Familyplug:
A 50-YEAR-OLD NIGERIAN WOMAN SHARES HER REGRETS ABOUT HER PARENTS SENDING HER ABROAD TO SCHOOL AS A TEENAGER.

I came to the UK in the 80s and went to Skinners school for girls in Stamford hill where I failed woefully. I come from a family where going abroad was like going to the market for us. I lived with my sister-in-law who I happened to have appeared to as a burden at the time. I had no one to take me out as a child, didn't enjoy McDonald's treats. I remember being bought KFC once by my mother's younger sister who was in the UK at the time. Most days I had to walk from Pembury estate, Hackney to Stamford hill because I had no transport fee. An uncle got me free school meals from the government so I always had lunch at school but other meals were not guaranteed...

No one ever asked me how I was doing in school even though I was a failure, never disclosed my report sheet because my results were always 'U- Unclassified' worse than F9. I lived at the expense of a few of my brother's friends who were ready to give me £5 in exchange for me seating on their laps whilst they used my nipples as a toy. On a few occasions, my immediate family would give me £5, £10 but NONE EVER TOOK ME ON AS HIS OR HER RESPONSIBILITY. One glorious day, a brother of mine took me on when he noticed that I have been associating with friends that were smoking and sexing at the age of 12 but due to malicious beating every day I had no choice other than to run away from his house. ....

I became streetwise, smoking heavily at the age of 11/12, and did my first abortion at the age of 14/15. I was unable to contact my mother because I had no access to the telephone moreover I didn't know how to use the phones then. I lived with a Jamaican friend who was a few years older than me and we had a man friend aged 50t who was impotent but would pay our rent whenever we allowed him to lick/suck us. Hhhhmmmm I'm sobbing as I'm writing this; I don't know why my spirit has led me to share this horrific and pathetic story but I am sure it is to bless someone out there so I am not ashamed of letting it out because someone outthere will think twice before making the mistake my family made.

I and friends began to find it easy to befriend men for money at night clubs (Gullivers, Petter Stringfellows, etc) at a very young age which I found disgusting, they molested my body orally. I can't even carry on expressing my bitter past experiences because I have learnt to see them as the strengths that made me who I am today...

The Koko of this post is this... Now in the UK, we see Nigerian children killing, shooting, stabbing, selling drugs, raping, etc and we wonder why they are ridiculing our darling country's name... Hhhhmmmm it is not the kids' fault it is the fault of the parents that weren't ready to prioritize their priorities.

I can't blame my mother and neither can I blame my father because they thought sending me abroad to school was the best for me. They also trusted my siblings and didn’t like to get involved in the way they were raising us. They believed when you give a goat to someone, you let go of the rope. They didn't know their darling daughter had become something else.....

You may be boosting that your child lives in London, America, etc but do you ever ask yourself how life is treating them where they are??

So many parents in Nigeria believe the field is greener on the other side forgetting that NO ONE CAN TRAIN YOUR KIDS THE WAY YOU CAN EXCEPT LOVING & GOD-FEARING PEOPLE.

In the UK so many Nigerian parents have misplaced their priorities, they rather work 24/7 and make all their monies to build mansions in Nigeria at the expense of their children's lives.

So many Nigerian parents in the UK don't even attend parents' evenings at their kid's school, some can't even help their kids with homework. Some believe their kids are at home and they are safe not knowing who is there with them. Some would rather spoil their kids with money & expensive outfits instead of investing quality time in them.

Sending your kids abroad to be looked after by someone else is a pure waste of time and bringing your kids from 9ja without giving them all the time needed is an irresponsible move and to be working all God-sent hours, making sterling, dollars, and euros, naira, etc without spending quality time with your kids is a disgrace to parenthood.

This is one of our bad irresponsible cultures even back home ….most children in Nigeria were brought up by housemaids/gatemen/next door/grandmothers/neighbors etc. Some Nigerians don't believe in family planning rather they will have so many children and start using them to hawk sweets, bread, etc after school...

Having a child is not by force, God did not say YOU MUST HAVE CHILDREN, YES HE STATED 'MULTIPLY' but he didn't mean we should do it to suffer for them. Having children does not mean you will live your life joyfully and it doesn't give you a place in heaven either, instead, your children may make you miss heaven if care is not taken.

I am a product of a neglected, nonchalant, cultural upbringing and I WILL NEVER WISH IT ON MY GREATEST ENEMY BECAUSE I HAD IT ROUGH AND IN SADNESS.

