Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. - Family - Nairaland
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| Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by xynerise: 12:29pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
A friend of mine told me that she rather throw her money to the lagoon that help her mum when she is sick. She said @15 her mum told her to cater for herself. She never buy her any clothes let alone feed her. Not only her but her siblings too. Her mum only have time for her restaurant business. She said she hated her mum with passion. Then I realized not all mothers deserve motherly love. 1 Like |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by iyatrustee(f): 12:43pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
 cosmas! which one be dis naw? the fact dat she carried her for 9mths shld make her deserve some love. did you ask why she told them to cater for themselves? what of the supposed father of the children? that would help in discussing this topic effectively |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by Nobody: 2:34pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
A mother that chooses to have a child, should look after it. Children have no choice in such matters, they don't choose to be born. A mother that has a child, then goes ahead to neglect that child, doesn't deserve the love of her child. If such a child grows up to hate his / her mother, then the mother only has herself to blame. It's not compulsory to have children. If you don't have the maternal instinct, you don't have children, there's no crime in not being a mother. However, it's criminal to bear children, then go ahead to neglect them for any reason. iyatrustee: She doesn't deserve love, just because she chose to have children. Having children was a choice she made as a mother, a decision the children had no say in whatsoever. There's nothing she can say to justify her actions. The welfare of children is paramount - they can't fend for themselves, and so are vulnerable, unlike a mother who is obviously an adult, and should know better. 2 Likes |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by iyatrustee(f): 2:37pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
what about the father of these children? shouldnt he play a role in their upbring? |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by Nobody: 3:32pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
iyatrustee: Yes, he should. But that isn't what this thread is about. 1 Like |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by xxcarolxx(f): 6:56pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
God that was a harsh way to treat your children, At the end of the day you should always be there for your kids 24/7, |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by pslm23(f): 7:45pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
xynerise: I'm going to look at this from another angle. Yes, if you have a child, you should make sure you provide for them. That is your responsibility as a parent until that child has reached an adult age where they can fend for themselves. I'm sorry but i don't think the person whose story we are reading should just up and say stuff like "she wld rather throw her money into the lagoon than help her sick mother" Before the age 15, who was caring for you, feeding you, and i believe paying your school fees? I'm pretty sure she did not go naked, did not beg on the street, she still had a roof over her head to call home. Where was the father in all this? How many brothers and sisters are we talking about? Could it just be that when she wanted the latest fashion, her mom said no becos they couldn't afford it? did her mom make her (as the oldest) take care of her younger ones while she ran the family business (restaurant)? Some kids would rather hang out with their friends than babysit their younger ones. if her mom is up from sunrise to sunset slaving away at that restaurant so she can at least care fro her kids as a single mom, then this child is a selfish and mean spirited kid to say such about her mother. Frankly speaking, a lot of u were quick to conclude that they mother deserved hate. Look at the picture from another angle. We all know how teenagers are, we've been down that road. One time I remember my mom telling me that i had to baby sit my brothers and sisters when i was 15 or 16, make their meals etc becos she was working extra shifts at the hospital. Did i like it? NO! i could have been playing with my freinds. Did i hate my mom a little bit then? YES! but i got over it! The same thing applies to clothing. My rich girlfreinds had nicer clothing which i begged my mom to get for me. She said "cut ur coat according to ur size" and got me what she cld afford. Did i hate her for that? YES, but guess what? I got over it and rocked what she got me. She's passed on now and no day goes by when my heart doesn't swell with love for her. Bottomline, there's more to this story. |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by zayhal(f): 7:58pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
