How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. - Family - Nairaland
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My Uncle Wife Is Insensitive / My Husband Is Being Insensitive, I Need An Advice / Man Celebrates His Elder Sister Who Stopped School So He Can Finish His (2) (3) (4)
| How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by Halo22: 10:07pm On Aug 15, 2023 |
Greetings fellow Nairalanders! I don't like to bore people with long stories as we all know. I just need suggestions on the appropriate thing to do on this very matter. My kid sister married this guy(name withheld) about 4 years ago and since then, there is no sign of seriousness and responsibility in him. First, he married in the same compound where he lived as a bachelor, even when he knew he had earlier promised someone marriage in the said compound. This led to serious quarrel that nearly took the life of their first issue. It took the intervention of my mum and insistence of my sister before he made up his mind to pack out the house. Which is a sign he likes being a victim of issues before looking for a way to help himself. Secondly, he doesn't plan his life and acts on impulse. Most times, he would always want to have issues with his landlady before paying up his house rent. I don't know if he enjoys embarrassment or he likes being taken unawares. Last year, he was given a quite notice in his apartment due to his inability to settle with his landlord over rent. He then paid for an uncompleted building waiting for the house to be fixed. Lo and behold, the day they packed into the house, it was without window and electricity. They had to look around for the window to be fixed the next day before they could pack in, even without light. More so, he had problem in the company where he works to the extent that he was suspended for months without telling the wife who has been hoping that the husband was being owed all those while. He allows her to always beg from my other siblings and I, including my mum who has spent a lot on them. Even when she is supposed to be receiving from them especially during omugwo, but no, she has been the one spending. Finally, things became unrosy for them that my mum asked them to come and stay with her, together with their two kids for over five months now. I have called him and sat him down to discuss with him and he is not showing any sign of seriousness, even when I offered to help him secure another job. I don't know if he has something against him or he felt relaxed because he thinks my parents are assisting them. I can't see myself behaving such irresponsibly. Please, how do I help my sister out? Ur advice is highly needed here. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by Taylor90: 10:10pm On Aug 15, 2023 |
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| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by Wodu89: 10:13pm On Aug 15, 2023 |
Lower your expectations Don't try to run his life Only offer little help and from a distance less when things go sideways you bear the burden of the blame Speak productive and profitable tips you get from time to time with your sister. I.e food sharing. Contribution and associations etc. Introduce your sister and him to a teachable minister he can listen to and belong to that will improve his life and outlook. All true life developments.begins with the right exposure. If you want to help the bottom of them, connect them to a teaching ministry where they can both be exposed to the Light of the gospel in a way that will change their lives impeccably. From your description, they have a disorganized life and when people have disorganized lives, they need to submit under the authority of a gospel of a minister so the Lord will sharpen and shapen their lives and destiny thru the revelation they receive from the ministry. Connect them to Jesus and let God handle the wheel. 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by talented321: 10:16pm On Aug 15, 2023 |
The one above me what are you preaching? There this general problem with womean' i don't know whether i will call it low IQ, love, simping or they are afraid they will not marry again. Many women always see this signs in the beginning of their marriage but they act dumb and i don't know whether they think he will change or whatever. Reasons i don't take women serious by their statement' even the one forming holy or hard to get in nairaland. Because majority of women get sense on nairaland but not in reality. The worst of it is this enduring women will never meet the right person' it is always those senseless women that always meet the right man and will just frustrate his life. I love ur sister' even though the man is acting irresponsible for now and it seems your sister understand him that is why she is still with him. Nobody can predict life, and for u to convince ur sister to leave him will not be that easy, just give them time and try to convince the both of them especially the man..'' |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by Georgekyrian(m): 10:59pm On Aug 15, 2023 |
Those kind of men they always get were for head shaa |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by ahnie: 11:42pm On Aug 15, 2023 |
. |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by Rokiat(f): 2:26am On Aug 16, 2023 |
Your sister taste in men is incredibly bad to say the least. What did she see in him? I don’t want to hear the same foolishness of she fell in love. Most women ruined their lives all for the sake of love. I am pretty sure he exhibit some of these characters traits during their dating stage but she still ignored them in the name of love. I am afraid there’s nothing you can do, she will have to learn the hard way. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by tensazangetsu20(m): 3:17am On Aug 16, 2023 |
Women love deadbeat men offline but complain about them online 2 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by frozen70(f): 3:23am On Aug 16, 2023 |
Halo22: That man has no future plans and has no focus in life Nothing borders him and he is ready to remain in that condition because he has already lost self respect and he is willing to receive any kind of insult and embarrassment Him no send anyone and stop believing you can change a man who doesn't have any plan for himself or his family Simply put, he is just a liability His attitude has cost him so many things including his work and may soon cost him his family Now the main person to handle here is your sister, forget about the man Since your sister is now with your parents, is a very good idea at least those kids can be attended to by your family Your sister needs some thing doing so that she doesn't become a problem to you guys on how to sustain her You guys should seat with her down and find out what she can do, that's if she can't get a job If you people can train her in the university is good if you can get a job for her is good If she can learn trade, good But she has to be wise this time around, not to become pregnant in any careless way She must be ready to move on with her life, with or without that man If she is serious about her life, let her regard that the man doesn't exist so that she can find her bearing That man will soon come back for her and the children, but your sister must be firm that for now, let him get something doing that will generate incomes before she can even look at his side Because if she looses guard she will go back to square one and that is when her suffering will get to Promax A lazy man can't keep a woman and children A lazy woman too can't afford to be in a happy marriage So any money you people have to support the man give it to your sister to support her while she is with your parents 4 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by Wodu89: 7:50am On Aug 16, 2023 |
