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Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! - Religion - Nairaland

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Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by Enigma(m): 1:09am On Aug 26, 2011
This thread is really meant for light relief by putting up comments that people find/found funny. However, it may also be used to highlight quotes/posts that people find/found profound. Any body can post any of either such material.

One important caveat: sometimes posts/quotes may refer to people either on or outside the forum (derogatorily); the intention is not to deride such people (again) but just to highlight the comic or profound nature of the post/quote.

I'll start up with a couple that I like/d!
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by Enigma(m): 1:11am On Aug 26, 2011
justcool:
. . . . I don’t have any scientific evidence that God exists; neither do you have any scientific evidence that God does not exist.. . . .


davidylan:

Neither does the atheist have any empirical evidence that God doesnt exist at all . . . infact the only argument the atheist has is that the theist has not provided God's home address to him.


MyJoe:

That won't do. They'd want to shake hands.

Now, how such can qualify to be God in anyone's view beats me.


grin grin
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by Enigma(m): 1:21am On Aug 26, 2011
ondo_boi:


Quote from: logten on June 24, 2010, 10:42 PM
Why is it dat wen a pastors is ministering,

wen they blow dat their spiritual breeze from their mouth,

everybody falls.

except d camera men?

try and ask your pastor.


ondo_boi:

Quote from: logten on June 24, 2010, 11:23 PM
guy face d fact. abi u no dey go church



I dey go church but my own pastor no dey do miracle na only tithe him sabi.


grin grin grin
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by Enigma(m): 1:25am On Aug 26, 2011
davidylan:


Now lets not try to be evasive, ignorant and deceitful all at the same time . . . .


grin grin
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by Nobody: 3:50am On Aug 26, 2011
wordtalk has to be the funniest poster here. Just reading her posts (i'm sure she's pilgrim1) cracks me up no end.
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by Enigma(m): 10:54am On Aug 26, 2011
Well, I'll give wordtalk one thing s/he does know how to throw insults around liberally --- really, only a more polished version of "coogar". wink
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by petres007(m): 9:20am On Aug 27, 2011
Enigma:

try and ask your pastor.





[size=15pt]I dey go church but my own pastor no dey do miracle na only tithe him sabi.[/size]



grin grin grin

LOL!!! grin grin grin
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by Enigma(m): 10:36am On Aug 27, 2011
Caveat: this one is a slight cheat as the truly memorable thing i.e. the definition comes from an external website.  smiley

Enigma:

Ah, mention of "The Urban Dictionary" reminds me of a definition I once saw there.

From here http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=evangelical%20atheist

Evangelical Atheist*

* I have tried to be kind by not including the first two words you see in the link immediately after "evangelical atheist"
cool

Evangelical Atheist

An evangelical atheist is one who not only believes there is no god or other supreme being, but is obsessed with convincing everyone around them to become an atheist too, usually through hard-line intolerance (the kind they accuse other religions of). When cornered they usually try to put down their opponent's religion and bash them for 'blind faith', not realizing that their belief that there is no god is no more or less valid or provable than the other guy's belief that there is one.

Not to be confused with normal atheists/agnostics, who for the most part just dont talk about religion and accept the beliefs of those around them as their perogative. Evangelical atheists are particularly common on the Internet, as organized religion is generally accepted as part of 'the system' of global human society, and lately it's become cool on the Internet to hate 'the system'. Mostly teen angst if you ask me,
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by Enigma(m): 12:09pm On Sep 28, 2011
frosbel:
. . . . . I really doubt your ability to partake in proper and informed debates. Stick to your beer parlor arguments.
grin
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by Purist(m): 12:53pm On Sep 28, 2011
frosbel:

Let us all show respect to each others belief systems , though we are in total disagreement.

<snip>

Let there be peace on the Religious Section , not the Muhammad kind of peace, I mean REAL PEACE !!!!!!!!!!!

. . . . .

