pls i need an opinion on this, a friend of mine got pregnant for a guy, the guy was supposed to pay her bride price and marry her but he said he doesn't want to marry her. After giving He abandoned the girl and the child for about 4yrs . now the guy is chatting the lady and sending her messages that he wants his son. and that he will go to court and human right to take his son whom he abandoned for 4yrs since birth.
What should this lady do.

buchizy:
pls i need an opinion on this, a friend of mine got pregnant for a guy, the guy was supposed to pay her bride price and marry her but he said he doesn't want to marry her. After giving He abandoned the girl and the child for about 4yrs . now the guy is chatting the lady and sending her messages that he wants his son. and that he will go to court and human right to take his son whom he abandoned for 4yrs since birth.
What should this lady do.

I am sorry for your ( friends) experience.
However he is within his rights to go to court or human rights.
Will they take a child away from the mom and give him? I doubt it, instead he will be asked to pay support for the child and be given visitation rights.

A child needs both father and mother, a mother cannot keep a child away from the father because he doesn't want to pay bride price.

It is actually good they go to welfare and decide how they will both contribute to raising their child.

Chai, see audacity. She should be the one taking him to human rights, or suing his ass. What nonsense.

Tell her to tell him to go to the court or welfare.
She should tell him that hope he knows the court will ask him to start paying child support.

Op,hope it isn't you?

buchizy:
pls i need an opinion on this, a friend of mine got pregnant for a guy, the guy was supposed to pay her bride price and marry her but he said he doesn't want to marry her. After giving He abandoned the girl and the child for about 4yrs . now the guy is chatting the lady and sending her messages that he wants his son. and that he will go to court and human right to take his son whom he abandoned for 4yrs since birth.
What should this lady do.

The man is already getting it wrong

No one is contesting that the child is not his own

He should have started with making friend and peace with the lady

Let him go to court, court will still grant the woman the baby after she narrates her own experience then allow the father to visit the child at an agreed place or location

buchizy:
pls i need an opinion on this, a friend of mine got pregnant for a guy, the guy was supposed to pay her bride price and marry her but he said he doesn't want to marry her. After giving He abandoned the girl and the child for about 4yrs . now the guy is chatting the lady and sending her messages that he wants his son. and that he will go to court and human right to take his son whom he abandoned for 4yrs since birth.
What should this lady do.

ok
A) a biological father will remain a biological father, whether he abandoned the child or not for 4 yrs
B) if the biological father can bring a better life to that child, while mother cannot even feed the child (for example) then, why should this be even questionned?
C) what about co-parenting?! you guys should sit down like adults and work out your differences...

women should lay their misplaced emotions aside and THINK ABOUT THE WELLBEING OF THE CHILD 1ST AND FOREMOST

buchizy:
pls i need an opinion on this, a friend of mine got pregnant for a guy, the guy was supposed to pay her bride price and marry her but he said he doesn't want to marry her. After giving He abandoned the girl and the child for about 4yrs . now the guy is chatting the lady and sending her messages that he wants his son. and that he will go to court and human right to take his son whom he abandoned for 4yrs since birth.
What should this lady do.

Tell your friend to find a way to settle with her child’s father amicably. Even though she’s angry.

Tell her not to hold on too tight to the child or try to keep him away from his father because when he grows up, he will definitely look for his father.

Tell her not to suffer needlessly by choosing to raise the child without his father because when the child grows up and decides to look for his father, if she complains or calls him ungrateful, he might tell her that raising him alone was her choice and that will not be enough reason for him not to look for his father, especially when his father wants him.

Tell her this is an opportunity for her to rebuild her life, by letting her son’s father be involved in raising him.

She has nothing to be bothered about. The guy can take her to wherever and all she should insist is that she can't give up the child particularly since he was born out of wedlock. In addition, she isn't denying him of access to the child however, she is willing to work a reasonable visitation right. This should be worked on based on their respective locations. If they are in the same town, then she can allow him have the boy every Friday evening and bring him back either Saturday evening or he picks him up on Saturday afternoon and brings him back on Sunday evening. If they are far, then may be once every month for the weekend preferably on long holiday weekends since it is risky traveling.

Unless he is a ritualist/Armed robber,the the last thing I'd do is hoard a child from the father.They will later ask questions and you'll start getting offended or take off on their own to look for him.then it will be a case of"ikwocha aka itiere okuko aki".

Since he has started with court,pls run to welfare and start dragging his life.

If the child were a female, I am sure he wouldn’t bother trying to fight for her custody. The reverse seems to be the case.
He didn’t pay for child support right from when the child was born and he has the effrontery to go to court. He’s a very stupid man!

Let her not be bothered about the threat of going to court what excuses has he prepared to present to the Judge as the reason he has not been in the child's life, from birth till now.

Let your friend get officials of the state's welfare unit involved. She also has to investigate his residence and what he has been up to in the last four years and if it present risks to the child, that should be raised in the presence of all the parties involved.

Co-parenting done right, would benefit the child.

@Op, my advice to you or your friend.

No woman should keep her child all to herself, due to hurtful experience by his/her father. The greatest gift of love by a mother to her child/children in a situation like this is the gift of free access to their father. Allow the child to bear his father's name. Allow that relationship between them.

Sorry for all the pain you went through. I'm sure he wants to drag with you now because you've refused all his peaceful approach to you. Which I know it's normal for you to feel that way. But trust me, there's no need for court dragging.

Allow him to support his child, time, heal every pain on Earth.

It's well with you.

If this lady has the financial ability to cater for her child all by herself, and she is sure she will still be able to do that in future, then my advice is that she should try and relocate to an environment the man will never be able to reach her. He abandoned her with pregnancy, and disappointed her with the marriage he promised her. He truly dosen't deserve the child. If the child was abandoned, yet he was born and is now 4yrs old, that same child will be be fine living without a father.