There was a man living in Victoria Island, Lagos. A thief came to his house one night and threatened to inject him with blood containing the HIV virus if he didn't drop all the money he collected from the bank the day before. The man: Are you going to leave me with the money if I allow you to inject me with the HIV virus? The Thief: I will not collect the money and I will leave you. On hearing this, he told the thief to give him 5 minutes and he went to the toilet. When he came back from the toilet, he asked the thief to inject him with the HIV virus. The thief injected him with the HIV virus and left immediately. Immediately the thief left, the wife became hysterical The Wife: What the hell did you just do? The Man: Don't mind the stupid thief, he doesn't know that I put on a condom the other time I went to the toilet.



Assertive Naija Woman: At the 1997 World Women's Conference the first speaker, from England, stood up: "At last year's conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb." The crowd cheered. The second speaker, from America, stood up: "After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my washing as well." The crowd cheered. The third speaker, from Nigeria, stood up: "After last year conference I go house and tell my husband that I no go do im cooking, cleaning or go market for am again, and dat he go dey do am imsef. After the first day i no see anytin. the second day sef, I see notin. But after the third day, as the swelling begin go down, I start to see small small from my left eye.



It is 6:00 AM, Wake Up!!" A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 6:00 AM for an early morning business flight to Abuja. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (AND LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 6:00 AM. The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper read, "It is 6:00 AM. Wake Up."



Matthew 7, Verse 7: Chinedu closed for work on Friday July 7th, this year and decided to give any lady that came his way a lift. After the 2nd turn from his office along Ikorodu expressway, he saw a Catholic Sister and gave her a lift. While they were going; he did not know how to start a conversation with her, therefore, he placed his hand on her laps pretending as if it was the gear stick. The Sister softly said "Matthew 7:7"; He quickly removed his hand, and resumed concentrating on his driving. He attempted it a second and third time, and each time, she repeated, "Matthew 7:7". When the Sister got to her destination, she opened the door and said to the man, "Young man, The problem with you is that you don't read your Bible" When the man got home,he opened his Bible to Matthew 7:7; which reads "Ask and it shall be given". He was really sorry for himself.



Ugly Child One day, a Nigerian woman got on a bus with her new baby. On entering, the driver exclaimed that the baby she was holding was the ugliest creature he'd ever seen in his life. The woman felt bad and insulted but ignored the driver's comment and went right to the back seat on the bus. After settling down, the woman told her seat mate about the driver's comment. The woman got angry in sympathy and said, "Go back up front and tell him off! I will hold your monkey for you!"



A british, an american and a nigerian minister meet up in hell. After spending some time the british minister starts missing england so he requests the devil to allow him to make a 5 minute call to england the devil gives the permission and the british calls england and speaks to his family for 5 mins after finishing the call he goes bck to the devil to pay for the call.devil asks for £5 million and the britisher writes a chq for that amt. Seeing this the american wants to do the same and he is allowed to make a call to america. he speaks for 10 mins, and goes bck to the devil to pay for the call. devil says its £10million , and the american writes a chq to the devil. Getting over zealous at this the nigerian approaches the devil with the same request to make a call, he says to the devil, i m missing my colleagues and deputies , my family ,, my car, my house , and demands to make a call, the devil allows him to make a call, aswell, reluctantly, the nigerian then spks for 20 hours to everyone he desires in nigeria, and is very happy, Finishing the call he goes back to the devil to pay for the call, Devil says its only £1, amused at this charge, nigerian queries how come its so less, the devil replies, from hell to hell its a local call, so its only £1.



Joe Millionaire: I have something to tell you. I'm not really a millionaire. woman( surprised and removes her wig): oh really? well ive got something to tell you. im not really a woman!!!!!

A heart-warming story of the advances of women in achieving equality throughout the world, Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kabul several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked about 10 paces behind their husbands. She returned to Kabul recently and observed that the men now walked several paces behind their wives. Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and said, "This is marvelous. Can you tell the free world just what enabled women to achieve this reversal of roles?" "Land mines," said the woman.

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company. Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes it is." Boy: "I have a football." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "My dad's outside." Man: "OK, how much?" Boy: "£250." In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mum's lover are in the closet together. Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a football gloves." Man: "How much?" Boy: "£750." Man: "Fine." A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and play football. "The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says,"£1,000." The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is a lot more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." They go to church and the father alerts the priest, and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that **** again"



A young girl and a less young lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a game. The girl, who's tired and just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and says the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa." Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the girl's attention; and figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The girl doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "it's your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs but comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references--no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress--no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and co-workers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the girl and hands her $500. The girl says "Thank you" and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the girl and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the girl reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep."

nice!

i think the title should av bn "STALE jokes." not "silly jokes''

all stale

stale but nice , ignore them brimbrack

Nice and all very funny
I think pgm and $ammy both have stale mouths.

Cool

thanks Aiphie, i am ignoring the 2 killjoys