Please I need some advice for my sister she has been in a brutal relationship for a guy who isn't ready to marry her legally, she has 3 kids for him but yet this guy is not serious with life he beats her, the worst was when she was 8 months pregnant for her last kid, she fainted after serious beating and ended up in the hospital. The last was about 3 months ago when he beat her and pushed her down from his car on the high way, I don't live in Nigeria so I had to arrange with a couple of people and her mum to get her and the kids out of the man's house, he was never married, she got pregnant for him in the name of love and he asked her to move in with him ,he never performed any right on her. So she finally left his place about 3 months ago, and when the kids when on holiday in September he started begging that she should let the kids come to spend the holiday with him and his parents, he has not been paying the kids school fees, he paid the past ones paid by his child mother and we felt perhaps he was getting sober, so my sister allowed her two eldest daughters 7 and 4 to go spend the holiday with their granny at Abeokuta, when the kids were to resume back to school in Lagos, he didn't bring them back to their mother and said he has looked for another school for them at Abeokuta that the kids will now be living with his mother, that he has also gotten an house maid for them their, and he never got an house maid for a mother of three even when she was living with him. Please I just need to know if their is any organization that fights for the rights of victims of domestic violence and women in this kind of situation, my sister is so frustrated and wants her daughters back.

please you can post here or send any important information to: blessedmascot@yahoo.com

Thanks

albeit slow, the court system actually works in nigeria.

I remember my mum's family took my dad to court after we lost out mum, that is some 27 years ago. The children's account and choice is also taken into consideration. However vaguely, i remember taking the stand at 5years and asked where i would rather live. Come to think of it, my dad got custody, though we all ran away to my granny's, which was the reason why we were in court anyway.

I think you sister has a strong case; if the husband can not independently care for the kids nad needs to enlist the help of his mom and house help, then it makes sense for the kids to be with their mom who is not complaining of sole care.

First of all how old are the kids? If they are under 7 they should be under d custody of the mum. Go to the social welfare office in their state and also google FIDA to get a contact number, they will give u a state contact

@ debrief08 - I agreed with going to social welfare. If it's in Nigeria the mum will be in custody of the children while he pays for child's support, if it doesn't still work take him to Ministry of Justice. Hope ur sister is working or has something that gets her income. The children can only be given to him when they're of age (I think from 16 years old).

albeit slow, the court system actually works in nigeria.

I remember my mum's family took my dad to court after we lost out mum, that is some 27 years ago. The children's account and choice is also taken into consideration. However vaguely, i remember taking the stand at 5years and asked where  i would rather live. Come to think of it, my dad got custody, though we all ran away to my granny's, which was the reason why we were in court anyway.

I think you sister has a strong case; if the husband can not independently care for the kids nad needs to enlist the help of his mom and house help, then it makes sense for the kids to be with their mom who is not complaining of sole care.

My advice get a good lawyer to get them out of there. A lawyer while expensive but is the last resort. Your family should remove the kids from him (when he's not aware), that way let him file for custodial rights.

speechless

Im coming back, let me finish my food

Tell your friend to go to the nearest police station.find a corrput police officer,give him as much money he needed and you will get the justice you are looking.infact,y'all will pity the guy when the policeman is through with him.

wahlai, as the mother of the children, i would go th e so called grandmother's house and pack my children, i won't go alone, but with a cop or two, then after that we will talk about lawyers or social welfare.

~Bluetooth:

Tell your friend to go to the nearest police station.find a corrput police officer,give him as much money he needed and you will get the justice you are looking.infact,y'all will pity the guy when the policeman is through with him.

how are you so sure the guy wont outbribe the policeman, it's highest bidder and the policeman always recognise the man, maybe she can lookfor a policewoman

http://www.thisdaylive.com/articles/domestic-violence-when-the-law-fails-to-protect/98863/

very long but interesting insight

I was also surprised to learn that in Nigeria, Judges in custody cases where there is evidence of grave domestic violence and/or perpetrators are in complete denial do not compel such perpetrators to undergo psychiatric or psychological evaluation. This is so necessary, some of them are killers in the waiting; if diagnosed they can be helped and some poor woman’s life saved. As I trudge through our courts month after month, I swing from hope to despair; from confidence to anxiety and clarity to confusion. Surely justice delayed is justice denied. But still I hope and I wait.

