Let's discuss please

it shouldn't matter...
the compatibility of the couple is more important.
there are some girls a guy would meet and it would seem
they have known each other for ages.

I guess not,whats important s knwin each other better

E matter oh. Mustn't be too short. But both parties must know each other very well before getting married. And I always suggest both parties try and live together from time to time so they study each other's living habits. Does he play video game till morning? Does he wake up and start eating around 1am. Does he do vampire things at night, looool. Or is he even Batman? Courtship is just getting to know who you are about to spend the rest of your life with. So if you can know him/her very well in 3 months, you've done your own courtship.

But in all, they should concentrate more on the length of the actual marriage.

Thanks guys.

I couldn't put my thots together when I created the thread.

I had a chat with a friend who thinks that long courtship is important for marraige to work. Claiming that marriages in her father's side last cos they usually court for long, like say 6 years, while those in her mum's side end up in divorce cos they don't spend time in courtship.

Thatz the story. So, what do u think about this train of thought?

Tgirl4real: Thanks guys.

I couldn't put my thots together when I created the thread.

I had a chat with a friend who thinks that long courtship is important for marraige to work. Claiming that marriages in her father's side last cos they usually court for long, like say 6 years, while those in her mum's side end up in divorce cos they don't spend time in courtship.

Thatz the story. So, what do u think about this train of thought?

for me its a capital YES, my hubby n i were friends for a year before we started dating,we dated for 5 years plus before we got married.and now our marriage is built on a solid foudation,i know him more dan he knows himself and he knows me more dan i know myself, we can even predict eachoda actions, we av become one body,soul,mind and spirit so much that we look alike u did think we are brother and sister. I will encourage my kids to court long before marriage just as i advice my sisters and friends too.

Long courtship doesn't determine the success of the marriage.

chamotex: Long courtship doesn't determine the success of the marriage.

absolutely!
the chemistry has to be right...long or short makes no difference....
i have seen marriages that ended up as a big disaster and the courtship
was longer than the exodus of the jews from egypt to canaan.

coogar:

absolutely!
the chemistry has to be right...long or short makes no difference....
i have seen marriages that ended up as a big disaster and the courtship
was longer than the exodus of the jews from egypt to canaan.

I think the issue here is 'understanding'. Understanding each others ways.
Most likely, it's possible for people to change during marriage and act differently compared to the pre-marital stages.
Like you said, the chemistry is vital. I'm not sure if compatibility has to be 100% though.

chamotex:

I think the issue here is 'understanding'. Understanding each others ways.
Most likely, it's possible for people to change during marriage and act differently compared to the pre-marital stages.
Like you said, the chemistry is vital. I'm not sure if compatibility has to be 100% though.

it has to be in and around that figure. y'all have to be compatible
spiritually, sexually, intellectually, etc. i actually advise most couples
to go for a compatibility test before tying the knot. it's critical!

I don't believe in long courtship and that is the truth. Women have been dumped after 6 years of courtship, there is a particular lady I know who has been in a courtship for 8 years and I ask myself each time I see her "wetin una dey court?". Mine lasted for 6 months but he proposed way before we clocked 6 months, in fact for the first 2 years i was courting my husband in marriage. I believe in maximum one year courtship depending on the lady's age though and nope it does not matter. We are still as strong as ever

jennykadry: I don't believe in long courtship and that is the truth. Women have been dumped after 6 years of courtship, there is a particular lady I know who has been in a courtship for 8 years and I ask myself each time I see her "wetin una dey court?". Mine lasted for 6 months but he proposed way before we clocked 6 months. I believe in maximum one year courtship

Jenny, you are only fighting for woman rights here

coogar:

it has to be in and around that figure. y'all have to be compatible
spiritually, sexually, intellectually, etc. i actually advise most couples
to go for a compatibility test before tying the knot. it's critical!

Does that mean two 'opposites' can be compatible? Or only for 'likes'

chamotex: Long courtship doesn't determine the success of the marriage.

