About the cake, post it on nairaland and who told u I am Ify.
Have a gr8 day.

@Aiphie

Your jokes are very funny, keep it up

NICE ONE FROM YOU ESPECIALLY, THE JOKE ABOUT TRUE LOVE LOVE IS BLIND CHEERS, ONE LOVE

There was this awards nite going on and then the question:
Between Maria Carey and Madonna, who is the better prostitute? There was a casting of votes and Madonna won.
Between Micheal Jackson and Usher who is the better dancer? There was a casting of votes and Usher won.
Next we saw was Taribo West with a disturbed frown on his face. He was hoping to win the award for ugliest guy but then he asked bitterly 'Who the hell is Busta Rhymes?'

Aiphie:

About the cake, post it on nairaland and who told u I am Ify.
Have a great day.

You don't need to know the story behind your name.
You should know that i jus know things bout people!
Will post your cake.


Who says Busta Rhymes is ugly??

Nice one there thou! Keep it coming!

If Busta Rhymes is not ugly, how did he get the award b/4 T. West
O.K let me cut out sentiments, Taribo West got the award and Busta Rhymes came out with a frown and asked 'Who the hell is Taribo West'.

Aiphie:

If Busta Rhymes is not ugly, how did he get the award b/4 T. West
O.K let me cut out sentiments, Taribo West got the award and Busta Rhymes came out with a frown and asked 'Who the hell is Taribo West'.

Now that's more like it.

I await more of your jokes

Ha ha ha!

Hi all u've all fgotn this thread
Well it's back n beta
Enjoy

A married man died before he had sex, his wife decided to cut off his privates and fixed it on the wall of their house. Each night the woman went to the wall and satisfied herself.
One day the neighbour, a very handsome man noticed and he decided to steal the privates from the wall then drill a hole in his house so that he could be putting his privates there from his house!
That very same day the woman came with a knife and cut the privates saying '' Darling we are moving from this house.


Moral of the Story: stick your dick only where it belongs….ha!, otherwise have some permit….ee-ee-eeh

Guess hus back.
Dat waz hilarious

how do you expect me to laff responsibly wen you post jokes like these

that got me screamin holding my cructh like i ve got something in between

It should have been named laff and die.

It should have been named laff and die.

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________________



SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________________



GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_____________________________



HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________



LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
______________________________



PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
_____________________________



DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________________



SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________________



GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_____________________________



HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________



LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
______________________________



PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
_____________________________



DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

hmmm about those Aunts its just that i cant pray for funnerals to come but could try it someday men they ll cause my fore fathers

This is a true and very moving story.
How do things like this keep happening? please read on.

A certain rich businessman had a beautiful daughter, who fell in
love with a guy who was a cleaner.

When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not Like it at all, and so began to protest about it.

Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes
For a happy future. The girl's father started searching for the two
Lovers but could not find them.

At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home in A local newspaper. Her father said "If you both come back I will Allow you to marry the guy you love, I accept that you love each other Truly."

So in this way, their love won and they returned home.

The couple went to town to shop for the wedding dress. He was
Dressed in white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the Other Side to get some drinks for his wife, a car came and hit him and he died On the spot. The girl lost her senses. It was only after sometimes that She recovered from her shock. The funeral and cremation was done the very Next day because he died horribly.

Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an Old lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the Guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her mother Ignored the dream.

The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored it.
Then when the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up in Fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash The Clothes which have blood stains immediately.

She washed the stains but some remained. Next night she again had The same dream she again washed the stains but some still remained.

Next night she again had the same dream and this time the old lady Gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else something Terrible will happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the Stains, And the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained.

She was very tired.

In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home,
Someone knocked the door. When she opened the door she saw the same old Lady of her dream standing at her door. She got very scared and fainted.

The old lady woke her up, and gave her a blue box, which shocked the girl. She asked "What is this, ?"
And The old lady replied,



NEW IMPROVED BLUE OMO Washing Powder,
it will remove all stubborn stains!! !!!!!!!!!!!! !!!! !" ,

I understand how you are feeling now, But don't look at me like that!! , I'm also hunting for the CLOWN who sent this to me!
Please go back to work, Sorry No Vex .

Reasons not to mess with children.


A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ".



A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."



A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."



The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."



A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood . Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."



The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples

Aiphie:

A married man died before he had sex, his wife decided to cut off his privates and fixed it on the wall of their house. Each night the woman went to the wall and satisfied herself.
One day the neighbour, a very handsome man noticed and he decided to steal the privates from the wall then drill a hole in his house so that he could be putting his privates there from his house!
That very same day the woman came with a knife and cut the privates saying '' Darling we are moving from this house.


Moral of the Story: stick your privates only where it belongs….ha!, otherwise have some permit….ee-ee-eeh

dis was the original version in the year 2002

a blonde wife who loved having sex wif her husband cut off his privates n stuck it to the bedroom wall.

her neighbours were an american, an iranian and an african.
they saw wut she did n they planned to drill a hole wia the husbands privates were. the first night the american guy took his turn.
the second night, the iranian took its place n decided to have fun
the third night, the african guy tried his luck but wen the blonde saw that the d privates was black

"oh my god, the privates have gone bad."
she took a knife n cut it off,


but i have a question. if a dead man's privates r stuck to the wall, can it get hard?

Detective JazzyJ

@ the Nigeria airplane joke that was hillarious, i got a pic that suits it perfectly

Very nice, keep it up

really funny! i only had patience 2 read da 1st 2 joookes but loved da 1st one . . nice 1!

thumbs up

:d

those jokes were automatic keep it up.

Keep it up

I will.
Thanks

studiee, u r a thief !

I steal your heart?
Lol