Jughead29:
Please don't pick advice from here that will hurt your golden 15yrs marriage please. God is our great provider, you're only acting in place of the Almighty.

My suggestion : Tell her how much you loved her, how you admire her attitude over the years... and that she's the best that could happen to you. Then tell her that you don't want anything to bring problems between both of you but the current situation in Nigeria is trying to....

Now tell her that, her cooking habit has been great over the years, but everything has time and season.... That its time to adjust so that you won't over work yourself or start disliking her

A woman who is 15yrs in marriage to be petted and coaxed over her bad behaviour?


Is she contributing towards the welfare of the home that is making her spend without logic?

Kobojunkiee:
You are not the first man to earn money abeg and you are not the first man to earn and cook at the same time, so please make we hear word. If you wanted a wife who earned money for her family too, you would have married a woman who did just that so let's not deviate.

You have a situation where clearly, you and your wife see things differently. Instead of creating an issue where an issue really ought not to exist— anyone can cook— the easiest solution would be to take over the cooking yourself and do so the way you prefer it done. They say if you want something done right you have to do it yourself that is why I gave you the suggestion from earlier.

so if i go to work; get tired and come back my wife should still expect me to enter kitchen and cook right?

Bros just reduce her upkeep with the excuse that salaries have been cut down at your work place due to high inflation and you go see how she go immediately get sense...Na she go even begin manage pass u sef

rickyrex:
■ so if i go to work; get tired and come back my wife should still expect me to enter kitchen and cook right?

You could choose to cook on the weekends instead and save food in the fridge to be eaten during the week.

stormborn28:
■ No one is demeaning anybody. It is what the woman in question is that is what i am making emphasis on. If she is discipline, there won't be waste. When the truth is stated, most women take it as insult

This is a marriage that you insult, not just the woman in it.

Firstly, I commend how you have been patient and you are ready to explore solutions rather than opt for divorce straight up.

Secondly, I think it is very manly of you to insist on protecting your wife's privacy and seeking help for that which you're pushed to the wall about. Also, you're not recounting how you're being financially responsible to her, as a husband should be.

I suggest you make use of upright professional marriage counsellors subsequently. Social media advisors mostly confuse and poison people's hearts against minor errors of their spouse. As long as a spouse is not cheating or being abusive, other things can be resolved amicably through communication between you two.

Going forward, this issue seems very easy. It appears that you give her money for groceries monthly. How about you tell her to draft a list of the home's monthly needs. Then, you create time one weekend and go shopping with her or by yourself (with the excuse that she should rest or visit her family/good friends) or with your kids to bond with them.

Your wife may be from a large family and is used to making food for many people in her house. I am sure she would feel bad for not being able to scale down on the foodstuff...HELP her to gauge them. Give her money for non-food essentials like you usually did, but for food; BUY BY YOURSELF. Go with her to the market, to pass a message to her that you're only after a solution and not inferring that she is insufficient as a wife.

Empathise with her and treat her with the patience that you would have your son-in-law/brother-in-law offer.

I am a woman and have come to learn that the toughness of marriage can be lightened through adequate communication between spouses. Afterall, we grew up in different backgrounds, so there is plenty need to overlook non-toxic traits. And then get help to rectify them.

You may purchase financial discipline books for her such as The Smart Money Woman by Ugwu Arese.

Kobojunkiee:
This is a marriage that you insult, not just the woman in it.

So when you tell someone truth, it means an insult... I hail your reasoning

It's simple, let her experience little scarcity of food for like 3 months, she will adjust.

Cut down the feeding expenses, let's say you always buy a bag of rice, you can deliberately buy quarter and apply this approach in other food stuff.

She will learn, don't play ...

stormborn28:
■ So when you tell someone truth, it means an insult... I hail your reasoning

You claim you are telling the truth but all I see you doing here is seeking ways to insult the woman for it all.

Kobojunkiee:
You claim you are telling the truth but all I see you doing here is seeking ways to insult the woman for it all.

You are the one seeing it as insult. A person who is ready to learn will not see it that way.. The formula I'm using to train my children today were learnt in five different working organization the deals in child minder. Training in seminars. I should throw in the towel when I felt I'm being " disrespect ".