I agree with dis. Just like jenny said, d age matters too. I wouldn't xpect a lady thatz 27years n above to court more dan a year or 2. 30 upwards, 3 months sef don do. Just joking, 6 months is ok.

chamotex:

Does that mean two 'opposites' can be compatible? Or only for 'likes'

Hmm . . . I will like to see d respinse to this. Cos if u are totally diff, what will attract u guys in the first place?

Tgirl4real:

I agree with dis. Just like jenny said, d age matters too. I wouldn't xpect a lady thatz 27years n above to court more dan a year or 2. 30 upwards, 3 months sef don do. Just joking, 6 months is ok.



Hmm . . . I will like to see d respinse to this. Cos u are totally diff, what will attract u guys in the first place?

Why do SOME ladies prioritise age over other factors though?
'I must marry before I'm 28 blah blah blah'

chamotex:
Does that mean two 'opposites' can be compatible? Or only for 'likes'

2 opposites can be highly compatible if they bond from within i.e. from a deep level.
the inherent differences would be there without a doubt but they would counterbalance.
the strong bond/emotional connection would make the innate differences less threatening.

chamotex:

Why do SOME ladies prioritise age over other factors though?
'I must marry before I'm 28 blah blah blah'

Naa...not that. Just that when u are at dat age, any guy that comes to u should know what he wants. Datz no tym for fooling around. If he has no good intentions, abeg shove him aside before he blocks beta suitors that are waiting around the corner.

Tgirl4real:

Naa...not that. Just that when u are at dat age, any guy that comes to u should know what he wants. Datz no tym for fooling around. If he has no good intentions, abeg shove him aside before he blocks beta suitors that are waiting around the corner.

That was just an unrelated question, sorry.

coogar:

2 opposites can be highly compatible if they bond from within i.e. from a deep level.
the inherent differences would be there without a doubt but they would counterbalance.
the strong bond/emotional connection would make the innate differences less threatening.

But bonding from a deeper level might require a certain amount of time + commitment which 'opposites' might not have the privilege to have.

My husband and I are complete opposites and I mean complete. We are different in every aspect of life yet we fell in love with each other. I guess that is where we compliment each other as my weakness could be his strength and his weakness my strength.

@chamotex
Who the hell am I seeing? Chamoooooooooo my husband before before so you are back from exile? Where is brash?

Tgirl4real:

Naa...not that. Just that when u are at dat age, any guy that comes to u should know what he wants. Datz no tym for fooling around. If he has no good intentions, abeg shove him aside before he blocks beta suitors that are waiting around the corner.

Exactly. Why should a 28 yr old girl be courting a man who is not serious for commitment?

Can you guys elaborate more on what you's mean by opposites?

jennykadry: My husband and I are complete opposites and I mean complete. We are different in every aspect of life yet we fell in love with each other. I guess that is where we compliment each other as my weakness could be his strength and his weakness my strength.

@chamotex
Who the hell am I seeing? Chamoooooooooo my husband before before so you are back from exile? Where is brash?

It's me
Jenny my one and only NL wifey
Brash is somewhere in North London causing mass hysteria.

jennykadry: Can you guys elaborate more on what you's mean by opposites?

Opposites as in totally different people - personality wise, intellectually, character, emotionally etc.

jennykadry: Can you guys elaborate more on what you's mean by opposites?

Good u asked d question.

I see opposite as difference in personality, interest, taste, character, ideologies, some times values and the likes.

I'm sure d difference u are talking about is more in personality, like u being an extrovert, while he is an introvert. U being a lavish spender, while he is prudent. U being crazy, while he is gentle

I think diff in personality can still be managed. Like u can't put too crazy people in d same house, soon, they will burn down the house. At least, one should be calmer. But, some areas can't be compromised. It will be difficult to blend them without each partner having to sacrifice what they both cherish most.

Now, imagine if they both share the same interests in the same area, won it be bliss? It means they will both spend time doing what they love to do together.

