RightToReject:
Self-deceit will always remain the worst form of deceit. You played yourself. The main problem here, aside from his alleged thoughtlessness, which is the co-main problem in the union, from the connotation of your submissions, is that you have never seen that man beyond the good he could offer you materially. You have always seen him as an object of utility.

Yes, he might have been broke when you met him, just as he is still, as you alleged, but you never envisioned that it would take him time longer than it has taken to have his breakthrough. You misdiagnosed the duration his potential would start yielding positive material results while pretentiously giving him the impression that you saw him beyond being an object of utility. It is because his breakthrough seems to have taken time longer than you estimated that is the root cause of your aversion for him with his alleged thoughtlessness compounding everything - his alleged thoughtlessness is bad; he could do better.

Well, if you can start seeing him beyond an object of utility and doing whatever you know is right at every given time, reconcile and go back to him, provided that he, on his part, is ready to start striving to do whatever he knows is right too. Both of you can do better.

Meanwhile, it may surprise you to know that almost all of these people who have been telling you to end everything with him permanently are having it worse in their marital and/or personal lives without rocking the boats.

In summary, your marriage can succeed, and you can have happiness and prosperity in it with your husband.

I didn't imagine he was going to get rich all of a sudden. I had my plans, and I believed working together, we could make it one step at a time. My problem started when I started living with him and began to see the many lies he told me about himself. He painted himself as a responsible, and kind man, but I didn't see that.
I never complained about the money before, but I had to do that now because I cannot fathom how a man who had a child coming would channel the little resources he had in womanizing. I cried myself to sleep most nights and woke up crying because I keep making calculations and wondering where the money we needed was going to come from. My mum would have had to come for omugwo, how were we going to feed. Imagine carrying such a heavy burden, including the physical fights while heavily pregnant only to discover the person you were praying for God to help was spending money on women. It hurt me to my bone because sometimes I give him cash when he says he has none only to be faced with this.
Understand me, it's not the cheating that was most painful, it's the thought that a father could cheat his unborn child just to satisfy himself. It drove me mad.

CuriousStudent:
A woman with a kid of which the husband doesn't provide for is a single mom already,the only difference is that he is living in the same house with you and the child was born in wedlock.

When men talk of impressionable women or naive women,this is who they refer to; who they can deceive with a bright future talk/ prospects or invisible houses they are to inherit and the rest. If women should be naive and impressionable-then I will only suggest they marry on the guidance of their parents or respectable family members.

Most men in Abuja/ Lagos do not have money or investment anywhere,is all wash. Shine your eyes. How you start with a man is how he will continue with you. If you were managing "mama put" for dates and not an exotic restaurant,even when the money comes( if at all it comes), he will not upgrade you because he believes you are used to it. Stop accepting house dates ( in which he serves you drinks he got from a party),dating without gifts,or stipends. Marriage is a continuation of dating. The standards you set in dating affects yo
ur marriage.

Don't marry a man with a "future money" or unaccessible money. You should see the money,feel it,spend it. ( Do not misconstrue this as rich men, but even if he is earning moderately, you should have access to it. Even if it's 1k everyday). In that case you are sure that when he gets big money,he will still give.

Occupy your man with bills from the onset,so he never feels it is a norm for him to relax. Even if what he brings is little, top it up secretly, but ensure money always leaves his hands

As for the op,as Poco use to say,when women are tired, no one will advise them to leave,they suddenly leave,with no turning back. So I get you have not reached your breaking point yet (if your story is true by the way)

I left already. It's close to a year I left. He is trying hard to have us come back with so much talk of having learnt and getting better. I don't know if I wouldn't be making a mistake believing his tales.

Bethuel2022:

We didn't have a large traditional marriage. It was a very small affair. I am not one to care about such things and I wasn't bothered. I didn't want us throwing ourselves into debt because of a large ceremony. After the trade, we had a court wedding. No reception, nothing. Those aren't my concerns really. If only he had been a good husband, I would be happy. Kindness goes a long way even when there's no money. Being a bad husband, coupled with financial issues makes it very painful. I honestly do not know what it takes someone to be genuinely kind.

