Bethuel2022:


Please get your facts right. I knew he wasn't doing okay financially when I met him, but he talked like someone who had purpose so I gave in. He was good, extremely good then that's why I said I was naive when I met him. If not for nativity, I should have known it was a smokescreen because nobody can be that good. I was a teacher when we got married, and I took care of all my personal bills and some household bills. He once told me I was prudent when we were dating. I thought it was a compliment, but now I know better. I am not complaining for myself. If it was me alone, I could do it without a care, but caring for a child is expensive and I have been doing this all alone. I paid for my antenatal alone.
I could easily get a teaching job as a graduate, and before you know it, home lessons, come in and I am fine. I don't need millions of naira. My sole problem is the child. Where will I drop him for the whole day. I can't afford day care. See, if I had a good job, and could hold the family, I could easily do that while he figures out what to do with his life, for instance learn a tech skill. My major problem is, judging from his antecedents, it's not a risk I am willing to take, so I want to hear other opinions.

but you didn't get your facts right else you wouldn't slip for mere talks and put your uterus in a precarious situation.

1.You say he's good.. what exactly was he good at? S.xxE.x?

Na wa o.

You’re a single mother whether you decide to stay with him or not. Don’t deceive yourself, you are a married woman by title alone. If that makes you feel better about yourself, then stay with him and manage. Men like your husband do not change, stop thinking your case will be different. No advice here will change your mind. You will still have more children for this man only to end up bitter and angry in your 40s/50s. Good luck on your journey, when you’re ready to leave you will not come here to ask us what to do. Hopefully by then it’s not too late.

This matter get as e be, to be a single mother no easy again if u go fit make thing upright with him then you give him conditions and start life with him, because as for me no matter how beautiful u her i see say you have a kid i am backing off. I know what my papa pass through

bukatyne:


@bold:

You guys should stop exposing your lack of knowledge on how marriage really works with this nonsense line.

Or maybe you know and just want to be irrational.

In an average marriage, a woman catering financially for the home alone is like a husband who is the sole/major provider and still the one doing all the chores while the woman does nothing.

So that your husband providing for 15 years without complaints, hope he is the one doing all/most of the chores in the home? If not, you see that the analogy doesn't make sense.

If you find a husband who can do that without complaints, let us know.

He knows but chooses to be irrational. That's his MO on this forum. I never pay attention to his crap most of the time

Bethuel2022:
Hello nairalanders, I need some advice.
My marriage is barely two years, and within these two years, my husband has been unfaithful, and has hit me sometimes. I always fight back though, so it doesn't get out of hand. I don't want to go into all the details of how I met him and ended up his wife. I sometimes regret that decision.
A while after being married, I got pregnant, but unfortunately my husband couldn't raise the money for the baby stuffs. I struggled so hard to do that myself, this was about the time I caught him cheating, I didn't waste any time to pack my things and go to my parents.
Now my problem is that he is not a provider. He stays months on end without sending anything and I am struggling so hard because I have a child to look after. He has been trying really hard to win me over after everything, and I mean it when I say he is trying hard. I married him because I thought he had purpose, but I don't know about that now because the money struggle is something else. Believe me when I say the struggle is too much for me because I don't work yet and nothing comes from his end, but he keeps apologising, saying things will get better. I want to believe him but is it not his reckless lifestyle that has kept him where he is. I need advice because I don't know if I should take him back and work with him for a better future. He has made all plans to relocate to where I am so we can start afresh, but my fear is, a man who could be cheating with the little resources we have when we had baby things to buy, can he be trusted again. I feel resentment and bitterness because I practically used all my savings for the birth and up until now, every little money I get goes towards my child's upkeep. Isn't he coming back now because he is flat broke. A man who can cheat when we could barely feed, can I really take his word for it? Do you think I should give him a chance. I am not a saint because I can be very stubborn when I know I am right, but I married him a virgin. Take into consideration that he blames me for some of his actions. Doesn't that show lack of accountability. I was very naive when I married him, otherwise I wouldn't have. There is no pleasure whatsoever in a marriage without money, moreso one with the accompanying issues mine has.

