My wife has being misbehaving recently in respect to my mother, i need her in time of emergency as i called her to stay overnight with my mum cos the person that stays with my mum had an emergency and had to travel home that night, she refused giving excuse that its already 9pm and bla bla bla, its raining, so i let her make her decision only to find out that she refuse to go there.

I also know that she has these kind of attitute toward my mum which gives me a hint of her being a "me and my husband kind of woman" and me am will not condole that behaviour, definitely i want to find a solution to this cos am boiling right now.

Calm down

Ask your sister to take care of your mum and never force anyone to do what they donot want to do.

Harmony in your home is very important.

horny4u:

Calm down

Ask your sister to take care of your mum and never force anyone to do what they donot want to do.

Harmony in your home is very important.

^^^

Thanks, i never force her to do what she doesn't want to do but this is an emergency, i need her in this time and she failed me

Poster I know it hurts , man that is your mum and without her you will not be here , talkless of married.

But you donot want someone who does not want to be with your mum with your mum when your mum is vulnerable , your

mum needs someone to take care of her and unfortunately your wife does not want to.

Simply find someone else, donot bother punishing your wife for her childish behaviour, this is an opportunity to score

with you and she has not made use of it but you need peace, harmony and most of all your wife's affection ignore your

ego and find another solution.

horny4u:

Poster I know it hurts , man that is your mum and without her you will not be here , talkless of married.

But you donot want someone who does not want to be with your mum with your mum when your mum is vulnerable , your

mum needs someone to take care of her and unfortunately your wife does not want to.

Simply find someone else, donot bother punishing your wife for her childish behaviour, this is an opportunity to score

with you and she has not made use of it but you need peace, harmony and most of all your wife's affection ignore your
ego and find another solution.

@Poster
Miss horny4u made a fantastic point here in the bolded part of her post, that statement appealed much to me.
I know that our culture, upbringing and family values gave us all such mindset that had you boiling at that attitude displayed by your spouse. Normally your wife is expected to do that but there may be more to her reasons for not doing that than met the eye. The fact that she refused to go be with her is an attestation that they are not comfortable with themselves.What is the relationship between her and your mother? If they are estranged, it may not be your wife's fault alone. Don't go blaming her for it all. Your wife doesn't want to go be with her so you can arrange for somebody else to do that, it sure will hurt but refuse to let it weigh you down and it won't.

Your statement showed that you are aware of some friction between them, why not see how you can smoothen their relationship by communicating with the two to know the differences and deciding on how to go about making peace. You have to tread carefully doing that and not play the blame game, these are two women that mean a lot to you. Don't they?

maybe your wife is a nler following your various posts where you're toasting women?

Why did you want her to stay with your mum?

Don't you have sisters?cos I wonder why you are cafrying this case in your head.

Why can't your mum stay the night by herself?

How far away does your mum live from you?

Please do not tell me you are a mummy's boy.

lol@ tpia

Ivynwa:

@Poster
Miss horny4u made a fantastic point here in the bolded part of her post, that statement appealed much to me.
I know that our culture, upbringing and family values gave us all such mindset that had you boiling at that attitude displayed by your spouse. Normally your wife is expected to do that but there may be more to her reasons for not doing that than met the eye. The fact that she refused to go be with her is an attestation that they are not comfortable with themselves.What is the relationship between her and your mother? If they are estranged, it may not be your wife's fault alone. Don't go blaming her for it all. Your wife doesn't want to go be with her so you can arrange for somebody else to do that, it sure will hurt but refuse to let it weigh you down and it won't.

Your statement showed that you are aware of some friction between them, why not see how you can smoothen their relationship by communicating with the two to know the differences and deciding on how to go about making peace. You have to tread carefully doing that and not play the blame game, these are two women that mean a lot to you. Don't they?

I don't like bothering anyone with something i can find alternate to, like i said, its an emergency and she is the closer to my mum than anyone else, and i don't have option, my mum is aged and we don't let her stay alone anymore, someone of 80 years, i just notice that in her behaviour with my mum alone, i can't explain it, though i make sure i separate my mum affair from my wife affair cos of this kind of situation.

tpia@:

maybe your wife is a nler following your various posts where you're toasting women?

@ tpia@, now u get me laughing even though am not happy right now , i can't remember anywhere me running after any ladies her in the house.

jennykadry:

Why did you want her to stay with your mum?

Don't you have sisters?cos I wonder why you are cafrying this case in your head.

Why can't your mum stay the night by herself?

How far away does your mum live from you?

