Thomas Gilovich, at Cornell University, has been studying the psychology of regret for more than a decade.

His findings make fascinating reading.


Much of his work has involved
asking people to
look back over their lives
and describe their biggest regret.



About 75 percent of respondents regret
not doing something,
with the top three slots taken by
not studying hard enough at school,
not taking advantage of an important opportunity, and not spending enough time with friends and family.



In contrast, only 25 percent of people regret doing
something, such as making a bad career decision,
marrying someone they didn’t love, or
having a child at the wrong point in their lives.





It seems that part of the problem is it’s relatively easy to see the negative consequences of something that happened.


You made a poor career decision, and so you were stuck in a job that you didn’t enjoy.

You had kids when you were very young, and so you couldn’t go out with friends.

You married the wrong person, and found that you constantly argued.


The negative consequences are known, and so
although the potential for regret may still be substantial, it is limited.



However, the situation is completely different when it comes to things that didn’t happen.

Suddenly the possible positive benefits seem almost endless.

What would have happened if you had accepted that job offer,
been brave enough to ask the love of your life on a date,
or spent more time at school studying?


Under these circumstances, you are limited only
by the power of your imagination.


Gilovich’s fascinating work provides scientific support for the words of the nineteenth-century American poet John Greenleaf Whittier, who
once noted,

“For of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these:

It might have been.”



Source: 59 Seconds by Richard Wiseman

Interesting...

It is better to regret something done and learned from, than to regret not doing something.

intuitions tell us the best path to follow
We are sometimes to timid to do it
Regrets
Regrets

Containing Regret




Research shows that when most people look back on their lives, they tend to regret things that they didn’t do.


Once you understand this, there are quick and effective techniques that you can use to avoid feelings of regret.



• First, to prevent regret in the first place, adopt a “will do” attitude toward opportunity.
As writer Max Lucado once suggested,
“Go to the effort.
Invest the time.
Write the letter.
Make the apology.
Take the trip.
Purchase the gift.
Do it.
The seized opportunity renders joy.
The neglected brings regret.”



• Second, if you do regret not doing something, see if there is anything you can do to remedy the situation.
Write the letter,
make that telephone call,
spend more time with the family,
mend broken relationships,
go back to college and get the grades.

Use the regret as a wake-up call,
a way of motivating yourself



• Finally, if it really isn’t possible to do anything to make things better, make a mental picture of a fence around the imaginary
“what might have been” benefits that might otherwise occupy your thoughts.

Instead of dwelling on the positive things that might have happened, spend time thinking about three benefits of your current situation and three
negative consequences that could have occurred had you made the decision that’s causing the regret.

ARE YOU A “MAXIMIZER” OR A “SATISFICER”?


Take a few moments to read the following ten
statements and assign each a rating to indicate the degree to which it describes you.


Don’t spend too long thinking about each statement, and answer honestly.


Assign each item a rating between 1 (“strongly
disagree”) and 5 (“strongly agree”).

Preferences



1. When watching television, I tend to
channel-hop rather than stick with just one program.
1 2 3 4 5


2. I tend to find shopping difficult because I won’t buy something unless it is exactly what I want.
1 2 3 4 5


3. I take a long time to choose a rental video
or DVD because I like to consider lots of
possible films.
1 2 3 4 5


4. I sometimes think about the opportunities
that have passed me by in life.
1 2 3 4 5


5. I like to consider all of the different options
before making a decision.
1 2 3 4 5


6. I don’t like making decisions that are
irreversible.
1 2 3 4 5


7. When I have made a decision, I often
wonder how things would have worked
out if I had made a different choice.
1 2 3 4 5


8. I find it difficult to settle for second best.
1 2 3 4 5


9.
When on the Internet, I tend to surf,
quickly skipping from one site to
another.
1 2 3 4 5

10
. I rarely feel happy with what I have
because I find it easy to imagine getting
something better.
1 2 3 4 5





To score the questionnaire, add your ratings.

Low scores run between 10 and 20,
medium scores between 21 and 39, and
high scores between 40 and 50.



So, what's your score?

To score the questionnaire, add your ratings. Low
scores run between 10 and 20, medium scores
between 21 and 39, and high scores between 40 and 50.

Research suggests that people often approach many aspects of their lives using one of two fundamental strategies—maximizing or satisficing.

“Maximizers” tend to obtain high scores on the questionnaire, and “satisficers” tend to obtain low scores.


Extreme maximizers constantly check all available options to make sure that they have picked the best one.


In contrast, extreme satisficers look only until they have found something that fulfills their needs.
As a result, maximizers objectively achieve more but take longer to find what they want and may be less happy because of a tendency to dwell on how things could have been.


For example, in one study of job hunting,
researchers categorized more than five hundred
students from eleven universities as maximizers or satisficers and then tracked them as they tried to find employment.


The maximizers ended up with salaries that were, on average, 20 percent higher than those of the satisficers, but they were also less satisfied with their job search and more prone to regret, pessimism, anxiety, and depression.


If you are a maximizer and find yourself wasting too much time searching for the perfect product, you might find it helpful to limit the resources that you
put into some activities (e.g., give yourself only thirty minutes to find your friend a birthday card) or makecertain decisions irreversible (for example, by throwing away receipts).

There is an old adage that happiness is about
wanting what you have, not having what you want.

It seems that when maximizers get what they want, they may not always want what they get.