Go back and try to work through your issues with your wife. If you are both too childish to do so then don't hesitate to engage the help/aide of professional marriage counselors.

There are two ways to take charge of your home as a man:

- Genuine love. Being a sucker for goodness and an irredeemable hater of nonsense. This will entail striving to conquer yourself in all fronts to the best of your ability and magnifying one attribute she possesses that is core to your life philosophy and disenabling her shortcomings with all your might, thereby building your mental connection with her on something intangible but formed. Nothing else can be more effective and pleasing in having a woman walk and work with you on your lead other than genuine action love, unless the woman is either totally insane or never had any atom of genuine interest in you from the inception.

- Subjugation. In the absence of respect, it's better to be feared than to be admired. In the event that you observe that the above could not bring her to your lead on her own accord, then make her your slave through psychological and emotional abuse, with or without physical abuse. You can always work out a quick and simple blueprint to bring this to fruition, provided that you hate nonsense/delight in oppression.

However, being contentious, contemptuous, and opportunistic don't make a woman an alpha female, if there is an alpha female at all, just as they don't make a man an alpha male. Forget about whatever nonsense you've been reading on that, especially on the romance section of Nairaland.

kapelvej:
Damn! O thought I wrote this. Or someone that I told my story wrote it. This is exactly my story word for word. I am just dumbfounded

i tell u bro...many people are into this same shit.
the mistake here is that certain things were not discussed at the foundation..
but now...ure forced to negotiation.

what would a redpiller do in this case?

redpillers over to u...how can u save this simp

Dear Op,

U did the right thing by marrying her, cos it's not easy to unlove who you truly love because of her failed parental foundation. It could have been you..
Now, what I see here is a relationship with failed boundaries... You didn't put boundaries to limits when you started dating and now, u want it...
If you still can, set your boundaries, and it should be reasonable ones.... Then stand your grounds and don't compromise except if it's only logical to....
And also, respect hers appropriately too....

I feel you mehn.
All the best

Choosing to stay or leave is going to be difficult, so choose the difficult you can live it. However, remember that depression can kill

thesayer:
I have read some write ups about issues in todays marriages...and some say it is more complicated for those abroad...but lets use Nigeria as a case study.

I hear some suggestions by some persons and am wondering......is it actually an easy thing to do? especially when u have someone that is demonic n stubborn...Not homely trained actually.

In dating women submit and can give as much sex as u need, but in marriage they demand submission first and go on celibacy.

I hear "If you can't handle this woman it's better to let her go, or send her back to her house...
what if she refuses to leave the house??.. and if kids are involved.
and If the man leaves the house...then he begins to foot double house bills..(rent on the kids/wife and his private apartment)...else the woman can also file for abandonment.

If the man threatens to walk out, and she threatens same but actually waiting for ur move..
some women can be a bone in the neck.

I also hear "u're the man, take charge of ur home...be the man....HOW in this case

my wife can stay as long as possible without sex nor asking for it.....i will have to appease, make her feel good, and put her in the a good mental state before i can sometimes have it.....if she's not in mood...dats all....and only God knows when the mood returns cos she wud never say or ask...thats a burden

For example..my wife clearly refused that she or the kids wont travel with me to see either parents..and that I cant take the kids without her.
will i force her?

Food....U punish yourself by not eating her food cos she doesn't care.

Seriously i have a woman with a big mouth...really big anger provoking mouth.
She is a dominant alpha female actually....A woman without a blink not afraid to raise a hand or call me names..and if I dare retaliate...someone would be dead.

One of the issue is this - she's from a broken home only raised by the father, mother abandoned them since she was 10 or so and is out of country...so no home training.

I missed some vital agreements/rules before marriage..out of pity...am 36, and 3 yrs apart....and we dated long.
U can call me a simp...but am learning n growing the hard way....things are improving gradually...but it's not been easy.....but what else do u advise.

Truly...she was all submissive during dating...no issues

Save your money. Give your wife a lump sum to take care of the children. Change your bank account. Change your phone number. Change your location suddenly. Get a job or start a business in the new location. Shikena. They will think you have been kidnapped or used for ritual. Thou art free.

efficiencie:


Save your money. Give your wife a lump sum to take care of the children. Change your bank account. Change your phone number. Change your location suddenly. Get a job or start a business in the new location. Shikena. They will think you have been kidnapped or used for ritual. Thou art free.

Then he shows up again when his children becomes adults and explain to them he gave their mother a lump sum of money to take care of them.

thesayer:

i tell u bro...many people are into this same shit.
the mistake here is that certain things were not discussed at the foundation..
but now...ure forced to negotiation.

what would a redpiller do in this case?

You nailed it however, you can still have the discussion in marriage. You both need be truthful on if you need the marriage and that will be the foundation for the discussion.

Talk about everything that's going on, you guys should reach an agreement on how things should be done. Both parties should learn to show interest in what the other party is doing.

You're a weak man. That's it!
Go and ask your Uncle's how to sustain a marriage with your kind of situation

Only weak men have guts to say their wives attempted raising hands on them

Oga learn from the Arabs and core Muslims abt how to handle this opposite gender
I don't support them 100% but in every nonsense you must find sense

greenie77:


Then he shows up again when his children becomes adults and explain to them he gave their mother a lump sum of money to take care of them.