Let us stop being selfish and stop pushing our problems/burdens on others. Your child should be with you no matter how poor or rich you are and you must teach them in the ways of God.

Some parents in Nigeria, have children in Diaspora and know nothing about their life , only the fact that their child is abroad.

You've made your point clear, and many children are victims of this same thing. But my only advice for you is, don't allow your past to hunt you, and don't also allow your children to become a victim of thesame circumstance.

Thank you and God bless you.

Kobojunkie:
Do they even understand there is a mental dimension to your existence? Instead dem go blame spirits and enemies --- those get more attention mind you---- than consider say na you dey hurt.

That's a huge problem right there.

cunny88:
She had a golden opportunity to skul abroad which millions of Nigerian are looking for, she misused it and is looking for an opportunity to apportion blame, ppl like me attended public skuls from primary to university level with very minimal supervision, cos our parents were poor, yet we manage to kip our heads above d water. She is the master or her fate and architect of her misfortune.

Not when she was only 12 years old. That's still a child that needes guidance, till at least 17-18.

Familyplug:
A 50-YEAR-OLD NIGERIAN WOMAN SHARES HER REGRETS ABOUT HER PARENTS SENDING HER ABROAD TO SCHOOL AS A TEENAGER.

I came to the UK in the 80s and went to Skinners school for girls in Stamford hill where I failed woefully. I come from a family where going abroad was like going to the market for us. I lived with my sister-in-law who I happened to have appeared to as a burden at the time. I had no one to take me out as a child, didn't enjoy McDonald's treats. I remember being bought KFC once by my mother's younger sister who was in the UK at the time. Most days I had to walk from Pembury estate, Hackney to Stamford hill because I had no transport fee. An uncle got me free school meals from the government so I always had lunch at school but other meals were not guaranteed...

No one ever asked me how I was doing in school even though I was a failure, never disclosed my report sheet because my results were always 'U- Unclassified' worse than F9. I lived at the expense of a few of my brother's friends who were ready to give me £5 in exchange for me seating on their laps whilst they used my nipples as a toy. On a few occasions, my immediate family would give me £5, £10 but NONE EVER TOOK ME ON AS HIS OR HER RESPONSIBILITY. One glorious day, a brother of mine took me on when he noticed that I have been associating with friends that were smoking and sexing at the age of 12 but due to malicious beating every day I had no choice other than to run away from his house. ....

I became streetwise, smoking heavily at the age of 11/12, and did my first abortion at the age of 14/15. I was unable to contact my mother because I had no access to the telephone moreover I didn't know how to use the phones then. I lived with a Jamaican friend who was a few years older than me and we had a man friend aged 50t who was impotent but would pay our rent whenever we allowed him to lick/suck us. Hhhhmmmm I'm sobbing as I'm writing this; I don't know why my spirit has led me to share this horrific and pathetic story but I am sure it is to bless someone out there so I am not ashamed of letting it out because someone outthere will think twice before making the mistake my family made.

I and friends began to find it easy to befriend men for money at night clubs (Gullivers, Petter Stringfellows, etc) at a very young age which I found disgusting, they molested my body orally. I can't even carry on expressing my bitter past experiences because I have learnt to see them as the strengths that made me who I am today...

The Koko of this post is this... Now in the UK, we see Nigerian children killing, shooting, stabbing, selling drugs, raping, etc and we wonder why they are ridiculing our darling country's name... Hhhhmmmm it is not the kids' fault it is the fault of the parents that weren't ready to prioritize their priorities.

I can't blame my mother and neither can I blame my father because they thought sending me abroad to school was the best for me. They also trusted my siblings and didn’t like to get involved in the way they were raising us. They believed when you give a goat to someone, you let go of the rope. They didn't know their darling daughter had become something else.....

You may be boosting that your child lives in London, America, etc but do you ever ask yourself how life is treating them where they are??

So many parents in Nigeria believe the field is greener on the other side forgetting that NO ONE CAN TRAIN YOUR KIDS THE WAY YOU CAN EXCEPT LOVING & GOD-FEARING PEOPLE.

In the UK so many Nigerian parents have misplaced their priorities, they rather work 24/7 and make all their monies to build mansions in Nigeria at the expense of their children's lives.

So many Nigerian parents in the UK don't even attend parents' evenings at their kid's school, some can't even help their kids with homework. Some believe their kids are at home and they are safe not knowing who is there with them. Some would rather spoil their kids with money & expensive outfits instead of investing quality time in them.

