Ok o, am learning a lot from you guyz!!!


Just keep them coming!!!,

Salam.

mdsocks:

Ok o, am learning a lot from you guyz!!!


Just keep them coming!!!,

Salam.

wa alaykum salam. How about helping us learn from you too

deols:

wa alaykum salam. How about helping us learn from you too

I based things on principles before, and i guess it caused me many "mishaps" in the past,

But I have reduced my "looking out for" list to just two things.

1. Religious and
2. Compatibility, Compatibility might entail lot of things,

But am not too keen on having everything, am ready to make some concessions but not on some key things like education, I guess you dont expect me to leave the rearing of my kids to someone illiterate.

mdsocks:

I based things on principles before, and i guess it caused me many "mishaps" in the past,

But I have reduced my "looking out for" list to just two things.

1. Religious and
2. Compatibility, Compatibility might entail lot of things,

But am not too keen on having everything, am ready to make some concessions but not on some key things like education, I guess you dont expect me to leave the rearing of my kids to someone illiterate.

dats somthn really.

dat mishap must av bn somthn ooo. nyways, its prolly 4 d best

deols:



dat mishap must av bn somthn ooo. anyways, its prolly 4 d best

It wasn't something serious, Only that you get to hurt some people you never intended to hurt,

When all those qualities you hold in high esteem start falling apart like a pack of cards, you get frustrated,

Its better to be open and expect surprises than holding onto things that are unrealistic and most times unattainable. i.e the "perfect partner".

You just have to do with what you have!!

Other things am looking at is

Someone Independent dont wanna be a babysitter to anyone.

Someone who's confident(self esteem) enough not to lose her sanity under pressure .

Someone intelligent and exposed, i dont have to carry paper and start drawing images or explaining every damn thing on earth to you before you get

the gist.(although these characters and traits can be built with time and can be overlooked but nonetheless its a plus if you got from the start),

^^hmnnnnnn! i guess the above qualities come under compatibility, you knw you stated earlier that you've reduced your 'looking out for' to two things, buh you're here wv more,

Just kidding!

bhusayor:

^^hmnnnnnn! i guess the above qualities come under compatibility, you knw you stated earlier that you've reduced your 'looking out for' to two things, buh you're here wv more,

Just kidding!

yeah i mean those two things are must haves but these are just Optional

If you got it, then its a plus but if not am fine with it also, There's more to life than seeking perfection,

mdsocks:


yeah i mean those two things are must haves but these are just Optional

If you got it, then its a plus but if not am fine with it also, There's more to life than seeking perfection,

@Bolded, like really? I beg to disagree. I tells you- Always seek perfection; you will never achieve it but the harder you try to, the better your life will get!

Just saying,

bhusayor:

^^hmnnnnnn! i guess the above qualities come under compatibility, you knw you stated earlier that you've reduced your 'looking out for' to two things, buh you're here wv more,

Just kidding!

so?

U don come again! Na you I quote?

deols:

where are all d oda singles nawwwwwwwww. lets talk more plsssssss.

I really want to know how important the ffg are to every one here when considering a suitor for marriage.

a. level of education

b. finance/ employment/ type of job

c. social strata( upper, upper-middle, lower-middle, lower)

d. family heritage/ nobility.

now, my point on the above. note- am going to b writing my view as well as perceived views as d case may be.

a.education level-  a university degree at least. I'll value more a guy who has a masters if he ddnt study medicine or law nor is he a chattered accountant.

b. finance/employment/type of job - It is common to hear Nigerians say women/girls are after their money. But those girls are definitely not people like me. I am comfy at d moment nd I do not doubt that I;ll b able to make my own money in d future. But that is not to say dat  am goin to consider a lazy bone just soo\ as not to seem a gold digger   I'll feel prouder of helping him start up dan going for a 'ready-made'.

But do I really blame girls wu go out for d rich ones wv d claim dat d ones u suffer wv might not appreciate it ones they bcome rich?? It is when they bcom rich that they remember they can marry other women. yh! girls say ds! so I hope some guys av somthn to say about it.

c.social strata- I dont think I have a preference as regards ds but I av d following to say.

It isnt such a big problem marrying from a higher one than you as a girl. The problem is of a girl marrying from a lower one. complexes can set in at some point with the guy regarding her attitude as a consequence of her background. Imagine that she goes to a family function. Her greetings(mayb not bending enough) might make them see her as being pompous.

I also av known of a very rich guy who wldnt marry from the upper class. He thinks such girls wont give him his due respect and might av her father's support if they have issues.  

d. family heritage/ nobility -some names ring a bell. Yar'adua for example or Dangote or an Obasanjo. If the family av bn known for good. Mayb philantropy,, or somthn dat has to do wv d deen. Possibly, dat all d ten yr olds are haafiz, I bet, it is going to matter to me. If i meet a guy's mother nd she's d one who cant say two words without a curse, I bet I don run be dat.

give a critical appraisal of ds nd am gonna b appreciatn u!

bhusayor:

U don come again! Na you I quote?

so

maclatunji:

@Bolded, like really? I beg to disagree. I tells you- Always seek perfection; you will never achieve it but the harder you try to, the better your life will get!