RESPONSE:


harakiri link=topic=768201.msg9218010#msg9218010 date=1316980785:

This is coming from someone whose sole purpose in life is to open dumb a$$ thread insulting other religious people and non-religious people. The 2012 nairaland award for being a bloody deluded unrepentent hypocrite with limitless boundaries goes to you! Congrats man! You did it!

grin grin grin
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by Nobody: 12:55pm On Sep 28, 2011
real beer parlor argument grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by Purist(m): 1:02pm On Sep 28, 2011
Sagamite: Faith is hope. To practice it, you do not have to question it, just hope it is right and have hope it would solve your problems.

It is not assurance, it is insurance. You can pay all the premium but there is no guarantee you will need it but it reduces your worry.

Nothing people with faith have achieved or can achieve that those without can or have not.


^^ One of the best quotes on Nairaland ever!
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by Enigma(m): 2:59pm On Sep 28, 2011
jayriginal:
. . . . In anycase, I get it now, as I addressed with my previous post. Toba is a Christian Jihadist, a polytheist, and Enigma until I can prove he is not, is also one as well.


grin grin grin
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by Tonyet1(m): 4:14pm On Sep 28, 2011
Re: Muhammed Teachings About Shaitan (Satan). . .Just Too Hilarious!
« #148 on: October 28, 2010, 03:56 PM »

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote from: Almuhandis on October 28, 2010, 03:16 PM

coolSHUT UP I AM COMING BACK TO ANSWER YOU,MEAN WHILE GO AHEARD AND PULL THE STRINGS WHO ARE YOU POSING FOR.WHY DONT YOU START BY LOCATING THE PLACE FIRST-IF YOU CAN GO BACK UNLESS WITH ABEG.
MY GENERAL JUST CAME IN TO OUR DIRECTORATE I WILL BE BACK TOPUT YOU TO WHERE YOU BELONG-YOU THIS Same-sex


where did you hear sweetnectar voice Aljanu,Jobless youth, General of poverty has come to meet this gate man.


grin grin grin grin grin
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by Enigma(m): 3:18am On Sep 30, 2011
Sadly the entry in this post is neither funny nor profound; it is only memorable in a rather negative way!

Joagbaje:


Thanks , Actually from my study of Gods word, it is very evident that men prophesy according to their measure of faith. Isaiah was not correct here ,

Isaiah 45:7
    I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the Lord do all these things.


In those days generally men believe God was behind every thing, both good and evil.There was no revelaion of demons as much as now.if a man dies ,it is believed God killed him. People wrote prophecies according to the light they had. . . . . . 
(red and bold in first line added)


Joagbaje:

My sister, God is not author of evil .I know quite well the erronous doctrine you have believed ,but its not consistent with Gods nature. I have greater light than Isaiah, God is love.
(Red & bold added)

Joagbaje:

I have the life of Christ in me which Elijah never had.
Well I dont have much to say with you here,  I cant blame you for the level of truth you dont know. When you really get to know who the new creation is, you will know who you are in christ, and all these truths will no longer be mystries to you. The newest convert today in Christ is more than all the prophets put together.

Matthew 11:11
    Verily I say unto you, Among them that are born of women there hath not risen a greater than John the Baptist: notwithstanding[b] he that is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he[/b].
(red and bold added first line)
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by Nobody: 11:07pm On Oct 03, 2011
Yes Atheism, especially your own type of atheism is most definitely a religion. It involves all that religion involves especially bind faith. You believe that the universe could have just always existed. This belief is not based on any scientific or observable fact; it is purely based on faith. If you can demonstrate to me or show me an example of something that has always existed, something (anything physical) that was not created, then this your belief that the universe was not created may no longer be considered blind faith. Honestly it takes more faith to accept this weird belief than it takes to accept the wildest belief of any religion.
wow this is a classic response. I love reading and learning from ur posts justcool. i recommend that u change ur name from justcool to verywise. May God continue to increase ur wisdom
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by Nobody: 11:15pm On Oct 03, 2011
You make claims too that you cannot back with evidence; extremely outrageous claims. You claim that the universe has always been, or does not require a creator, yet you provide no evidence to back up this claim
This is another quote thats memorable. very soon, it would be worthless debating the God issue when so realities becomes dawn on us that really there nothing much more to be debated when theres actually no one present when the universe began
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by justcool(m): 4:04am On Oct 04, 2011
toba:

wow this is a classic response. I love reading and learning from your posts justcool. i recommend that u change your name from justcool to verywise. May God continue to increase your wisdom
toba:

