In 2016 she told me her salary was N35,000. And then two years later, when she got promoted, I asked about her salary and she said, “Oh these people, don’t mind them. They added only N8,000 to my old salary. Because of her meager salary, I’ve taken up so many responsibilities in the house without complaint. I pay for utilities and pay for food. I pay the fees of our two kids, clothe them, and take care of their medical bills. When my wife sends me a grocery list, she adds sanitary pads. She buys dresses and clothes, comes to show them to me, and asks me to pay for them. She started talking about a car when our second child came in. Things weren’t good on my side so I asked her to give me some time. She said, “I’ve saved something. I can add it to what you have so you pay me when your money comes.”

I agreed and took that money from her, topped it up to get her a car. For three months my ears never rest. She would wake up at dawn and ask me to pay what I owed her. I got tired and paid the money when I didn’t have much in my account.

One evening, I turned my laptop on and saw a lot of emails. I checked and it was my wife’s email that had been opened. I asked her, “Did you use my laptop?” She answered, “Yeah I was checking something.” I told her, “Then you didn’t log out.” She answered, “I forgot. Please log out for me.” I was about to log out when something caught my attention. I saw a mail with the subject, “January Payslip.” I opened and started going through. When I saw her gross salary, I was shocked. N654,734? And this girl has been crying poverty?

I went through the details. That night I couldn’t sleep. I was angry. I felt let down. I felt cheated. I felt played. We’ve been married for six good years and my wife earned that much without my knowledge? How much she earned didn’t bother me a lot than what she was using that money for. I decided not to talk immediately but rather do a little bit of investigation.

All my life I’ve held the view that it wasn’t right for anyone to go through their partner’s phone. It’s an invasion of privacy and it breeds mistrust in the relationship but that night, going through her phone was the only way to find out what I was looking for. I started with her best friend. Nothing much was found. Her family had a Whatsapp group. I read the messages there. I got few hints. I went through the chat with her father and that was when I realized my wife had bought a piece of land and had started building. Her father was in charge of the project. He had sent photos of the various stages of the building. At some point, her father said, “Thank you for helping out your brother. He would have been home had it not been you.”

She has only one brother—her senior brother. I went to look for the chat between them. Her senior brother lost his job and was home doing nothing so my wife bought her Hyundai i10 to use for Uber. Every week, her brother rendered an account and they split the money. From all indications, my wife was doing well for herself while she plays poor so she could rely on my salary. Why would she do that? I thought I was being a supportive husband so my wife could be proud of the man she married. When we bought land, it was her name and my name that appeared on the land title. That car I bought for her with a loan from her bears her name. I didn’t mind. I believed what’s hers was also mine.

The next morning she realized I wasn’t looking well. I was boiling on the inside but looking for a good opportunity to start the conversation. When I calmed down a little, I asked her, “So why would you do that to me?” She asked, “What have I done?” I answered, “You bought land, you never told me. You started building on it, you never told me. When are you going to tell me?” She was shocked. She asked, “Who told you all that?” I said, “Your father did.” She stood quiet for a while. She asked, “Why would my father tell you all that? What were you people talking about” I said, “I don’t know. You can ask him.”

We left it there. Some minutes later she came to me with her phone: “My father wants to talk to you.” The phone was already on a loudspeaker. Her father was clearly angry. He asked, almost shouting, “You said I told you my daughter has a building? Where did I say that and when?”

I asked, “Is it not true that my wife has a building project going on that you’re supervising?” He asked me, “I told you that?” I asked him, “Is it true or not?” After the back and forth I told them, “I read your messages last night. I saw the pictures. I read the various budget you had sent to my wife. I read the confirmation of the money receipts that you sent her. You’re a man. Would you be happy if your wife does this to you?” He started fumbling. He started apologizing saying he thought I was aware.”

My wife stood there motionless, didn’t know what to say. When her father hung up, I told her everything I knew, from her salary to the car she bought for her brother. I said, “Yet, even your sanitary pad, I buy them. You think I’m a fool? You’ll use your money to acquire your own properties and live on mine because you’re my wife? I hear. We’ll see.”

Trust was lost. Love was broken. We had to find a new way of living our lives going forward. Her father called me every morning and evening apologizing for everything and sometimes taking up the blame so I didn’t have to blame his daughter. I told him, “The emotional state I’m in right now, it would be hard to think straight or think forgiveness. Just give me space.” Three days later, they were in our house. The father, the mother, and the senior brother. They came to apologize. “Don’t let this break up the beautiful marriage you both have. If nothing at all, consider the kids and be lenient in your judgment.”

I listened to them. My position was still the same. “I need time to clear my mind. Just leave me alone to think.” From last month to this moment that I’m writing this, my wife had changed totally. She doesn’t ask for money but the house is being run smoothly. She has started paying for things she never paid for but that doesn’t move me. She has taught me a very great lesson and I’m taking it seriously. That in everything, I have to look out for myself and my family first. Lastly she told me, “If you want us to change the names on those properties, we can do so.” Guess whose name is on the property…her father’s name.”

I told her, “You don’t need to change anything. They are yours. You suffered for them so you can decide what you want to do with them.” The land I bought has our names. I’m selling it and take my money back. The car she’s driving has her name. I put a for-sale sticker on it some weeks ago. She agreed she’ll pay for the car. I’ve given her two months to pay up or I sell it and take my money.

She’s getting the message and I’m glad. Each one for himself, God for us all.
She keeps asking if I’m going to leave her. I keep telling her I won’t but if she wants a separation for a period, I will gladly give her. I’m not going to leave the marriage. I would give us some time to heal and see what may happen but when it comes to money, I’ve taken the lesson she taught me through her actions.

#copied

What will you do if you are in my position and feeling deeply hurt.

