MUST READ!!
During lunch at work last week, I
ate 3 plates of beans (which I
know I shouldn’t). When I got
home, my husband seemed
excited to see me and exclaimed
delightedly, “Darling I have a
surprise for dinner tonight”. He
then blindfolded me and led me
to my chair at the dinner table. I
took a seat and just as he was
about to remove my blindfold,
the telephone rang. He made me
promise not to touch the
blindfold until he returned and
went to answer the call.
The beans I had consumed were
still affecting me and the
pressure was becoming
unbearable, so while my
husband was out of the room I
utilized that opportunity,
shifted my weight to one leg
and let one go. It was not only
loud, but it smelled like a
fertilizer truck running over a
skunk in front of a garbage
dump! I took my napkin from my
lap and fanned the air around me
vigorously. Then, shifting to the
other leg, I ripped off three
more. The stink was worse than
cooked cabbage. Keeping my
ears carefully tuned to the
conversation in the other room, I
went on releasing atomic bombs
like this for another few
minutes. The pleasure was
indescribable!
Eventually the telephone
farewells signaled the end of
my freedom, so I quickly fanned
the air a few more times with my
napkin, placed it on my lap and
folded my hands back on it
feeling very relieved and
pleased with myself. My face
must have been the picture of
innocence when my husband
returned, apologizing for taking
so long.He asked me if I had
peeped through the blindfold,
and I assured him I had not. At
this point, he removed the
blindfold, and twelve dinner
guests seated around the table,
with their hands to their noses!

Guess who wins

Wife to Husband :
In my dream you were buying a diamond ring for me!
.
.
Husband : yeah I saw your dad was paying for it =)) X_X

One morning the husband returns after
several hours of fishing and decides to
take a nap. Although not familiar with the
lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance,
anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says,
"Good morning, Ma'am. What are you
doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking,
"Isn't that obvious?"
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he
informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm
reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all
I know you could start
at any moment. I'll
have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you
with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the
game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the
equipment. For all I know you could start
at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman..
♥ comment if u think women are smart,

PretiEbony: Amen!!!
He should also forgive the person the created this rubbish called thread

okay.

Which of the following reply irritate you mostly??
1..Mmmh
2..Whatever
3..K
4..Lol
5..So
6..Nkt
Others specify

PretiEbony: Hmm another Calabar girl commenting..




But chill babe, i'm not trying to insult...
Its just an observation

Rubbish.

.

NAIJA IS SO BLESSED
What would happen in Nigeria if we are to experience hurricane (GOD FORBID)
Imagine say a 'Hurricane Akpors' isheading for Naija in 3 weeks.. Firstand foremost;
1. Prophet T.B Joshua will prophesy the hurricane.
2. The State Governors will hold a press conference advising the people of the states to remain calm as government is working hard to see how they can tackle the situation.
3. National Emergency Management Agency (NEMA) will grant an interview on Channels TV and AIT saying that they are well trained and prepared to handle the crisis. That they are untop of the Situation.
4. The Federal Government will wait for the Hurricane to first land and wipe out States then;
- Hold a day of National Mourning and Prayers and order the flag be flown at half mast.
- Visit the disaster location for a first hand assessment of the damage.
- Visit the survivors camp and share relief material (Mosquito nets, rice and Indomie)
- Set up a committee to investigatethe Hurricane and see how we can prevent future hurricanes from visiting Nigeria.
- Release billions of Naira (on Paper) for disaster management.
- Sack the Minister of Water Resources for failing to contain the water.
- Commend the State Governors, NEMA, Red Cross and other emergency services unit for their quick response.
5. The Senate will hold an emergency session and condemn the 'Hurricane'.
6. Churches around Nigeria will hold crusades and Programmes with Titles like 'May Hurricane wipe out your enemies'.. 'Calming the Hurricanes in your life'.. 'Finding the Rainbow in your Hurricane'.. e.t.c..
7. M.I Abaga will release a single about hurricanes.
8. Femi Falana (SAN) will sue the Hurricane, F.G and State government for their poor handling of their handling of d Hurricane.
9. CPC, ACN, APGA and others will blame d PDP and Jona 4 d Hurricane.

