Please i need sincere advice.The full story goes as thus:I and my wife were dating and after like a year we propose to marry each other.Few months after the proposal,i got another job that made me to leave for another state.She visited me and stayed sixteen days,during her stay she mentioned about how her father objected her marring an outsider.After a week,i travelled and come to their family house for the first time i met her parents,i introduced myself and informed the father that if things work out,that i and her daughter want to marry each other.He refused and said that he dont like his daughters to marry an outsider other than their people and thats what they discuss with their kinsmen.I try persuading him,but he stood his ground.i left.Five days after,my wife(wife to be then)informed me that she was told by one evangelist or call it prophet that she is pregnant and should not terminate the pregnancy,that if she terminate it,she will go with it.I told her ok,let her not terminate it.She said it was during her visit to me that it happened.I accepted.To avoid the shame,rushing to marry became a suggestion and i told her that i dont have much money now but lets do just an introduction since her father has now accepted.They say let it be real marriage.So i run arround even borrow money and the traditional marriage was held.Though,the baby later died during delivery.When she later started staying with me.One day i was searching the room and i found a laboratory report she did last time which confirms Hiv positive,but she hide it and did not tell me.I was shocked,and wen i ask her if she had ever done a test like that,she say she is negative.After i showed her the report,she closed mouth.I ran the following day to the hospital to do mine and it was negative.I wasnt happy for her to hide it for me,in fact i was heart break since then.When i treathened her,she now confessed that she knew of it the time she had the first pregnancy during antenatal check.But my instint is telling me that she mighty have known of it even b4 we marry or started dating.She say its only during antenantal.Since then,even though i still do sleep with her atimes without condom,and atimes with condom,i m no longer enjoying the marriage.One ,should i continue being scared of making love with her until when?,i m no longer enjoying se.x,for should i continue using condom for all my love making for a young marriage that is just three years.using condom all time doesnt give the pleassure,even her boobs,etc,i m no longer enjoying it,beacuse of this.This has subjected me into a chronic masturbation.She has been begging me not to divorce her,but will my se.x life continue like this?.besides,her character is not all that ok.Since after the marriage,its been,atimes one misunderstanding or the other.Please,i am fed up with this marriage and i am considering taking bold step to divorce her,just that she keep begging me to still keep her,but i m no longer enjoying the marriage.Please advise.Abeg a mature and sincere advice.Thanks.

one question
do u still love dis woman?

@Dyt
I love her,but sincerely speaking since after this discovery,my mind wasnt at rest to be honest with u.Everything love making has been shattered.That means i will continue with condom all the time.Even she doesnt like the condom all time for the pleassure is not always there.My most annouying aspect is that she lied to me,and it seems as if she even know that she has it before we marry or date and she concealed it.Worse still,we normally had misunderstanding and quarrels.Truly,i m not enjoying the marriage.I was happier before i marry than now!.Whoever knew me before i marry and see me now will surely know that i have a burden that is eating deep on me and making me overthinking and losing weight.Please advise.

divorce ll kill er
n u nt happy eida
i suggest marriage counsel cos i no nt much bout it
bt in my own lil way
i suggest u tk a brk frm hm or u tell er go on vacation 4 smtym
stay away frm eachoda atleast 3mnths
yh ryt d trust s gone
i can feel everybit of wat u goin thru
jst b calm n dont stay in d marriage cos u pity er

She will not agree to go on vacation especially as we have some months new baby.Her intention is that i will abandon her if i tell her to go so so palce.Even though i m still making love with her atimes without condom is out of not knowing what i shall do as she keep begging me to be refreshing our love.Truly,its giving me a concern.

Oh dear, this is hard to judge cos she might be telling the truth and only have found out at her antenatal appointment as she claimed, as a lot of woman do, or she prolly knew hence reason about the SUDDEN story about the Pastor's prediction and the Dad's u-turn story allowing the marriage.

You still love her so once you can get the truth about once she found out, your feeling that she betrayed you would lessen down a lot especially if you discover she has been truthful to you. So this should be your next step for now. . .

Does the lab result not have a date on it?

sounds lyk she loves u more n u r outta love
very critical
u only wit er cos u pity er
well den let er know exactly all dese u feelin
tell er ow u sayin it all ere
seriously i dont think my own lil mind of thinkin ll help
marriage counsellors where r u oooooo

Why have nt you taken her for another lab test to obtain an independent opinion about her hiv status?
For crying out loud, why would u even go ahead and have unprotected sex with a hiv + wife?

Have u equally retested to know your own current hiv status?

u seemed to emphasizes sexx sexxx,it that whats most important to u in this marriage?

,

@KX.
Both of have retested it.So its not just only one test.

Official maga of the century, here take biscuit. You are a maga becaus 1) You were having sex without condom before marriage without necessary STD tests. 2) you got married withput testing. 3) You did titanic (I believe people should take a step back and reconsider when there are objections, it may just be God giving you a chance to reevaluate). 4) You are still having sex without condom. Now I suggest you act selfishly because your wife is looking out for her own interest. If she was a sane, and unselfish person she will never suggest you have sex without condom. She wants you to catch the disease so you cannot leave. That is very wrong and sick. If I were you I will cut at the first suggestion. You are blessed because God has been giving you so many chances and protecting you, but one day you will catch it. My thought is they found out before you, this is why the dad suddenly had a change of mind. This is where you become maga for the 5th time. They were hoping you will have sex and catch it so that they can say she contracted it from you. What you need to do is start using condoms for 6 months and go back to test. If you are negative by God's grace then its time to do DNA test for your child and leave the situation. Human beings are so wicked. Did you read the story similar to yours where the husband injected the wife with his blood so that they will both be positive? If your wife was sane and unselfish she would be more interested in the other parent being healthy for the child just in case of any unforseen or unfortunate event. Shine your eyes.

