Im a young guy who started making money early in life but cos of the way i was brought up through my parents i have decided in my mind dat over my dead body will any of my sisters lack any material things in ds world again likewise my parents cos it wasnt easy training us den. I got an apartment immediately i graduated and started working 4yrs ago but becos of how i strive to pass through university days,i asked my parents to move in with me precisely cos of my promise that they will neva lack material thing and to please them. My parents neva build a house and i got a piece of land after two years of working thinking dat i will build it for them to live as tims goes on,after six month of getting the land,the family of those who sold the land then came around that some of them were not aware that the land has been sold meaning that we have to still sort them again this lead to a seriuos case that made my parents agreed that they will get anoda land that the man who sold the land to them offered them in anoda area,this issue of the land i was not aware of it untill i ask for paers they use in getting the lands,i mean documents. I bought a car which i neva drive uptill date,i gave the key to my dad cos i use company my car then,i purposedly gave the car to my dad cos my mum health wasnt gud den so the car can be useful afterall. My girlfriend finished her education too in the same university we went to and this make her conclude she is coming over to my place which i lived with my parents and one of my sister cos my other sisters are married and none of them has not done any tangible thing for our parents uptill date. During the stay of my girlfriend staying i got her impregnated and we have to go her parents for introduction which we did last year.
The major reason why i ask my parents to move in with me is just to get a aland for them and build them a house to stay which they will move in and i will continue to stay in my present flat till i make more money to build my own.
The fact now is this,i started having problem with my company since last year which make me stop the house project which i started building for them last year,my wife has given birth which make all of us to still be staying in the same flat with  my parents,i have resigned from my working place like 4months ago,i now owns a small venture which have not started yielding much income,the worst part of it is that my elder sister and my parents has made things worst for the past two month by blaming and accusing my wife unnecesarily. I am so broke now that i cant afford to finish the house project now and also cant  afford to get a new flat for me and my wife to stay and my mum keep complaining about my wife everyday. Should i say it to my mum face that i dont like d way she complains about my wife on things that she cant complain on if she were to be my wife mum or whts ur advice for me? All my life i try to please her and now she is paying me back otherwise

.

You have to make up your mind on how you want your home to be and who respects who. the line has to be drawn there is no point victimizing your wife, put your self in her shoes, how would you feel if all her family members came over to your house and start insulting you? you will definitely not be happy, tell your mum and sister to really!! back-off, (not in an insulting way oooo) you know them, you understand them, talk to them nicely but firmly, or else they would end up pushing that your wife to the wall.

You just have to tell your parents to leave your house. This stress is too much for your young wife even when you are at fault they will blame her. Can you get your parents and sister another accomodation. In the meanwhile pls go right ahead and tell your mom you dnt like her talking to your wife as she pleases and tell your sister to respect herself.

.

@ Poster

I praise you for bringing your family, wife and yourself to the level you are now. Only determined man/woman can survive in your kind of situation. BTW nothing is as painful as crisis in the home but there is still hope. I will advise you to do the following:

1.  Talk seriously to your parents in privacy: Tell them how much you have worked hard to make them happy and will still do. You need to tell them that you can never get back on your feet if they fight the only joy in your life (wife).  Inform, them that they need to be praying for the family and not cause pain to your wife that did nothing to them.

2.  Talk with your wife also in the room privately: Praise her for supporting you in good times and ask her to be patient with you about your parents till you get a place for them to stay.    

3. Have a family meeting with the 3 of them and emphasis on peace in your house . As your father to call your mum to order.

4. Talk with your wife on the need for her to be busy with any trade you can afford to start for her. She can contribute to the family.
 
Finally, you need to start thinking seriously about moving your parents to were they lived before coming to your house? If your mummy continues abusing your wife and making life unbearable for the family.You do not please others and displease yourself. YOU NEED TO BE A MAN, YOUR PARENTS WILL NOT DIE IF THEY MOVE OUT. It will even help you concentrate in your business and make more money.
Please, never join your parents to believe that your wife pulled you down. Marriages is never a bed of roses, there are ups and downs and none is for ever. Introduce prayers in your house and God will help you. Goodluck!

Ferya:

@ Poster

I praise you for bringing your family, wife and yourself to the level you are now. Only determined man/woman can survive in your kind of situation. BTW nothing is as painful as crisis in the home but there is still hope. I will advise you to do the following:

1.  Talk seriously to your parents in privacy: Tell them how much you have worked hard to make them happy and will still do. You need to tell them that you can never get back on your feet if they fight the only joy in your life (wife).  Inform, them that they need to be praying for the family and not cause pain to your wife that did nothing to them.

2.  Talk with your wife also in the room privately: Praise her for supporting you in good times and ask her to be patient with you about your parents till you get a place for them to stay.    

3. Have a family meeting with the 3 of them and emphasis on peace in your house . As your father to call your mum to order.

4. Talk with your wife on the need for her to be busy with any trade you can afford to start for her. She can contribute to the family.
 
