Please my people I recently had a fight with my sister in-law on whom to sit at the drawal at the shop when the brother(my husband) is not around. She insisted that she must sit there that the shop belongs to her brother. I on the other hand tried to let her know that whatever belongs to my husband belongs to me also and that I am not supposed to drag it with her. After what seemed like an endless fight I picked my children and left the place and never went back except to drop my children anytime I'm going out.
Now one of my husband's apprentice just left and there's need for another hand. He asked me to come and assist and that I can sit anyway I like and i refused to go. (he has made this promise before, and when we had that fight, I neither saw nor heard him scold his sister).
Before now I begged him to be giving me some allowance no matter how little but he refused though he has never queried me anytime I take money. But I don't feel comfortable taking it without his knowing and this has always left my purse empty.
I've decided to go and assist. But I want to do that on one condition, which is- either he gives me a daily or weekly allowance or I look for job no matter how little.(I've B.Sc and a good handiwork).
So my people will it be out of place(too greedy) to ask for an allowance?Your comments urgently needed.

Meanwhile sister in-law is still around and waiting for nysc.

cc. EfemenaXY and others

Look for a job elsewhere with your cert

Issues with inlaws, very difficult to handle.

Why don't you start looking for a job or better still start your own business since you said you have a good handwork?
You can't continue depending on your husband for every penny you need. No matter how little you get from your job/business, it will still be your money. Though that doesn't mean he won't do his bit but with your own business, you will have easy access to your money anytime and anyhow you want.

What I understand from your post is that you had a quarrel with your sister-in-law over sitting position? Am I right?
Five years from now you might not even remember the occasion as it is neither important nor beneficial to you presently. So what if she sits at the entrance to the shop? Don't waste your precious time arguing over trivial matters that would no longer matter in a couple of weeks.

Get a job so that You can gain some financial independence which would also boost your self-esteem.
Pls don't make your husband pay you for work that supposed to be done willingly and in love. Turn the tables around for a while, if he were to work for you, would you pay him for it or see it as a favour or one of those sacrifices we have to make to make our marriage sweeter?

Check me out on
http://viviancares..com

B.sc for that marra....madam forget abt the daily stipends from your husband,please look for a job to do.

Thanks to you all for your contributions. Off course he won't be paying me, just a little to take care of personal needs. As at now I get nothing, completely nothing.I really really would like to get a job but since he has asked that I assist- i don't want to be seen as an unsupportive and unsubmissive wife. Yet this option would leave me penniless.
I've made this sacrifice for almost five years now coupled with child births and it has not done me any good.

Your husband knows you are jobless and does not live money for home supplies like food e.t.c, unless you borrow, which you don't even get?
End time husband indeed

Is your sister in law a partner to your husband in business, or just a helper.( arguing over seat) help me understand this.

You might need to join in the shop to earn some extra money until you raise income to start your own business or until you get a job.

Na here u kari our matter com abi, u enta house again?


This tin is simple as u'r helpin him be on d lookout 4job.

Try & overlook ur sil bhaviour

Miami11:
Your husband knows you are jobless and does not live money for home supplies like food e.t.c, unless you borrow, which you don't even get?
End time husband indeed

Is your sister in law a partner to your husband in business, or just a helper.( arguing over seat) help me understand this.

You might need to join in the shop to earn some extra money until you raise income to start your own business or until you get a job.

Indeed my husband leaves no money at home. He sells most of the things we use at home. If I need to prepare soup/ stew, I had to write list of ingredients with their amount and give to him before money will be given to me.
As for the sister, she's only helping. Her reason is that it's her brother's shop and that I'm just a wife. She came around very early this year and has been waiting for nysc since then.
Joining him in the shop would have been a better option if I were getting anything to save- I just hate to remove money without his consent, it feels like stealing to me. Again joining him might not give me enough time to do other things-I make beaded jewelleries. nothing much is coming out of it yet cos I don't a place to display them but I give God all the glory.



Marriage is not a child's play sha

austine4real:
Na here u kari our matter com abi, u enta house again?



This tin is simple as u'r helpin him be on d lookout 4job.