Well they are his kids. He is not fleeing from his kids he is fleeing from his wife who is weaponizing his kids against him. And if the lump sum happens to be 50million naira, just saying, even the kids will vindicate him and come to grips with the beast they have as a mother.

efficiencie:


Well they are his kids. He is not fleeing from his kids he is fleeing from his wife who is weaponizing his kids against him. And if the lump sum happens to be 50million naira, just saying, even the kids will vindicate him and come to grips with the beast they have as a mother.

I guess you so much believe that money is only what children require from their fathers.

A man disappearing from his children' lives because of the mother of his children is a coward for abandoning his children to a beast as you want us to believe. If he as a man cannot confront the beast, is it the children he expects to do so?

Where he is running to, is he not going to be sexually involved with other women? Are those women he will get involved with outside his marriage, going to be saints

thesayer:
I have read some write ups about issues in todays marriages...and some say it is more complicated for those abroad...but lets use Nigeria as a case study.

I hear some suggestions by some persons and am wondering......is it actually an easy thing to do? especially when u have someone that is demonic n stubborn...Not homely trained actually.

In dating women submit and can give as much sex as u need, but in marriage they demand submission first and go on celibacy.

I hear "If you can't handle this woman it's better to let her go, or send her back to her house...
what if she refuses to leave the house??.. and if kids are involved.
and If the man leaves the house...then he begins to foot double house bills..(rent on the kids/wife and his private apartment)...else the woman can also file for abandonment.

If the man threatens to walk out, and she threatens same but actually waiting for ur move..
some women can be a bone in the neck.

I also hear "u're the man, take charge of ur home...be the man....HOW in this case

my wife can stay as long as possible without sex nor asking for it.....i will have to appease, make her feel good, and put her in the a good mental state before i can sometimes have it.....if she's not in mood...dats all....and only God knows when the mood returns cos she wud never say or ask...thats a burden

For example..my wife clearly refused that she or the kids wont travel with me to see either parents..and that I cant take the kids without her.
will i force her?

Food....U punish yourself by not eating her food cos she doesn't care.

Seriously i have a woman with a big mouth...really big anger provoking mouth.
She is a dominant alpha female actually....A woman without a blink not afraid to raise a hand or call me names..and if I dare retaliate...someone would be dead.

One of the issue is this - she's from a broken home only raised by the father, mother abandoned them since she was 10 or so and is out of country...so no home training.

I missed some vital agreements/rules before marriage..out of pity...am 36, and 3 yrs apart....and we dated long.
U can call me a simp...but am learning n growing the hard way....things are improving gradually...but it's not been easy.....but what else do u advise.

Truly...she was all submissive during dating...no issues

Well,it caught you by surprise that's woman for you,that's what those redpillars try to teach but people chose to brokeshame them and call them names.

Well ,firstly I'll advice you to learn about the SUNK COST FALLACY

Try and get another woman and probably start another relationship,some woman do come back to their senses but your own woman might bring violence instead and if she does just forget about your marriage

She is not submissive she just do enough so you can wife her ,she manipulates you

Once ahe doesn't change when she sees you around another woman then divorce is the only option,forget about what people will say your peace of mind matters and make sure your kids live with you so can bond emotionally with them ,( that's very important)

And don't ever get married again most especially if you have upto two kids you just be having upto three woman on your rotation and they will be taking care of you without you fully committed to them , that's dread gane

And make sure you ateivw hard and be the best you can financially,and I'd you're worried about who will stay with you in you olden days ,money will take care of you,you can get married in your 50s or early 60s

But If you decide to stay in this marriage you will regret it for the rest of your life

Try and read carefully and assimilate and understand it

I believe you can comprehend

Peace

In addition if you think you cant get woman easily that's the genesis of your problem
Learn dread game

greenie77:


I guess you so much believe that money is only what children require from their fathers.

A man disappearing from his children' lives because of the mother of his children is a coward for abandoning his children to a beast as you want us to believe. If he as a man cannot confront the beast, is it the children he expects to do so?

Where he is running to, is he not going to be sexually involved with other women? Are those women he will get involved with outside his marriage, going to be saints

If he remained at home the beast of a wife will create the very conditions that the kids should not be witnessing. Imagine the kids watching their mom tear into their dad for flimsy reasons and imagine their dad being defensive trying not to go full blown violent against their mother and all this happening before the kids. Will the kids have a great upbringing in such a manner. The beast of a wife is obviously not beastly to her children but she is a beast to her husband. Hence the man needs to give her space and reshape his life first. He needs to heal spiritually, financially and mentally. After a long retreat he can return to see his wife and children and if the wife has moved on to the next victim he too can move on with his life. I hate divorces but sometimes it is horrible pill a person has to take to escape disaster.

efficiencie:


If he remained at home the beast of a wife will create the very conditions that the kids should not be witnessing. Imagine the kids watching their mom tear into their dad for flimsy reasons and imagine their dad being defensive trying not to go full blown violent against their mother and all this happening before the kids. Will the kids have a great upbringing in such a manner. The beast of a wife is obviously not beastly to her children but she is a beast to her husband. Hence the man needs to give her space and reshape his life first. He needs to heal spiritually, financially and mentally. After a long retreat he can return to see his wife and children and if the wife has moved on to the next victim he too can move on with his life. I hate divorces but sometimes it is horrible pill a person has to take to escape disaster.

If the wife is a beast, he should prove that in a law court and have the marriage dissolved as they work out on how to co- parent their children.