Sending your kids abroad to be looked after by someone else is a pure waste of time and bringing your kids from 9ja without giving them all the time needed is an irresponsible move and to be working all God-sent hours, making sterling, dollars, and euros, naira, etc without spending quality time with your kids is a disgrace to parenthood.

This is one of our bad irresponsible cultures even back home ….most children in Nigeria were brought up by housemaids/gatemen/next door/grandmothers/neighbors etc. Some Nigerians don't believe in family planning rather they will have so many children and start using them to hawk sweets, bread, etc after school...

Having a child is not by force, God did not say YOU MUST HAVE CHILDREN, YES HE STATED 'MULTIPLY' but he didn't mean we should do it to suffer for them. Having children does not mean you will live your life joyfully and it doesn't give you a place in heaven either, instead, your children may make you miss heaven if care is not taken.

I am a product of a neglected, nonchalant, cultural upbringing and I WILL NEVER WISH IT ON MY GREATEST ENEMY BECAUSE I HAD IT ROUGH AND IN SADNESS.

Let us stop being selfish and stop pushing our problems/burdens on others. Your child should be with you no matter how poor or rich you are and you must teach them in the ways of God.

Some parents in Nigeria, have children in Diaspora and know nothing about their life , only the fact that their child is abroad.

This is very insightful, thanks for sharing and may God heal you.

Kobojunkie:
You can't blame your own parents but you want us to believe parents are to blame? Your parents did pretty much all of that which the other parents did, so why exempt them from blame?

She IS their daughter.
Who ever paints his own parents black?

Sagefromtheeast:
She IS their daughter.
Who ever paints his own parents black?

If you are not willing to paint your parents black when they deserve to be then all that means is you are a hypocrite and are best shutting the fk up. How can anyone acccuse other parents and not his own when they are, all of them, guilty of the same mistakes?

Kobojunkie:
If you are not willing to paint your parents black when they deserve to be then all that means is you are a hypocrite and are best shutting the fk up. How can anyone acccuse other parents and not his own when they are, all of them, guilty of the same mistakes?

It's not hypocrisy, it's just human.

How many times have you told us about your parents?

Sagefromtheeast:
It's not hypocrisy, it's just human.

How many times have you told us about your parents?

If you think being human is being hypocritical then you believe all humans are hypocrites. It is that simple.

I do tell about my parents from time to time but I will never make excuses for their mistakes. They themselves are aware of this too.

Eriggs:
If you cannot train your children,
Don't give birth... simple!
That's why we have many foolish people on social media.

SOMETIMES MISFORTUNE COULD STRIKE AND ALL YOU'VE MANAGED TO GATHER CRUMBLES TO MINUS; LIKE MANY FAMILIES IN NIGERIA TODAY: UNDER THIS CONDITION WHAT WILL YOU DO; KILL YOUR CHILDREN TO REDUCE RESPONSIBILITY?

Naijaisshitho:


I was looking out for your comment to blame Nigeria for this woman's predicament. Nigerians will only read the headline and will quickly think shes discouraging them from coming abroad. That is why I was expecting to see comments like "Come back to Nigeria na" "Stop discouraging us from relocation" as if most of them even have money for relocation.

or they will house them or provide business or money for them.

Once you are out of the nigerian system to work in it is difficult.


1st of lack of ethics and anyhowness

Kobojunkie:
If you think being human is being hypocritical then you believe all humans are hypocrites. It is that simple.

I do tell about my parents from time to time but I will never make excuses for their mistakes. They themselves are aware of this too.

Define hypocrisy.

She's dealing with stuff, don't expect her to go ballistic on her parents knowing what it took them to give her the life they thought she needed. They get blamed because it didn't turn out well?
Put yourself in her shoes.
Give her a break!

Kobojunkie:
If you think being human is being hypocritical then you believe all humans are hypocrites. It is that simple.

I do tell about my parents from time to time but I will never make excuses for their mistakes. They themselves are aware of this too.

And please tell me about your parents, leave nothing out

The good, the bad and the ugly.

Sagefromtheeast:
And please tell me about your parents, leave nothing out

The good, the bad and the ugly.

To what end?

Sagefromtheeast:
Define hypocrisy.

She's dealing with stuff, don't expect her to go ballistic on her parents knowing what it took them to give her the life they thought she needed. They get blamed because it didn't turn out well?
Put yourself in her shoes.
Give her a break!

You are not making any sense!

We are discussing here a 50-year-old woman and not a confused teenager..

