3 years ago, my dad sold our house without informing anyone of us. Meanwhile, we all had things left at home, including my mum's items. He never told us where some of those things are till date.
He sold that house and went to the village, he immediately started having issues with the village people. Fight today, fight tomorrow. Everyone in the village I heard now disrespect him due to how he reveal his secrets to anyone who cares to listen.
My dad wants to leave the village to go rent an apartment in another state. His financial responsibility has been on me alone. My siblings abandoned him.
He's being nursing the idea of leaving the village and never informed me. Last november I spent almost 2 million naira fixing solar power and inverter for him in his house at the village and immediately after that he started saying he wants to leave the village..
I told my dad never to relocate to the village yet, that he should wait till his is older as he is still agile and all his friends are in the state where we lived or around. He also gets contracts once in a while so I don't bear much financial burden. But no, he failed to listen and sold our house and left.
My dad wants me to cough out another 1M to rent a house, he wants it big, 3 bedroom. I told him to look for a 2 bedroom but he said where would visitors stay.
I am not even comfortable seeing him in a rented apartment, what would my cousins say, they would mock us. I have some of them who are very naughty. He is bringing shame in us.
We have two properties and my husband wants him to come and stay in one, I vehemently disagreed because he will be controlling us, some of my extended family members will come visiting him and carry the news to the village, as well as discussing my own family and I don't want that. They contributed to what is happening to him now. Through him, some of them will come to stay and I can not start what I can't continue with. So I told my husband to dead that idea fast.
He wants to leave the village latest by February. How do I convince him to get a 2 bedroom flat? 3 bedroom would mean 3 mattresses, and everything triple. My dad doesn't like anything less. All the expenses will be on me alone. My siblings don't care.
I can't turn deaf ears to his needs. I don't want him in the village and I hate to see him in a rented apartment but that is what it is now.
I need contructive advice especially those of us with retired parents, how do you relate with their needs? I told him to think of a small trade so he won't be idle like he's been since retirement and he is talking about setting up electrical pole business, I laughed. Sebi he wan rek me. Same way he did not manage hid wealth.
My own is, if you have the money why not. Don't listen to people who are eating mommy thank you.
Because when he dies you will realize that you did too little for him when he is alive. Besides, I can bet you that his blessings are with you and things will always work out for you.
Remember you will grow old treat the same way you will be treated.
Forget the whole money.
That is why he has children. What is your money if your Dad no chop.
I am sure what ever you claim to be today. He made it possible someway and somehow
No matter how useless a father is. His blessings works faster than any human blessings in this world.
Leave him to enjoy his old age.
1 million wey go turn 10 million for you after you pay am.
If you can afford it, give him what he wants. It will gladens his heart and you virtue )Blessings) will be drawn from him to you. This is an opportunity to take the blessings all.
Solofresh2: Let him rent the apartment. Let him learn his lessons. You don't pamper stubborn people.Am sure he still believes he is doing the right thing. Let him learn the hard way The fact that he sold the house without telling his family shows he has no respect for his family. If you do as he wishes, then you are obviously the foolish one among his children
Is it is father you are talking about ohh.. Even the 2 other properties are likely his as op refered to them as "we own" not I own.
Solofresh2: Let him rent the apartment. Let him learn his lessons. You don't pamper stubborn people.Am sure he still believes he is doing the right thing. Let him learn the hard way The fact that he sold the house without telling his family shows he has no respect for his family. If you do as he wishes, then you are obviously the foolish one among his children
Op, thread lightly with your dad. Please him to the best of you ability, na your papa. OP, how I wish my papa could be around to trouble me as yours is doing now. I lost mine in August last year.
3 years ago, my dad sold our house without informing anyone of us. Meanwhile, we all had things left at home, including my mum's items. He never told us where some of those things are till date.
He sold that house and went to the village, he immediately started having issues with the village people. Fight today, fight tomorrow. Everyone in the village I heard now disrespect him due to how he reveal his secrets to anyone who cares to listen.