You know what, be prepared for part two of what made you to come out and became free from traumatic turture

Use your tongue count your teeth

That's a proverb

folake4u:


Do you gettt??!!!

I shivered when I read her story.

My dear, the stories we are reading these days..! It is well.

How have you been?

Acidosis:



My dear, the stories we are reading these days..! It is well.

How have you been?

The stories are scary. It is not well oh. Some people are really suffering mehn.


I've been okay. You?

folake4u:


The stories are scary. It is not well oh. Some people are really suffering mehn.


I've been okay. You?

I know right. I have noticed a recurring pattern of marital issues related to finance on this forum. This is the second or third instance I've come across in the past 2-3 days. I hope you are jotting down some lessons?

I'm okay and doing well too, thank you for asking

Acidosis:


I know right. I have noticed a recurring pattern of marital issues related to finance on this forum. This is the second or third instance I've come across in the past 2-3 days. I hope you are jotting down some lessons?

I'm okay and doing well too, thank you for asking

Most are fictitious with the aim of shaming men that don't provide.

Acidosis:


I know right. I have noticed a recurring pattern of marital issues related to finance on this forum. This is the second or third instance I've come across in the past 2-3 days. I hope you are jotting down some lessons?

I'm okay and doing well too, thank you for asking

Honestly!! I saw three similar threads earlier on and it's same pattern. Eish!!
I am jotting down the lessons oh. E choke!

Glad to hear that you're okay. You're welcome Sah.

advanceDNA:


You said "there is no pleasure whatsoever in a marriage without money" ....so what do u want to go and do in the marriage naaa?

U dont have money, he doesnt have money
.....no be trouble u wan go find....?? cos we know u women know how to deny men sex just because u can, even when they have money,
let alone the one wey no get shi shi....if he give u gbas gbos because u no let am do kèrèwáwá .... u will come back to nairaland and complain... or worse..u get pregnant again.....

Madam.....by your standard of no happiness without money....tell him u need money to be happy in marriage..... he should go and make money before coming back for you..... or he can go and marry other women that will manage him the way he is..

Tor

Acidosis:


I know right. I have noticed a recurring pattern of marital issues related to finance on this forum. This is the second or third instance I've come across in the past 2-3 days. I hope you are jotting down some lessons?

I'm okay and doing well too, thank you for asking

Make una leave that woman.

She was sweet talked into marriage by a useless fine boy wey dey spend all his resources in clothing and body cares. No career. No any visible plan for his life.


I'm sure better guy dey chase am that time. she go say the boy no baff up well. Guys spending their resources on further self development without support from anyone will not look good to these kind of woman.

Ishilove:

He knows but chooses to be irrational. That's his MO on this forum. I never pay attention to his crap most of the time

Really?

Just thought to address that yeye thought pattern again.

Klass99:


Buka I think you meant while the man does nothing, not woman. I got the message loud and clear, please amend so irrational public nuisances will get it too.

No, it is while the woman does nothing.

See the preceeding cause says a woman providing financially alone is like a husband who is the major provider and does all the chores while the woman does nothing.

CuriousStudent:

Most are fictitious with the aim of shaming men that don't provide.

Hmmn... You think so?

CuriousStudent:

Most are fictitious with the aim of shaming men that don't provide.

I hope it goes beyond 'shaming' men that don't provide and instead help women to see the signs and choose well.

This issue is prevalent in our society under different guises:
> Lagos husbands
> Abuja husbands
> Men who lack financial intelligence
> Lazy men not willing to work/ not willing to get their hands dirty after an unfortunate job loss
> Rich men unwilling to take care of their families financially

Etc.

folake4u:


Honestly!! I saw three similar threads earlier on and it's same pattern. Eish!!
I am jotting down the lessons oh. E choke!