Please do not tell me you are a mummy's boy.

lol@ tpia

I do a sister, like i said its practically impossible for her to be there at that time, my house is closer to my mum than any of my siblings, i love my mum very much, i that will qualify me as mummy's boi, then u are not far from the truth. >:

http:

i can't remember anywhere me running after any ladies her in the house.

check some of your posts.

tpia@:

check some of your posts.

none bros

@Poster
How about we even change the title of your thread as a sign of respect to your wife. Your wife is your partner not a recalcitrant child that you find punishment for when you think that she has misbehaved. The title is derogatory methinks. 


Isn 't it sweet of Tpiah to get out some laughter out of you when you were boiling and unhappy. Kudos to her

Your wife may have had a reason for what she did, but lessons must be taught.
My advice is that you give a small punishment, I would not like to suggest what punishment she should get,. Just make sure that it reflects your anger.

Your wife isn't your servant or your daughter, she is entitled to her own individuality. Your basis of vexation is unjustified so the so called punishment is unwarranted. Take care of your mother

samtoye:

Your wife isn't your servant or your daughter, she is entitled to her own individuality. Your basis of vexation is unjustified so the so called punishment is unwarranted. Take care of your mother

so asking my wife for a favour has turn her to a servant, i can't rely on my wife when i need her but she can count on me as the mumu who doesn't have his own individuality abi

i can't just reason why she can't help someone who has been good to her all times, what does she has in mind against an aged 80 years old woman for God sake and she knows am not around to help. This woman has failed me when i need her at one time or the other. She will definitely get my final yellow card on this and her parent must hear of this before i go mad cos i have never report her for any reason and i can't stomach all this her behaviour anymore.

this is horrible behavior, pls lets not make any excuses for this woman.

davidylan:

this is horrible behavior, pls lets not make any excuses for this woman.

I agree . . . .

There is no reason whatsoever why a woman won't take care of her own husband's aged mother. If it were her own mother, I bet she will NOT do the same. No matter what the woman must have done to the in the past, she should learn how to 'stoop to conquer'.

That being said, Poster I agree with Ivynwa. That term 'punishment' is just plain derogatory. If this is how you treat her then little wonder why she's antagonistic towards your mother.

Abeg try and talk some sense into her and stop acting like an over bearing man!

davidylan:

this is horrible behavior, pls lets not make any excuses for this woman.

you see

Ujujoan:

I agree . . . .

There is no reason whatsoever why a woman won't take care of her own husband's aged mother. If it were her own mother, I bet she will NOT do the same. No matter what the woman must have done to the in the past, she should learn how to 'stoop to conquer'.

That being said, Poster I agree with Ivynwa. That term 'punishment' is just plain derogatory. If this is how you treat her then little wonder why she's antagonistic towards your mother.

Abeg try and talk some sense into her and stop acting like an over bearing man!

the term "punishment" was used cos of my anger, it doesn't mean that was my intention, i was just mad at this kind of attitude not in anyway to disrespect her which she is doing to my mum. Anyway " na the palmwine pot will say where rope should be place of it" she is determining her course and i will follow her that way. i just dey pity her cos, she dey play with fire and i mean it.

@ poster, talk to her, don't punish her or she might get worse, feeling its now even.

Wat could an 80 yr old woman possibly do dat can't be 4given? Pls d woman didn't try at all let's stop making excuses 4 her, @op just let her know U won't condon that kind of behaviour from her next time.

.

chaircover:

Under normal circumstances, your wife shouldnt have hesitated to go and stay with your mum; she would do the same for her own mum.

However she must have her reasons for not going beyond the rain and its late excuse and your "punishing her" (whatever that means) without you findng out what really prompted her actions will only further make things worse.

I called her not too long and i tried to talk sense into her and to know what was her main reason why she turn me down, her reason just make me know that she is insensitive to my plight at that time, infact am raving mad now, make she just dey thank her God am not home now, but i promise her

i don't give a shit anymore and i will give her my verdict, cos if i don't now, more of this will surely come my way where i know a knot will loose inside my brain and the unthinkable might happen, God forbid. This is someone i hardly called to do anything let alone for myself, i think she don spoil finish, i will fintune all those bad behaviour, for now i will just keep quiet,

Time will tell wether na pikin old pass him papa we go soon know.

If she and your mom had a great relationship,she would go straight away without hesitation.
There has to be a very good reason for her insisting not to go and i bet you know something about it.For her to dig in her heels and be this obstinate, it means there's no love lost(praying your wife is not one of dem wicked broom flying mami wotas).
   Please,if your mother is old,get her a 24 hour caregiver or ask your siblings to take care of her so this situation doesn't occur again sir.
  I hope she is doing all right now?
Meanwhile what's the worst you can do?beat your wife?divorce her?Trust me,it's not worth it so all these punishment and verdict threats are pointless.
   In the hospitals now,we see many young men coming in with strokes,mostly caused by high bp,please don't follow that path this one your blood dey hot.