My dad wants to leave the village to go rent an apartment in another state. His financial responsibility has been on me alone. My siblings abandoned him.
He's being nursing the idea of leaving the village and never informed me. Last november I spent almost 2 million naira fixing solar power and inverter for him in his house at the village and immediately after that he started saying he wants to leave the village..
I told my dad never to relocate to the village yet, that he should wait till his is older as he is still agile and all his friends are in the state where we lived or around. He also gets contracts once in a while so I don't bear much financial burden. But no, he failed to listen and sold our house and left.
My dad wants me to cough out another 1M to rent a house, he wants it big, 3 bedroom. I told him to look for a 2 bedroom but he said where would visitors stay.
I am not even comfortable seeing him in a rented apartment, what would my cousins say, they would mock us. I have some of them who are very naughty. He is bringing shame in us.
We have two properties and my husband wants him to come and stay in one, I vehemently disagreed because he will be controlling us, some of my extended family members will come visiting him and carry the news to the village, as well as discussing my own family and I don't want that. They contributed to what is happening to him now. Through him, some of them will come to stay and I can not start what I can't continue with. So I told my husband to dead that idea fast.
He wants to leave the village latest by February. How do I convince him to get a 2 bedroom flat? 3 bedroom would mean 3 mattresses, and everything triple. My dad doesn't like anything less. All the expenses will be on me alone. My siblings don't care.
I can't turn deaf ears to his needs. I don't want him in the village and I hate to see him in a rented apartment but that is what it is now.
I need contructive advice especially those of us with retired parents, how do you relate with their needs? I told him to think of a small trade so he won't be idle like he's been since retirement and he is talking about setting up electrical pole business, I laughed. Sebi he wan rek me. Same way he did not manage hid wealth.
when you have money, you start worrying about other people who don't worry about others.
You father sold his house without informing anybody and relocate to the village abi, let him stay in the village. It is because you have given him the impression that you have the money, that why the demand keeps coming.
Are you sure he doesn’t have another ‘home’? May be you have step brother or sister somewhere o. My apologies if this comes too straight to you, bcause that’s another money-draining venture, before you start wetin you no fit finish. Keeping two homes can be cost-intensive.
I support you taking care of your parents o but carry out some due diligence on them. Let your dad open up to you so that you can know how to properly come in and render a lasting help. I could see you are mature and caring daughter.
Does he womanize? Is he owing someone due to some contractual obligations on his side? Does he drink (excessively) or bet/gamble? Etc. Let him share his debt profile with you. Document them and see how you can clear them little-by-little. Knowing these would help you know how to fix things quickly. At least you would know the source of the problem.
As per the house rent; since he wants a 3-bed, look for it in areas where its cost would be equivalent to that of 2-bed in posh areas that he would have wanted. Tell him you can only furnish 2-rooms. Getting him the house would save you from everyday hassle of having to mediate in fights. I guess the frequency at which he is operating is different from those he met back in the village. So they will always clash, unless they compromise on some things.
Also, if there’s power, ask him what he would like to do to be getting some cash/finances so that you (and probably, your siblings) can set him up to reduce his reliance (for money) on you.
Our parents are growing older and as they age, some of them tend to ask for those things we also asked for (from them) when we were small, without thinking of how our parents would get it.
This is the time to get more closer to him and bond. The bonding will let him open up on so many things. Please don’t drive him into depression. It costs a lot to bury aged parents these days o, especially when you come from a tribe that doesn’t compromise on this. Appeal to your siblings to see what you see that they don’t see.
It’s tough for a lion that has been eating Bouvet in the jungle before to now be eating half chicken in the zoo. I pray he lives longer and healthier. Please manage him well. I am sure he would give-in to your advice. And I pray may God almighty help you to take better care of him and not put your family to shame.
Note: all I said may not be useful to you, but you could still see a few that could be adaptable. Don’t listen to those who said you should leave him or abandon him o. He reserves the right to sell his house without informing you. It is his property. He felt that’s the best decision to make at that time. Any of us can make such or similar decisions at any time.