I know my story is not the worst. I hear other women’s story that moves me to tears and makes me stand up and actually take action. Today I spoke to a woman who has suffered domestic violence for many years but remained hopeful only for her husband to desert her and their 10 year old Autistic daughter because she was unable to give him a ‘real child’. She, like most victims, had been totally economically disempowered in the marriage and had not worked for over five years. She is homeless. She has no money, no income and no assets. Her husband surreptitiously came to take away the car he had given to her after he deserted her. She turned to the legal system and after almost 12 months of waiting on an interim application on accommodation and maintenance, the judge’s ruling was that the husband should pay her N50,000 a month! The ruling was silent on accommodation, transportation, school fees, silent on therapy for the Autistic child, silent on her special diet. School has resumed but the child is unable to start, the only person who has taken them in lives in Ibadan, the child’s school is near where they used to live in Gbagada, Lagos. Before the last school term ended, they were both sleeping in a school premises… no home! Now that’s a real failure of the legal system. What is the Nigerian state doing for women like her, what are our communities and societies doing? You! Yes you, what are you doing?

send a mail to beemantazz@yahoo.com and I will give u some the number to call.

Ur sister in better position to tel u what do. if u take any action ur sister may not be happy with u. dat all i can say, God Bless u,

Boko Haram Give me your no, i want to bomb my Landlord's house. please am den serious

This only happens, when your sister has no family or brother to support her. Simply too weak to react is what I call it, She don't need no court or law system. All she needs is a no nonsense relative, who will twist is hand until it cracks,

@OP, though I am an advocate of the legal system, however, reality has taught me that in Nigeria, it is far better to approach the courts from the basis of being in possession of whatever is being disputed.

My advice: tell your sister to get with any of your Uncles, pay two policemen, get to the grannies and get her kids. Under no circumstances should they leave without the kids.

When they are safely with her, tell him to go file for custody if he thinks the kids are his. Remind him that by both Nigerian customary and legal rights, the kids are not his as there was no marriage either by customary or court processes.

By the above, your sister regains leverage.

Babalawo or Okija Shrine

Akainzo:

@OP, though I am an advocate of the legal system, however, reality has taught me that in Nigeria[b], it is far better to approach the courts from the basis of being in possession of whatever is being disputed.[/b]

My advice: tell your sister to get with any of your Uncles, pay two policemen, get to the grannies and get her kids. Under no circumstances should they leave without the kids.

When they are safely with her, tell him to go file for custody if he thinks the kids are his. Remind him that by both Nigerian customary and legal rights, the kids are not his as there was no marriage either by customary or court processes.

By the above, your sister regains leverage.

iage either by customary or court processes.

By the above, your sister regains leverage.

word,

Sir, frankly speaking if u know ur sister does not 've d means 2 take proper care of the children and u're not ready to stand in the gap, u and ur sister had better let the sleeping dog lie, afterall they are his children too u cannot luv them more dan their father.
/n/n/

If shes based in Lagos, try Lagos State Office of the Public Defender. They are quite good in handling such matters for the underprivileged. Check out their website.

How I wish I'm related with dis woman. Kai! Dat man would not forget me in a hurry. He only asked for d kidds to come and spend some time with him and his so called mother, only for him to seize them. Dat is OBT!!! Gbam.    

NB: wat I'm doing now is "chase the hawk away and come back home to blame the chicks for wondering so far" dat your sista really f**ked up. Wat kind of luv is dat? 

@Debrief

Explain more. Can this woman use the excuse of her abuse to get the kids back?

Yes Jenny she could but only if such cases were documented otherwise it will be his word against hers. Does she have pictures of her self in d beaten state, hospital reports and hospital bills, those things will come in very handy.

debrief08:

Yes Jenny she could but only if such cases were documented otherwise it will be his word against hers. Does she have pictures of her self in d beaten state, hospital reports and hospital bills, those things will come in very handy.

It seems that having been slapped once by the guy who married you, you have become the expert on domestic strife. Which law says that abuse gives you the kids (in Nigeria please, what happens in the white world bores me)

You can go to OPD: Office of the Public Defender i.e if you are in Lagos. Their office is at Motorways, just by 7up at Ikeja.

No lawyer on Nairaland?

There isn't any marriage between these live-in lovers so the marriage act cannot be applied to remedy the situation. Should either of the parties bring action,their offsprings will be asked to choose whom they prefer to live it and that settles it except of course the chosen parent isn't gainfully employed.

darkhand:

It seems that having been slapped once by the guy who married you, you have become the expert on domestic strife. Which law says that abuse gives you the kids (in Nigeria please, what happens in the white world bores me)

And you think you've made an iota of sense right?