Hey guys I need your advice please

In brief I am a mother of 4 children and my two oldest children father have been abroad for almost 9 years he has abandoned the children,  he hasn't sent a kobo for their upkeep for all these years nor a phone call to know about their health. He returned back this January and he messaged me few weeks ago on Facebook ( I have been using my Facebook since 2008 with my real names) he requested for my number because he want us to meet with him to discussed about the children. I ignored the message because I think if my children had survived 9 years without him and they will survive more years to come without him. He messaged me three more times the last one was yesterday he said he is going back to Italy next week Tuesday  if I miss this opportunity to meet up with him . he will never bother me again and my children will hate me for keeping them away from him.

Please am I wrong for not wanting him to see the children This is a serious matter if you have nothing good to say  please skip my post

The best I can suggest is that you should meet with him and get to hear his story. A whole lot would have happened to him in 9 years.
Since you already have 2 more kids that means you have moved on so discuss this with your present man and do this for your older kids. Who knows, this might turn the kids life around for the best or at least they will get to meet their father.

I really don't know what transpired between you guys before he departed for Italy back then. I'd urge you to accept his request of seeing his kids and having conversations with you also. He owes you and the kids that much.

Schedule an appointment with him and the kids before he departs from Nigeria again. You were lucky to still have access to your Facebook account of ages. Many had lost the chance(s) to communicate with their loved ones, or whatever because of inability to have access to their social media pages.

I wish you and the kids well!

Mood11:
The best I can suggest is that you should meet with him and get to hear his story. A whole lot would have happened to him in 9 years.

Thank you for the advice. I know the story because he called me after a year in abroad , he told me doesn't have any money to bring us with him and I should move on because he had move on too.

Please for the sake of your children, meet with him and hear him out.
What if he was arrested abroad or something?

Your kids lost him once. Do not allow them lose him again.

Go and see him. • A lot must have happened so I suggest you let him see them before he leaves✓✓.


why are you keeping his children away from him ?? If it was the opposite now π

Vyvyanvyvy:


Thank you for the advice. I know the story because he called me after a year in abroad , he told me doesn't have any money to bring us with him and I should move on because he had move on too.

It is well. Long distance is nobody's mate.
Still try to see him and talk. If possible let him see his kids.. Do it for them.

The appropriate thing is to have this discussion with your current man (if any). I won't encourage you to meet an ex without his knowledge and approval, whether with the kids or not. If you have a new relationship, then it's no longer about you or the kids; it's about him also.

Acidosis:

The appropriate thing is to discuss this with your current man (if any). I won't encourage you to meet an ex without his knowledge and approval, whether with the kids or not. If you have a new relationship, then it's no longer about you or the kids, it's about him also.

Thanks for the advice. I am single

Vyvyanvyvy:
Please am I wrong for not wanting him to see the children This is a serious matter if you have nothing good to say  please skip my post

You should have already been to the courts long before this to file that the man be made to pay child support for the children, whether he wants to stay in contact with them or not. Please talk to a lawyer as soon as today and see if you can get the man's contact information in Italy to see if it is possible for the courts to bill him for the care of the kids no matter where he runs off to.

So long as the children are his, he owes them child support and that is their right as children. Run go see a lawyer asap and don't miss any opportunity to get paid back for all he has owed them for the last 9 years. That money could contribute to their schooling as well.

Vyvyanvyvy:


Thanks for the advice. I am single

Alright. I think you're good to go, for the sake of the kids.

I advise you go see him, for the sake of the kids. Let him know he ain't worth being called a father.

Kobojunkie:


So long as the children are his, he owes them child support and that is their right as children. Run go see a lawyer asap and don't miss any opportunity to get paid back for all he has owed them for the last 9 years. That money could contribute to their schooling as well.

This is a sound advice from Kobo. Please fix this.

.

Vyvyanvyvy:
Hey guys I need your advice please

In brief I am a mother of 4 children and my two oldest children father have been abroad for almost 9 years he has abandoned the children,  he hasn't sent a kobo for their upkeep for all these years nor a phone call to know about their health. He returned back this January and he messaged me few weeks ago on Facebook ( I have been using my Facebook since 2008 with my real names) he requested for my number because he want us to meet with him to discussed about the children. I ignored the message because I think if my children had survived 9 years without him and they will survive more years to come without him. He messaged me three more times the last one was yesterday he said he is going back to Italy next week Tuesday  if I miss this opportunity to meet up with him . he will never bother me again and my children will hate me for keeping them away from him.

Please am I wrong for not wanting him to see the children This is a serious matter if you have nothing good to say  please skip my post

Go and meet him and resolve whatever issue u have with him.

Vyvyanvyvy:
Hey guys I need your advice please

In brief I am a mother of 4 children and my two oldest children father have been abroad for almost 9 years he has abandoned the children,  he hasn't sent a kobo for their upkeep for all these years nor a phone call to know about their health. He returned back this January and he messaged me few weeks ago on Facebook ( I have been using my Facebook since 2008 with my real names) he requested for my number because he want us to meet with him to discussed about the children. I ignored the message because I think if my children had survived 9 years without him and they will survive more years to come without him. He messaged me three more times the last one was yesterday he said he is going back to Italy next week Tuesday  if I miss this opportunity to meet up with him . he will never bother me again and my children will hate me for keeping them away from him.

Please am I wrong for not wanting him to see the children This is a serious matter if you have nothing good to say  please skip my post

I remember your story. U were with his family after he left before things changed btw u.