Nah.....that was common sense talking not me low blowing her relatives. I don't get how a grown woman will be so concerned about "what will people say?"
Younger me used to be consumed with such thoughts but older me has a screw them mentality and attitude, which has served me well. The OP needs to try it.
@ your last sentence, I plan to, I pray the universe aligns well with my hopes and dreams for 2024. Wishing you a fabulous year too.
Who do we have here?!
Klass99, how's it going?... TGIF.
I just realized that this thread topic hit the front page of NL less than an hour ago. No wonder I had mentions to my first post here in quick successions.
Indeed, you spoke your truth with the "screw them up" swag! It's always good to take a stand when confronted with critical issues at every major and minor turning points in life.
I found this deep family thread while reading your posts and I'll be reading more of your insights down the road... (That is, before you delete or declutter as usual).
The universe will indeed always align if our vibrational thoughts, feelings, and actions align.
Thanks for the New Year wishes as well. Do stay safe and continue to take charge.
My dear the father no be REALLY AM at all at all !just imagine an old man behaving like a SPOILT BRAT in this generation!.the lady is soft hearted and at the same time not too wise with her affections.she also needs to to wise up with the society now,we can't all please ALL.i understand the place of wealth in Thier case here but the man needs learn fairly too.If she can ask him to kindly sell off the house he bought without telling them,then use the proceed to buy another in d city (then she might help him add a little if he asks her hand on it)or rather build a smaller one for him around the city capital of Thier village.If that man gets closer to her family he might become a poison and bring satanic manipulations and bad luck o His village people sef tried, they would have killed him straight if it were to be my side ,but him blood sef hot.Some kinds of relationship are best manged at a distance.The other fam members saw this and kinda stood afar off him but sister hmmm
Beremx: Since your husband has suggested he stays in one of your properties, please allow him to instead of wasting money to go rent an apartment. Renewing yearly rent isn't an easy one. Your dad is misbehaving simply because his kids are rich.
Where's your mom btw? If she's seperated from your dad, she made a right decision. Your papa no be am.
3 years ago, my dad sold our house without informing anyone of us. Meanwhile, we all had things left at home, including my mum's items. He never told us where some of those things are till date.
He sold that house and went to the village, he immediately started having issues with the village people. Fight today, fight tomorrow. Everyone in the village I heard now disrespect him due to how he reveal his secrets to anyone who cares to listen.
My dad wants to leave the village to go rent an apartment in another state. His financial responsibility has been on me alone. My siblings abandoned him.
He's being nursing the idea of leaving the village and never informed me. Last november I spent almost 2 million naira fixing solar power and inverter for him in his house at the village and immediately after that he started saying he wants to leave the village..
I told my dad never to relocate to the village yet, that he should wait till his is older as he is still agile and all his friends are in the state where we lived or around. He also gets contracts once in a while so I don't bear much financial burden. But no, he failed to listen and sold our house and left.
My dad wants me to cough out another 1M to rent a house, he wants it big, 3 bedroom. I told him to look for a 2 bedroom but he said where would visitors stay.
I am not even comfortable seeing him in a rented apartment, what would my cousins say, they would mock us. I have some of them who are very naughty. He is bringing shame in us.
We have two properties and my husband wants him to come and stay in one, I vehemently disagreed because he will be controlling us, some of my extended family members will come visiting him and carry the news to the village, as well as discussing my own family and I don't want that. They contributed to what is happening to him now. Through him, some of them will come to stay and I can not start what I can't continue with. So I told my husband to dead that idea fast.
He wants to leave the village latest by February. How do I convince him to get a 2 bedroom flat? 3 bedroom would mean 3 mattresses, and everything triple. My dad doesn't like anything less. All the expenses will be on me alone. My siblings don't care.
I can't turn deaf ears to his needs. I don't want him in the village and I hate to see him in a rented apartment but that is what it is now.
