When they say abstain from and shun premarital sex, you people will think we are saying trash. We are SUs that don't know how to enjoy life.

Now, see how it is messing with your life and emotions. Was it worth having the sex afterall?

I have nothing to say to you.

Blessedmercy8:
When they say abstain from and shun premarital sex, you people will think we are saying trash. We are SUs that don't know how to enjoy life.

Now, see how it is messing with your life and emotions. Was it worth having the sex afterall?

I have nothing to say to you.

You should have kept mute since you have nothing to say.
You too have enjoyed pre marital sex so allow him to enjoy his own. Stop claiming refurbished virgin.

hunterezi:
Good day Nairaland Family.

I want to make this post as short as possible.

So, I had a baby with a girl in 2018 in my final year in school and I've been trying my best to keep her and the baby. (I created a post here then too).

Fast forward to last year I went for NYSC in Gombe and she got admission into the university. I returned for holiday last December, checked my girl's phone and saw that she has been seeing another guy in the school. The messages I saw broke me ehn despite all I do to please this girl still I forgave her (I was thinking it was cos of the distance that's making her see another guy). She promised to leave the guy bla bla..

When I left for Gombe, I noticed she has gone back to the said guy again. I confronted her and she said a lot of things to me. Bad things. I was perplexed knan. I never believed this girl can do and say such things. She outrightly told me that ive not married her and she can see any guy! She blocked me on WhatsApp.


Ever since then I've been sending upkeep to her mum who is taking care of the baby.

When I returned, I tried to make things up again cos I don't want to be having children with different women. But she declined and now her parents are supporting her.

Still, I do send upkeep. I've never missed a month. The thing is I'm sincerely tired of everything. I want to leave them with the child and not do anything with them again

When I get a job and be comfortable again, I might return cos they're milking the little I saved and its affecting me.

What do you think I do?

PS: She is still with same guy

You are already doing what a married man does by providing for her, but you are denying yourself of the rights and privileges due to a husband simply because you are delaying your marriage rites.

Court weddings are typically cheap, why not do that first, then, do the traditional one later.

Saintmary:


You are already doing what a married man does by providing for her, but you are denying yourself of the rights and privileges due to a husband simply because you are delaying your marriage rites.

Court weddings are typically cheap, why not do that first, then, do the traditional one later.

He is providing for their daughter while the lady in question is in her first year in the university and not ready for marriage.

hunterezi:
Good day Nairaland Family.

I want to make this post as short as possible.

So, I had a baby with a girl in 2018 in my final year in school and I've been trying my best to keep her and the baby. (I created a post here then too).

Fast forward to last year I went for NYSC in Gombe and she got admission into the university. I returned for holiday last December, checked my girl's phone and saw that she has been seeing another guy in the school. The messages I saw broke me ehn despite all I do to please this girl still I forgave her (I was thinking it was cos of the distance that's making her see another guy). She promised to leave the guy bla bla..

When I left for Gombe, I noticed she has gone back to the said guy again. I confronted her and she said a lot of things to me. Bad things. I was perplexed knan. I never believed this girl can do and say such things. She outrightly told me that ive not married her and she can see any guy! She blocked me on WhatsApp.


Ever since then I've been sending upkeep to her mum who is taking care of the baby.

When I returned, I tried to make things up again cos I don't want to be having children with different women. But she declined and now her parents are supporting her.

Still, I do send upkeep. I've never missed a month. The thing is I'm sincerely tired of everything. I want to leave them with the child and not do anything with them again

When I get a job and be comfortable again, I might return cos they're milking the little I saved and its affecting me.

What do you think I do?

PS: She is still with same guy

Dude sorry oh, no vex, but you nor wise at all oh. You nor wise at all. You had sex with a lady and she got pregnant and you instantly thought she would be your wife. Let me tell you, the new guy she is with will also suffer the same thing you are currently suffering. She is for the streets and so is her mother because a good mother will never court the reckless sexual activities of her daughter. I am sure you didn't meet this lady a virgin. How are you even sure that the baby is your own? That family may be using your money to take care of the baby of another man. You need to flee that family before they return you to your village with only boxers.

hunterezi:
Good day Nairaland Family.

I want to make this post as short as possible.

So, I had a baby with a girl in 2018 in my final year in school and I've been trying my best to keep her and the baby. (I created a post here then too).