Try & overlook ur sil bhaviour

Thanks

That your sister in-law is crazy, she has no respect for you and you gave up for her. Woman take charge of your business. It belongs to both of you (you and your hubby), Discuss with ur man, Is ur sister in-law gonna live with you forever? She will get married someday, pls remind her that karma will surely visit her. Pls take ur position.

Go and look for work or start your own small business instead of gathering in one place to fight over chair.

Both you and your sister in law need to get your own hustle.

oluafam:
Thanks

namastè

Get a job if you can, it will eliminate all the troubles you're facing and even gain you respect in the face of your in laws...

Discuss with your husband, tell him he needs to get another apprentice because you want to start doing something no matter how small... tell him how risky it is for the whole family to depend on one source of income. What if something happens to d shop??. just try to convince him..

It's well, don't get worked up sis

oluafam:
Please my people I recently had a fight with my sister in-law on whom to sit at the drawal at the shop when the brother(my husband) is not around. She insisted that she must sit there that the shop belongs to her brother. I on the other hand tried to let her know that whatever belongs to my husband belongs to me also and that I am not supposed to drag it with her. After what seemed like an endless fight I picked my children and left the place and never went back except to drop my children anytime I'm going out.
Now one of my husband's apprentice just left and there's need for another hand. He asked me to come and assist and that I can sit anyway I like and i refused to go. (he has made this promise before, and when we had that fight, I neither saw nor heard him scold his sister).
Before now I begged him to be giving me some allowance no matter how little but he refused though he has never queried me anytime I take money. But I don't feel comfortable taking it without his knowing and this has always left my purse empty.
I've decided to go and assist. But I want to do that on one condition, which is- either he gives me a daily or weekly allowance or I look for job no matter how little.(I've B.Sc and a good handiwork).
So my people will it be out of place(too greedy) to ask for an allowance?Your comments urgently needed.

Meanwhile sister in-law is still around and waiting for nysc.

cc. EfemenaXY and others

If not one thing, I would have said,................ENDTIME HUSBAND.

Thanks all. I think I Will get a job atleast to save my head and not fighting over what I don't know when it all began.

My dear baby pls forgive me for disobeying you but you failed me. You can't differentiate between wifey and sister. You really broke my heart. You placed your younger sister too high above me.
I have forgiven you already but I won't be taking that insult again.

God please I need a job.

That ya husband reminds me of a man from my village. I mean how can a man be this stingy to his own wife in this 21st century? Was it his father's aunt that match-maked the two of you? As I can see, there is no love in this marriage. He only married just because he was approaching 40, and all his village people were pushing him to marry!

My sister, marriage is sweet with the right person (sorry, I read one of your side comments)

Now, your sister-in-law is a big thorn on the bombom. She needs to leave your matrimonial home as soon as possible. But don't do it forcefully. Pray for her to own her own house soon, or possibly go for NYSC. She sees herself as the second in command after her brother(which shouldn't be).

You. You really need to be financially independent no matter how small. Try other skills to add to your bead-making. Why did I say that? Getting a good paying job now with your BSc(without any job experience since 5years) might be tough. Even with First class, with that 5years lacuna,it's not going to be easy. But with God all things are possible.

Pray harder, and try to overlook some trivial issues. Focus more on developing yourself to be independent.
Your kids are there to give you the joy than the world cannot give.
Take care!

You really need your own job and money. Not all these one that they would be counting pennies into your hand and you would have to give account of the chewing gum you bought yesterday and why you finished 2 sachet of pure water

@mrsoj, I have already left her in the hands of carma. I don't have strength for another public show. The worst is that she already have some marital experience.
@ ursino, raumdeuter, presva.....you guys rock. Thanks

oluafam:
If I need to prepare soup/ stew, I had to write list of ingredients with their amount and give to him before money will be given to me.


Marriage is not a child's play sha

oluafam:
Thanks all. I think I Will get a job atleast to save my head and not fighting over what I don't know when it all began.

My dear baby pls forgive me for disobeying you but you failed me. You can't differentiate between wifey and sister. You really broke my heart. You placed your younger sister too high above me.
I have forgiven you already but I won't be taking that insult again.

God please I need a job.