Meet him cos if u deny him now, and your children grows up you can't stop them from looking for him.

Don't carry the load alone.

It's not easy carrying all the loads alone. Single with four kids.............

The children have a right to access their father. I'd say do the right thing. Go in with zero expectations and just let your children meet him for their sanity.

Vyvyanvyvy:
Hey guys I need your advice please

In brief I am a mother of 4 children and my two oldest children father have been abroad for almost 9 years he has abandoned the children,  he hasn't sent a kobo for their upkeep for all these years nor a phone call to know about their health. He returned back this January and he messaged me few weeks ago on Facebook ( I have been using my Facebook since 2008 with my real names) he requested for my number because he want us to meet with him to discussed about the children. I ignored the message because I think if my children had survived 9 years without him and they will survive more years to come without him. He messaged me three more times the last one was yesterday he said he is going back to Italy next week Tuesday  if I miss this opportunity to meet up with him . he will never bother me again and my children will hate me for keeping them away from him.

Please am I wrong for not wanting him to see the children This is a serious matter if you have nothing good to say  please skip my post

Please allow him to meet with you and the kids.

I know you are strong woman and always there for your kids but since he want to meet them allow him.

It will boast the kids morale. Especially the boy.

Don't reject any help he might offer to you. After stressing out to bring them up alone, they will still go look for their father. So let the father contribute to their wellbeing.

If you are having any challenge with the kids don't forget to mention ìt to their father so he can talk to them Especially behavioural.

Do this for the kids and you.
Remain blessed.

Madam,pls go and see him.
Truly speaking I usually have pity for those living abroad especially Europe. It has never been easy for many of them. My sister in law lives in that country with her husband. It was just during the Covid she got her citizenship after about 8years stay in that country.

Just try and go and i am sure this might help in reducing the financial burden u are presently shouldering.

Good luck to u.

Richy4:

Ok we are human... My selfish self would have said don't go... But for the sake of the kids,.. just go and see him...
But as u go there, please dress your best... Do not act like u were the only one that Buhari is ruling... Look your very best that will suggest to him that u can do it without him in the picture...

Lols you made me laugh this early morning , thanks for the advice

Go and see him.Your children needs their father.It maybe demeaning to you but look past yourself.

You are a strong momma and I applaud how you've kept them this far.

Ulunne777:
Go and see him.Your children needs their father.It maybe demeaning to you but look past yourself.

You are a strong momma and I applaud how you've kept them this far.

Thank you

Vyvyanvyvy:


Thank you for the advice. I know the story because he called me after a year in abroad , he told me doesn't have any money to bring us with him and I should move on because he had move on too.

I remember your other thread ma'am about your elder boy, I still salute your tenacity.

Now to this since he now wants to see the kids, you have nothing to lose by seeing him, hear what he has to say, let him know what taking care of his kids alone has cost you.

Just do it for the kids and moving forward you should get him to commit to an allowance for the children,very important.

He should be responsible for his kids.

NoToPile:


I remember your other thread ma'am about your elder boy, I still salute your tenacity.

Now to this since he now wants to see the kids, you have nothing to lose by seeing him, hear what he has to say, let him know what taking care of his kids alone has cost you.

Just do it for the kids and moving forward you should get him to commit to an allowance for the children,very important.

He should be responsible for his kids.

Thank you

Vyvyanvyvy:


Lols you made me laugh this early morning , thanks for the advice

That's just what u need all the time... Do not let anyone hold the key to your happiness...
Cheers_

Lol. Seeing him might bring past memories. Except if he doesn't want again which I'm sure he wouldn't.

But still let him pay you something. And fix the kids school fees, feeding and other obligations. But he need to pay you for all that you have done Even if not once but gradually.

If you don't want to see him you can send the kids to go see him.

If after 9 years then does kids are not children again

Richy4:


That's just what u need all the time... Do not let anyone hold the key to your happiness...
Cheers_

Amen thanks

fineboynl:
Lol. Seeing him might bring past memories. Except if he doesn't want again which I'm sure he wouldn't.

But still let him pay you something. And fix the kids school fees, feeding and other obligations. But he need to pay you for all that you have done Even if not once but gradually.

If you don't want to see him you can send the kids to go see him.



If after 9 years then does kids are not children again

Thanks

I advise you see him first and hear his side of the story, but make a list of what his financial responsibilities are since he got missing in action, both housing, schooling, feeding etc for his kids.

If he refuses to pay arrears, and then continue paying the current and future responsibilities, then see a lawyer. I recommend you hear him out first, the lawyer will likely need that information, because if he was in jail and didn’t have money, he may not owe child support

I think even the law takes into account the efforts you made to try to resolve the situation without success before seeking redress, so since he reached out, try to see him and seek a resolution first

Please my darling Vivian, I know how you might have felt, the ridicule, the pains, the disappointment from his people, the maltreatment from your bro and the humiliation from your ex husband.

My sister forget, allow the kids to see him but don't go alone, in fact choose the location.

Hmm...
Is this Mrs Onikoyi? I used to know her back in 2008 and this story describes her so well.

Hope you're not her though.

My advice. You did what you had to do. You are only human, So I don't blame you.

You have every right to decide whether your children meet with him or not cause you have been the one taking full responsibility of them and their needs all these years while he never cared to send any form of relief or financial assistance; even if it's for once.

He was not there when they needed him the most. What makes him think they'll need him now? Let him take a back seat. They'll be fine without him.

In his next life, he'll learn to put family first. He didn't do well at all.