El's December Collections - Jokes Etc (2) - Nairaland
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My Collections Of Crazily Funny Pics.... Hahahahahaha / Collections of Insane funny pics / Funny T-Shirts (Funniest Pic Collections Ever) (2) (3) (4)
| Re: El's December Collections by Nobody: 11:49am On Dec 07, 2011 |
A Pastor praying for a Dying man and saying, 'denounce the devil' let him know how little you think of him. The dying man kept quiet. . . The pastor repeated his instruction still the dying man kept quiet. The pastor then asked, 'Why do you refuse to denounce d devil'? The dying man responded, 'Pastor abeg I never know yet where I dey go if I die, I no wan provoke anybody o  1 Like |
| Re: El's December Collections by Nobody: 11:57am On Dec 07, 2011 |
mikuz: Lol |
| Re: El's December Collections by mikuz(m): 11:58am On Dec 07, 2011 |
old yoke! |
| Re: El's December Collections by Nobody: 12:04pm On Dec 07, 2011 |
E Don Start You?  |
| Re: El's December Collections by mikuz(m): 12:14pm On Dec 07, 2011 |
God forbid! |
| Re: El's December Collections by Nobody: 12:26pm On Dec 07, 2011 |
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk." Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go." Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled." 1 Like |
| Re: El's December Collections by Nobody: 1:40pm On Dec 07, 2011 |
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| Re: El's December Collections by MrResource(m): 3:14pm On Dec 07, 2011 |
El Guapo: LOL. . .funny |
| Re: El's December Collections by Nobody: 12:01pm On Dec 09, 2011 |
A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application. When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too." |
| Re: El's December Collections by Nobody: 12:03pm On Dec 09, 2011 |
Encyclopaedia Britannica Seen in my local paper's "readers sales" section. FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of encyclopaedia Britannica. 45 Volumes. Excellent condition. £1000 pounds or best offer. Reason for sale:- No longer required. Got married last weekend. Wife knows F**king everything. |
| Re: El's December Collections by Nobody: 3:23pm On Dec 10, 2011 |
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you !" the man shouts. "This is her *husband*!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice. Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me." |
| Re: El's December Collections by Nobody: 3:58pm On Dec 10, 2011 |
There was a woman who was pregnant with twins, and shortly before they were due, she had an accident and went into a coma. Her husband was away on business, and unable to be reached. While in the coma, she gave birth to her twins, and the only person around to name her children was her brother. When the mother came out of her coma to find she had given birth and that her brother had named the twins, she became very worried, because he wasn't a very bright guy. She was sure he had named them something absurd or stupid. When she saw her brother she asked him about the twins. He said, "The first one was a girl." The mother: "What did you name her?!?" Brother: "Denise!" The Mom: "Oh, wow, that's not bad! What about the second one?" Brother: "The second one was a boy." The Mom: "Oh, and what did you name him?" Brother: "Denephew." |
| Re: El's December Collections by Nobody: 4:06pm On Dec 10, 2011 |
A resident in a posh hotel breakfast room called over the head waiter one morning and read from the menu. "I'd like one under-cooked egg so that it's runny, and one over-cooked egg so that it's tough and hard to eat. I'd also like grilled bacon which is a bit on the cold side, burnt toast, butter straight from the freezer so that it's impossible to spread, and a pot of very weak, lukewarm coffee." "That's a complicated order sir," said the bewildered waiter. "It might be quite difficult." The guest replied sarcastically, "It can't be that difficult because that's exactly what you brought me yesterday!" |
| Re: El's December Collections by mikuz(m): 4:46pm On Dec 10, 2011 |
^^ nice but remixed joke! |
| Re: El's December Collections by Nobody: 9:46am On Dec 12, 2011 |
Oga ooo  |
| Re: El's December Collections by mikuz(m): 9:48am On Dec 12, 2011 |
yes, you called me. |
| Re: El's December Collections by Nobody: 9:59am On Dec 12, 2011 |
A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked," Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, a contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of bath." "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does." |
| Re: El's December Collections by Nobody: 10:02am On Dec 12, 2011 |
One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there. "NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same. Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" he exclaimed. "Your a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?!?!" the lawyer asked. "HA! Your lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said. The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed "MY ROLEX!" |
| Re: El's December Collections by bandely(m): 11:05am On Dec 12, 2011 |
**Finished my popcorn, signing out**  |
| Re: El's December Collections by mikuz(m): 11:27am On Dec 12, 2011 |
na wa o, el, ya thread don turn to silverbird cinema. |
| Re: El's December Collections by bandely(m): 12:13pm On Dec 12, 2011 |
Shebi na you sabi steal pass. Come still this one nah.
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| Re: El's December Collections by Nobody: 12:30pm On Dec 12, 2011 |
^^ LmaO |
| Re: El's December Collections by mikuz(m): 12:33pm On Dec 12, 2011 |
. . . and whats that supposed to mean? |
| Re: El's December Collections by Nobody: 12:45pm On Dec 12, 2011 |
LMAO -- Let My Adversaries Over-Sweat |
| Re: El's December Collections by Nobody: 4:05pm On Dec 15, 2011 |
Early Thursday morning Lucky sat down playing instead of him to prepare for school. Mummy walks in and sees Lucky sitting down and the following conversation ensued. MUM: Lucky, why re u not preparing for school today like the rest of Ur mates? Lucky: mummy, I'm not going back to that school anymore. they don't know what they re doing. MUM: Why do u say that Lucky? Lucky: Our mathematics teacher madam bola is now confused. MUM: Lucky!!!!!! Lucky: Yes mummy. on Monday, she said 7+3=10. On Tuesday it was 6+4=10. now yesterday she said 5+5=10. u see wat i mean? which one am i going to take? ℓ☺ℓ |
| Re: El's December Collections by mikuz(m): 4:23pm On Dec 15, 2011 |
he he he |
| Re: El's December Collections by jokingmary(m): 4:42pm On Dec 15, 2011 |
nice |
| Re: El's December Collections by ARareGem(f): 7:47pm On Dec 15, 2011 |
Saved the best for last. Seriously, lwkmd! |
| Re: El's December Collections by Nobody: 10:59am On Dec 16, 2011 |
Thanks Friends  |
| Re: El's December Collections by Nobody: 11:20am On Dec 16, 2011 |
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer. 1 Like |
| Re: El's December Collections by Nobody: 11:28am On Dec 16, 2011 |
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." |
| Re: El's December Collections by Ejike3: 11:09am On Dec 17, 2011 |
| nice job, keep it up. |
Emmm! Its About Akpos And A Teacher☹☹☹ / Let's Play A Game Of Who Has The Funniest Meme Here!! / Funny Chat Between A Guy And A Seemingly Smart Girl
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