Ok: OP, you drop everything you are doing and go take care of your own mother. You should lead by example and all the followers will follow. Asking her to take care of your mom as though she's beneath you is irresponsible of you. You should BOTH do this and don't put your own responsiblity on your wife alone. As someone already said: she's not your servant or your slave.

You as much as her, are both responsible for taking care of your mother --- so tell her you are both going. You are certainly NOT as exception to the rule.

@Poster,  I don't excuse your wife's 'misbehaviour' towards your aged mum.  It's insensitive of her.

However, you need to change your 'misbehaviour' towards your wife!  From the title of your post to everyone of your posts, you don't seem to value her.  You will do this, you will do that, you will report her to her parents, punish her bla bla!  It's your wife you are talking about here.  Something tells me your wife must have been taking a lot of these from you.  If you can talk like this about your wife in public, I wonder what you don't tell her in private!

Please calm down and be a man!  Being a man involves not acting on impulse.  We don't want to read another case of a man that butchered his wife.  Thank God you are not near her right now.  Take time to get to know the real reason why she acted that way.  Has she always been like this to your mum? Like someone pointed out, if they have not been the best of friends, asking her to go stay with your mum when she was vulnerable was not wise.  How is your attitude towards her own mum?  Do you go out of you way to please her in that regard?  She may just be getting back at you.

You sure sounded like you commanded her (as usual?) to go and spend the night with you mum, not minding the time of the night and the weather (hope it wasn't one of those heavy downpour days!!).  There are ways you can make your spouse do the unthinkable for you.  Learn how.  Talking to her in a derogatory, condescending and commanding manner is surely not one of them.

Take charge of your home.

Cheers.

Thanks everyone for ur comment, i guess alot of point is made here already.

imconfused:

If she and your mom had a great relationship,she would go straight away without hesitation.
There has to be a very good reason for her insisting not to go and i bet you know something about it.For her to dig in her heels and be this obstinate, it means there's no love lost(praying your wife is not one of dem wicked broom flying mami wotas).
Please,if your mother is old,get her a 24 hour caregiver or ask your siblings to take care of her so this situation doesn't occur again sir.
I hope she is doing all right now?
Meanwhile what's the worst you can do?beat your wife?divorce her?Trust me,it's not worth it so all these punishment and verdict threats are pointless.
In the hospitals now,we see many young men coming in with strokes,mostly caused by high bp,please don't follow that path this one your blood dey hot.

i have taken to your advise so i wont end up in the hospital. the last i want in my life is to enter hospital for anything, cos it not worth it.

I will find a solution to this, like i said before, i never command my wife for anything, she is just the type that fails you when you need her, several times i need her she failed me not even issues that has to do with my mum or anyone.

Thanksi really appreciate all of u guys comment.

Then go an deal with her make we hear word. Haba

obowunmi:

Ok: OP, you drop everything you are doing and go take care of your own mother. You should lead by example and all the followers will follow. Asking her to take care of your mom as though she's beneath you is irresponsible of you. You should BOTH do this and don't put your own responsiblity on your wife alone. As someone already said: she's not your servant or your slave.

You as much as her, are both responsible for taking care of your mother --- so tell her you are both going. You are certainly NOT as exception to the rule.

Are you serious?

If the OP is out of the state or out of the country he should fly back to take care of his mom when his wife is a few miles away?

No excuse for this kind of behaviour
. She is plain wicked, So if the mom had died that night she would be happier?

OP, If she can do to your mom, Maybe she might do same to you too.

That might even bring to question her motives for marrying you.

dayokanu:

Are you serious?

If the OP is out of the state or out of the country he should fly back to take care of his mom when his wife is a few miles away?

No excuse for this kind of behaviour
. She is plain wicked, So if the mom had died that night she would be happier?

OP, If she can do to your mom, Maybe she might do same to you too.

That might even bring to question her motives for marrying you.

No need for assumptions, OP hasn't stated that he is out of the country. I'm just saying that a true leader, leads by example.

For him to call his wife to take care of his mom would mean she is closer to the mom than the OP.

Or do you imagine he is sleeping on his couch at home and calling his wife to go take care of his mom?

could be. Let him come and answer.

dayokanu:

For him to call his wife to take care of his mom would mean she is closer to the mom than the OP.

Or do you imagine he is sleeping on his couch at home and calling his wife to go take care of his mom?

Yes am not in Nigeria, my wife is just like 15 miles away from my mum's place and they are both in Nigeria, if am around i will not even bother her, that is me.

lol funny enuff obowumi is one of my favourite posters in this section.lol

@http
Did she refuse to go for security reasons? Because this all happened @ 9pm