@2mch,
Advice noted!.

@2mch
She advised me not tell any of her people or my people and i still kept the secret till date.But the kind of overthinking this has subjected me for more than one year i noticed it is too much on me.I m really really losing weight because of this and right now I m considering telling atleast one person from her family and one from my own family so that they can also be aware and as well hear their own advice.

@ Poster i would suggest you take her to the hospital again, for another test. there is nothing wrong in doing the test 2 to 3 times just to be very very sure. Naija test too dey fear me. And if it comes out positive again, then we will know what to tell you, in the meantime, use condom.

Its best you act like nothing happened or nothing has changed until you do the test in 6 months. If you are positive, then you might as well stay for your own selfish reasons as well. We dont want you infecting other people out of anger. . But if you are negative and you cant carry on with it then you have to move on. She acted selfish and is still acting selfish, so you have to act selfish for the first time in your life in this relationship. Dont act different please so that she doesnt get desperate and find other means to make you stay. . You dont have to tell any of her family or yours about her personal business. When the time comes, she will tell them herself. Remember she is still the mother of your child, though you may not be able to be with her but you still owe it to her to protect her business and respect her wishes. We hope if you move on in future, you know better how to behave. HIV does not show on the face, protect yourself always. You may be one of those rare people that have little immunity to the disease, this is if you dont already have it.Goodluck.

Have tested the baby for HIV?

How did an hiv positive mother put to bed, will the baby be clean?

Why are you not wearign a condom still? What is wrong with you? I think you should have her take another test. There is a chance that teh first one was wrong. I don't know what to say but she not only put you at risk but even any unborn child. Keeping this a secret would have meant not taken drugs to ensure that any baby she delivers is not HIV positive. I pray you figure out what you really want to do and make the best choice for you

Thanks for the advice so far.Truly,i dont know what is wrong with me by still sleeping with her flesh to flesh even after i discovered it from it.I cant just say.Since i have been reading this post,it sounds as an eye opener to me,that i keep asking myself what my wife has done to me that blindfolded me into keep making love with her without condom.Actually,it seems i dont want to be staying with her.She is very sexy and beautiful that even when i made up my mind most of the time that i wont have it with her,before you know it i will be lured even only at the sight of sexy body and unclothedness and look and condom may not be available,she will be telling me havent i be making love with her flesh to flesh for years,before u know it i will starting having it with her without,it is always after the game that i will be regreting why did i do this without condom.Still,another time,i will repeat it.I dont know whats wrong with me.Staying with her is not the best for me,because we may still be doing it without,i am not always the cause.Right from last five years we know each other,we have not been using condom even before we marry,and it seem to have become a tradition between two of us as two of us will complain of not enjoying it if condom is mention.So because we are now addicted with doing flesh to flesh,its now difficult doing with condom.

u still very much inlove wit ur wife
let go of d past n enjoy d new begining
now u know er so well, both handle things as God s joined u both
u both can fight it n leave happily

Please,what i am explaining is how everything started and how things have been going.The situation i found myself in this union is what i never expected.The only thing that keep making me annouyed is that i m somehow seeing it that she might have known that she has it and lure me into marriage,its a different thing if she is free before we marry,but whats the true statement about this?,did she knew before the marriage or is she free before the marriage?,only she can tell

,

Rebum:

Please,what i am explaining is how everything started and how things have been going.The situation i found myself in this union is what i never expected.The only thing that keep making me annouyed is that i m somehow seeing it that she might have known that she has it and lure me into marriage,its a different thing if she is free before we marry,but whats the true statement about this?,did she knew before the marriage or is she free before the marriage?,only she can tell

Bla bla bla bla bla bla. Most of the questions you were asked, you haven't answered yet. I ask you again. Was there no date on the HIV result?

By the way, the excuse you gave about her beauty being the reason why you still sleep with her without condom is lame. You are very stooopid, you know that don't you?

@Jennykardy and Siena?,
While i read and appreciate some peoples advice so far,i wonder whats is not clear from my post.The essence of this posts is more of advice seeking forum assuming if one is being faced with this challenge,what will the person do and some people have spoken and give some advice so far which i digested.On the issue of date,i mentioned before now that she said that she discovered it when she attended the antenatal which is her first pregnancy in which a test was conducted(2008)and we have been dating for two years before then(since 2006),then earlier last year(2010) i found where she secretly hide the test that she did again that last year.It was when i treathened her that she confessed that it was back in 2008 that she discovered it during antenatal medical check.This means that she knew it two years ago before 2010 that was when i knew it.That is to say that we have been meeting for four years before i knew it.But i have been reasoning that she might have known it before 2008,ie before we even start dating(before that 2006)and hide it so that we can marry.Now is 2011. That is five years.I think my explanation is clear for whoever have any advice to give.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-522175.0.html
somewhat similar story

Where are you guys? are u living in Nigeria? some tests do give a false positive. even in the western countries. happened to a military guy who spend 7 years thinking he had hiv. the first test was positive but the next was negative so his doc said nothing to him.

look fact is women have more surface area and easily catch STDs at a higher rate than men do.

STOP having unprotected sex. you may already be infected but d disease hasn't shown up in your blood yet.
is she taking meds so the baby is at lesser risk?

i'm sorry but i can't understand how u are not freaked out and continue to engage in destructive behavior.

Siena:



I think you're just being polite - it's not a somewhat similar story. It's the same story, with some minor changes.

Surprise, surprise.

@OP

Run for ya life. How can anyone stay with a hiv positive woman, when you are negative?