Faith in Doctor

A woman had been sitting by her sick husband's bed, watching and praying for his recovery but he continued to get worse and she continued to loose hope.
After some days, the man was so weak, he cud barely move any part of him.The local doctor came around and announced to her that her husband was dead. Ofcourse, she screamed and wept bitterly but the supposedly dead husband, on hearing that, summoned enough strength to speak and told his wife: 'Darling don't mind him, I'm not dead yet'.
She replied' shut up. Do you know better than the doctor?'


                        True Love
A man and his girlfriend decided to end their life on earth together.They went to the edge of a cliff and agreed to jump down.
The man jumped first and as he was falling and screaming, the woman closed her eyes and said 'True love is blind'. She turned her back and retraced her steps.
The man in the process of falling opened his parachutte and said ' True love never dies'.

I feel ya!

nice one, especially the one about true love.

simply sweet!

I've seen it all

Q.   What's da tallest man u eva saw?
A.   The tallest man I eva saw was getting a hair cut in heaven and a shoe shine in hell.

Q.   What's da stingiest man u eva saw?
A.   The stingiest man I eva saw went into the darkest room to chew his tobacco so his
       shadow won't beg him 4 some.

Q.   What's da darkest night u eva saw?
A.   The darkest night I eva saw, a raindrop knocked on my door and asked 4 light to hit 
       the ground.

Q.   What's da longest dog u eva saw?
A.   The longest dog I eva saw, his head was in New Jersey n his tail was in Orangebourg.
      When the head was dead, they had to telephone the tail that the head was dead.

Q.   What's da coldest day u eva saw?
A.   The coldest day I eva saw, the sun rose with an overcoat and went to make a fire.

Q.   What's da lowest person u eva saw?
A.   The lowest person I eva saw can sit on a coin with his feet hanging down.

Q.   How hot have u seen the day be?
A.   I've seen it so hot that two pieces of ice were walking up the street fanning
      themselves.

Lovely

I like the joke of the woman in the hospital with her husband

this is simply hilarious and amusing hey dear keep
the flame of jokes afire

Nigerian Airways Pilot Address

Good morning ladies and gentlemen.
This is your captain (Boniface) welcoming you on board the Nigerian Airways.
We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in @ the bakery.
This is flight 126 to Lagos. Landing in Lagos is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the south. If your luck is in our favour, we may even be landing in your village!
Nigeria Airways has an excellent safety record. Infact, our standards are so high that even terrorist are afraid to fly with us.
It is with great pleasure I announce that since starting this year, over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off.
To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary Bongo tea and Okin buscuits.
For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there is really a God.
We regret to inform you that today's flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television but for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Al Barka where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this plane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the warning system on the engine telling us to slow down.
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiatic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark.
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten you seat belt.
For those of u who can't find a seatbelt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat and for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase.
Enjoy Nigeria Airways.

lol@ true love joke

Yawa

This flight was heading 4 Kano. Along the way the worried and anxious pilot addressed the passengers: Everyone sud plz be seated and try to remain calm. There is a serious technical problem here and it's proving very difficult. Hmmm. Make your confessions now and try to seek peace with God because we do not know the eventual outcome of all this.
A panick-stricken man turned to his wife and confessed: Darling u have to forgive me. I've been sleeping with the house-help. His wife replied: Don't worry, I forgive u but u also have to forgive me because I've been sleeping with your driver. The man replied: Don't worry, I forgive you too.
Some minutes later, the pilot addressed the passengers again saying that the storm was over and the problem had been solved. The enraged man and his wife shouted back "No Way Pilot!!! This plane must crash".

                                  De wowo
A genie appeared to Obj and asked him to make a wish, just one wish. Obj replied 'plz make me beautiful'. The genie hissed and replied 'I said wish not miracle'

Lol Aiphie! u got me crackin' girl

I Feel You Jare About The TRUE LOVE

Obj, Atiku and Taylor.C. were in an aircraft heading for Aso rock.
Taylor turns to the other two: I can make 1 Nigerian happy by throwing out a #1,000 note. Atiku in his stride says: I can make 2 Nigerians happy by throwing out 2 #500 notes. Obj spoke up: I can make 5 Nigerians happy by throwing out 5 #200 notes.
The pilot turned to his co-pilot: I can make 15 million Nigerians happy by throwing the three of them out of this aircraft.

U gt my ribs crackin.

Hahahahahahahahahaha

Cool.

Funny ones.
Especially the true love and the plane must crash.

Hey Aiphnee has killed me o. ROFLMAO.

Hey fellas remember I said to laf responsibly. Anyway, I got some stupid questions with the smart answers.


Boy: May I hold ur hand?
Girl: No thanx, it isn't heavy.

Girl: Say you love me! Say you love me
Boy: You love me,

Girl: If we become engaged will you give me a ring?
Boy: Sure, what's ur phone num?

Girl: I think the poorest people r the happiest.
Boy: Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple.

Girl: Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
Boy: Don't you want to improve?

Boy: I love you and cud die for you.
Girl: How soon?

Boy: I wud go to the end of the world for you.
Girl: Yes, but wud you stay there?

Man: You remind me of the sea.
Woman: Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
Man: Because you make me sick.

Wife: You tell a man smth, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
Husband: You tell a woman smth, it goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

Mary: John says I'm pretty, Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think Peter?
Peter: I think you are pretty ugly.

Girlfriend:", And you are sure you love me and no one else?"
Boyfriend: Dead sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.

Son: Is it true Dad, I heard that in parts of Africa, a man dosen't know his wife until he
marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country son.

hey alphie ure making it hot like the roof is on fire,, am really burning up! and i like the way u make my heart flutter with more and more lafter, kep it burning uppppp lol

Omo una wan kill me for here with laughter!!! U guys are all wonderful, especially Aiphie. U make me wan laugh kill myself. I love u all.
One love,

Hommie u r gud

Shap Man
Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Greg's wife, Dorothy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table as he emerged rather red-faced. Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some refreshments, Dorothy followed him and asked' Did you see anything under the table that you liked?' Jeff admitted,' Well, yes I did'. She said' You can have some, but it will cost you $100'
After thinking about it for a minute, Jeff indicated that he was interested. She tells him that since Greg works Friday afternoon and Jeff dosen't, he sud come to their house around 2pm on Friday. Friday came and Jeff went to her house @ 2pm. After paying her the $100, they went to the bedroom, had sex for a few hours and then Jeff left. Greg came home at about 6pm and asked his wife,'Did Jeff come by this afternoon?' Totally shocked, Dorothy replied,' Yes he did stop by for a few minutes'. 'Did he give you $100?'. 'Oh hell, he knows!' thought Dorothy. Reluctantly she said, 'Yes he did give me $100. 'Good', says Greg,'he came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from. He said he'd stop by our house on his way home and pay me back. It's good to have a friend you can trust

gal, i just still keep wondering where u get ur jokes from, they are hell very funny,

its funnnyyyyyyyyyy here

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gats ribs my cracking laffing heads my off,hold can't myself

baby u'll cool, keep it up.

Hey you! Your jokes are off the hook!
Particulerly love the Nigerian Airways Joke. . . . .some scary stuffs thou.

Hey evry1, it's phenomenon's birthday 2day. Remember to wish him a happy buffday.
@phenomenon
Have a happy birthday dearie. Wishing u long life and prosperity.
Please let me have a share of the cake ok?

Thank You Very much Ma'am. Highly appreciated!

About the cake.  .  .  .how do you get it??

Thanks ^ify!