I have told my wife many women are refusing to learn. That will continue to affect them in marriage or in their personal life.

Kobojunkiee:
If you don't like how she does the cooking, even after letting her know your concerns, then the next best thing for you to do would be to take over the cooking duties so you can help minimize waste and she can maybe spend her energy on other things that need doing.

Some people just bereft sense naturally

Timetravel88:


Don’t ever think your life wife is your partner, Oyibo is using that word to sow the seed of equality into marriages. She is not your partner but your wife and looks up to you for guidance, you are her husband and directs/delegates. Your authority comes secondary to God. Once you understand this hierarchy you’ll know your word is final, else na village you dey see yourself so.
Women are naturally consumer based hence their impulsive spending habits while Men are intrinsically producer based hence their conservative nature in parting with scarce funds, this also makes men financially savvy.
Your authority on monetary issues as the primary provider should be supreme. What you say should go unchallenged. If you go broke tomorrow (God forbid) will your wife not adjust her lavish cooking habits? No let madam send you go village.
Be the man of your home and take control of the PURSE else you’ll be the next BP patient waiting for the NURSE.
Enough said!

Neither flesh nor blood revealed that to you. I have been spending little satisfactorily as a single guy for a long time now. Only for me to currently find myself being entangled with a female in my peaceful and quiet space. I now feel it like a force to care for her, I truly don't like it...

I find it really hard living with a woman in my space for long(er) period of time. I feel like society and my urge for coitus are straight reasons why some of us want them in our spaces.... Maybe for babies,too.

brain54:
The marriage generally done tire you...

It's not only about the over cooking!

bro you sabi.
Forget all those lame excuses bro is fed up with the woman's attitude and responsibilities don choke am .
He says he wants to run away but for the kidsy who does that ?

vazsily:
Them say who dey ask questions no dey miss road. Although with the Internet crazy people are bound so I am circumspect.

I have been married over 15 years and in that time I have always complained about the way my wife over cooks and then start looking for who to share the food with in the name of giving alms. You would think having managed kitchen and home for that long, food measurement should come naturally.

I have not taking much interest until with the recent inflation and high cost of goods in the market. And why I struggle with the Grace of God to earn a living, madam on the other hand thinks going to the market regularly and living above my salary na achievement without any adjustment. The matter don tire me, I want to simply pick my bags and run but for the kids.

Responsibility is a choice but I think she's abusing it. Giving to the poor comes naturally for me but you must be wise about it. How do i resolve this?

This is why the bible says "a prudent wife is a gift from God."
When a wife is wasteful her husband is in trouble.
When a wife knows how to manage resources, how blessed is her husband.

Three solutions in my opinion;
1. Do the shopping once or twice and show her what's acceptable. You have to be stern about this. She sincerely might not see any thing wrong in her actions until you show her. Her upbringing is likely responsible for this.

2. Reduce her allowance and get her to start doing business and understand the value of money. She will learn to spend wisely.

3. You should both see your marriage counsellor if you have one in your church. You're also indulging her so you both could use some counselling.

Some may not understand the gravity of what you're going through but it has sent many men to early grave due to high BP and overweight of responsibilities.

Do some thing fast before some thing do you.

vazsily:
Them say who dey ask questions no dey miss road. Although with the Internet crazy people are bound so I am circumspect.

I have been married over 15 years and in that time I have always complained about the way my wife over cooks and then start looking for who to share the food with in the name of giving alms. You would think having managed kitchen and home for that long, food measurement should come naturally.

I have not taking much interest until with the recent inflation and high cost of goods in the market. And why I struggle with the Grace of God to earn a living, madam on the other hand thinks going to the market regularly and living above my salary na achievement without any adjustment. The matter don tire me, I want to simply pick my bags and run but for the kids.

Responsibility is a choice but I think she's abusing it. Giving to the poor comes naturally for me but you must be wise about it. How do i resolve this?

Been there...

Solution:

Don't buy food items, only fill up cooking gas.

