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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / If Captain America Had To Survive In Nigeria: Joke (1064 Views)
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If Captain America Had To Survive In Nigeria: Joke by jazon(m): 10:47am On Dec 17, 2021 |
If Captain America Had To Survive In Nigeria The date is June 6, 2021. Captain America is sitting in a large boardroom overlooking the White House. A young man is standing behind him. A hologram flickers to life and a man appears. Man: You are needed in Nigeria for a highly-confidential duty. Jack there will give you your flight details. Good luck. Captain America stands and salutes.
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Re: If Captain America Had To Survive In Nigeria: Joke by jazon(m): 10:48am On Dec 17, 2021 |
June 7, 2021. 5 A.M. Captain America lands in Murtala Mohammed Airport, Lagos Nigeria. The airport is dark, dingy and noisy. Ubong, a disgruntled sleep-deprived immigration officer screams. Ubong: NEXT! Captain America confidently walks forward and Ubong frowns. Ubong: This one that you’re walking like it’s you that is Buhari.
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Re: If Captain America Had To Survive In Nigeria: Joke by jazon(m): 10:48am On Dec 17, 2021 |
Captain America: Sorry about that, mate. Lovely country here. Ubong: (yawns) Give me passport and visa. Captain America hands him the required documents. Ubong: (studies the document) Did you do Covid test? Captain America: (grins) I can’t fall sick. Don’t worry. Ubong: Is that what I ask you?
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Re: If Captain America Had To Survive In Nigeria: Joke by jazon(m): 10:49am On Dec 17, 2021 |
Captain America: No, I didn’t. Ubong points to the left. Ubong: Pass that side…. NEXT! Captain America looks to the left and sees a long queue. Captain America: Look, I need a faster route. I am on a mission. Ubong: (scrutinises him) You have dollar there?
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Re: If Captain America Had To Survive In Nigeria: Joke by jazon(m): 10:49am On Dec 17, 2021 |
Captain America hands him some wads of dollars and Ubong stands. Ubong: Follow me. TOILET – June 7, 2021 7 A.M. Captain America is laying on the floor, unconscious. Ubong is looking at him fearfully. A woman, Justina enters. Justina: Why you call me, wetin appun? Ubong points at Captain America on the floor. Justina: Wetin you give am? Ubong raises a syringe. Ubong: Covid injection. Justina: From where? Ubong: Oshodi, under bridge. Justina squints at the syringe. Justina: No be abortion injection be that? Ubong: say na lie.
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Re: If Captain America Had To Survive In Nigeria: Joke by jazon(m): 10:50am On Dec 17, 2021 |
Justina: Dem dey sell covid vaccine for underbridge? Na doctor dey sell am? Ubong: He wear white coat. Justina: Moturary attendant too dey wear white coat. Ubong:
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Re: If Captain America Had To Survive In Nigeria: Joke by jazon(m): 10:51am On Dec 17, 2021 |
Ubong: Oya, epp me wake am. Justina:
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Re: If Captain America Had To Survive In Nigeria: Joke by jazon(m): 10:52am On Dec 17, 2021 |
June 7, 2021 – 2 PM Captain America is lying unconscious in a wheelbarrow, on a pile of refuse. A man slowly moves closer to him. The man crouches next to Captain America. He removes Captain America’s shoes and tucks them under his armpit. Man: (to himself) This one will be ₦2,500. He proceeds to remove a knife from his bag and starts cutting through Captain America’s clothes. Captain America wakes up and holds his hand. Man: Hay! You never die? Captain America: Who sent you? Man: Ehn? Captain America: What are you doing? Man: Nothing o. I want to remove something. Captain America: What? Man: Small kidney.
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Re: If Captain America Had To Survive In Nigeria: Joke by jazon(m): 10:53am On Dec 17, 2021 |
Captain America pushes him away. Man: Is not like I want to sell it o…. I just want to use it for work. Captain America: Where do you work?! Man: … Captain America grabs him by the collar. Man: Okija shrine, sir.
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Re: If Captain America Had To Survive In Nigeria: Joke by jazon(m): 10:53am On Dec 17, 2021 |
June 7, 2021 – 2:30PM Captain America is walking down the street. An okadaman zooms past an old woman and snatches her phone. Old Woman: My phone o! Captain America notices this and hauls a Mountain of Fire bus at the thief. The bus slams into the thief, stopping him. The bus also knocks down a nepa pole. The pole falls on a nearby betting stall. A pastor rushes out of a church. Pastor: Who fling our church bus?! Hold this bag for me. I say who fling our bus!
