Learn to disagree, agreeably

Sat, 7 Oct 2023

‘Clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.’ Colossians 3:12

John Gray wrote the best-selling book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. His underlying thesis is this: in order to get along with someone, you have to try and see life from their perspective. And that’s not easy. Paul writes: ‘Clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts …’ (Colossians 3:12-15 NLT). People who expect others to conform to their thoughts and actions are usually concealing their own insecurities. They have a deep-seated need to have their views and actions confirmed by the behaviour and thoughts of others. But that’s not how life works. Disagreements happen in any relationship where more than one person is involved. We are all unique, and we are not likely to agree on everything. But the way we approach our disagreements can determine whether our relationship makes it to the finish line. Fighting fair, and opening yourself to the ideas of others and to new ways of doing things, is how you grow. And who knows, in the end, you may even ‘agree to disagree’. The important thing is to respect the other person’s ideas and seek to create an environment where the two of you can feel free to express your feelings and be who you really are without fear of being judged.