Give her weekly cash you know it'll cover for the whole week and locked up. Let her know in clear term, once that money finishes, you don't have any money to give until NEXT week.

vazsily:
Them say who dey ask questions no dey miss road. Although with the Internet crazy people are bound so I am circumspect.

I have been married over 15 years and in that time I have always complained about the way my wife over cooks and then start looking for who to share the food with in the name of giving alms. You would think having managed kitchen and home for that long, food measurement should come naturally.

I have not taking much interest until with the recent inflation and high cost of goods in the market. And why I struggle with the Grace of God to earn a living, madam on the other hand thinks going to the market regularly and living above my salary na achievement without any adjustment. The matter don tire me, I want to simply pick my bags and run but for the kids.

Responsibility is a choice but I think she's abusing it. Giving to the poor comes naturally for me but you must be wise about it. How do i resolve this?

open communication (tell her what you don't like about food mangmt and others) REPEATEDLY. Manage her. No perfect partner just like you are not. If you change partner over mismanagemt of resources and others. Women are black market, you can hardly predict what next woman will turn out to be. You must set a budget for feeding and let her know that the food must last you till next salary

vazsily:
No be if she gree sit down! My matter dey really complicated. Things are expensive now and it's not funny. She no dey hear. Na to run dey my mind. Bcoz at the rate we dey go na BP remain for me. How do I even make her understand. She go market comes back and nah over cooking. I go the market, same thing. If say these kids are already grown, I swear I will walk away.

Leave am run for 2 weeks ,then come back.make she use her money run am

Kobojunkiee:
You could choose to cook on the weekends instead and save food in the fridge to be eaten during the week.

and that is if i'm a good cook

MARRIED people are PROUD - Makinde

WATH NOW

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Q60sSwhdU8

Kobojunkiee:
For here, oyinbo husband dey take over cooking duties easy — many of them used to cook for themselves even as bachelors so no big deal— while wife go go do laundry or mow lawn and other stuff. Nigerian men think that their heads big pass everyone else own. Na wa o!

Kobo J, Stop all this Talk naa,

Can the Wife Earn what the Husband is currently earning to Foot all the Home Bills??
Mostly Impossible...

rickyrex:
and that is if i'm a good cook

Well, you can go in as an assistant then because the complaint is related to the cooking.

OvertheTop:
Kobo J, Stop all this Talk naa, Can the Wife Earn what the Husband is currently earning to Foot all the Home Bills?? Mostly Impossible...

Who said she has to earn what the husband is earning or foot all the bills? Cooking for family is not even a parttime gig so why do you expect her to replace him as a fulltime earner?.

vazsily:


Abeg no vex!! Na me find trouble!

My brother, you dey argue with feminist. You get time ooo

vazsily:
Them say who dey ask questions no dey miss road. Although with the Internet crazy people are bound so I am circumspect.

I have been married over 15 years and in that time I have always complained about the way my wife over cooks and then start looking for who to share the food with in the name of giving alms. You would think having managed kitchen and home for that long, food measurement should come naturally.

I have not taking much interest until with the recent inflation and high cost of goods in the market. And why I struggle with the Grace of God to earn a living, madam on the other hand thinks going to the market regularly and living above my salary na achievement without any adjustment. The matter don tire me, I want to simply pick my bags and run but for the kids.

Responsibility is a choice but I think she's abusing it. Giving to the poor comes naturally for me but you must be wise about it. How do i resolve this?

This was my approach to managing our household: while my wife wasn't giving away food, she cooked abundantly, resulting in meat being everywhere. To manage this surplus, I encouraged sharing. I took charge of all the household bills and proposed that she solely handle the expenses related to cooking, specifically for stews and soups. However, when she served me food, I noticed only two small pieces of meat compared to the previous occasions when there might have been up to five pieces in a single soup. It seemed that when women spend their own money, they tend to make adjustments accordingly.

Fountainofyouth:
I think Kobo is right in a way, maybe when your wife sees you measuring the quantity of food and heading to the kitchen to cook, I think that will make her realise how serious you are about wasting food.

Let the spending on food comes from her, she will adjust accordingly