Fellow Nairalanders,

Please, what advise will I give my friend who complained that his wife will not talk to him in the house?

They have been married for Nine years and he has been trying to pretend that all is well, but he says he couldn't bear it any longer.

The complaint is that they live as cat and mouse in the house. The wife doesn't talk, play or discuss with him. Their only routine communication is good morning (in the morning) or welcome (When the hubby comes back from work).

But she cooks his food and serves him when she feels like, not when he needs it. No any other form of communication exist between them in the house. It is only the wife and their only child or the hubby and the child.

When the wife goes to work, she comes back whenever she feels like, and will never give any explanation even if asked why she comes late.

When I met and asked her why she behaves like that, she claimed her husband receives calls from women in her presence but the husband claimed she always assumed any women that calls him is his girl friend, even if it is his business partners called.

The husband claimed he has begged her not to behave like that in the house several times to no avail.

Anytime the husband tells people to help talk to his wife (like myself) she claimed he is revealing the affairs of the family to the outsiders.

Now, the hubby is fed up and told me he needs a divorce.

Should I tell him to go ahead with the divorce?

the husband is very much to blame (as well as the wifey of course):
- how long has it been like that, was wifey ever different? did they even date/have fun together in the past?
- why did they wait so long before addressing this issue of LACK OF TRUST?
- if they dont get along, why would they want to stay together? if they are sticking together because of the kid then their r/ship is exactly the kind of r/ship you would get.
- we all know the definition of insanity, i guess these two dont.
- is there any other outcome possible apart from divorce OR continuing this charade?

Marriage is not by force.

They should work on their marriage or divorce. Simple!

I think their is more to this story, i dt think a sane woman will jeopardize the peace in her home cos of phone calls. @p I believe their is somethin the hubby is not tellin u. Just my thought anyway.

deagleng:

Fellow Nairalanders,

Please, what advise will I give my friend who complained that his wife will not talk to him in the house?

They have been married for Nine years and he has been trying to pretend that all is well, but he says he couldn't bear it any longer.

The complaint is that they live as cat and mouse in the house. The wife doesn't talk, play or discuss with him. Their only routine communication is good morning (in the morning) or welcome (When the hubby comes back from work).

But she cooks his food and serves him when she feels like, not when he needs it. No any other form of communication exist between them in the house. It is only the wife and their only child or the hubby and the child.

When the wife goes to work, she comes back whenever she feels like, and will never give any explanation even if asked why she comes late.

When I met and asked her why she behaves like that, she claimed her husband receives calls from women in her presence but the husband claimed she always assumed any women that calls him is his girl friend, even if it is his business partners called.

The husband claimed he has begged her not to behave like that in the house several times to no avail.

Anytime the husband tells people to help talk to his wife (like myself) she claimed he is revealing the affairs of the family to the outsiders.

Now, the hubby is fed up and told me he needs a divorce.

Should I tell him to go ahead with the divorce?

Lots of marriages are like this,but the couples normally put up a facade to the world.Couples pretend to be happy because of society pressure or family pressure.If the wife or husband goes to complain about their loveless union to family or friends,the most likely advise they will recieve is -"that is how marriage is,you have to make it work."
Divorce is not always the easiest option because it can get messy and most people do not want to put their kids through that.
Again the kind of court you will go to for a divorce also varies-If you performed your marriage through native law and customs(traditional) it is easier to get a divorce in the magistrate courts,on the other hand if you performed a registry marriage,it is a lot more difficult because it involves the High court,and trust me when I tell you it is a lot more difficult and messy because it will involve property(If any),and custody battles over the child/children.
I still think these people can work things out if they try to communicate,however at times communication does not work if love has gone away,and at times it just happens,because while it is easy to fall in love,it is equally as easy to fall out of love.
While I hope this couple can work things out,I am not too optimistic.The couple should make an effort to work things out if not for themselves,at least for their kid.

@op,

there is to be no divorce for any reason. Husbands are to love their wives unconditionally and vice verse. Tell you friend to "watch and pray lest ye enter into temptation". Pray for the strength and grace to love his wife unconditionally, do nice things for her, "woo" her. A refusal to do so may be centered around pride? (GOD knows all things). "Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom." - Prov 13:10

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"Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD." - Proverbs 18:22

"Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word," That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. "- Ephesians 5:21-33

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. " - Colossians 3:18-20

"Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price." - 1 Peter 3:1-4

"Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. " - Matthew 19:6

"For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously. " [putting away is divorce, The LORD hates it] - Malachi 2:16 (putting away = divorce)

"Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." - Hebrews 13:4

"But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul. A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away." - Proverbs 6: 32-33

1 Corinthians 7
"[b]Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?[/b]"

Proverbs 5:17-19
"Let them be only thine own, and not strangers' with thee. Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her bosoms satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love."

This a case that cannot be fully answered here.The man should think back when the crack started.If it was not so from the beginning then at what time did the pot break.It's something both of them must work on.If both are tired of the show they should end it instead of living in frustration.

But I ASSUMED IT MUST BE A SPIRITUAL CASE.Their is no accusation of infidelity in their homes.Both should go into spiritual warfare and fight against the devil or better still go for counseling and deliverance.God will help the man.

I don't live with them, but i sense the man is not trying at all to salvage his marraige and he is already jumping into conclusions about divorce. And it comes easy to him as a thought only because he is having an ''affair''.

This man is having an affair and is looking for support to divorce his wife.Like someone said no woman would want to jeopardise the peace of her home for no tangible reason.And her behaving "anyhow" points to a woman that has grown tired of her husbands lies,no attention and disrespect for her and couldnt care less what happens to her marriage .

He shld really reflect on his behavious so far and the so called "business patners" relationship and whatever conclusions he draws from his refelctions then he would know what to do.(am sure he already knows what he wants to do)

^^^^^^^^^^NA real ''business partners'' in kpekuska company.

I want to thank you all for your advice. You are all wonderful. I think HISCHILD really take the time to give out the quotations from the Bible. Thank you all.

what i will do is login to Nairaland site and let my friend read all your advices himself.

I'll sure get back to you as soon as there is any development.