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A Friend Wrote This Pls Rate It On A Scale Of 1 - 10 - Literature - Nairaland

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Shape Of Our Friendship By Vic Toria A. I wrote this in memory of my dog. / I Wrote This Write-up While I Was In Deep Thoughts...give It A Name / Who Wrote This And Who Can List The Errors? (2) (3) (4)

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A Friend Wrote This Pls Rate It On A Scale Of 1 - 10 by enix2dmix: 9:53pm On Sep 18, 2011
At Night On My Bed, love, success, and pain

At night on my bed i close my eyes
Trying to sleep but picturing her smiles.
I open my eyes and look through the window.
Wishing she was as close as my pillow

At night on my bed i look within
I see myself great and i know i'll win
Standing in the spotlight everyone's favourite
Up high i know i'll fly like kite

At night on my bed i feel deep pains
My past hunts me and flogs me with canes
I wish i didn't, I wish i did
I wish i wasn't so stupid

At night on my i think. i think pain,
i think success
i think love.

Nnamani Chijioke
Re: A Friend Wrote This Pls Rate It On A Scale Of 1 - 10 by breathing(f): 11:38am On Sep 19, 2011
7
Re: A Friend Wrote This Pls Rate It On A Scale Of 1 - 10 by Orikinla(m): 1:37pm On Sep 19, 2011
5.

There is no great poetry without imagery.

Use figures of speech in your vocabulary.

See https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-64157.0.html
Re: A Friend Wrote This Pls Rate It On A Scale Of 1 - 10 by Knight1(m): 7:09pm On Sep 26, 2011
enix2dmix:

At Night On My Bed, love, success, and pain

At night on my bed i close my eyes
Trying to sleep but picturing her smiles.
I open my eyes and look through the window. twould have been nice if you avoided using your eyes again
Wishing she was as close as my pillow

At night on my bed i look within
I see myself great and i know i'll win
Standing in the spotlight everyone's favourite
high Up in the air i know i fly like kite see first amendment wink

At night on my bed i feel deep pains
My past hunts haunts me and flogs throbs me with canes sometimes uncommon words help increase beauty
I wish i didn't, I wish i did
I wish i wasn't so darn silly that line was missing a syllable

At night on my bed i think. think and sigh i think pain,
Of things money can't dare to buy
several have tried and gone to fail
i think love. i think of Success, love and pain

Nnamani Chijioke

in poetry such as this, i think most people prefer the rhymes to run throughout each verse
Good thinking.
6.5!
Re: A Friend Wrote This Pls Rate It On A Scale Of 1 - 10 by ronkebp(f): 3:42pm On Sep 27, 2011
^^^^ at Knight, love your changes, but prefer the fourth stanza, line 1. to remain with the original "i think, think pain''.,adds a painful beauty' to that stanza.

@ Poster would give it a 7.
Re: A Friend Wrote This Pls Rate It On A Scale Of 1 - 10 by cisse7575(m): 4:03pm On Sep 27, 2011
7
Re: A Friend Wrote This Pls Rate It On A Scale Of 1 - 10 by meshybizzo(m): 12:53pm On Sep 29, 2011
i Agree wit @orikinla. Poetry requires gud imaginery, so we can not only enjoy d rhythm bt also picture it like a story in our minds.
I'll give it a 6.
Re: A Friend Wrote This Pls Rate It On A Scale Of 1 - 10 by daroz(m): 1:41pm On Sep 30, 2011
5

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