Hope you find a job sooner, that situation is pathetic, is your sister in law planning to leave eventually,

My dear God forbid if anything happens to your husband what do you think will happen
No one prays for bad things but no one knows tomorrow
You are fighting over drawer seat when there is a bigger fire on the mountain
You are living within enemies

I don't know the genesis or how it got to that stage but you are lucky in that at least you know where you stand
Now that you know where exactly you stand then you need to tie your wrapper again, get out there and hustle for your sake and childrens sake if only for your self esteem, a rainy day and for your children's well being.

Who says you don't have somewhere to advertise your jewellery?
Shebi your husband has a shop
clear one side and put show glass jare


Make hay while the sun shines O sister!
Time waits for no one

You do not demand respect; you earn it
The SIL is disrespecting you cos she feels you are only eating her brothers money and you bring nothing (shebi she too will get married one day and see how it is)
At this stage of your life you are still writing list for pepper and onion
Why did your parents send you to school?
Please get up and do something or this situation will get worse or soon they will be dragging shop key with you.

oluafam:
Please my people I recently had a fight with my sister in-law on whom to sit at the drawal at the shop when the brother(my husband) is not around. She insisted that she must sit there that the shop belongs to her brother. I on the other hand tried to let her know that whatever belongs to my husband belongs to me also and that I am not supposed to drag it with her. After what seemed like an endless fight I picked my children and left the place and never went back except to drop my children anytime I'm going out.
Now one of my husband's apprentice just left and there's need for another hand. He asked me to come and assist and that I can sit anyway I like and i refused to go. (he has made this promise before, and when we had that fight, I neither saw nor heard him scold his sister).
Before now I begged him to be giving me some allowance no matter how little but he refused though he has never queried me anytime I take money. But I don't feel comfortable taking it without his knowing and this has always left my purse empty.
I've decided to go and assist. But I want to do that on one condition, which is- either he gives me a daily or weekly allowance or I look for job no matter how little.(I've B.Sc and a good handiwork).
So my people will it be out of place(too greedy) to ask for an allowance?Your comments urgently needed.

Meanwhile sister in-law is still around and waiting for nysc.

cc. EfemenaXY and others

First of all what is a drawal

Like most people advice, get a job,make your own money.

fem29:


First of all what is a drawal

Drawer na, where they keep shop money....you know money made from day's sales.




You should be more aggressive in as Much you are going to get a job. Your hubby don't want to appear as a villain to his sister and is honestly praying that you won't put him in such position. My question is....who owns the shop, whose money financed the setting up of the shop for your SIL to have such effrontery?
Not having money is a nightmare, get a job, take money from the drawer and record in a notebook in case she resort to blackmail.

LadyFiona:
Drawer na, where they keep shop money....you know money made from day's sales.




You should be more aggressive in as Much you are going to get a job. Your hubby don't want to appear as a villain to his sister and is honestly praying that you won't put him in such position. My question is....who owns the shop, whose money financed the setting up of the shop for your SIL to have such effrontery?
Not having money is a nightmare, get a job, take money from the drawer and record in a notebook in case she resort to blackmail.

Aahh ok I see. I don't think most people commenting know that. They think it's the seat at the front of the shop.

Yes oo. One has to ask who actually owns the shop, is it the hubby family shop cos I don't understand how the sister would have such effrontery. OP take heart. Try to find a source of income for yourself to avoid such disrespect in the future. If your beads are really nice, you really need to make them very affordable to build up a customer base. You can advertise on stella dimoko korkus blog. She does free adverts and if your stuff is really nice and affordable, you will surely get orders. Look into it. Also keep trying to get a job as well, even teaching.

fem29:


First of all what is a drawal

Sorry I don't know the exact name to use.But for the sake of description-a table with many cabinet(right?) where we keep money from sales. So the person that sits on this exalted sit(lol) is in charge of every money that comes in and also gives balances to customers.
If you undertood, could you please give me the correct name? Thanks


I didn't read the comments above before typing this.

oluafam:
Sorry I don't know the exact name to use.But for the sake of description-a table with many cabinet(right?) where we keep money from sales. So the person that sits on this exalted sit(lol) is in charge of every money that comes in and also gives balances to customers.
If you undertood, could you please give me the correct name? Thanks


I didn't read the comments above before typing this.