Glad to hear that you're okay. You're welcome Sah.

Aha... It is very very necessary, especially considering the rate with which you have encountered wealthy men lately, some of whom have even offered you a ride during heavy rain (don't ask me how I know) . It is an indication that you were not created to suffer. So I will say again, take all the necessary lessons dearie

AgentGoat:



Make una leave that woman.

She was sweet talked into marriage by a useless fine boy wey dey spend all his resources in clothing and body cares. No career. No any visible plan for his life.


I'm sure better guy dey chase am that time. she go say the boy no baff up well. Guys spending their resources on further self development without support from anyone will not look good to these kind of woman.

Ahh how did you arrive at this conclusion, boss? In trying to offer help, I think it's important we do not become too judgmental in our approach. I am not sure she offered this detail or.....have read her story elsewhere?

bukatyne:


I hope it goes beyond 'shaming' men that don't provide and instead help women to see the signs and choose well.

This issue is prevalent in our society under different guises:
> Lagos husbands
> Abuja husbands
> Men who lack financial intelligence
> Lazy men not willing to work/ not willing to get their hands dirty after an unfortunate job loss
> Rich men unwilling to take care of their families financially

Etc.

Off course na.

I Sabi Dem, in abuja they target the daughters of rich men in that case jobs from their father-in-law is guaranteed.


But on this forum, the hub of fictitious tales, many are fake stories( including males that use female monikers to talk about contemplating leaving their husbands who lost their jobs- with the aim of reinforcing the beliefs that women flee the moment husbands lose their jobs),but as you rightly said,people can learn from them still

Acidosis:


Hmmn... You think so?

Most tales here are fictitious ( regarding the topic).

But in real life,this things occur frequently.

Acidosis:


Aha... It is very very necessary, especially considering the rate with which you have encountered wealthy men lately, some of whom have even offered you a ride during heavy rain (don't ask me how I know) . It is an indication that you were not created to suffer. So I will say again, take all the necessary lessons dearie

It's your descriptive essay on wealthy men for me. 😂😂😂😂😂But yeah, the Creator knows I'm not for suffering.

I will pay attention oh. Da'alu.

CuriousStudent:


Most tales here are fictitious ( regarding the topic).

But in real life,this things occur frequently.

The fact that these things occur frequently in real life is why I don't doubt some of these stories. However, I feel like some are overly exaggerated. When a woman says her husband provides nothing.... try and find out the meaning of "nothing." When a woman who have been married for 5 years says that her husband is useless because she singlehandedly paid the rent for last year (i.e., 2022), try and find out who paid the rent the previous years, i.e., 2021, 2020, 2019, etc.

folake4u:


It's your descriptive essay on wealthy men for me. 😂😂😂😂😂But yeah, the Creator knows I'm not for suffering.

I will pay attention oh. Da'alu.

Descriptive essay I sabi your spec na..


You're welcome

Acidosis:



Descriptive essay I sabi your spec na..


You're welcome

I'm seriously laughing here. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Self-deceit will always remain the worst form of deceit. You played yourself. The main problem here, aside from his alleged thoughtlessness, which is the co-main problem in the union, from the connotation of your submissions, is that you have never seen that man beyond the good he could offer you materially. You have always seen him as an object of utility.

Yes, he might have been broke when you met him, just as he is still, as you alleged, but you never envisioned that it would take him time longer than it has taken to have his breakthrough. You misdiagnosed the duration his potential would start yielding positive material results while pretentiously giving him the impression that you saw him beyond being an object of utility. It is because his breakthrough seems to have taken time longer than you estimated that is the root cause of your aversion for him with his alleged thoughtlessness compounding everything - his alleged thoughtlessness is bad; he could do better.

Well, if you can start seeing him beyond an object of utility and doing whatever you know is right at every given time, reconcile and go back to him, provided that he, on his part, is ready to start striving to do whatever he knows is right too. Both of you can do better.

