> There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who
> found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie
> appeared.
> Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the
> bottle, He said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each
> of
> you ! a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you
> want
> the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
> The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted
> "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman
> was
> so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
> Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and
> immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped
> and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.
> The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he
> steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted,
> SH*T!!!!!!!, "

> Lesson IV - Think twice before you say something, because sometimes
> accidents do happen

fxxk

haha, lol

WOMENS MORALS

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls. "Is this your
thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "No." The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No." The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes." The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy. Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?" "Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!" The Lord went down into the water and came up with Mel Gibson. "Is this your husband?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Mel Gibson, you would have come up with Tom Cruise. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to Mel Gibson."
MORAL: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it.

lovely jokes,cant stop lAuGhInG.

A young man went to his father one day to tell him that he wanted to get married. His father was happy for him. He asked his son who the girl was, and he told him that it was Samantha a girl from the neighborhood. With a sad face the old man said to his son, "I'm sorry to say this son but I have to. The girl you want to marry is your sister, but please don't tell your mother." The young man again brought 3 more names to his father but ended up frustrated cause the response was still the same. So he decides to go to his mother. "Mama I want to get married but all the girls that I love, dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell you." His mother smiling said to him," Don't worry my son, you can marry any of those girls. You're not his son anyway, but pls dont tell ur father!

$500 PORSCHE

A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye: $500 Porsche! New!
The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500, and he
thought it might be a joke, but thought it was worth a shot. So he went to
the lady's house and sure enough, she had an almost brand new Porsche.

"Wow!" the man said. "Can I take it for a test drive?" Unlike what he
expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly and took it back to the
lady's house.

"Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $500?"

"My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me I could have the
house and the furniture as long as I sold his Porsche and sent him the
money."

nice ones

mishoo:

A young man went to his father one day to tell him that he wanted to get married. His father was happy for him. He asked his son who the girl was, and he told him that it was Samantha a girl from the neighborhood. With a sad face the old man said to his son, "I'm sorry to say this son but I have to. The girl you want to marry is your sister, but please don't tell your mother." The young man again brought 3 more names to his father but ended up frustrated cause the response was still the same. So he decides to go to his mother. "Mama I want to get married but all the girls that I love, dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell you." His mother smiling said to him," Don't worry my son, you can marry any of those girls. You're not his son anyway, but please don't tell your father!

hahahaha. these jokes are quite hilarious, now concerning these old people, who is fooling who?

Good question !!!

Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road.
The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to
arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be
here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, madam. I've come to, "
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of
babies"
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"

After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is
fun too; you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"
"My, that's a lot of, " gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in
and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure"
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London"
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with"
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get
a good look"
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your,
um, equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we
can get to work."
"Tripod??"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for
me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? , Good Lord, she's
fainted!!"

Na wa o! I go like do dat kind of biz too o!

Gd one

rasulua:

Na wa o! I go like do that kind of biz too o!

But the woman fainted now !!!

show don finish be that !!

Are We Not Communicating?
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"

roflmao

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.
An angel hears his plea and appears to him.
"Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you."
The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.
The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him.
The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.
Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter.
Seeing the suitcase St. Peter says,
"Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"
But, the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter checks and comes back saying,
"You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."
St. Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims,
"You brought pavement?!!!"

A Yoruba Man was sitting with an Ibo man and a Hausa man in Saudi Arabia ,
sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a sudden the police entered
and arrested them. They were initially given a death sentence but, as it was
a national holiday, the sheikh decided they should be released after each
receiving 20 lashes of the whip. As they were preparing for their
punishment, the sheikh said, "It's my first wife's birthday today and she
asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping, but you cannot
wish not to be whipped!"
The Hausa man thought for a second then said: "Please tie a pillow to my
back before whipping." This was done but the pillow lasted 10 lashes.
The Ibo man saw this and said: "Please tie two pillows to my back before
whipping." This was done and lasted for the whole 20 lashes.
The Yoruba Man saw this, but before he could make his wish, the sheikh
said: "As you share the same ethnicity with the president of your country,
you are permitted to have two wishes!"
The Yoruba Man thought for a second, then said: "Thank you, most royal and
merciful highness. My first wish is to receive 100 lashes with the
strongest, toughest whip available." "If you so desire," the sheikh replied
with a questioning look on his face, "and your second wish?" "Tie the Ibo man to my back."

hey,hello,pls am looking 4 job,send me links.