Some men have bitter experiences both in relationship and some in marriages.

Abegi, men should learn not to have eyes for their wives earnings, it's a sign of an irresponsible man

This is an old story.
Shared here.



Women were torn to pieces the day it was posted.


You copied it again ?

Recycled old news.as usual nairaland anti women Schmidts go carry the matter for head

The problems of men in this Nigeria are women,lil things from the female folks give them flaccid erektion

IyaebeTheGreat:
Abegi, men should learn not to have eyes for their wives earnings, it's a sign of an irresponsible man

You're not totally fine

IyaebeTheGreat:
Abegi, men should learn not to have eyes for their wives earnings, it's a sign of an irresponsible man

You did not read the post. The issue is not about the wife's earnings but her secret way of doing things. Her family members are her confidants instead of her husband. She supposed to be a helpmeet to her Head (husband).

ahnie:
Recycled old news.as usual nairaland anti women Schmidts go carry the matter for head

You just confirmed what I wrote.


I know I have read this post here.

Ahnie, why you dey vibrate ?

IyaebeTheGreat:
Abegi, men should learn not to have eyes for their wives earnings, it's a sign of an irresponsible man

I pity ur husband to be .
But ur type no dey get any

Absuchat:

You're not totally fine

Who are you talking to?

doggedfighter:


You just confirmed what I wrote.


I know I have read this post here.

You dey mind dem?

This just keeps popping up every so often.

https://www.nairaland.com/search?q=gross+salary%2C+I+was+shocked.+N654%2C734&search=Search

Newton2024:
You did not read the post. The issue is not about the wife's earnings but her secret way of doing things. Her family members are her confidants instead of her husband. She supposed to be a helpmeet to her Head (husband).

It may interest you to know that,not every husband one tends to be open with.a considerable percents are schmucks,who tends to be jealous and will as such become jealous of the wife's.

EngrKemp:


I pity ur husband to be .
But ur type no dey get any

komot eyes for wife money, it's that simple

EngrKemp:


I pity ur husband to be .
But ur type no dey get any

I prolly think you allow people express their opinions and stop trying to box them.this is the internet,it's wide enough for all m sundry.

She musnt tailor her thoughts in line with yours?
Saints like you makes the worst of husbands that one wouldn't even pray for her enemy to have.

You nor dey feed anybody for here

With tears 😭 in my eyes, I have no other option than to agree with Zonefree about Nigerian girls... 😢

Maybe your kids aren't yours to.

IyaebeTheGreat:
Who are you talking to?

Who are you asking?

OP don't worry women are like that
Stop looking at her money, if you have kids, take good care of them, feed them, chest your bills. That's what makes you a man.

You can stop giving her monet or buying things like you did before, but you see feeding, rent, school fees and the basic necessities, please chest them like a man while you save up in case. The woman is keeping plan Bs, you too can do the same

But if that's the only issue, please don't destroy your marriage. It's easy for people outside to always tell you to divorce on every flimsy reasons, marriages that have lasted the test of time had one of the partners playing a fool

ahnie:

It may interest you to know that,not every husband one tends to be open with.a considerable percents are schmucks,who tends to be jealous and will as such become jealous of the wife's.

Are in a relationship?

IyaebeTheGreat:
Abegi, men should learn not to have eyes for their wives earnings, it's a sign of an irresponsible man

Are you okay?

goziem1982:


Are you okay?

Are you not ok?

Wow, this seems like a movie tale but it's really true.
May God give you the grace to overcome the experience, continue been the good man you are and try to forgive her as you look forward towards your personal enhancement and development, believe in God to see you through and help you to recover the periods of this unforeseen craftiness.
Remember it was God that open it up to you.

God have mercy!

ahnie:

It may interest you to know that,not every husband one tends to be open with.a considerable percents are schmucks,who tends to be jealous and will as such become jealous of the wife's.

Is that how u imagine or why should a husband be jealous of his wife prosperity over him. Men don't do that, the most case senerio is wen she earn more and is not being submissive and respectful and his action can never be born out of jealousy.

What will happen if ladies becomes to their Mans a helpmate?
Most Christain ladies are the ones with this attitudes is quite different found in others.

The man wasn't looking at her salary and he paid everything including her sanitries even if she tell him I believe this man will still do as expected from him.

Only 4 percentage of Nigerian husbands care less how much their wives earn and do not get jealous.

Uten9z:


Is that how u imagine or why should a husband be jealous of his wife prosperity over him. Men don't do that, the most case senerio is wen she earn more and is not being submissive and respectful and his action can never be born out of jealousy.

What will happen if ladies becomes to their Mans a helpmate?
Most Christain ladies are the ones with this attitudes is quite different found in others.

The man wasn't looking at her salary and he paid everything including her sanitries even if she tell him I believe this man will still do as expected from him.

ahnie:
Recycled old news.as usual nairaland anti women Schmidts go carry the matter for head

Does it matters when it happens?
Is like you and @doggedfigter and the rest f version of you have problem here.

Why is it as if e deh pain una?

ahnie:
Only 4 percentage of Nigerian husbands care less how much their wives earn and do not get jealous.

Well I don't knw were you get ur statistics from but if a woman earns more and try to help without been asked or expect the husband crawls to her feet to request assist , the mate will certainly be grateful to God .

I can't say for the other 96% ur assuming to but I am sure me and probably your Dad cannot be with them.

I know mother who works in Health sector and earns far better than the husband until things happens differently for him and she gladly paid fees , groceries and I can't remember anytime there was quarrel btw them.

Women are like that
I see almost similar thing in my woman

some marriage stories could be high over the moon while others could be least as hell,they already have children and thats what matters, separation isnt the best option, since it wasn't adultery, but they are definitely going to need a miracle to be able to heal whole again.trust has been severed it a quagmire situation.