Who was taking care of her before she got to the age of 15? 1 Like |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by tpia5: 8:53pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
so, what's she complaining about because i dont get it. is there a father anywhere in this picture? her mum was in the restaurant business and the daughter claims she wasnt being fed? can we hear whatever is being omitted from the story. |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by OAM4J: 12:07am On Jun 18, 2011 |
Two wrongs don't make a right. There is something called forgiveness. |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by obowunmi(m): 1:43am On Jun 18, 2011 |
Forgiveness is hard. I feel for the girl. I won't take care of the mother either. |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by Nobody: 10:27am On Jun 18, 2011 |
I can relate to this young girl's experience. I lost my mom to an automobile accident in Nigeria when I was in my teens. My dad pretty much abandoned me in boarding school. Never saw him on visiting days, I felt so left out, when my friends all had their parents visiting. Holidays were no better, my dad would lock food in his bedroom, doling out meager cups of rice, beans and garri for myself and my younger sister to cook. Sometimes he'd be away for over a week at his new girlfriend's, despite him having said he'd be back in a couple of days. Food would run out; I was rationing dry preserves like it was war time.  Sometimes, I was forced to chase and catch neighbour's chickens to cook, so we didn't starve. Or our neighbour's would give us some dry preserves to tide us over. An unpleasant experience, my kid sister was just 9-years-old. I did forgive my dad in later years, when I became a man, but it was hard. I also swore my own children would never go without, would always have the love of both parents. I love my daughter dearly, and could never abandon or neglect her, I'd rather die before that happened.So yes, I can see where this young girl's coming from. I forgave my dad, it wasn't easy though. Forgiveness is a privilege, not a right. 2 Likes |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by Nobody: 1:42pm On Jun 18, 2011 |
^^^Awww. You know people talk alot especially when they have not experienced such kinda hard life. One have to experience it to know what it's like I opened up a thread once when I noticed that @16 yrs kids here start paying their parents (they call it) ''Board money'' a.k.a ''Rent'' money. I witnessed one that allowed her 17 yr old daughter pay for her own dinner and I was like  When you bring a child into this world, I believe you should be able to fend for that child. Seriously if my dad treated me like your dad treated yous, I wouldn't forgive him pslm23: Are you kidding me? like seriously? my sisters did babysit me as well so no biggie. Your mum couldn't afford you expensive clothes but she fed you and clothed you with the little she had then. She worked over time and extra shifts to cater for you and your siblings. We are talking about a mother who didn't give a ratass about her 15 yr old daughter, a mother who told her daughter to go fend for herself anyhow and could obviously care less if she went into prostitution to achieve that. Bottom line, I don't care what that child might have done to you but you just don't give up on a little gurl of 15 and tell her to go street hustle. It is not right. |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by Nobody: 4:44pm On Jun 18, 2011 |
pslm23: Sister Pslm, I beg to differ. I'm not saying this young girl should hate her mom, people are affected in different ways by neglect. But, she has the right to express how she feels. So her mother looked after her up till age 15, and paid her school fees, (we assume she did) so what? Is her daughter meant to be grateful? Isn't it a mother's role to cater for her children? It's not a chore, it's parental responsibility. I was able to forgive my own father for parental neglect and abandonment. It's probably different for this young girl, she's still young, and of course, she's female. A man grows up to be a provider, and may be able to shake things off easier, I don't know. I grafted like mad to survive. I had no choice - I had a 9-year-old sister to cater for. I had to survive, so she at least had a fighting chance. |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by tpia5: 6:15pm On Jun 18, 2011 |
If the mother was working full time trying to run a restaurant, was the girl helping out or was she sitting at home waiting to be served. |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by Radiant(f): 12:13am On Jun 19, 2011 |