This is another quote thats memorable. very soon, it would be worthless debating the God issue when so realities becomes dawn on us that really there nothing much more to be debated when theres actually no one present when the universe began

@toba
Thanks for your prayer, and your kind words. Remain blessed.
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by Enigma(m): 8:34am On Oct 16, 2011
Crude (deliberately so, evidently) but still chuckle-inducing. smiley

Gray Beard:
. . .

FOOOOOLISHNESS on the streets of ashkelon! How on earth does the something and nothing argument lead to a conclusion that the universe never existed? It only leads to a conclusion that sometyhing must have preceded it, where ya brain dey?? Inside ya yansh

The second concusion you have up there is c.rap, because what we know about the big b.ang rebutts that s.hit.

Bros, i norr get ya time.
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by Nobody: 3:35pm On Oct 19, 2011
This is another good one from a theist knowledgeable scientific wise and biblically. He won the debate flawlessly and gave this response when the discourse was about to be derailed
debosky:

I have justified my claim - my belief in the fact of man's creation is based on the account in the bible. I am trying to have a serious conversation but it is hard when you are constantly trying to widen the gambit to include the whole bible, which isn't the subject of discussion. Leave your general reservations about the bible aside and let's discuss the aspects that deal with the origin of man.
God bless u really good cheesy
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by Enigma(m): 6:48pm On Oct 30, 2011
This in wake of Dr Sign Fireman

violent:

I have always maintained that if you give 10 percent of your money to a church/pastor who owns a Jet, while millions of people die of starvation in east africa, what you are practising is NOT Christianity, it's called idiocy!
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by Enigma(m): 10:55am On Oct 31, 2011
I like the following sequence. smiley

Enigma:

Any person who thinks he can prove through science or logic that God does not exist is either a beginner or a dunce or intellectually dishonest. It really should be elementary that for a person (or science for that matter) to be able to prove that God does not exist, the person (or science) would have to be omniscient. Thus all these juvenile requests (which I called childish sophistry elsewhere) asking for a "definition" of God are really pathetic and a sheer waste of time. It is amusing that it is the same request that the evangelical atheists make in a number of presently ongoing threads. They keep playing the same broken record ---- when they should change tune already.

Oh, and on the point whether something preceded the universe, the evangelical atheists, if they want to be intellectually honest, do not need to ask silly questions here; instead, let us see them engaging with the well known arguments e.g. distinguishing between a necessary being and contingent beings or arguments for e.g. a Prime mover, a First Cause, an Uncaused cause ------ the kind of thing that eventually persuaded the evangelical atheists’ long time champion, Antony Flew, to renounce atheism as the evangelical atheists seem to hate to hear.

Gray Beard:

Dem no fit, e pass demm mumu brain

Enigma:

Na their very problem be dat! Dat's why dem only fit ask "define god"; "do you believe in Sussicorn" and all kind of silly stooopid questions that really should not be associated with people even with just pretensions to intellectualism!
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by Nobody: 6:35pm On Oct 31, 2011
May kelly:

Mr. moderator good day to you. Pls separate Christainity from Religion, because Christainity is NOT a Religion - I will appreciate if you should create it under Way of Truth and Life.

grin

Though i think sister has a very good point.
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by Enigma(m): 7:33pm On Nov 18, 2011
This one is another 'cheat' but I like the line too much than to just let it slide. grin At least it appeared elsewhere on nairaland first. smiley

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-298119.128.html#msg9584483

Terry Eagleton
Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology.

cool
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by thehomer: 9:36pm On Dec 12, 2011
The difference between faith and insanity is that faith is the ability to hold firmly to a conclusion that is incompatible with the evidence, whereas insanity is the ability to hold firmly to a conclusion that is incompatible with the evidence.
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by Enigma(m): 12:33pm On May 16, 2012
Again, slight taking of liberty as quote originally by a person external to Nairaland, but still . . . smiley

From https://www.nairaland.com/445085/chalenge-huxley,kay-17,ogaga4luv-other-atheists/7#10836976 ***

{*** well the quoted post below is dated 16/05/12 11.24 AM.}


NJnC: By Marilyn Adamson . . . .