Meanwhile, it may surprise you to know that almost all of these people who have been telling you to end everything with him permanently are having it worse in their marital and/or personal lives without rocking the boats.

In summary, your marriage can succeed, and you can have happiness and prosperity in it with your husband.

Acidosis:


The fact that these things occur frequently in real life is why I don't doubt some of these stories. However, I feel like some are overly exaggerated. When a woman says her husband provides nothing.... try and find out the meaning of "nothing." When a woman who have been married for 5 years says that her husband is useless because she singlehandedly paid the rent for last year (i.e., 2022), try and find out who paid the rent the previous years, i.e., 2021, 2020, 2019, etc.

The bolded is as real as anything especially in Abuja. There are permanent women bread winners. Working class women in their late 30s, or high earning single moms ( in need of fatherly figure for their kids) or daughters of rich men that were pregnanted by a broke man of whom those men were forced to marry them

Infact women in desperate situations marry broke men from the scratch ( not that the men lost their jobs). After a while,they get tired of shouldering the responsibility as they see their fellow women being gifted cars by the husbands.

So it's very common for women to be with a man that was not providing from the onset( with hopes of a bright future). Then start resenting him later on when she sees other men taking their families to the Maldives.

A woman with a kid of which the husband doesn't provide for is a single mom already,the only difference is that he is living in the same house with you and the child was born in wedlock.

When men talk of impressionable women or naive women,this is who they refer to; who they can deceive with a bright future talk/ prospects or invisible houses they are to inherit and the rest. If women should be naive and impressionable-then I will only suggest they marry on the guidance of their parents or respectable family members.

Most men in Abuja/ Lagos do not have money or investment anywhere,is all wash. Shine your eyes. How you start with a man is how he will continue with you. If you were managing "mama put" for dates and not an exotic restaurant,even when the money comes( if at all it comes), he will not upgrade you because he believes you are used to it. Stop accepting house dates ( in which he serves you drinks he got from a party),dating without gifts,or stipends. Marriage is a continuation of dating. The standards you set in dating affects yo
ur marriage.

Don't marry a man with a "future money" or unaccessible money. You should see the money,feel it,spend it. ( Do not misconstrue this as rich men, but even if he is earning moderately, you should have access to it. Even if it's 1k everyday). In that case you are sure that when he gets big money,he will still give.

Occupy your man with bills from the onset,so he never feels it is a norm for him to relax. Even if what he brings is little, top it up secretly, but ensure money always leaves his hands

As for the op,as Poco use to say,when women are tired, no one will advise them to leave,they suddenly leave,with no turning back. So I get you have not reached your breaking point yet (if your story is true by the way)

Acidosis:
Did you conduct a "proper" wedding?

How much did you guys spend on your wedding, reception, bridal shower, photography, etc?

How can you marry someone and, after 1 or 2 years, you're already finding a way out of the marriage because of financial difficulties?

We didn't have a large traditional marriage. It was a very small affair. I am not one to care about such things and I wasn't bothered. I didn't want us throwing ourselves into debt because of a large ceremony. After the trade, we had a court wedding. No reception, nothing. Those aren't my concerns really. If only he had been a good husband, I would be happy. Kindness goes a long way even when there's no money. Being a bad husband, coupled with financial issues makes it very painful. I honestly do not know what it takes someone to be genuinely kind.

Acidosis:
■ The fact that these things occur frequently in real life is why I don't doubt some of these stories. However, I feel like some are overly exaggerated. When a woman says her husband provides nothing.... try and find out the meaning of "nothing." When a woman who have been married for 5 years says that her husband is useless because she singlehandedly paid the rent for last year (i.e., 2022), try and find out who paid the rent the previous years, i.e., 2021, 2020, 2019, etc.

So when you read that Osinachi was breadwinner in her home you assume she likely only paid the last year's rent as well?