Pix

i don die ;d ;d ;d ;ddheee dheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ;d

I think am back now

HOLDING THE LAMP

A young Jamaican father-to-be awakened the village doctor in the middle of
the night saying "Doc! Doc!
Come fas nuh! Is muh wife man!
She water dun brek man!
She bout to born de chile!"
The doctor came over and told the father "Hold de lamp higher!
Hold de lamp higher nuh!"
The father obliged, and behold, a baby's cry was soon heard.
The father cried out: "Praise de Lard! A boy! I's de proud fadduh of A baby
boy!"
The doctor again told the father, "Hold de lamp higher!
Hold de lamp highernuh man!".
The father again complied, and to be sure, another cry was heard.
The father excitedly proclaimed: "Is twins!!
I got twins! I's doubly blessed!
Glory be to God!"
The doctor instructed, "Hold de lamp higher!
Hold de lamp higher nuh!"
Sure enough, a THIRD cry was heard!
The father, somewhat subdued, in a nervous tone, muttered, "Oh. Thank ya >
Jesus."

The doctor repeated, "Hold de lamp higher!.

Hold de lamp higher nuh man!", and a short while yet a FOURTH cry was heard.

The father said nothing, being lost in deep thought.

The doctor for a fifth time commanded "Hold de lamp higher man!
Hold the lamp higher nuh!"

The father then asked; "Doc, yuh tink maybe is de light dat attractin' dem?"

I ain't touchin' it
An armless man in a long jacket walks into a bathroom and stands by a urinal,

Soon seeing he needs help to use the toilet he asks a closeby man, " Can you help me point my penis" ?

The man reluctantly accepted but, decided not to look at the mans penis. After a few seconds of holding it he thinks, " Hey! I'm grabbing it right"? " So I should look, I have a right"!

He looks down at the mans member and sees that is beyond hidious. Startled he jumps back and lets go, asking. " What the hell is wrong with it ?"

The "armless" man pulls his arms out of his jacket and says "I dunno, but, I ain't touchin' it." and walks away.

Magic Apples
A young fellow ran into an old man who was carring a bag.

"What's in the bag?" the youngster asked.

"magic apples", the old man replied.

"Prove it", said the young man.

"Well, besides apples, what is your favorite two fruits?" asked the old man.

"Watermelon and peaches", he answered.

The man handed him an apple and told him to try it out. The boy took a bite and said that it tasted like a watermelon. "Ok, turn it over", he said.

The boy did and took another bite and said that it tasted like a peach.

The youngster still wasn't convinced that they were magic.

The old fellow told him to name something else that he liked to eat.

"I like to eat pussy." he snapped.

The man handed him another apple and told him to try it.

He took a big bite, spit it out, wipped his mouth and esclaimed, "That tasted like shit".

The old man looked at him, smiled and said, "Turn it over."

Magic Apples
A young fellow ran into an old man who was carring a bag.

"What's in the bag?" the youngster asked.

"magic apples", the old man replied.

"Prove it", said the young man.

"Well, besides apples, what is your favorite two fruits?" asked the old man.

"Watermelon and peaches", he answered.

The man handed him an apple and told him to try it out. The boy took a bite and said that it tasted like a watermelon. "Ok, turn it over", he said.

The boy did and took another bite and said that it tasted like a peach.

The youngster still wasn't convinced that they were magic.

The old fellow told him to name something else that he liked to eat.

"I like to eat pussy." he snapped.

The man handed him another apple and told him to try it.

He took a big bite, spit it out, wipped his mouth and esclaimed, "That tasted like shit".

The old man looked at him, smiled and said, "Turn it over."

Heavens Ugliest Women
Three men were waiting at Heaven's Gate. St. Peter says, "OK, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe."

So they all agree and are admitted in. The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth. Bam! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen.

The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is. Bam! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.

So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys say in unison, "How did you land with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?"

He nudges the babe and says, "Tell them." She says to the first two guys, "I lied."

Freds' Note
Ol' Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.

At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realised that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died.

He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."

He opened the note, and read out loud, "Hey, you're standing on my oxygen tube?"

Hilarious!
D dude waz biting an asshole while d guy in heaven must be a damn ugly dude.

Don't Fart in Bed
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for
years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.

The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop
and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a
doctor. She was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled
back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and
the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor
laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me
and I didn't listen to you.

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.

Deadly Fruit
One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of indians attaked them and knocked them out.

When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe's throne.

The chief then said "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me."

So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The cheif then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.

Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The cheif soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed.

The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!"

The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples."