I went to visit a friend the other day and we decided to go to the mall with her young daughter who is 7 years old.I offered to buy the daughter ice cream and

asked her which she wanted. She said she wanted chocolate and the next thing she told me was that she is the only brown girl in her class. Most of the people

around us where white and I replied that is because you are unique. This got the mum talking. They live in an area that is mostly populated by white folks. She

said although her neigbours and people she comes across are nice people, her concern is with her daughter who comes home all the time with one issue or the

other. The other day she was like she wanted to let her hair down like kids in her class and that she does not like braiding her hair. The mum asked why and she

replied that her friends don't like the way she does it. The mum said she encouraged her that is make her beautiful but she said no. My friend is trying her best

to build confidence in her kid but it seems like when she gets back from school there is another issue having to do with race but in a subtle way. In what way

can she deal with issues like this.

She can change the kid to a black school if the issues are getting too much.

^Tpia's advice isn't bad. However, I will assume that a change in school is not imminent and advice thus:

Your friend needs to let her child know that her colour is not a disadvantage or something she should capitalise on. She shouldn't expect people to treat her differently because of her colour- if anybody does that, it is they who have a problem.

I don't know if OP's friend is a single parent but if she's not, she and her husband have to build the confidence of their daughter.

As long as physical bullying is not involved, I want to suggest that the girl should be encouraged to make any taunting she receives because of her colour a source of motivation to be the best at whatever she does.

You might ask: can a 7-year old deal with such issues?

My answer: Yes they can, I as a 7-year could define relationships and how I wanted to handle them. The girl will soon have white friends who will love her for her and colour will not matter to them.

If "problems" with her classmates occur on a daily basis maybe the mom should have a chat with the class teacher. Through books, or any other things, the teacher can bring up the topic of tolerance and physcial differences to the class and have the kids talk about it and learn that everybody is unique and has to be accepted. She can talk about it in a general way i.e. disabled kids, tall/short, thin/chubby differences etc. I believe the school has a role to play in teaching kids how to accept each other and live together.

Activities outside of school can be a good idea too.

As for boy/girl difference, I don't know about it, but I know that as early as 3yrs old my daughter was asking me "what color she is", seeing that mama is white and daddy is black, and seeing black/white/asian kids in school but no other mixed kid in her class. Parents should seize this kind of opportunity to build up self confidence in their children but also teach them tolerance towards other people differences.

My friend is not a single parent. I have no idea on the husband take on the situation.  Her daughter has been living in that area since she was 3 years old. She

went to school to some of the kids in her class. But my concern was she telling me she is the only brown girl in her class. Her mum said the main thing is the subtle

race talk she hear whenever she gets home. Like why is my hair not long. Why do I have flat nose things like that. But the funny thing is that her mum said the

class teacher likes her so much because she is brighter than her other classmates and she is always assisting in anyway she can. I think that is the way she is

learning to build herself up. Like chaircover said, I think it is a female thing. Like someone told me, you get in the face. One can't keep running away from

everything so changing her school is not a good idea. I told my friend to volunteer whenever she has the chance in her school. It is at this stage one needs to

build self confidence in a child.

chaircover:

Iice as a mother of a daughter I too am shocked and saddened at how much emphasis is placed on "outer beauty" over inner beauty.  Its always in your face and its sad to see young kids spending so much effort and time trying to belong and look good.

You wont beleive the clothes that are out there,  . . . padded bras, sexy slogans on T-shirts, micro mini skirts and so on . . . . its ridiculous.

As a parent, you can censor TV, restrict internet access etc but the most dangerous place is the school playground & one has no control over that. One can just train the child as best as one can, encourage them to have self esteem form within, put them in a good school and pray and hope for the best.

You are right chaircover but that is why one need to be involve. I was told by someone who did early child education that you explain things to kids rather than shy away from it. Find out what the child is thinking and why they want that sexy dress or that long hair. It goes a long way but most parent dont have time for things like that. They shift their responsibility to the teachers at school like the teacher does not have his/her child to deal with.

I am African American and my "fabric of being" was made up of having 2 parents who were teachers and when no blacks lived in Fort Collins Colorado - we did when blacks were uncommon in that area.

