Hello everyone,
I'm an active member on this forum but I just have to open a nu acct cos my hubby is an active member too.
i've being very unhappy in my marriage for reasons i will list bellow and pls people i need advice(i mean seriously)

1) the most bafflin is dat i can't get my hubby to have an erection from start to finish. i know u guys will start sayin maybe i'm not active in bed but believe me when i tell u dat i'm super hot in bed. b4 i tot it's becos of d baby weight n pregnancy period i gain but now dat i'm trim n back to my better self, i still can't get him to perform.

2) i'm suspecting he's seeing someone cos he hides his phone every time n there is one particular no he calls late at night n very early in d morning. dis started like 3months back

3) i've bein on dis particular case for a very long time. i've bein a stay home mom for a year n half now n every time i raise d issue of our daughter starting creche he always gimme a cold should telling me it's not yet time.

4) lately i've being have tots of cheating on him cos i'm not happy(imagine not havin a good f**k for over 2yrs) it's killing me
i tried talking to him abt it but d excuse he gives me is dat he has alot on his mind then i'll ask him like what he just won't gimme a concrete reason or dat maybe it's pile.

These is someone dat checks my phone everyday, he do not allow me to go out(cos he believes guys will toast me cos even in his presence dey do toast me).
Believe me when i tell i'm not ugly neither do I nag, i'm neat to a fault, i'm not demanding neither i'm i materialistic. so, I just don't understand. i really really love my husband n I don't want to cheat on him but this thing is really getting to me.
so, good people i need ur advise.

Try visitin his parent and tel them watz happenin,most xspecially his mum cuz she wil easy understand wat u r going through.

So . .what happens when you take the initiative and try to give him a h[i]ea[/i]d?

You need to find out if he is at all willing to go along with you.

btw, the fact that a man cheats does not mean he wont be able (or want) to sleep with you.

If he's sleeping around outside, but cant get it up with you, then he has issues with you and that's what you need to find out.

i tried but it still did not work

Whatever you do, do not cheat!
Talk to your husband as a woman should.

Any woman who truly dated a man should know how to talk to him and he will listen.
Your husband might be going through a difficult time at work or with his health.

Men are generally reticent by nature.
Probe further and be more sensitive.

sweet30:

i tried but it still did not work

You gave him he[i]a[/i]d but it still wont come up??

Sorry then.

This might require some medical or spiritual attention

@op,
U said u created a new id 'cos your hubby is a NLder but i think with all u v enumerated above it will still be quite easy 4 him to get u. If he does,your talk of being tempted to cheat may not help his trust in u in d nearest future. Gudluck.

@topic,
I suggest that u stick to BlueDiva's advice

@plutarch: I know but i cant just help being completely honest so u guys can get a better knowledge of things. But d truth is he has accused me of posting things here b4 which i neva did so,
@kokoye: did dat but d thing just worked for awhile then back to sqr one >:
@blue: i tried talking to him countless times but he will just gimme some flimsy excuse. to God in highest i'm not a fan of cheaters but i just,

@ Poster, two years!!!! kwa!!!hmmmm, i think he needs medical attention or he is no longer attracted to you, because i really do not know what will make his ''john thomas'' not active after giving him a head. Something is definitely wrong. What will your cheating solve? it will only give you 5 mins enjoyment and your conscience will not have any rest.

So just as Bluediva has said, talk to your husband.

sweet30:

@plutarch: I know but i cant just help being completely honest so u guys can get a better knowledge of things. But d truth is he has accused me of posting things here b4 which i neva did so,
@kokoye: did dat but d thing just worked for awhile then back to sqr one >:
@blue: i tried talking to him countless times but he will just gimme some flimsy excuse. to God in highest i'm not a fan of cheaters but i just,

Hmm, i would rather you let hin into your thoughts, let him know you've had it to that level and you are considering cheating on him, and see what his reactions would be.

Did u attract him with black power (jazz)? I mean what would make a married man just stop sleeping with his wife? Cheating men still sleep with their wives.
I suspect your husband has become impotent and is scared to let u know. maybe u should get a intimacy gadget pending when the truth comes out. Adultery will be disastrous.

