Year/Years Of Courtship

Hey!!! People please i want to know, does the year or years of courtship affects marriage? Like my teacher, she said she had 10years of courtship , which i think its kind of too much. So my question is, do the years of courtship really matters in a relationship?

Not too long and not too short.

I don't believe in datin someone 4 too long. 1 year is enof. If after one yr, u no know if u go marry me, then u no serious.person no de die put. man never finish!!

6 months, 1 year, 10 yrs, it doesn't matter.

Depends on the couple. I know of a couple that dated for 10 years but after being married for 5 they divorced whereas a couple dated for 2 weeks, were engaged in 2 months and married in 5 months are still going strong 8 years later.

If you're asking my own opinion, I'd say don't date for to long, there's only so much you can learn about someone and what you don't learn is something they don't want you to know anyway.

even if u dated guy or lady for 15 years u may not know is real colour

i wouldnt know, i have no experience

it's true u only know what u are allowed to know in courtship

1 year if you know the girl (thru others, maybe) before, 3 years stretching the limit. Anything over that will create undue familiarity and will make the guy comfortable with the status quo - he wont push for marriage anymore. Besides, no matter how long the courtship is, both parties will still put up a show of their best sides until the "deal is sealed", so why court for a thousand years? Abeg o, me i no fit wait pass 2 years.

move in without marriage is the best way to understand , not staying apart. just a week is enough to know if she is for u, cos most women will show their true color once they r in with u

No. Marriage is about Trust, understanding, love, patience, and endurance/tolerance. If after 6months you feel you've known your partner enough, nothing stops you from going ahead.

i guess y'all have to be engaged AT LEAST six months before y'all get married

For me 1- 2yrs, enough time to get to know each other, and if for any reason he/she is not the right one, dust your shoulders and move on. Living together also helps to see how the person runs the home, plans and unwind. Anything more than 2yrs will make either party too comfortable or uncomfortable and the novelty wears out.

I think by the time you reach 2 years you've already settled into a routine with that person and have already made your self comfortable and suseptible to continuing to live with this person without marriage.

Long courtship does not guarantee happy marriage. i know a couple that dated for close to 9 years but the marriage barely survived the 1st yr. What even made it last that long was because the lady was pregnant. Few months after the baby she moved in with her parents and everyone was expecting that the matter will be settled amicably but it never happened. Today about 10 years later both are happily married to different persons.

I dated my husband for 4 yrs, but it took him less than 6mts to propose to me.

I think a courtship of btw 6 & 18mts is ideal, that is, if its not a long distance relationship. In a long distance relationship, 18mths might mean seeing the guy just 3 to 4 times.

don't think a long courtship is ideal (except due to circumstances beyond your control)
the passion may have already fizzled out sef before the marriage. you guys will be like roomates by the tenth year! 

No!

length of courtship does not mean your marriage will be affected, long or short.
the type of marrriage you have is up to the individuals, not how long they knew each other, how would you explain people who meet one day marry after 6months and get a divorce in 2 months? yes it happens. Are these two not supposed to be in the  hot stage of their relationship? if we go by the explanation above?

nah not true
just like i can not sit here and tell anyone that courting for 10yrs or more makes the relationship exciting, don't think anyone can say vice versa. Plus you got to be married to make that judgement .

I knew my husband for many year before we got married, we were engaged for 3yrs and believe me the relationship is healthy, it can not be top top all the time 24/7, 365 day a yr but it is very very healthy.(no relationship can boast of having highs all year round)
No! length of courtship does not affect marriage, some people know each other for less than a few months get married and are still together happier than many .

spoilt:

don't think a long courtship is ideal (except due to circumstances beyond your control)
the passion may have already fizzled out sef before the marriage. you guys will be like roomates by the tenth year! 

wrong wrong wrong assumption, misconception etc

spoilt:

don't think a long courtship is ideal (except due to circumstances beyond your control)
the passion may have already fizzled out sef before the marriage. you guys will be like roomates by the tenth year!

Going by your analogy if you have a short courtship then you can expect to become room mates by 20 yrs of marriage?

I favour longer courtships, i cant propose to you without at least 1yr courtship under my belt and even beyond that i'd expect a good 6months to 1yr before we can talk of a wedding.
The longer the courtship (for me!) the better it gets.

Is it me or am i begining to sense there are a lot more married women on this forum lately? No single girls to chase again.

go to bed stop looking for girls you there

davidylan:

Going by your analogy if you have a short courtship then you can expect to become room mates by 20 years of marriage?

I favour longer courtships, i can't propose to you without at least 1yr courtship under my belt and even beyond that i'd expect a good 6months to 1yr before we can talk of a wedding.
The longer the courtship (for me!) the better it gets.

Is it me or am i begining to sense there are a lot more married women on this forum lately? No single girls to chase again.

when i say long courtship i dont mean a year or 2 or 3. i mean like 6 to 10 years. haba! that is long.
and so what if more married women are on nairaland? did you come here looking for a wife?

spoilt:

when i say long courtship i don't mean a year or 2 or 3. i mean like 6 to 10 years. haba! that is long.
and so what if more married women are on nairaland? did you come here looking for a wife?

ok got ur point on the long courtship thing.
Not really, just noticing a lot more of the girls here already have kids.

davidylan:

ok got your point on the long courtship thing.
Not really, just noticing a lot more of the girls here already have kids.

like who?

it isn't how long or how short! its how much you get to know about the other party.
some people could be quite secretive.you could "know"someone for like 5 years and still not know the person.
Go for it once the vital things are known, don't wait to know him/her inside out cos you never will.

spoilt:


like who?

and u are asking questions? Have u fed ur pikin tonight?

davidylan:

and u are asking questions? Have u fed your pikin tonight?

davidylan cool down!

gotcha
I'm making up my married women's list.

you are still here trashing out courtship length. better do quick and marry before you reach male menopause
besides i didnt know you had a list. .

i don't think the length of courtship is a determinant of good marriage. at times, the length of courtship is also determined by the age of the people involved. i knew my husband when we were quite young and we got married 10 years after. for the first few years we were very good friend and we knew we liked each other but we couldnt place it cos we were young.

some people meet and after 1 year they get married. its all about knowing what you want and your partner as well. and also being sure of your partner.

lol David, don't forget to add me in your list. I am after three, still waxing strong.

yeah it does.
If u court for 1 day and then go and get married, u're headed for disaster

nossycheek:

lol David, don't forget to add me in your list. I am after three, still waxing strong.

@nossycheek,

Are u after 3 in courtship or after 3 kids?

too long courtship like 5 - 9 years is not advisable for any relationship. within this years u get to know too much abt each other which can lead to the end of the courtship. there are some things partners are not suppose to find out abt each other ( irrelevant things that some guys think its important) unless when they get married and by then all they need to do is look for way to solve this little problem and live happily ever after.