Fast forward to last year I went for NYSC in Gombe and she got admission into the university. I returned for holiday last December, checked my girl's phone and saw that she has been seeing another guy in the school. The messages I saw broke me ehn despite all I do to please this girl still I forgave her (I was thinking it was cos of the distance that's making her see another guy). She promised to leave the guy bla bla..

When I left for Gombe, I noticed she has gone back to the said guy again. I confronted her and she said a lot of things to me. Bad things. I was perplexed knan. I never believed this girl can do and say such things. She outrightly told me that ive not married her and she can see any guy! She blocked me on WhatsApp.


Ever since then I've been sending upkeep to her mum who is taking care of the baby.

When I returned, I tried to make things up again cos I don't want to be having children with different women. But she declined and now her parents are supporting her.

Still, I do send upkeep. I've never missed a month. The thing is I'm sincerely tired of everything. I want to leave them with the child and not do anything with them again

When I get a job and be comfortable again, I might return cos they're milking the little I saved and its affecting me.

What do you think I do?

PS: She is still with same guy

Guy I know how you feel my candid advice to you is to focus your energy on doubling your income so your child does not suffer forget about your baby mama women are loyal only to their feelings not your sacrifice you've served a purpose of giving her a child it's up to you to give your child the best . your main focus should be on giving your child the very best and giving yourself the best like you said you still dey serve now is the time to put in the work double your hustle do your part and don't ignore your child but ignore your baby mama move forward from her it will get better for you it you put in the work and lastly pray and pray for your child and you
ps find someone to help you keep a close eye on your child in times you're not around and don't let anyone take responsibility of your child
remember women are loyal to their feelings they don't think logically
God will see you through amen
if you can do a DNA test to as certain you're the father ( it's for peace of mind)

Beremx:
then let her be. You should concentrate on taking care of your child and move on with your love life. She needs all her time to explore her youthful age that’s why she doesn’t want marriage. Let her be, okay?

Crazy how people support rubbish. I wonder when we'll get it right.

hunterezi:
Good day Nairaland Family.

I want to make this post as short as possible.

So, I had a baby with a girl in 2018 in my final year in school and I've been trying my best to keep her and the baby. (I created a post here then too).

Fast forward to last year I went for NYSC in Gombe and she got admission into the university. I returned for holiday last December, checked my girl's phone and saw that she has been seeing another guy in the school. The messages I saw broke me ehn despite all I do to please this girl still I forgave her (I was thinking it was cos of the distance that's making her see another guy). She promised to leave the guy bla bla..

When I left for Gombe, I noticed she has gone back to the said guy again. I confronted her and she said a lot of things to me. Bad things. I was perplexed knan. I never believed this girl can do and say such things. She outrightly told me that ive not married her and she can see any guy! She blocked me on WhatsApp.


Ever since then I've been sending upkeep to her mum who is taking care of the baby.

When I returned, I tried to make things up again cos I don't want to be having children with different women. But she declined and now her parents are supporting her.

Still, I do send upkeep. I've never missed a month. The thing is I'm sincerely tired of everything. I want to leave them with the child and not do anything with them again

When I get a job and be comfortable again, I might return cos they're milking the little I saved and its affecting me.

What do you think I do?

PS: She is still with same guy

As it is now, you are not even capable enough to take full responsibility of that child, so whatever you have for the child care, just send it to them Wether it is enough or not just send it to your child

Go and start finding your bearing, get a job and start planning another life

You may end up not marrying her as I can see, she is not faithful and not ready to suffer

You too, you are not faithful but at least you did not abandon the child

So go and hustle and get set as a man

By the time you are ready for marriage, just go ahead and make your choice and don't even look at her side, she is not loyal and faithful

As for your child keep doing whatever you want for that child

A woman who can't be loyal to you in hard times can't even be faithful to you in every aspect of your life

Face your child and leave the mother. She's not your wife. If she wants to be with someone else, move on.

I thought men are happily opting for baby mamas instead of getting married.

ImaIma1:
Face your child and leave the mother. She's not your wife. If she wants to be with someone else, move on.

I thought men are happily opting for baby mamas instead of getting married.

Some baby daddies out of anger, withdraw support for their children because their baby mamas are seeing other men even when they themselves are into other relationships.

Mindlog:


Some baby daddies out of anger, withdraw support for their children because their baby mamas are seeing other men even when they themselves are into other relationships.