tpia don't be silly. Love me some Siena. Thank you Sir! I'll be the next devil if I ever told my daughter to cater for herself and leave me alone. All her life I'll be her Mum and give her the best I can. Father or no father I don't give a hoot! I can never be too busy to the point of sending my daughter to the streets. Some mothers really suck. It's a shame. |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by Nobody: 9:42am On Jun 19, 2011 |
Which kain yeye 15 yr old to help her mum in the restaurant? is it the same naija restaurant I used to go to jam packed with some sex starved men that tap a gurl's behind when she walks past? If the mum works full time restaurant work then she should be able to employ adults to help her there and not some 15 yr old. |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by tpia5: 12:37pm On Jun 19, 2011 |
Why cant she help her mum out in the restaurant? She can avoid the men if she wants to- all that depends on the type of restaurant involved. If it isnt a sleazy one then such behaviour wouldnt be tolerated there.When my mum dealt in minor business like that, i helped her out (not a restaurnt though) because after all its for the good of the whole family. Likewise my friend helped her own mum the same way. We need to hear more of the story because the op hasnt presented enough detail to justify people hating on her mum. If her mum owns a restaurant, why would the children remain unfed? That's very strange and makes me wonder if the girl stayed at home doing nothing while the mother was running herself ragged trying to stay afloat.And what happened to the father? |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by xynerise: 1:27pm On Jun 19, 2011 |
^The dad is dead. |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by NaJaHaJe(f): 5:51pm On Jun 19, 2011 |
Oh for goodness sake!!!! all these small pikin dem sef! the mother carried the child for nine months and catered till 15! Some mothers leave/abandon thier children immediatly after birth, or dont bother much with them once they pass the 'handbag' stage. Maybe she wanted the child to become more independent which is not a bad thing at all. This child in question has no right to deny his/her mother love. na wa! @JennyKadry Madam how far? it has been a while,  I bet you fantabulous! |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by chines4(m): 3:45am On Jun 20, 2011 |
Two wrongs can't make a right. Its wrong for a mother to abondon her child @15 and its equally wrong for a child to adandon his/her mother. To err is human but to forgive is divine. Let her just try and forgive her mother |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by tpia5: 3:46am On Jun 20, 2011 |
true. |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by honeric01(m): 5:28am On Jun 20, 2011 |
xynerise: Maybe before the girl was 15, the father was still alive until he died, this sucks and for a 15yrs old to say this, the mom must have hurt her so much. NOT JUST HER, TOGETHER WITH HER YOUNGER SIBLINGS, THATS PURE WICKEDNESS!!! |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by taosola(m): 7:17am On Jun 20, 2011 |
The truth is that whatever your mum did for you while you are still a teenager, should not be any reason to turn back on her in time of her needs. She is your mother and Allah (SWT) has commanded us to be good to our parents whatsoever offenses they might have committed against us once they have not enjoin us to associate any partner with HIM. Be good to your mother once you are in position to do that. That is your own responsibility, discharge it as it deems fit. May Allah (SWT) forgive our parents and forgive us as well. Amen! |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by Nobody: 7:26am On Jun 20, 2011 |
All these "she carried you for nine months" trash. Doesn't it get old? |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by dabrake(m): 7:42am On Jun 20, 2011 |
So bcuz a wman fended 4 ha children til she gt 2 15, its kk 2 say shes done wel? Cn she b a graduate @ 15? Nlers shld stp postin craps ere. Ma mum wrk xtra hrd 2 tkia of 5 children(& ha hubby is late) and we liv wel. It wil b evil 4 mi or those whu enjoyd motherly luv 2 abandon dia mum. I'ld neva do dat. Buh if ma mum neglectd mi, i'ld 4give ha. I 4giv easily buh nlers, 4giveness is 4 d strong, d brave & d matured. |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by Nobody: 8:54am On Jun 20, 2011 |
J12: I tire oooo, Like say na the pikin send her.  NaJa HaJe: You don't get it NH. Truth is it is the mother's responsibility to take care of her child, she decided to carry the pregnancy, whether she bought her child a lamborghini or not at the age of 15 is not the issue. A MOTHER MUST TAKE CARE OF HER CHILD so she paying her fees or feeding her is not a big deal. IT IS HER JOB TO DO SO. I am good, long time no read |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by NaJaHaJe(f): 9:34am On Jun 20, 2011 |