Yeah, i think some quality courtship period is essential, the aim being to get to know your future spouse on a personal level. Now the whole thing is like a Catch 22; you cant know for sure if you two are compatible unless u spend quality time together. But then if at some point in the relationship u realize that its a no-no, the entire time and effort u've already put in would just seem to be a colossal waste.

@chamotex, hey where u been?

kay9:
@chamotex, hey where u been?

he's been to yankee to see Menage

Concerning length of courtship, what works for A may not work for B. Some couples court for a very long time like say 8yrs and the still have problems in their marraige while others couples who court for that same lengh may not. Each unto its own. It's all about the parties involved,if both are determined to make their marriage a success, of course it will work for them.

The thing is, do you have to wait for 5-8years to know if you are compatible? To me, that doensnt sound right. Of course some wait that long due to some reasons like finances, doubts about your partner or maybe the relationship started when they were quite young and not ready for marriage etc But if you ready for marriage but you decide to drag the courtship unneccessarily without any cogent reason but all in the name of having a long coutship, then there is no sense in that. What matters is getting to know each other well enough before marriage.

mission08:
What matters is getting to know each other well enough before marriage.

Well we're back to Square One again... HOW LONG does this ''getting to know each other'' take??
Hey u know what? Lets make it a bit more real: How long would YOU would need to know someone enough to consider marriage?

It does not matter. Mine lasted for 4 months and the union is almost 5 years now.

kay9:
Well we're back to Square One again... HOW LONG does this ''getting to know each other'' take??
Hey u know what? Lets make it a bit more real: How long would YOU would need to know someone enough to consider marriage?

U see . . . that is a relative one there.

I think we all should have our priorities set in order of preference. Like a list of important things and another list of less important things. When you find someone that meets your top priority list and you meet hers too, and you both are attracted to each other, and you both are sincere with each other and have genuine interest for each other,I believe you are good to go.

Geomac: It does not matter. Mine lasted for 4 months and the union is almost 5 years now.

I would say you are lucky. The length of courtship doesn't guarantee success in marriage.

kay9:
Well we're back to Square One again... HOW LONG does this ''getting to know each other'' take??
Hey u know what? Lets make it a bit more real: How long would YOU would need to know someone enough to consider marriage?

I would say if you are mature and know what is essential and what you want, 3 months should be enough time to tell. Or let me put it this way, when I was "looking", my plan was after 3 months to ask myself if "I could or couldn't marry this woman".

The truth is, out of all the women I met, only a very few actually made it to 3 months. The vast majority had lines through their names way before that. Most didn't make it past 1 date.

I was uncompromising and any doubts meant "fashi". Any hint of wor-worishness, palla palla behaviour or regbe regbe attitude and out came my red pen. I think I still have the spreadsheet somewhere sef. lol !

Don't forget, it's easy for feelings to become involved very quickly, especially for women. As a man and one being responsible and conscious of "the potentials" feelings, any longer and she may well consider you affirming the relationship. No matter one's protestations, when a woman likes you, if you keep seeing her despite not feeling the same way, there's a good chance she may read what she wants into the situation, regardless of what you say. Shorter is kinder, especially if its doubtful or a no.


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Wifey has heard about the spreadsheet and thinks it's cheesy. I can't see why

Tgirl4real:

U see . . . that is a relative one there.

I think we all should have our priorities set in order of preference. Like a list of important things and another list of less important things. When you find someone that meets your top priority list and you meet hers too, and you both are attracted to each other, and you both are sincere with each other and have genuine interest for each other,I believe you are good to go.

Tgirl4real:

I would say you are lucky. The length of courtship doesn't guarantee success in marriage.

Aren't these two statement contradictory?

If the couple can do all you set out in the first quote in 4 months, why is that lucky?

Mine was 3 and it's been bliss. Although I was well versed and had seen and experienced enough to write a book. As soon as I met my WTB, I thought hmmmm. After 1 date, it was hmmm, hmmm. proposing 3 months later was merely a formality. In fact I think we just started discussing dates.

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