Double standards at work.

They want to be judged the same.

ImaIma1:
Face your child and leave the mother. She's not your wife. If she wants to be with someone else, move on.

I thought men are happily opting for baby mamas instead of getting married.

Not everyone wants the baby mama stuff. When she got preg then, I was advised to run as I was darn broke and couldn't offer anything. I stayed with her regardless and we pulled through, only for her to do this. I just feel hurt (like I should have japa then. Cos what's all the point of all those things I went through then?).

ImaIma1:
Face your child and leave the mother. She's not your wife. If she wants to be with someone else, move on.

I thought men are happily opting for baby mamas instead of getting married.

I've accepted that. But that was not our discussion then. I wanted to get married to her , she knows. Her family knows.. I've been introduced to almost all her extended families in fact. I'm just feeling like I've been stupid.

Blessedmercy8:
When they say abstain from and shun premarital sex, you people will think we are saying trash. We are SUs that don't know how to enjoy life.

Now, see how it is messing with your life and emotions. Was it worth having the sex afterall?

I have nothing to say to you.

Lol. It has happened. I be Say now kowai

Saintmary:


You are already doing what a married man does by providing for her, but you are denying yourself of the rights and privileges due to a husband simply because you are delaying your marriage rites.

Court weddings are typically cheap, why not do that first, then, do the traditional one later.

This idea on you people's head that I'm pained cos of sex or whatever is what I don't understand. I was not even having sex or these things u call "husband privileges" with her.

Her family complained bitterly of their people not having children out of wedlock and many stories like that. This made me stay with her at least I'll marry her so nobody got nothing on her. That was what I sacrificed for. Now this.. Just disappointed. Its not as if Ladies don finish for earth

salawustyles:

Guy I know how you feel my candid advice to you is to focus your energy on doubling your income so your child does not suffer forget about your baby mama women are loyal only to their feelings not your sacrifice you've served a purpose of giving her a child it's up to you to give your child the best . your main focus should be on giving your child the very best and giving yourself the best like you said you still dey serve now is the time to put in the work double your hustle do your part and don't ignore your child but ignore your baby mama move forward from her it will get better for you it you put in the work and lastly pray and pray for your child and you
ps find someone to help you keep a close eye on your child in times you're not around and don't let anyone take responsibility of your child
remember women are loyal to their feelings they don't think logically
God will see you through amen
if you can do a DNA test to as certain you're the father ( it's for peace of mind)

Thanks for the advise. I'm even done serving. Her arrogance is what is even making me feel something else for her and its affecting the child too. Mtchew. I hate stress.

Naijaolosho2:



Crazy how people support rubbish. I wonder when we'll get it right.

Some are pushing the narrative that loyalty should only be found in marriage. People should do whatever they like while courting. It is well.

frozen70:


As it is now, you are not even capable enough to take full responsibility of that child, so whatever you have for the child care, just send it to them Wether it is enough or not just send it to your child

Go and start finding your bearing, get a job and start planning another life

You may end up not marrying her as I can see, she is not faithful and not ready to suffer

You too, you are not faithful but at least you did not abandon the child

So go and hustle and get set as a man

By the time you are ready for marriage, just go ahead and make your choice and don't even look at her side, she is not loyal and faithful

As for your child keep doing whatever you want for that child

A woman who can't be loyal to you in hard times can't even be faithful to you in every aspect of your life

Thank you sir. I appreciate. She has been crying after o told her I won't pay the school fees until she pays half of it too.

She's been saying all sorts of manipulative things just cos I asked she pays half o. Lmao

Calibrator:
Why won't people have sense?


Your baby mama should be the one chasing you and your commitment around to come and make an honest woman of her not you sweating on her issues.



Mumu man!

By default, no one should be chasing the other. But as it is now bros, you're correct. I give up. Seems all the posts and threads I see about women is correct knan. God airpus.

Ishilove:

So who are you leaving your child for?

Ogbeni carry your cross.

I know you to always constitute nuisance on nairaland. Gedifok jare

crackhaus:
I'm quite confused.

Is she just your baby mum, or is she your girlfriend?

We were dating. We had sex. She got pregnant. Gave birth., we agree on getting married, now she's gone. You get now?

ufotty2001:
Op you are the most Fool.ish person in the world right now.. allow the girl to go with another man!! Only what u should do is for u to send money to her for up keep on ur baby..