How do you know he is not having erection problems. Why automatically think it is you. I don't understand how people communicate because first of all if his thing is not working we will be discussing it. It will not be pushed under the rug. Secondly the phone calls. It is obvious that you have already sneaked around to find out that he has been calling the same number over and over again. Why not write down the number since you have already gone CSI on him and asm who the number belongs to. This is the first step. personally thik it is a medical issue and nothing to do with him cheating but I might be wrong

kokoye:

You gave him he[i]a[/i]d but it still wont come up??

Sorry then.

This might require some medical or spiritual attention

True

,

This is why oyinbo people are different from us. It is the wife sef who will be orderiing the viagra online for the husband but we like to hide things away from our partners and do gra gra ogboju.

I'm very worried the way people get married these days.
People just meet each other, hang out in peppersoup joints and clubs for a while and bang. . . they are married.

People no longer care about knowing whom they are about to marry.
In those days our parents used to communicate with their eyes when they had visitors around.

Please, please, please!
Marriage is just a ceremony, it doesn't change people.

The person you saw before marriage is whom you will still see after marriage.
Let's get wise and stop posting all sorts on NL.

@poster, i will suggest that husband and wife, the two of you should discuss this.if actually he has no girl as a distraction, he should visit the hospital cos it might be health related. u can also back it up with prayers.

Thank you so much everyone. I have prayed abt it n even use my money to buy herbs(dat is if it's pile) but it still not working.
pls keep d advise coming

Must u go the way of self medicatn? Why not consult a professional if u r suspecting erectile dysfunction?

buy him Burantashi

^^^

lol.

Then the problem will be for the thing to come down o.

He needs to see a doctor. Instead of you encouraging him about seeing a doctor, you are going on about him cheating. Na wa for Nigerians,

Thank you so much everyone. I have prayed abt it n even use my money to buy herbs(dat is if it's pile) but it still not working.
pls keep d advise coming

@ Poster,
Due to fact that you are worried and looking for solution to your hubby's problem do not get him herbs to take, it may cause more harm than good always consult a good doctor first.  I have this feelings that your husband is looking for solution alone and shying away from informing you just to guide his ego forgotting that both of you are one. He maybe feeling that he will lose you to another man having in mind several guys asking you out in his presence this may be affecting him psychologically.

Reassure him of your unconditional love it may help him open up to you since you said you love him.  If I may ask what are your plans of getting a job or starting a trade? This gives you time to focus on something else than reading meanings to everything he does and equally helps you contribute in the family.  Never think of cheating it is a sin against God and man no matter who does it. If you feel it is more than you can handle tell your mother-in-law to help you talk to him.

Remember marriage is never a bed of roses. No marriage is without a problem but how you handle yours makes the difference. Build your marriage on prayers it pays and stop thinking that the grass is greener on the other side remember it will be mowed.     Goodluck

!.Law of diminishing returns-Men are strange creatures and get bored of eating one soup everyday.
2.He no longer finds you attractive or you are doing something wrong search yourself.
3.At a certain point in time all men become temporarily impotent-it has happened to me before although because of ego and machoism no one wants to admit it-It takes a lot of care and understanding to get the equipment working again-however lots of women expect the equipment to work always and by attacking your man drive him into a shell and of course the dam.n thing refuses to work even if you give the best blow.jobs.
4.The man is probably having an affair outside ,although from experience that will not stop him having an erect,ion- man can sleep with four different women in a day and still achieve an erectio.n with each and every one of them once the interest is there-trust me I am speaking from experience.

Conclusion-Your partner is probably havens erectile dysfunction which affects middle aged men,he needs encouragement and will need to see a doctor who will help him out mentally.You as the wife have a big role to play in helping him regain his mo.jo.SUSPECTING HIM OR ACCUSING HIM OF HAVING AN AFFAIR IS NOT GOING TO HELP ISSUES!
I know men are polygamous by nature and can not help themselves from straying at times,but I still believe the power lies in the hands of the woman to rein her man in and control him with her secret weapons given to her by nature-if you do not know your weapons,then I can not help you.
Goodluck and goodnight-had a hard day at the office.
If you are not clear I will talk to you tomorrow.

Try and talk to ur hubby and get hm to see a doctor. I could tell you what drugs to give him, but dossages matter.