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Re: If Captain America Had To Survive In Nigeria: Joke by jazon(m): 10:54am On Dec 17, 2021 |
A middle-aged man shouts. Man: Who is the mad man that spoilt our nepa pole? Captain America: There was a robbery! Man: And what concern nepa pole?
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Re: If Captain America Had To Survive In Nigeria: Joke by jazon(m): 10:55am On Dec 17, 2021 |
A young woman stares at the demolished betting stall. Young woman: Hei! My shop! The old woman walks up to the thief and retrieves her phone. Old Woman: (to Captain America) You sef, your gra gra is too much. Captain America: I caught the thief. Young Woman: Is this one mad? Won’t you repair the shop?!
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Re: If Captain America Had To Survive In Nigeria: Joke by jazon(m): 10:57am On Dec 17, 2021 |
Just then, a couple of gunshots are heard and Captain America sees a young man running. Captain America chases after him, climbing on different yellow buses. He jumps down from a bridge and lands on a car. The driver of the car shouts. Driver: Did they swear for you?! Captain America: Sorry! Captain America swings from a nepa pole, knocking it down again. The middle-aged man from earlier screams. Man: Hope you know that’s where I wanted to tap light from?! Captain America eventually catches the shooter and knocks him down. Captain America: Why are you shooting? Who do you work for? The Shooter: Shoot? Is banger I am throwing. The shooter raises a stick of knockout. Captain America realises his mistake and everyone looks at him in anger. Man: You see that what is doing you is madness?
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Re: If Captain America Had To Survive In Nigeria: Joke by jazon(m): 10:57am On Dec 17, 2021 |
Police Station June 7, 2021 – 5:27PM Captain America is sitting across from a policeman. His hands are handcuffed. Policeman: You’re the one that throw church bus abi? Captain America: In order to stop a crime… You are welcome. Policeman:
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Re: If Captain America Had To Survive In Nigeria: Joke by jazon(m): 10:58am On Dec 17, 2021 |
Policeman: Why did you spoil nepa pole too? Captain America: I thought someone was shooting. Policeman: Captain America: (stands and breaks his handcuffs) I don’t have time for all this. Policeman: If you move, I shoot. Captain America takes his gun and bends it. Policeman: … Captain America: … Policeman: … Captain America: Is there any other thing? Policeman: Nothing sir. Captain America starts to walk out. Policeman: Ehm, you usually do America visa lottery for people, abi?
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Re: If Captain America Had To Survive In Nigeria: Joke by jazon(m): 11:00am On Dec 17, 2021 |
Captain America walks out. June 7, 2021 – 6:30PM Captain America is walking down the road. He sees a woman frying Akara by the roadside and runs to her. Akara Seller: How much akara you wan buy, Oyinbo? Captain America: Is that my shield you’re using to fry stuff? Akara Seller: Pot wey I buy for Aswani? Captain America: Give me that shield right now! Akara Seller: If you no vamoose, I go pour you hot water. A man enters the conversation. Man: Baba I dey sell DSTV dish, you fit use am. Captain America:
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Re: If Captain America Had To Survive In Nigeria: Joke by jazon(m): 11:01am On Dec 17, 2021 |
June 7, 2021 – 9:00 PM Captain America is sitting in the living room of a mansion. He is totally spent and tired. Dino Melaye walks into the house. Dino: Captain America! Why did you come late now! Captain America: There was a slight delay. Please brief me about the mission. Dino: Good. Is birthday we want to do. Captain America: … Dino: We want you to perform. All those things you use to do inside film, do it here. Captain America: You told me to come so I can perform at a party? Dino: APC people brought Spiderman, and I want to show them that I am bigger than them. Captain America: What?! Dino: Why are you shouting? Didn’t I pay you people?
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Re: If Captain America Had To Survive In Nigeria: Joke by jazon(m): 11:02am On Dec 17, 2021 |
Captain America: We thought you wanted us to fight bad guys. Dino: Yes, you will help me to beat someone from APC. Captain: Huh? Dino: (whispers) Adams Oshiomole. Captain America: … Dino: Hold this camera, I quickly want to do something for internet. Dino gives Capatain America the phone and starts to sing. Dino: Ajekun Iya ni o je…. https://www.zikoko.com/pop/just-imagine/if-captain-america-had-to-survive-in-nigeria/?fbclid=IwAR0iC3PmMJJsoCxIlWzsI4iNAhsmrGhOfr1incKZd_-WvwR02eQoR8zIpIg
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Re: If Captain America Had To Survive In Nigeria: Joke by Viktoreze(m): 10:04am On Dec 29, 2021 |
...this is freaking hilarious... Nice one bro |
Re: If Captain America Had To Survive In Nigeria: Joke by Viiictor10(m): 7:56pm On Dec 31, 2021 |
Lmao, thumbs up bro |
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