A new element added to PERIODIC
TABLE :
Name: Girl
Symbol: Gl
Atomic weight: Don't even dare to
ask. Physical properties:
1. Boils at any time,
2. Melts when handled with love
and
care,
3. very bitter when mishandled.
Chemical properties:
1. Very reactive,
2. Highly unstable,
3. Possesses high affinity to gold,
platinum, diamond, branded
clothes
and other expensive items.
Nature:
1. Money reducing agent.
2. Volatile when left alone.
Occurrence:
Mostly found in front
of the mirrors.

These can only happen in Nollywood movies. Enjoy
1. How can a ghost look left and right before crossing the road? 'Dem dey fear accident?'
2. Why does the TV go off by itself after the 'breaking news'?
3. Why do all native doctors paint one eye?
4. Why must every advert start with a loud scream?
5. Why must every juju part be represented by lightning and thunder - under the bright sunlight?
6. Why do Nigerian movies always have part one to five?
7. How can Segun Arinze be Ramsey Noah's dad? Any resemblance?
8. Why would a blind mother say"I'm happy to see you, my son"?
9. Why is Jim Iyke always coming back from America and speaking with a fake British accent?
10. When will Pastor Ajidara stop being a fake pastor?
11. Why is it that the characters die or run mad immediately after their confessions?
12. Which evil woman washed pant inside soup that Tony Umez ate and became the god of Nollywood imbeciles?
13. How come Epic Village Movie, set in the 90's, still find Mercy Johnson with Brazilian hair?
14. How can N2bn fit into a small Ghana-Must-Go bag?
15. Must all hired assassins be found in uncompleted or abandoned buildings? 'Na dem papa house?'
16. Why must a film have "Part 1,2,3"; "Return of The Film 1,2 and 3"; and "The Same Film 'Reloaded' 1,2 and 3"?!
17. Will a Yoruba movie ever be complete without a visit to the 'Baba'?
18. Study: 9 out of 10 times, Olu Jacobs dies of heart attack in Nollywood movies, why?
19. "15 years ago" - and Ini Edo calls her boyfriend with a Bold 5. How is this possible?
20. Why will the parents call their child three times and ask him/her"How many time did I call you?" 'Dem no sabi count?'
21. When poor people come to Lagos to struggle, they always make it. If it truly is so, why poor people still dey Lagos?
22. Why is it that Ogogo is always innocent but must be a victim of circumstances?
23. Who translates Yoruba films without studying English? E.g "My wife is a pregnancy.
Add your own...

Women are hard to understand, but men are even harder to understand.
Reasons why ladies gradually giving up love.
If you dress nicely, he says you are a snob. If u dress sexy he say you are a slut.
If you argue with him he says you're stubborn.
If you're quite he says you're stupid.
If you call he says you are needy and clingy.
If he calls you, he says you should be grateful.
If u dont love him he'll try to win you.
If you love him, he'll take u for granted and leave you.
If u dont make love with him he'll say u dont love him.
If u do he'll say you're easy.
If you tel him your problems he'll say you are irritating,
If u dont he'll say u don't trust him.
If u lecturer him he'll say u are bitchy,
If he lecturers you its because he 'cares'
If u text him he doesnt respond,
If u stop texting, he asks what went wrong.
If he breaks a promise, he had to.
If u break a promise u cant be trusted.
If you cheat on him, its over.
If he cheats on you he expects to be given another chance.

A guy in a hurry used the ladies 'toilet in a posh hotel'.. He sat down & noticed 4 buttons- WW, WA, PP & APR.
Curious, he pressed WW & his butt was gently sprayed with WARM WATER, he loved it so much!
He then pressed WA & a blast of WARM AIR dried him up. Still loving it,
he pressed PP & a POWDER PUFF tomake him smell fresh.
Feeling pampered, he decided to press the last button APR. He later woke up in a hospital, a nurse smiled & said;
Sir, APR means AUTOMATIC PAD REMOVER, so when the machine couldn't find a pad on you, it went for your balls.
Your balls are in this jar.

The first letter in your name predicts your character..
A― Romantic
B― Proud
C― Innocent
D― Lovable
E― Good but Hurtfull
F―Compassionate
G― Logical Minded
H― Leadership Potential
I― Helpful
J― Free-Spirited
K― Irritating
L― Funny
M― Emotional
N― Sensible
O― Supportive
P― Crazy
Q―Unpredictable
R― Practical
S― Loving
T― Fake
U― Sensitive
V― Genius
W― Calm
X― Easy-Going
Y― Intelligent
Z― Jovial
Comment your letter..

Stella_Bella: my category no dey.

yaba left babe!

Dah kain thing.lol

WHAT TYPE OF FRUIT ARE YOU?
1. MANGO - Happily married
2. ORANGE - Single and searching
3. LEMON - Having a sex partner no strings attached
4. STRAWBERRY - In a relationship but in love with someone else
5. PEAR - Still in love with your ex
6. CHERRY - In a relationship for wrong reason you just don't know why you still with the person
7. GRAPES - Single and happy
8. PINEAPPLE - Just like the person, nothing serious at all
9. BANANA - In a relationship with the person you love, the love of your life

lecturerdabo: U must have broken her heart so so bad , keep begging

I didn't break anyones heart

lecturerdabo: The guy cheated and ought to be charged for attempted murder!

GOOD 1

Why do you say so?

According to you, which one do you think is the best feeling?
1. Finding a lover after 3 yrs of being single
2. Finding a toilet in the streets when having a running stomach.
3. Finding money when broke
# comment with number #

DEAR GUYS:
You know a woman is truly hurt when she ignores you. SILENCE is a woman's way of expressing ANGERand PAIN.. all at once.--
DEAR GIRLS,
NO GUY is PERFECT, but when you find a guy who is willing to admit he was wrong and try to fix his mistakes, you've found someone who is good.-

A guy and his girlfriend went to commit suicide on top of a 10 storey building so that God can officiate their wedding in heaven.
There plan was to jump off the building at the same time at the count of three. So, After the count, the guy jumped off but the girl didn't jump. She looked back and said: Love is blind but am not
blind. She then walked away.
As the guy got to the air, he opened his parachute and said: Though, I'm madly in love, but not mad to die for "LOVE".
Now the question is who cheated between the two of them?

(A). REAL BOYS
Real boys are getting busy investing on their future making money, Using most of their time thinking and getting ready for future.
(B). FAKE BOYS
Fake boys are swaging, showing off, living a fake life to impress others, sleeping around and boasting to women what they can't be or afford in the next 10years
(C). REAL BABES
Real babes are serious, staying faithful, Graduating, building a career, trusting God for a better life, getting a Good job and a having good family with kids in future
(D). FAKE BABES
Fake babes are unfaithful, flirting, clubbing, gossiping, swaging, sleeping around exchanging their precious body for money, worldly material things that won't last for
ever...(VANITY)
PLEASE BE SINCERE WHICH ONE ARE U?
Answer with: A, B, C, D,

♥ GOD IS MERCIFUL ♥
♥ despite the fact that I'm a
sinner yet I slept yesterday I'm
still alive today.
NOTE:
1. Some did and couldnt make it
to today
2. Many slept yesterday only to
wake up today with a kind of
sickness.
3. Some never knew when to
sleep. Cant recognice the day or
the night #blind
4. Some did nothing yesterday
but today they'll be charged to
court and its a life sentence.
5. Many cant walk, not to talk of
dance. Some cant sleep, to talkof
you snoring.
Brothers and sisters there are
Uncountable reasons why you
should praise GOD!!!

A man buys a LIE DETECTOR Robot that slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at dinner.
Dad: Son, where were you today during school hours?
Son: At school. (Robot slaps son)
Son: Okay, I went to the movies!
Dad: Which one?
Son: Harry potter. (Robot slaps again)
Son: Okay, I was watching porn.
Dad: What? When I was your age I didn't even know what porn was. (Robot slaps dad)
Mom: Hahahahahaha!!! After all"he is your son"! (Robot slaps mom).

Teacher : Class if you to choose between money and brain what would you go for ??
Johnny : I'd go for the money!!!!
Teacher : As for me I'd go for brain!
Johnny : Well everybody goes for what he doesn't have!!!!!
Click LIKE if you understand.