Aww honey I don't know the name either.

But take heart dear . Gird up your loins. All what you are going through will make you stronger if you go into it with the right attitude. You feel let down by your hubby. People will always let you down because they are only human .

Please focus on how to get income now to avoid . Disrespect. A start is to advertise your beads in stella dimoko korkus blog . Make them affordable and you will surely sell. Also try to get a job. Teaching primary school? . I think this should simply teach you to expect less from people. Don't expect people to always be there for you.

oluafam:
Please my people I recently had a fight with my sister in-law on whom to sit at the drawal at the shop when the brother(my husband) is not around. She insisted that she must sit there that the shop belongs to her brother. I on the other hand tried to let her know that whatever belongs to my husband belongs to me also and that I am not supposed to drag it with her. After what seemed like an endless fight I picked my children and left the place and never went back except to drop my children anytime I'm going out.
Now one of my husband's apprentice just left and there's need for another hand. He asked me to come and assist and that I can sit anyway I like and i refused to go. (he has made this promise before, and when we had that fight, I neither saw nor heard him scold his sister).
Before now I begged him to be giving me some allowance no matter how little but he refused though he has never queried me anytime I take money. But I don't feel comfortable taking it without his knowing and this has always left my purse empty.
I've decided to go and assist. But I want to do that on one condition, which is- either he gives me a daily or weekly allowance or I look for job no matter how little.(I've B.Sc and a good handiwork).
So my people will it be out of place(too greedy) to ask for an allowance?Your comments urgently needed.
Meanwhile sister in-law is still around and waiting for nysc.
cc. EfemenaXY and others

I think you need to decide what your priorities are and start from there. i.e. Looking after your kids or getting a job. The reason I say this is because going by what you've posted so far in here, I get the impression you're indecisive.

How old are your babies and how many have you got? Do you have adequate childcare in place? Who will be looking after them while you're away and for how long? If you were to place them in a creche, who'll be paying for this? And if you will, will the earnings from your potential job cover this expense with enough "spare change" for your other needs?

Which brings me to an all important question: what sort of jobs have you considered so far? Or if you're intending to start up a business, where do you intend to source capital from? Yes I get the bit about you being quite handy (bead making) but you'll need money to buy the materials at the very least. So how will you achieve this?

Someone asked an important question about your husband's business which you haven't responded to yet. i.e. How was this funded? Does this belong 100% to him or is it an extended family run business - which might explain his sister's stance - and I quite understand where she's coming from (not that I agree with her though).

And finally what's the situation now? You helping out there now and has you husband agreed / conceeded with your request to grant you an allowance for upkeep? You mentioned you were thinking of asking him. Have you asked him yet? And if not, then how are you coping with even the basics such as purchasing toiletries (sanitary pads, etc) for yourself / hygiene?

Your response to these questions will determine the sort of advice I can offer you.

Oluafam,

Your SIL has made it clear that the shop does not belong to you and from what you have described, your husband thinks the same since he cannot even as much as tell her sister otherwise. You are one lucky woman. Most women never know their in-laws plan until something bad happens to the husband. Now that you know, I think it's easy for you to make a decision. YOU HAVE TO GET A JOB OR START A BUSINESS THAT IS YOURS AND YOURS ALONE. If your husband had said otherwise, then I could understand your confusion as it will be a case of if he is telling you the truth. You have been told that you are just a wife and that your husbands shop is not yours. Working for him is you working for him and his family.

She's just telling you that you have no place in your husband's business. As in she's the one who should controls what money comes in and goes out.

Better go ahead and be unsubmissive. Find that job or business or whatever of your own and earn your respect. P.S also start raising topic of your sister-in-law leaving your house.
Maybe from nysc she should move along and find her own niche.


There can't be two queens in one palace.

oluafam:
Sorry I don't know the exact name to use.But for the sake of description-a table with many cabinet(right?) where we keep money from sales. So the person that sits on this exalted sit(lol) is in charge of every money that comes in and also gives balances to customers.
If you undertood, could you please give me the correct name? Thanks


I didn't read the comments above before typing this.