You can’t change people

Tue, 30 Aug 2022

‘Hope deferred makes the heart sick.’ Proverbs 13:12

You say, ‘Surely a man or woman can change when they meet the right partner?’ No. Only God can change people—and you are not God! Plus, when you ‘need to be needed’, it can cause you to make disastrous relationship choices in life. Perhaps you have heard stories of people who have experienced massive change through their marriage. But the truth is, the power to change must come from within the person themselves, not from you. When you try to change your spouse, it doesn’t work, and eventually your ‘hope’ for change makes you ‘sick’.

The Bible tells us that deferred hope makes us heartsick. When you keep longing for and envisioning something that never materialises, your heart is torn with disappointment. Then you start making excuses for what’s not working in the relationship, even as it becomes obvious to those around you. Sound relationship decisions are not based on hope alone—especially hope that is blind to ‘red flag’ behaviour.

People of faith often try to spiritualise every issue. In the name of ‘faith’, they downplay their instincts and ignore their sense of unease. That’s not having faith in God! Faith in God should be just that—faith in God. We must not place our faith in fallible men and women, because they will fail us.

God gives each of us a will, but He doesn’t force us to change. Change must come from within each of us as we accept the grace that God extends to us each day. ‘The Lord opened [Lydia’s] heart to heed the things spoken by Paul.’ (Acts 16:14 NKJV) Here is a better option: pray for them, and let God change them!