*sigh* U guys don't know how big his ego his. I'will try to talk to him again. I'm not a fan of self medicating too but cos it was my mother in law dat asked me to buy d herbs after telling her abt dis issue. Thank you again guys. as per d cheating issue have hands off it cos i believe with d encouragment i'm gettin from here I CAN MAKE IT WORK

sweet30:

*sigh* U guys don't know how big his ego his. I'will try to talk to him again. I'm not a fan of self medicating too but cos it was my mother in law dat asked me to buy d herbs after telling her abt dis issue. Thank you again guys. as per d cheating issue have hands off it cos i believe with d encouragment i'm gettin from here I CAN MAKE IT WORK

@OP
I really sympathise with you.
If your husband did not touch you for two years as you said, then I believe the problem goes much deeper than erectile disfunction. A man will only perform if his mind is involved with the partner at that moment. If, for any reason his mind is not there, he will not be responsive no matter what you do. It must be that he has a problem (physical or spiritual) with you specifically.
That being said, I do not think you made his mother aware of the gravity of the situation. What, her son making you roast for two years and all she will recommend is herbs? Really!!
See, you need to stop begging for his affection and waiting for him to look your way. You are his wife forGod's sake. He stood before God and the whole world and swore to take good care of you. So, stop whining and start behaving like a wife.
Talk to him again, and if his "ego" still will not allow him listen, go tell his family and really lay it out for them. Let them know what their son is doing to you, his family, and his marriage. So, if he has anything against you or his marriage, it will all come out.
Remember, if you want peace, you must be prepared to go to war.

Madam, its not that difficult. Get him this Randy Foods . It's 100% natural. 1000% guaranteed.

BlueDiva:

I'm very worried the way people get married these days.
People just meet each other, hang out in peppersoup joints and clubs for a while and bang. . . they are married.

People no longer care about knowing whom they are about to marry.
In those days our parents used to communicate with their eyes when they had visitors around.

Please, please, please!
Marriage is just a ceremony, it doesn't change people.

The person you saw before marriage is whom you will still see after marriage.
Let's get wise and stop posting all sorts on NL.

he is 1oo% right and frank.why do we enjoy HYPOCRISY in this part of our world like this.if i was in the posters shoes,ill personally get it myself and put it inside his food or probably get him drunk and make him swallow the drugs,you think i'll wait for 2years? Hell no.the poster is a very patient woman.how can my husband be depriving me of sex and someone will be preaching rubbish to me,omo,i'll get aggressive about it o,i dont mean violence or nagging,ill fix d sh1t

Too many concerns, NO PROLEMS.
One solution.
Concentrate on yourself.
Being with one WOMAN. . . is the #1 cause of impotence in ALL NIGERIAN MEN!
By the time time over-phock him for just two weeks, nothing to look again, pehnis don shrink at the sight of your drooping b0-0bs!
Not meant to be insulting to you. . . JUST A REALITY OF LIFE.
I dey let my husband WAKA well well. . .because I don't want his pehnis to quench inside my poohsie out of boredom and sexual frustration!

You are just worrying yourself for nothing. . .please let him waka. . . .YOU WAKA TOO!
It is called 'LMS'! Aka 'LAGOS MARRIAGE SYNDROME'!

You are making your husband the center of your world. No man is worth that kind of attention. . . married or not.
Time to make a few boyfriends yourself.
If you are a CHRISTIAN OR MUSLIM. . . . tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk. . . .TOO BAD. You only have one solution then.
Suffer in silence. You can avoid the inevitable. . . .it has reached ya door-MOUTH!

Blazay: Too many concerns, NO PROLEMS.
One solution.
Concentrate on yourself.
Being with one WOMAN. . . is the #1 cause of impotence in ALL NIGERIAN MEN!
By the time time over-phock him for just two weeks, nothing to look again, pehnis don shrink at the sight of your drooping b0-0bs!
Not meant to be insulting to you. . . JUST A REALITY OF LIFE.
I dey let my husband WAKA well well. . .because I don't want his pehnis to quench inside my poohsie out of boredom and sexual frustration!

You are just worrying yourself for nothing. . .please let him waka. . . .YOU WAKA TOO!
It is called 'LMS'! Aka 'LAGOS MARRIAGE SYNDROME'!

You are making your husband the center of your world. No man is worth that kind of attention. . . married or not.
Time to make a few boyfriends yourself.
If you are a CHRISTIAN OR MUSLIM. . . . tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk. . . .TOO BAD. You only have one solution then.
Suffer in silence. You can avoid the inevitable. . . .it has reached ya door-MOUTH!

God bless u for this advice,this is d best advice i've come across on nairaland