5. Does God exist? We know God exists because he pursues us. He is constantly initiating and seeking for us to come to him.

I was an atheist at one time. And like many atheists, the issue of people believing in God bothered me greatly. What is it about atheists that we would spend so much time, attention, and energy refuting something that we don't believe even exists?! What causes us to do that? When I was an atheist, I attributed my intentions as caring for those poor, delusional people...to help them realize their hope was completely ill-founded. To be honest, I also had another motive. As I challenged those who believed in God, I was deeply curious to see if they could convince me otherwise. Part of my quest was to become free from the question of God. If I could conclusively prove to believers that they were wrong, then the issue is off the table, and I would be free to go about my life.

I didn't realize that the reason the topic of God weighed so heavily on my mind, was because God was pressing the issue. I have come to find out that God wants to be known. He created us with the intention that we would know him. He has surrounded us with evidence of himself and he keeps the question of his existence squarely before us. It was as if I couldn't escape thinking about the possibility of God. In fact, the day I chose to acknowledge God's existence, my prayer began with, "Ok, you win..." It might be that the underlying reason atheists are bothered by people believing in God is because God is actively pursuing them.

I am not the only one who has experienced this. Malcolm Muggeridge, socialist and philosophical author, wrote, "I had a notion that somehow, besides questing, I was being pursued." C.S. Lewis said he remembered, "...night after night, feeling whenever my mind lifted even for a second from my work, the steady, unrelenting approach of Him whom I so earnestly desired not to meet. I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed: perhaps, that night, the most dejected and reluctant convert in all of England."

Lewis went on to write a book titled, "Surprised by Joy" as a result of knowing God. I too had no expectations other than rightfully admitting God's existence. Yet over the following several months, I became amazed by his love for me. . . . . .

cool

1 Like

Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by OLAADEGBU(m): 4:43pm On May 16, 2012
Enigma: Crude (deliberately so, evidently) but still chuckle-inducing. smiley


I missed this Gray Beard, can you post the link to the thread please?
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by Enigma(m): 5:04pm On May 16, 2012
^^^ They all used to have links ---- until the forum change. lipsrsealed

Anyway below; it is the post at 8.24PM on Aug 13 2011

https://www.nairaland.com/734568/atheists-do-not-reject-god#8916803

cool
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by logicboy: 5:09pm On May 16, 2012
logicboy: Why doesnt God heal amputees? Yes, why doesnt a missing leg appear back or grow back? Why is it that miracles are only performed on illnesses that could have been pretended to be afflicting someone? Someone could act like he/she could not walk or has AIDS. However, someone can not fake an amputated/missing leg
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by logicboy: 5:11pm On May 16, 2012
Do you know why vampires are afraid of the cross? Because, they are allergic to bull.shite!



grin grin grin grin grin grin
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by logicboy: 5:15pm On May 16, 2012
Even the British people who brought Christianity to Nigeria do not take Christianity as seriously as Nigerians and their country is better. The irony is that Nigerian christians will say that the West is morally bankrupt while they wallow in the most corrupt country in the world


grin grin grin
Re: Religion Section Funny And/Or Memorable Quotes! by OLAADEGBU(m): 7:08pm On May 16, 2012
Enigma: ^^^ They all used to have links ---- until the forum change. lipsrsealed

Anyway below; it is the post at 8.24PM on Aug 13 2011

https://www.nairaland.com/734568/atheists-do-not-reject-god#8916803

cool

Thanks for the link. The guy crack me up no be small.grin grin grin

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