Just saying,

Perfection is there anything like that?

How hard do one have to try??, its better you accept what you have or in your search for perfection you end up with someone who's ready to fake

it and give you one hell of a swell time.

deols:
a.education level- a university degree at least. I'll value more a guy who has a masters if he ddnt study medicine or law nor is he a chattered accountant.

b. finance/employment/type of job - It is common to hear Nigerians say women/girls are after their money. But those girls are definitely not people like me. I am comfy at d moment nd I do not doubt that I;ll b able to make my own money in d future. But that is not to say dat am goin to consider a lazy bone just soo\ as not to seem a gold digger Sad I'll feel prouder of helping him start up dan going for a 'ready-made'.


c.social strata- I dont think I have a preference as regards ds but I av d following to say.

It isnt such a big problem marrying from a higher one than you as a girl. The problem is of a girl marrying from a lower one. complexes can set in at some point with the guy regarding her attitude as a consequence of her background. Imagine that she goes to a family function. Her greetings(mayb not bending enough) might make them see her as being pompous. Grin


give a critical appraisal of ds nd am gonna b appreciatn u!

a.education level- any level above high school and a good comprehension of what goes around her would do for me, and she must be

ready to grow and learn more,

b. finance/type of job- I like the independent ones, . I have talked to many naija gals and they always give that impression of

someone lazy.(not generalizing).They say i want my partner to take care of me and pay my bills and some even go as far as telling me their

preferred guy should be ready to pay them salaries, and mind you deols no one is searching for a ready made lady, we just want someone who's

ready to do something and not delegate all expense on the guy, hmmm

c.social strata- not applicable, can be from any level. I believe i can handle any issues from a girl any level,

d. family heritage/ nobility: i dont give a damn, its her am getting attached to not the family, i take my definition of her family or heritage

from her character or behavior. She might be coming from a family with a bad image but she has got her own personality and am gonna judge from

her personality and not the family or heritage,

@mdsocks, when I talk about perfection. I am talking about life in general not just about a search for ones spouse. @deols, there is nothing wrong with your requirements in a man, However, be prayerful that you will find someone with a good heart in addition to those qualities you have highlighted.

maclatunji:

@mdsocks, when I talk about perfection. I am talking about life in general not just about a search for ones spouse. @deols, there is nothing wrong with your requirements in a man, However, be prayerful that you will find someone with a good heart in addition to those qualities you have highlighted.

while writing that, I had a feeling some people might be thinking my list is exclusive, as pointed earlier. I dont think praying for a good heart should be a deols thing. Even if someone desires d opposite of all i av said, dey'd still need someone wv a good heart.

@maclatunji.


I get you now, since the topic was "singles" i presumed your line of thought was on singles and not life generally,

deols:

while writing that, I had a feeling some people might be thinking my list is exclusive, as pointed earlier. I dont think praying for a good heart should be a deols thing. Even if someone desires d opposite of all i av said, dey'd still need someone wv a good heart.

In other words I should shut-up! Got it Ma'am.

mdsocks:

Perfection is there anything like that?

How hard do one have to try??, its better you accept what you have or in your search for perfection you end up with someone who's ready to fake

it and give you one hell of a swell time.


a.education level- any level above high school and a good comprehension of what goes around her would do for me, and she must be

ready to grow and learn more,

b. finance/type of job- I like the independent ones, . I have talked to many naija gals and they always give that impression of

someone lazy.(not generalizing).They say i want my partner to take care of me and pay my bills and some even go as far as telling me their

preferred guy should be ready to pay them salaries, and mind you deols no one is searching for a ready made lady, we just want someone who's

ready to do something and not delegate all expense on the guy, hmmm

c.social strata- not applicable, can be from any level. I believe i can handle any issues from a girl any level,

d. family heritage/ nobility: i dont give a damn, its her am getting attached to not the family, i take my definition of her family or heritage

from her character or behavior. She might be coming from a family with a bad image but she has got her own personality and am gonna judge from

her personality and not the family or heritage,

i read ds again nd actually got something from d purple. d'u realise dat ur wife's family is also ur family. u would need to care about whom dey are. Afterall, her parents would be ur children's grandparents and her neices deir cousins. they would av their holidays wv dem nd prolly share much more time wv dem dan wv ur own family.

Just Imagine a lady marrying an Abacha. Except that the children have a different surname or never live a public life, dey'd be regarded as relatives of the tyrant leader.