I am the very product in kind and in deed as the Poster's friend's 7 year old daughter.  I was there, been there, done it.  Now as a grown woman, I can reflect back to what helped me to deal with the outcome when whites touched my hair and poked fun at it or looked at me as being "odd" because of my skin color and hair texture.

Some posters suggested:

Outside activities
Talk with the Teacher

***Follow that advice, cling to it, it is correct.

Let me add a few as well:

Start attending the PTA at the school, get to know the parents and set-up "play dates" - they are unuse to "Black Culture" - by the parent, especially the mother involving herself in school activities, it will help the child immensely.  Other parents(white) will take an interest in black culture and expose their children, so the 7 year old won't be seen as an oddity.  This is also the type of conversation that should be had with the teacher.  The teacher will be open (most are) to influence from the parent.  The parent can suggest to the teacher ways to introduce "positive black culture and modern black culture" to the Class.  Such as Actresses/Actors/Musicians who are black - or those who are white that mimic "positive black culture."  You have alot of whites that get their hair braided who are popular with children and teens.  There are also black women who braid hair who can on 'show and tell" or "career day" - can bring in beautiful hair adornments/beads (the white girls will love it) and demonstrate the "French Twist" and Hair Braiding to the class.  That same day the mother of the 7 year old can bake cupcakes and bring punch for the class.  Her 7 year old can and will shine.  TRUST ME!  Also, hair-braiding is only one very tiny sample of any activity that will bring positive attention to the class.  The girl's father can demonstrate computer-usage in the form of a "new game" to the class that isn't ethnic related at all, just having someone "black" instructing the class in any area that is creative, new and different aligns the thought of the audience with a visual that is "active, fun, positive, enjoyable."  Hopefully you get where I am going.

NAACP - National Association for the Advancement of Colored People is in every town or nearby town.  It houses the creme of the crop in African Americans.  The majority of their members are educated and have grandchildren and children (quality) that you would want your son or daughter to be exposed to, as many of them are Career People in EVERY DISCIPLINE and have much influence.  The parent should join, attend meetings and expose her daughter to that group and set-up "play dates."  That is definitely an outside activitiy that the parent can involve themselves with, find a base of pride for their home, their activities, provide cultural awareness that the child can find pride and friends (outside of school). And expand that parent's base of operation, exposure and influence.

Also, there are many African groups in "white areas" as well.  Find a church or prayer group that is "African" - I encourage her not to just focus on African American churches - she should expand the horizon of both herself and her offspring - join that prayer group or gathering or church.  Alot of those churches have Africans from all over Africa - no one group in particular.  Have the mother join this as well.  She can bring her daughter and socialize on many levels (in church and without).

The daughter while acclimating to a white environment will elevate those around her and assimilate and many times will subconsciously de-value self if she isn't surrounded by those of her own group who will assist her with staying grounded and comfortable in her own skin.  She is beautiful and she needs stimuli that will reaffirm that knowledge on the daily.

That's my 6 sense anyway.

. . .all that have been said here would amount to nothing if either of the parents are bleaching their skin,the mom has dyed her hair blonde/wears wig/weaves always etc.

Little but very significant things like assuring your kids,saying it out to them daily that they are beautiful and wonderfully made goes a long way too.

Too much wahala for girl child jor.

chaircover:

When we moved our son was the only black kid in his school but with time he made lots of friends. What helped at the time was that he did other activities outside of the school such as tennis & football so he met the kids out of the school setting and friendships developed from there and he settled pretty quickly

One thing I also want to mention is that maybe the girls are more sensitive to these things than boys. My daughter attends a school where I'd say 20% of the kids are black so she is in the midst of others, but I found that she is more conscious of her looks, weight, clothes, hair etc  than our son.

I think that the first thing is for the parents to try and get the kid to open up to them to make sure that the kid isnt being called names or being bullied and act appropriately if she is.

Parents should also encourage the child and let the child know that different doesnt mean bad.

Chaircover, how is this possible in Nigeria? Abi you don run go Jand, ni?

Anyway, the best thing this lady can do is to make sure her daughter spends quality time in positive, black organizations or communities. Nothing will boost her self confidence more than seeing herself as part of a successful majority for the first time. She needs to understand that her current situation is temporary and that there are lots of super-successful blacks out there that she will meet in college or thereafter.