I need contructive advice especially those of us with retired parents, how do you relate with their needs? I told him to think of a small trade so he won't be idle like he's been since retirement and he is talking about setting up electrical pole business, I laughed. Sebi he wan rek me. Same way he did not manage hid wealth.
you've been the one sponsoring his bad habits even when your siblings wised up and it has more to do with optics (what will people say) than with common sense because who in the world especially in this Nigeria plays with money these days ? Remember, you're not paying just the rent, with the big eyes of that elderly adolescent, you're going to cough out in excess of 5-10m to furnish that place alone going by the cost of household items these days. I don't know how heavy your bank account is and if it's a chicken change but you really need a serious one on one talk with your father because I feel you're afraid of him instead of respecting him. This man doesn't send you, it's better you send yourself. I didn't say you should insult him but if you know you can't handle the expenses confidently then comot body after all, he didn't regard any of you while selling the family house. Egberi fa o
gidjah: My dear the father no be REALLY AM at all at all !just imagine an old man behaving like a SPOILT BRAT in this generation!.the lady is soft hearted and at the same time not too wise with her affections.she also needs to to wise up with the society now,we can't all please ALL.i understand the place of wealth in Thier case here but the man needs learn fairly too.If she can ask him to kindly sell off the house he bought without telling them,then use the proceed to buy another in d city (then she might help him add a little if he asks her hand on it)or rather build a smaller one for him around the city capital of Thier village.If that man gets closer to her family he might become a poison and bring satanic manipulations and bad luck o His village people sef tried, they would have killed him straight if it were to be my side ,but him blood sef hot.Some kinds of relationship are best manged at a distance.The other fam members saw this and kinda stood afar off him but sister hmmm
left to me, I won't do shingbain apart from monthly maintenance for him. Imagine after spending 2m to install solar just a few months ago ? The man is just pure evil like a drug addict who always goes to rehab on his family's pocket and in this case, na only one person dey pay. Haba
My siblings don't care. He can't even tell them of his plans.
I think you're one of the reasons many men would wish they have daughters - good daughters.
Girls tend to love their dad more and you have proven that to be true.
You see that your dad? He's a difficult man. He still hasn't learnt his lessons despite how village people have treated him.
I'm very certain a dad I warned not to go to the village, went on to sell his house without informing me and relocated, can't call me in a situation he created.
You're good woman and may God bless you. Don't give what you don't have. Again, don't get him close on the property your husband suggested.
Your father remains your father, he gave birth to you and saw you through school and life. No matter his down side, give him the best he deserves and you will be mightily blessed. I suggest you buy a small piece of land at the outskirts of the town and build a three bedroom bungalow for him in your name and when he passes on the property reverts to you. Perhaps the reason why he sold his other house in the city is because of the attitude of your siblings, but you love him, then go ahead and show him more love.
3 years ago, my dad sold our house without informing anyone of us. Meanwhile, we all had things left at home, including my mum's items. He never told us where some of those things are till date.
He sold that house and went to the village, he immediately started having issues with the village people. Fight today, fight tomorrow. Everyone in the village I heard now disrespect him due to how he reveal his secrets to anyone who cares to listen.
My dad wants to leave the village to go rent an apartment in another state. His financial responsibility has been on me alone. My siblings abandoned him.
He's being nursing the idea of leaving the village and never informed me. Last november I spent almost 2 million naira fixing solar power and inverter for him in his house at the village and immediately after that he started saying he wants to leave the village..
I told my dad never to relocate to the village yet, that he should wait till his is older as he is still agile and all his friends are in the state where we lived or around. He also gets contracts once in a while so I don't bear much financial burden. But no, he failed to listen and sold our house and left.
My dad wants me to cough out another 1M to rent a house, he wants it big, 3 bedroom. I told him to look for a 2 bedroom but he said where would visitors stay.
I am not even comfortable seeing him in a rented apartment, what would my cousins say, they would mock us. I have some of them who are very naughty. He is bringing shame in us.
