......

Thumbs up! U re doing a really good job with ur writing but there re some things u should take note of:
1. At the beginning of the story, we were led to believe that halimot was not happy for obvious reasons. But when d taxi dropped her off, i was expecting something to happen; like a row with her parents or was she living alone?
2. There re quite a number of mis-spellings and wrong use of tenses. I think u should read through again. E.g 'tugs' i think u meant 'thugs'; 'keeping his company', 'it stiffened her fear'. I assume u were trying to say ' she stiffened in fear'. There are so many others and i really think u should read through.
3. Some words may be grammatically correct but, in terms of contextual usage, not appropriate. E.g 'bloated roasted fish'. The term 'bloated' does not fit in this context
4. When those men abducted d professor, we were told he was gagged. Were his hands also tied? We were not told. But in real life, when somebody is kidnapped, he is gagged and his hands are tied or he is shoved into d boot of d car. Was he sitting in front with d driver? If yes, that is very unlikely. If no, how was he able to head butt the driver to the extent that the car spiralled out of control? And how come the prof. was d only one that escaped from a car that first landed in a ditch, caught fire and burnt the other occupants beyond recognition? Thats too easy, don't u think?
There are some others i have forgotten so i have to go back and read again. But one more question? If u made the park sound so modern and refined where even the conductor looks responsible in his well ironed clothes, couldn't u have made him speak good english? Just asking though.
Dumodust has a valid point. I think u should consider his opinion. Keep writing though!

Op, u r doing a good job...but i tink d criticisms u ve received so far are constructive, try to implement dem

ur storyline is fabulous

@gree-die, you are awesome, pls u can write, do sth abt it...you have a passion for literary works, which shows that u can write as well, develop the latent talent of writing in u, its in u already, just for u to be bold to explore it. @op, nice take on fiction, thumbs up, but take into considerations, the criticisms so far, most importantly the one from gree-die, she is good in constructive criticism, so listen to her.


Meanwhile, I want to use this opportunity to invite you specially again to come & join this new club I initiated, it is called: Naija Young Writers Club, and the mission is to unite all aspiring and established youth writers in Nigeria to help us all achieve our dreams of becoming successful & renowned published authors in literary works. To that effect, we will be holding meetings, seminars, and also we will be doing joint critics amongst members to help each member grow & become polished in his/her writings. We will also go as far as doing joint publishing of our works, for instance, publishing an anthology of our own short stories, written by members, and jointly promoting it both on media, internet and everywhere. we will also be giving grants and assistances to members who have produced good manuscripts but have no money to fund their work, plus plenty other things, meanwhile, all aspiring and established young (18 to 40) Nigerian writers home or abroad, pls kindly come & join us & lets make a difference. Pls navigate through the literature or romance sections of this forum & u would see: Naija Young Writers Club- Join Now!, and kindly indicate your interest and by dropping your email for further communications. Thank u guys. u can as well email me at: dailyy.newss@gmail.com, by indicating your interest in the writers club.

Fyn gal,gree-die and Daily news thanks alot I appreciate you all.@ Fyn gal, I didnt turn a deaf ear to Dumdoust suggestions but the manner at which he blurted this clause 'we all wrote worse'and also reffering to the people that commented before him as sycophants was what I frowned at.Afterall Literary criticism is a creative adventure and it also requires alot of wisdom and creativity,I expected that from him.

All in all I know I still have to work on my DICTION to entrance my audience but my fear, I was runing away from pleonasm(The crime of many writers) for the novel not to be bulky, as my plot drives me from chapter to chapter and at the end I was caugth between not giving the artistic painting of what my readers might want to know and heading straight for the main action.One of it was the scene where the Prof was bundled into the vehicle.I didnt tell whether it was at the boot or he was sandwiched in the vechicle with the kidnappers.

@Daily news,we will get in touch.

DailyNews: @gree-die, you are awesome, pls u can write, do sth abt it...you have a passion for literary works, which shows that u can write as well, develop the latent talent of writing in u, its in u already, just for u to be bold to explore it

tnx 4 d vote of confidence, i ll try to develop it later...ryt now, i feel lyk im working on borrowed tym. U ve bin encouraging, tnx alot. Maybe ur club ll offer me the boost i need, im free to join ryt?

OK!this muse has come dictacting to me again,it wont let me be until I put those ideas down.So I'm putting down more chapters....ITS ALL ABOUT LOVE TO DOUSE THIS RAGING FIRE!

Oh my! I love this story, sadly u haven't continued

DailyNews: @gree-die, you are awesome, pls u can write, do sth abt it...you have a passion for literary works, which shows that u can write as well, develop the latent talent of writing in u, its in u already, just for u to be bold to explore it. @op, nice take on fiction, thumbs up, but take into considerations, the criticisms so far, most importantly the one from gree-die, she is good in constructive criticism, so listen to her.


Meanwhile, I want to use this opportunity to invite you specially again to come & join this new club I initiated, it is called: Naija Young Writers Club, and the mission is to unite all aspiring and established youth writers in Nigeria to help us all achieve our dreams of becoming successful & renowned published authors in literary works. To that effect, we will be holding meetings, seminars, and also we will be doing joint critics amongst members to help each member grow & become polished in his/her writings. We will also go as far as doing joint publishing of our works, for instance, publishing an anthology of our own short stories, written by members, and jointly promoting it both on media, internet and everywhere. we will also be giving grants and assistances to members who have produced good manuscripts but have no money to fund their work, plus plenty other things, meanwhile, all aspiring and established young (18 to 40) Nigerian writers home or abroad, pls kindly come & join us & lets make a difference. Pls navigate through the literature or romance sections of this forum & u would see: Naija Young Writers Club- Join Now!, and kindly indicate your interest and by dropping your email for further communications. Thank u guys. u can as well email me at: dailyy.newss@gmail.com, by indicating your interest in the writers club.

Thiscount is a member of yan.

Oge thiscount only u na writers u b jor, good concept.

Honestly guy, u r doin a fine job. Although i am nt d english kind of guy(used to wonda hw i passd english in waec) i read alot of novels. U nid 2 do more on ur use of language. Keep up d gud wrk.
Those of u criticising, try 2 corect in luv, nt run down his morale, u won't gain anythng 4rm discouragin him. One luv