Finally, you need to start thinking seriously about moving your parents to were they lived before coming to your house? If your mummy continues abusing your wife and making life unbearable for the family.You do not please others and displease yourself. YOU NEED TO BE A MAN, YOUR PARENTS WILL NOT DIE IF THEY MOVE OUT. It will even help you concentrate in your business and make more money.
Please, never join your parents to believe that your wife pulled you down. Marriages is never a bed of roses, there are ups and downs and none is for ever. Introduce prayers in your house and God will help you. Goodluck!  

Well Said.

Ferya:

@ Poster

I praise you for bringing your family, wife and yourself to the level you are now. Only determined man/woman can survive in your kind of situation. BTW nothing is as painful as crisis in the home but there is still hope. I will advise you to do the following:

1. Talk seriously to your parents in privacy: Tell them how much you have worked hard to make them happy and will still do. You need to tell them that you can never get back on your feet if they fight the only joy in your life (wife). Inform, them that they need to be praying for the family and not cause pain to your wife that did nothing to them.

2. Talk with your wife also in the room privately: Praise her for supporting you in good times and ask her to be patient with you about your parents till you get a place for them to stay.

3. Have a family meeting with the 3 of them and emphasis on peace in your house . As your father to call your mum to order.

4. Talk with your wife on the need for her to be busy with any trade you can afford to start for her. She can contribute to the family.

Finally, you need to start thinking seriously about moving your parents to were they lived before coming to your house? If your mummy continues abusing your wife and making life unbearable for the family.You do not please others and displease yourself. YOU NEED TO BE A MAN, YOUR PARENTS WILL NOT DIE IF THEY MOVE OUT. It will even help you concentrate in your business and make more money.
Please, never join your parents to believe that your wife pulled you down. Marriages is never a bed of roses, there are ups and downs and none is for ever. Introduce prayers in your house and God will help you. Goodluck!

Oh i see you are not married you just did introduction. You also dnt have money right now to get another apartment for yourself. Are your parents working? do they have any source of income? What about your sisters cnt you all raise some money to get a place for your parents? Is your wife working? Since you dont know how long this situation will persist, you need to separate your mom and sister from your wife else it will only get worse especially as you are not yet married to her and that may just break you guys.

I forgot to add ferya's advice is good thats why i highlighted it and on a second thought until you find your feet, if in the event that you and your siblings and parents cannot raise money for an apartment for them maybe your wife to be can go back home and stay with her parents till you guys get married. Her staying with you when you guys are not yet married could be one of the reasons your mom and sister are angry feeling that she didnt even allow you take care of them yet she got pregnant and moved in disturbing their peace.

I know a kid is already in the picture but really maybe she can go home until you guys get married that way you maybe able to take care of your parents and find a lasting solution to the problem.

.

During the stay of my girlfriend staying i got her impregnated and we have to go her parents for introduction which we did last year.

Please, I want to ask, Is Introduction not Traditional marriage? From the quote above I think the poster is married to the lady when they found out she was pregnant. Traditional marriage is recognised as marriage in Africa which means that there is no room for leaving or fighting to stay with the in-laws in this situation.

Introduction is not marriage.

problem #1: your parents/sister have no respect for your wife.
problem#2: you had your gf moved in while you lived with your parent.
problem #3: you were careless in starting a family when your affairs/life were not in order.
problem #4: you are now broke, didnt put anything aside for the rainy days and cant financially finish what you started.

there is only ONE WAY to sort the mess you presently find yourself in: FIND A WELL PAYING JOB!!!!!!

OP
Some parents sef ! Your wife and your mom are having issues everyday-what is your dad's take on this issue? Why don't you take your dad aside, have a man to man talk and explain how difficult the women are making things for you. Ask him gently to control your mom n sister when an argument starts  while you promise him that you will instruct your wife to stay within her limits. R'ber, do not blame them. Just make sure he gets your helpless situation.

Meanwhile ask your wife to ignore all the provocations from your mom's/sis's side. It takes two to tango! If she gives a cold shoulder, your mom might eventually give up troubling her. Since you say your wife is also a graduate, why don't you help her find a job, even if it is part-time ? The child could go to a creche if you don't trust mom n sister. She being away from home for sometime could ease things and the fact that she contributes to feed them could win her some respect from your folks.

I'm very great full for your words of encouragement and advices. We did our introduction last year and planned for our wedding last year december but my father inlaw travelled out of the country and insist we should put an hold to our wedding plans till he returns cos my wife happens to be the first born. He returned last two month and we will fix anoda date for our wedding by december when we will pay visit to them during xmas period.

As im typing this post now,my wife is on her way to her parents house to visit them with our baby who is just 4months old. I will talk to my dad and my mum when i returned from work and i will let you know how it goes asap. Thanks

Bruva,
I very much feel your pain and am sure Ola inu kan would make things much better than it was b4.

Sometimes I wonder if african parents do not contribute the most to troubled marriages. On one end youo cannot get married because dad is on vacation. On the other end the parents have no boundaries. smh