@Jenny so are you saying the mother may not deserve love as a result? I really dont think the mother abandoned her child. Honestly. It is a tough way to bring up her child, granted, but it could be her way of preparing the child for the big bad world. She could have had her reasons. Maybe the child in question was becoming wayward and needed to reigned in. It is all tough love. J12: no it does not! millions of women have done it but it still does not make it un-special. reading the original post again - i really think this is a childish rant. if the mom did it once then OMG she abandoned the child, I personally think there is more to the story than is let on, |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by aAK1(m): 9:54am On Jun 20, 2011 |
some mothers ar realy bad.iv been there soo i no what it fills like.most of the women that behave like dis ar single mothers.it gets u tinkin why there husbands left in the 1st place |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by MMM2(m): 9:57am On Jun 20, 2011 |
my owm mum is d best on earth.  |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by Nobody: 10:05am On Jun 20, 2011 |
It's very easy to say, forgive and forget, if you've never been in this young girl's position. I've experienced neglect and abandonment as a teen, and it wasn't pleasant, especially when I had a 9-year-old to cater for, as well as keeping myself alive. This girl has every right to feel the way she does. If she feels she can forgive her mom, great. If she feels she can't, then tough. You can't use "tough love" as an excuse for parental neglect. If that were the case, those who abuse or neglect their children worldwide would have a free "get-off" clause for child neglect. Just because a mother was pregnant for 9 months, before giving birth doesn't mean her child must be eternally grateful. She chose to be a mother, and a mother's responsibility must be to cater / care for her children at all times, putting them above all else, including running a restaurant. It's not just about food and board, it's about showing love to your child! A mother's love leaves more of a lasting impression, than food, gifts and all the other trappings people seem to think outweigh parental love and responsibility. A mother's love is priceless, and can't be substituted by money and / or gifts, in the present or future. And lastly, the fact one runs a restaurant doesn't mean their children can't starve. My late mother owned a restaurant and supermarket, which my dad barred us from after my mom's death. So understand it's very possible to have rich parents, and children that don't look cared for, or get shown love by their parents. |
| Re: Not Every Mother Deserves Motherly Love. by Nobody: 10:13am On Jun 20, 2011 |
NaJa HaJe: I shouldn't be sharing these here for confidentiality reasons but since I will be withholding the name , I might as well. I was opportuned to meet a young gurl that was admitted in the mental ward where I work. I got to chat with her one day and she actually told me to braid her hair like mine. So whilst I was plaiting her hair, I decided to get more info off her to know her better and how to make her get better. She told me about her child hood and her two little 9 yr old twin sisters living with her mum. I asked her why she was always running away from home , like if she really loved her sisters why does she keep staying away. She told me it was better to stay away from home. She looked at me and said . . . .''can you please protect my kid sisters'' and I was like . . .'protect them from what?'' she said my brother J and my mum.Only After a long time sitting down with her and chatting , did I realize that her own brother used to sleep with her, he started off finge[i]r[/i]ing her when she was little , she told her mum and the woman let it slide. After he rap[i]e[/i]d her 2wice, she went to her mum and told her,guess what the mum said. . . . . . 'As long as you don't get pregnant and even if you do, we will do with it together''. I decided to ring the mum for a family conference , this two timing son of a Bi[i]t[/i]ch woman did not bother to deny it. Infact she said J is paying for her daughters fees and if he decides to wanno ''suck'' from the pool he takes care off then who is she to say otherwise. She said she told her son that as long as she doesn't get preggers they are cool afterall he is just her step brother. When some of yous come here and talk about how a mum carried a baby for nine months or how ungrateful a child can be, I actually laugh. I have not experienced abuse in anyway but I have dealt with heaps of people that have been abused and I tell you what, some mothers should be stoned to death. And I don't bleeping care if she paid my fees until I turned 15 or if she fed and catered for me but if my mum is going to expose me to these very cruel world at a very age then I would have preferred it, if she aborted me 1 Like |
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