We have two properties and my husband wants him to come and stay in one, I vehemently disagreed because he will be controlling us, some of my extended family members will come visiting him and carry the news to the village, as well as discussing my own family and I don't want that. They contributed to what is happening to him now. Through him, some of them will come to stay and I can not start what I can't continue with. So I told my husband to dead that idea fast.
He wants to leave the village latest by February. How do I convince him to get a 2 bedroom flat? 3 bedroom would mean 3 mattresses, and everything triple. My dad doesn't like anything less. All the expenses will be on me alone. My siblings don't care.
I can't turn deaf ears to his needs. I don't want him in the village and I hate to see him in a rented apartment but that is what it is now.
I need contructive advice especially those of us with retired parents, how do you relate with their needs? I told him to think of a small trade so he won't be idle like he's been since retirement and he is talking about setting up electrical pole business, I laughed. Sebi he wan rek me. Same way he did not manage hid wealth.
You dad is highly irresponsible and inconsiderate. He has lived his life, let him allow you live yours. What happened to the money from the sale of his house?
3 years ago, my dad sold our house without informing anyone of us. Meanwhile, we all had things left at home, including my mum's items. He never told us where some of those things are till date.
He sold that house and went to the village, he immediately started having issues with the village people. Fight today, fight tomorrow. Everyone in the village I heard now disrespect him due to how he reveal his secrets to anyone who cares to listen.
My dad wants to leave the village to go rent an apartment in another state. His financial responsibility has been on me alone. My siblings abandoned him.
He's being nursing the idea of leaving the village and never informed me. Last november I spent almost 2 million naira fixing solar power and inverter for him in his house at the village and immediately after that he started saying he wants to leave the village..
I told my dad never to relocate to the village yet, that he should wait till his is older as he is still agile and all his friends are in the state where we lived or around. He also gets contracts once in a while so I don't bear much financial burden. But no, he failed to listen and sold our house and left.
My dad wants me to cough out another 1M to rent a house, he wants it big, 3 bedroom. I told him to look for a 2 bedroom but he said where would visitors stay.
I am not even comfortable seeing him in a rented apartment, what would my cousins say, they would mock us. I have some of them who are very naughty. He is bringing shame in us.
We have two properties and my husband wants him to come and stay in one, I vehemently disagreed because he will be controlling us, some of my extended family members will come visiting him and carry the news to the village, as well as discussing my own family and I don't want that. They contributed to what is happening to him now. Through him, some of them will come to stay and I can not start what I can't continue with. So I told my husband to dead that idea fast.
He wants to leave the village latest by February. How do I convince him to get a 2 bedroom flat? 3 bedroom would mean 3 mattresses, and everything triple. My dad doesn't like anything less. All the expenses will be on me alone. My siblings don't care.
I can't turn deaf ears to his needs. I don't want him in the village and I hate to see him in a rented apartment but that is what it is now.
I need contructive advice especially those of us with retired parents, how do you relate with their needs? I told him to think of a small trade so he won't be idle like he's been since retirement and he is talking about setting up electrical pole business, I laughed. Sebi he wan rek me. Same way he did not manage hid wealth.
Nothing is wrong with a rented apartment. Let them mock, it doesn't remove anything from you
KillahPriest: left to me, I won't do shingbain apart from monthly maintenance for him. Imagine after spending 2m to install solar just a few months ago ? The man is just pure evil like a drug addict who always goes to rehab on his family's pocket and in this case, na only one person dey pay. Haba
Ahmed0336: OP you're too weak for my liking. You're even begging him to manage two bedroom flat?
I don't have advice to waste, do as you please.
Let's just say she loves and respects her father a lot. You don't know the length the father had gone for them in the past which could be informing her present moves. I do think though that she needs to tone down on the mindset of being in competition with her cousins as that would take away the extra pressure and help her plan right.
I can tell you that your mummy is the reason for his confused state, men start taking confused decisions when their wives does not have respect for them again.
I really appreciate your efforts to support him, all you need to do now is to be firm, otherwise you too will become confused, tell him what you have and insist on the two bedroom flat, unless he has money to add yearly.