But really, I can understand a situation where a child doesnt agree wv her father's attitude for example and shld not be judged, especially for marriage accordingly. But it would matter to me still. I bet my grandma always say he has to be from a good home, not necessarily a rich one!

hmmmmmm

;d ;d ;d

smth

smh. this section is dry again

toba:

smh. this section is dry again

You know, I was just thinking that I should stay away too. I like to leave and refresh my interest levels in many things (Nairaland inclusive). However, I just thought that the following might be useful to myself and other people too.

I think we all agree that there is no perfect person. However, I want to ask for people's opinions on this:

Let us assume that you have found someone you like and they have responded positively to your advance with a view to marriage. However, there are things that the person does that you don't really like and you want them to change before the wedding so that it won't be a case of: "you married me like this and I am not ready to change now." The question is: how do you correct such a person or request that they change their behaviour without jeopardizing the relationship?

N.B: This is not about me at the moment because I am not in such a position (I think this will help you channel your responses better).

maclatunji:

You know, I was just thinking that I should stay away too. I like to leave and refresh my interest levels in many things (Nairaland inclusive). However, I just thought that the following might be useful to myself and other people too.

I think we all agree that there is no perfect person. However, I want to ask for people's opinions on this:

Let us assume that you have found someone you like and they have responded positively to your advance with a view to marriage. However, there are things that the person does that you don't really like and you want them to change before the wedding so that it won't be a case of: "you married me like this and I am not ready to change now." The question is: how do you correct such a person or request that they change their behaviour without jeopardizing the relationship?

N.B: This is not about me at the moment because I am not in such a position (I think this will help you channel your responses better).

Nice point u have raised there. I opened a thread on the romance section board couple of weeks ago

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-742039.0.html

Dont Be Deceived Before Going Into Relationship. People Hardly Change Characters

we tried addressing some of this things. Then i wold say watch and pray. Now for we xtians, before we marry, we believe in praying about the partner, i.e to hear what God says if one can go ahead or not.

We also check compatibility. Thats why its important to court before marriage

Courting must including spending nights together. Pls im not saying ssseexx ooo, but sleep, cook and go out together. Yoruba says eeefi ni iwa. i.e character is like smoke and it will definitely burst out into the air for people to see.

Solution cold be, agreeing with the person i.e to live with the character or tell the person to change or lastly its not by force u can get another person.

Its better to find another person than to stick with one and kill ur self at the end.

@ toba, good points raised.

we also pray before marriage.The prayer is called istikhara. In fact, it is for all kinds of decision making. even if u need to choose either chewing stick or tooth brush, d prayer would suffice

nd about courting, u av heard our sisters nd brodas say a thing or two here, so dont bring that up again ok??

but then paitor, ow wld u sleep with someone u aint married to nd expect satani not to av a way. dat is absolutely wrong nd it is a corrupt practice. Jesus wldnt agree to dat. nd if u dont marry each other eventually, he wld av bn dat close to u?? no oooo.

I checked d link. .mature as dey cald it nd makes a lot of sense. But av known dat since forever. PEOPLE dont change. They can become MUslim though

Sisters in the house, don't you think when ladies start to play the delay game. The brother may start to lose interest in her. why that in the first instance.

sister shouldnt delay too much if she really likes d guy oo. but she can play hard to get a lil bit

olawalebab:

Sisters in the house, don't you think when ladies start to play the delay game. The brother may start to lose interest in her. why that in the first instance.

i realise I ddnt answer the question why.

some girls think delaying increases their value to him. dont know how true that is, But i do know many immature guys abound So, dat cld b true.

I know of a girl whose relationship wv a guy she liked so much didnt last long. Long after that period, they had a talk and he claimed one of the things that put him off is that she told him yes immediately after he asked. So, u c, some Men probably like the chase too

bump. im still available for grabs

Hehehehehe. . interesting thread. . .

I was laughing hard reading you guy's specifications for husband/wife. . .

okay mine. . .

1. Must be muslim. . . (Hijab great. . .scarf at least for a start. , should be willing to learn more about Islam. . .should be aspiring to be better)

2. Beautiful (Dark or light skin. . .I'm game. . .!. . .Not too short tho )

2. Smart and Brilliant

3. Good halal dress sense

4. Good command of English language. . . (O nessecary gan. . ! )

5. Self confidence

6. Well, I used to be crazy about programmers like me, but now I'm indifferent. . . but I just love programmer ladies. . . )

7. Family oriented. . .

8. Good cook - even though very few girls cook better than me. . hehehe (see me boasting sha. . . )

9. Not too "lepa" (thin) and not too fat. .

10. Should be able to take initiative or leadership of a process in my absence not waiting for me to speak all the time. . .

11. Should be understanding too

12. Should be very very ready to be a globe trotter

13. Most importantly. . .friendly!!!!! (I have to marry a "friend" not a wife )

Anywayz, .will update the "Terms of Reference" for my future Umu Abdul Basit when i remember





#Javalove. . .unless otherwise stated. . .!

Javalove, i pray you get a lady that will meet all your criteria