I understand your pains and I genuinely hope and pray for your family that this phase will pass. 🙏

Where are you guys based? I think you can take a step further by showcasing your skills/education, sending out applications. It's really not Okay to be jobless and make no effort to get a job. You should embrace communication at this point, try to know the efforts he's making, see where and how you can assist. If you see no efforts towards being a changed man/getting a job, then it's certainly Okay to demand separation.

Zonefree:

No be naive make you marry him, na your love for material things. You thought he's loaded cos he pretended to be only for you to marry him come notice say nothing dey house.

No Nigerian woman can stay with a broke man for straight 24 months!

A man will be living with his jobless Nigerian wife for 15 years, providing for her needs with the kids, taking care of the wife's family in his little ways without even telling his neighbours.

But, here's a Nigerian woman that only stayed with her broke husband just for 2 years, and she's already all over the cyber space telling the world how broke and wretched the husband is.


Dear men, please when saying marital vow with your Nigerian bride, tell the officiating priest to skip the "for better for worse" gibberish. Nigerian girls don't practice that nonsense.

You will just open your mouth waahhhh.

So this is the resentment you have towards women,that they will not stay with broke men like you.

Yes,we will not. We can't even give you our phone numbers( except you an artisan we want to work for us). Deal with it.

If a woman deny her husband sex or fail to fufil her marital duties will it take the man up to two years before leaving?

Bethuel2022:


I left already. It's close to a year I left. He is trying hard to have us come back with so much talk of having learnt and getting better. I don't know if I wouldn't be making a mistake believing his tales.

what are his reasons for wanting you back? Likewise you,why will you consider him back? Did those side chick he was following drain you?

An insight to all that happened during this break apart will guide you in your decision.




Ps: I know he may ask to you to meet him after such a long time for a talk,something may happen (I believe you know what I mean) ensure you are well protected and if possible a test result showing no STD from him is ideal

I wish you strength and love. God bless you

He beat you while you were pregnant, cheated on you and is unable to support his family. What are you waiting for? The beating to turn to hospital admissions and death? The cheating to turn to STDs and HIV? The irresponsibility to turn into 3 children and no school fees, no food, and no shelter?

If you think being a single parent to one child is hard wait until you become a single parent to two or three kids!

CuriousStudent:

Off course na.

I Sabi Dem, in abuja they target the daughters of rich men in that case jobs from their father-in-law is guaranteed.


But on this forum, the hub of fictitious tales, many are fake stories( including males that use female monikers to talk about contemplating leaving their husbands who lost their jobs- with the aim of reinforcing the beliefs that women flee the moment husbands lose their jobs),but as you rightly said,people can learn from them still

😄 🤣 😂 😆 😄 🤣 😂 😆 @ hub of fictitious tales.

Those Abuja men or always N3.5m for non-existent businesses.

Bethuel2022:


They are in support of us getting back together, my parents at least. They all believe he will change, because he has been calling and acting good. I don't know if this is genuine, or because he is flat broke. He can't even feed himself now. I am 27, should I just leave and start over. I just wonder at the things he did when he was seeing a little money. Carrying women up and down.

A man who can't feed himself or what did I just Read🙄

Zonefree:

No be naive make you marry him, na your love for material things. You thought he's loaded cos he pretended to be only for you to marry him come notice say nothing dey house.

No Nigerian woman can stay with a broke man for straight 24 months!

A man will be living with his jobless Nigerian wife for 15 years, providing for her needs with the kids, taking care of the wife's family in his little ways without even telling his neighbours.

But, here's a Nigerian woman that only stayed with her broke husband just for 2 years, and she's already all over the cyber space telling the world how broke and wretched the husband is.


Dear men, please when saying marital vow with your Nigerian bride, tell the officiating priest to skip the "for better for worse" gibberish. Nigerian girls don't practice that nonsense.

Your words hit hard.

Deleted

bukatyne:


I hope it goes beyond 'shaming' men that don't provide and instead help women to see the signs and choose well.

This issue is prevalent in our society under different guises:
> Lagos husbands
> Abuja husbands
> Men who lack financial intelligence
> Lazy men not willing to work/ not willing to get their hands dirty after an unfortunate job loss
> Rich men unwilling to take care of their families financially

Etc.

Good one.

Am waiting to see the prevalent issues in our society regarding the wifes