Lol not all of us wants a baby mama. Some wants to have a lady and build something with her. Seems that idea is outdated and foolish right? Oda. Ko buru

Tradegood:

You did that after the first baby, not when you went back to her for a second baby.

And you think the parent, older and wiser than you with many years, are fools?
They are still trying to bear the shame of their child having a baby outside wedlock and she is just in 100l, you "want to come and go and add another baby"?

So why can't you wait till after Nysc to have another baby and control her like your soul desires?

The reason they are still tolerating you is because of the promise you made to them, they still see you as a responsible young man.
My opinion though.

Yes, I agree with you, if she is promiscuous, "marriage" did not cause it. But my point is, the kind of rights you are seeking to exercise over her is the kind married men have. It is like eating one's cake and trying to have it.

Does she also harass you with questions and suspicions, and monitoring your movements?

This is one of the reasons you don't have a child outside wedlock, it comes with many baggages and unmet expectation forget that Davido and wizkid are smiling on camera.

I really pray for you, may GOD help you.
You seem like a really nice and principled person who seems to have chosen the destructive path of red demon pillers.

They only tell you the nice parts;, have a child, destroy her womanliness, but the consequences, them no even sabi am!

Poor child, growing up under a roof with incomplete parents.
May he/she not be denied the right of knowing what growing up with daddy and mummy under one roof feels like.

May the two of you, "somehow somehow" sort this out.

Where did you see that I want to have another child?

eyinjuege:


Good questions, Acidosis.
OP, can you kindly answer the pertinent questions asked?
She's really not married to you, despite having a child with you.
She doesn't want to pursue a relationship with you either.
That shouldn't disturb the relationship you have with your child though and the responsibilities towards that child.
Also remember to be a father to your child and not just providing money.
See your child regularly perhaps once a month or once in 3 months if you stay too far from them, video call or call the grandma to speak with your child everyday if possible.
And lastly, let your own family/parents be involved in your child's life

Tor. I've heard you. Thanks.

hunterezi:


I've accepted that. But that was not our discussion then. I wanted to get married to her , she knows. Her family knows.. I've been introduced to almost all her extended families in fact. I'm just feeling like I've been stupid.

It's good it happened this way. You may have just dodged a bullet because she could cheat on you if you married her. Just thank God.

hunterezi:


Thank you sir. I appreciate. She has been crying after o told her I won't pay the school fees until she pays half of it too.

She's been saying all sorts of manipulative things just cos I asked she pays half o. Lmao

I am ma'am
Don't mind her she will have sense bye force

frozen70:


I am ma'am
Don't mind her she will have sense bye force

Oops. Sorry ma'am.

I and her parent gave her soft landing reason I believe she's misbehaving. I want to start by spilting bills with her first.

hunterezi:


Thanks for the advise. I'm even done serving. Her arrogance is what is even making me feel something else for her and its affecting the child too. Mtchew. I hate stress.

You're going to be alright just focus on you and your child.woman like to see results show her results.
END

hunterezi:

We were dating. We had sex. She got pregnant. Gave birth., we agree on getting married now she's gone. You get now?

If that's the case, then she is cheating on you.

Let her go please, and let her stay gone.

The last thing you want to do is beg a cheating woman to come back to you, even worse when it's a cheating woman who shares a child with you.

hunterezi:


Yes. Cos I've been honest and faithful too. This is how you people create demons in men who maltreat women. You won't understand. This is not how we planned it. I've sacrificed a lot of my life fr her. I felt betrayed. She doesn't even all the child by the name I gave her.

This is a girl that can turn the child against me in the future. Why sacrifice more and still lose?

Oga if she is not interested in being in a relationship with you, free the girl...abi you want to force her?, Or purnish your child cos of the mother's lifestyle?...good thing the child is not with her so not exposed to her lifestyle. so continue your fatherly duties and free her.

hunterezi:


This narrative of not being loyal in relationships except when married is quite appalling. But is it what it is..

That is not the narrative, what everyone is saying is leave a woman that cannot be faithful to you or does not want to be in a relationship with you cos that is clearly the case.

Beremx:
You got her pregnant and still want to tie her down? She’s not married to you na. Wife her if you want commitment

Don't wife her o...you will just die of heart attack.