This is not a cry for help nor pity,Ive had enough of those, which is why I don't talk to people about my struggles anymore
I've lived with anxiety for as long as I can remember I'm 23 about to be 24 and I still don't know who I am, I have this deep rooted self hatred, I despise my own reflection,my voice and everything I do never feels enough.
My crippling inferiority complex has made me ghost all my love interests out of the blue for no reason I can speak of,
I never feel enough,I never feel right
Sometimes I stay up at night trying to trace where and when it all began,where did I go wrong,I remember being a shy kid even into my early teens but my introversion slowly morphed me into this antisocial self loathing entity,who can't even stand the sound of his own voice.
Im not some incel loser,i get compliments on my looks,I get stares when I go out, I'm a really good looking young guy tall with an adaptive intelligence,but the self loathing never goes away it clings at the back of my mind always refuting every ounce of pride I might attain ,always whispering my tiniest flaws into my ear
sometimes I try to blame it on different factors such as my strict parents or my shyness which I allowed to grow with me into early adult hood.
I think of suicide a lot some years back I wouldn't consider taking my life but recently everyday it starts to feel like a reasonable way out there's no way to describe how I feel,I've scoured the internet looking for people who relate I don't talk to people about it anymore,cus it either just makes them uncomfortable or they tell me to find God,I stopped believing in God a while back I don't believe in anything, why should I believe in anything if I don't even believe in myself??.
If you know what it feels like to daily wish to just disappear, let's talk.

Seriously serious

You know what it funny about self hate
It is the number one disease in the world
Alot are good at masking it
While others get overwhelmed by it
Sometimes we ask ourselves we were born like this where did we pick up all this destructive patterns
Tell us about what out society has turned into
Family members ,friends , lovers and environment passing on their toxic habits unto us
Leading us into a life of selfhate because we have become something we're not
But sometimes I think that's spirits plan so we can always come back to him
Spirit wants you to break these patterns of selfhate and become a light in your society that's why he is putting you through it hoping you will come to him and walk with him
These things you described yourself with isn't you...it's what the world wants you to create for yourself
Take it all off
Forgive your past and everyone in it
1st Corinthians 13 is good to meditate with
Not love for anybody else but for ourselves
Once the world was in darkness..spirit came and look at what he built in 7 days
Allow Spirit into your life and see what you will become
Make I no yarn too much
Just talking like someone who was once in your shoes
Look around spirit is always there wanting to come in