The woman is only trying to inform parents that they should pay attention to how they are parenting their wards... It's not all about sending your child abroad... Does he or she have what it takes to make the most of the opportunity you're giving to him/ her... There's no point trying to judge the woman... But rather access your relationship with your children. And make amends where you need to.

Kobojunkie:
You are not making any sense!

We are discussing here a 50-year-old woman and not a confused teenager..

Again I'd say, put yourself in her shoes.

People go through terrible things emotionally.
Most people don't ever get over it all their lives,yet you're talking about 50yrs.

Kobojunkie:
To what end?

Humor me

Sagefromtheeast:
Again I'd say, put yourself in her shoes.

People go through terrible things emotionally.
Most people don't ever get over it all their lives,yet you're talking about 50yrs.

Why do you folks assume all others are single-dimensional beings on here? I have experienced a bit of the terrible --- at least the much life has seen fit to deal me with --- and not even that will cause me to act in a hypocritical manner.

Sagefromtheeast:
Humor me

I have better things to do with my time.

cunny88:
all through university I didn't av any1 wit me, in high skul days my parents weren't wit me either, but I knew I had learnt no trade and education was my only route of poverty, u should be asking her were ha skuls mates are now.

You were a boy at the time. You need to realize young girls are more vulnerable.

Sagefromtheeast:


Define hypocrisy.

She's dealing with stuff, don't expect her to go ballistic on her parents knowing what it took them to give her the life they thought she needed. They get blamed because it didn't turn out well?
Put yourself in her shoes.
Give her a break!

Her parents are to blame. But I guess she is still living with the warped African mentality that we mustn't speak bad of our parents.

Even if it turned out well, she would still bear scars of neglect from her past.

GloriousGbola:
Sure this is not kemi olunoyo?

Sense no go kill you!
It sounds so much like her.
But Kemi didn't grow up in the UK.

All these boys that like commenting anyhow. Wetin be una problem? If you understand developmental psychology and juvenile delinquency, then you will know what she is saying. Because of poverty in Africa, all we think is that money solves everything. Just throw money at any problem and it will go away. Nothing beats personal interaction and modeling. Everyone needs strong moral guidance

Naijaisshitho:


Lol. I said it. One unfortunate person will say this. But I was surprised I didnt see it on the front page. Y'all are very unfortunate and bitter humanbeing. People will narrate their experinces on social media and you unfortunate humanbeing will open mouth only to start telling them to leave UK. Nigerians complain every day on social media and nobody ask anyone to leave Nigeria. If it is good news they are sharing about abroad, you people will start commending oyinbo and atteesting to their good nature. Cant people just say their mind or rant about how they feel? Just because they told you abroad is heaven doesnt mean every fabric of their society is balanced. People there also have concerns and they are allowed to raise it. Ever wondered why people commit suicide?

I am not surprised. Most Nigerians dont even care what their relative abroad is going through. Whether he is depressed, broke, unable to pay rent or even unable to cloth themselves. What they care is his ability to send money home. If you pay a surprise visit to Africa, the first thing they tell you is "you could have just send this money u used to book flight". They dont care about you bro. It is high time African in diaspora start seeing people back home for who they are. Nigerians in Nigeria are the most corrupt set of people. If you even decide to embark on a project back home, they will swindle you of your hard earned money. Which way Nigerians? Which way. You people talk a lot for a country.

Well, when you have a sister in the usa who have lived there for more than 30 years and have three kids who are all doctors, but doesnt want to repay all the effort her own blood sisters and brothers made in the late 80's towards her trip, the promise was to atleast make the effort to try bringing her own siblings one at a time for a chance at a better life for them and their families, but unfortunately nothing has been done in this regard, she has her own house in Los Angeles, California. she is an Administrative Officer in the Education Sector over there and am happy she has so far done well for her self.

Sending $100 and $200 to her siblings every now an then is like N100 billion naira to her, I believe love among siblings should be preached constantly every single day. I wont just be ok with my siblings worshipping me, when am suppose to do the needful by teaching them how to fish, its so unfortunate.

So me on my own making the effort to travel over there should not be a problem to anybody, especially due to our own experience, we all learn alot from our various experiences in life.

I didnt insult you and am a bit suprised by your comment, you are entitled to your own opinion.

skentelelady:


Thank you. Negligence of parents nor emotional needs of a child had nothing to do with financial status

Quite a number do not understand because they are still in survival mode where money seems to be everything.

Marshmallow hierarchy of needs.