talented321: And you attacked me after saying all this nonsense. How does these edify ? |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by fyzaila: 7:56am On Aug 16, 2023 |
Didn't your sister see all these signs before the marriage? Abi she got belle before your sister was forced on him? |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by talented321: 8:45am On Aug 16, 2023 |
If the hype about church and christian is real' we would have not been taken the sick to the hospital. Wodu89: |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by Halo22: 9:21am On Aug 16, 2023 |
frozen70:Thank u very well for ur immense concern. I will take ur advice in high esteem. |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by bukhety(f): 9:35am On Aug 16, 2023 |
tensazangetsu20:Like all women? Your kind of generalization deserves an award! 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by frozen70(f): 2:15pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
Halo22: Thanks dear |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by Nobody: 8:29pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
tensazangetsu20: How? What kind of reasoning is this? Must you comment if you have nothing meaningful to type? Why would any human love deadbeat men in this 21st century? Explain this with facts, research and links or zip it with your baseless assumptions. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by Nobody: 8:32pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by DenreleDave(m): 8:35pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
Some men sha |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by Brandiebird: 8:37pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
Jovialjune1: You’re commenting on a post wherein a woman has fallen in love with a deadbeat man and you’re looking for research and links 😂😂😂 That person was wrong to generalise but young women have loved bad boys since the beginning of time. Not all but many! |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by Brandiebird: 8:40pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
You’re sister married a fuckboi who chose her because she comes from a family with some money. He is waiting for her to get tired and divorce herself. I think you guys have to let them suffer and for her to see the light and walk away from him. The more you enable them the longer the relationship will be and the more children they will bring into their mess. |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by Nobody: 8:45pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
Brandiebird: So this post is the basis to generalise? And this man, from Op's post clearly states that he had a job before they got married, so nowhere does it say he has been a deadbeat from the onset, but trust nl boys to twist a narrative to insult women as usual, when it is so obvious the husband in the Op simply doesn't have the will and zeal to cater for himself and family anymore Now show us concrete evidence, links, research that proves young women have loved bad boys since the beginning of time, your figment of imagination cannot be fact, and the ones you encounter in your enclave cannot be the standard for billions of women in the world. P.s waiting for your proof with a definite ratio. 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by DenreleDave(m): 8:48pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
Halo22: If he is not ready for the job.... Will you connect me, bro? |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by Halo22: 9:15pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
DenreleDave:That depends on ur skills. |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by Nobody: 9:28pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
talented321:Dude pick a stand. Your confusion is confusing my confusion. You blame women for marrying for feelings /love but you still go on to "love" Op's sister for being in love with a deadbeat, and understanding him. To cap it all you typed nobody can predict life. Lol is this not the same mantra for women who overlook material things and go for potentials in men? Lol 😂🤣🤣 . Why so confused? |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by prophetfire: 9:40pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
tensazangetsu20:. Very true. |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by tensazangetsu20(m): 9:42pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
Jovialjune1: Women love deadbeats especially Nigerian women. Seen so many cases I have literally lost count. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by Nobody: 9:49pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
tensazangetsu20: Your family and enclave is not the standard, you cannot meet 5 million women with same experience in your lifetime talk more of 500 thousand Nigerian women with same experience, 5 million is not even up to 10% of the population of women in the world same as 500 thousand in Nigeria, so rest with your baseless assumptions. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by Mindlog: 9:57pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
Reading in between lines, your brother in-law has the markings of one with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and NOTE, this is not me giving a diagnosis but from your post, I am picking being quarrelsome, impulsive, oppositional, inability to hold down a job, being unbothered etc Your sister is not yet tired of the marriage, you can't do much. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by Nobody: 10:31pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
Your sister must've noticed these things before she married him and still went agead to marry him. If he has been like these before the marriage and it's now 4+ years post-marriage and he sees no reason to change, and your sister isn't doing anything about it either (it's not as if she can change him if he's not willing to), there's nothing you can do. |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by Nobody: 10:37pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
It's your mother I feel sorry for, as she's not only taking care of them when they should be taking care of her but they're probably inconveniencing her in her home. |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by eniolorunfe: 10:42pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
Is it that it is a taboo for your sister to work or make her own money? No where in your write up did you state that your sister has a job or has money, yet you didn’t offer her the job even when her husband doesn’t want it. Empower your sister, that is how you can help her and her family. There are several families with similar or worse men but because the women are doing well financially everyone thinks the husband is perfect; not knowing that it’s the woman that’s covering up for the man. For a family to be run successfully, money has to be made. Who makes the money is a topic for another day  1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: How Do I Assist My Sister Who Has An Insensitive Hubby?. by Kobojunkie: 10:47pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
Halo22:what job does your sister do and how much of her family's finances does she cover? Hope your sister is on family planning so she does not surprise you all with yet another baby while you are all trying to figure her marriage out for her. Is your sister herself behaving responsibly in all of this? How can a woman get married in the year 2019 only to create as many problems as you describe for herself and her own mother and siblings? |
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