The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!

Bathtime fun

A man worked hard all day digging the garden and felt very stiff and sore.

His wife fluttered about him, pleased with the amount of work he had done and anxious to get him to do some more.

"Have a nice soak in the bath and I'll bring you a drink," she suggested smiling.

"Good idea," says the husband looking forward to being waited on.

He's in the bath when she comes in with a nice glass of Scotch which he accepts happily.

"If there's anything else you'd like just call," says the wife as she leaves the bathroom.

When she got halfway along the landing the husband relaxes completely and lets off an enormous long fart in the bath.

A few minutes later, despite it being a very warm Summer's evening, the wife comes in with a fluffy bed warmer

"What the heck is that for?" asks the husband snappily.

"Oh Darling," says the wife, flustered, "I thought I heard you say, "Whataboutahottawaterbottle."

First joke is actually very cool but has run out of humour because we have seen it too many times.
Second joke is not funny





Soooooo
[img]http://www.freesmileys.org/custom/image/grey%5E_%5Earial%5E_%5E0%5E_%5E0%5E_%5EWHERE IS D JOKE?%5E_%5E.gif[/img]

then, check this out!!!

I'd Do Anything

A student comes to a young professor's office. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.

"I would do anything to pass this exam."

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.

"I mean, " she whispers, ", I would do ANYTHING!!"

He returns her gaze. "Anything??"

"Yes,, Anything!" She says.

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you, study??"

You're a Statue

A woman and her lover are in bed together when hubbie comes home. The woman jumps up, shoves the guy in a corner of the bedroom, rubs him down in baby oil and covers him in talcum powder.

'Don't move! You're a statue!'

The husband comes up to the bedroom and inquires about the new decoration. The wife explains that the Smith family next door acquired a statue for their bedroom recently, and if they could get one, so could she.

The married couple go to bed, but at midnight the husband goes downstairs, gets a glass of milk and some cookies, and comes back upstairs. He hands the snack to the statue and says, "Here. I stood around for 3 days at the Smiths', and they never fed me a thing!"

The student-prof joke is nice!

bright007:

The student-prof joke is nice!

*takes a bow* thank you

chuckles
nice ones

^^^ merci beaucoup 

one for you:

I Want to Kill My Husband

A lady walks into the drug store and asks the druggist for some arsenic.

The druggist asks "Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?".

The lady replies "I want to kill my husband."

"I can't sell you any for that reason" says the druggist.

The lady then reaches into her purse and pulls out a photo of a man and a women in a compromising position - the man is her husband and the lady is the druggist's wife - and shows it to the druggist.

He looks at the photo and says,  "Oh I didn't know you had a prescription!"

A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. "Douchebag!" the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. "Your father just said a bad word," he says. "I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?" His son looks at him and says: "Too late, douchebag."

Some funny jokes.

^^^ merci beaucoup, madmoiselle. . .

for you:

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.

So he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."

Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

nice ones but omg! I forgot

tnk u,

nice signature u got there!

All ur jokes are as old as my grt grandma. . .their is none, dt I av nvr seen b4

bunmioguns:

All ur jokes are as old as my grt grandma. . .their is none, dt I av nvr seen b4

**takes a hot rod and gives bunmioguns idigbe and he goes:** hahahahahaa

Two cannibals


Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to
go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the
jungle and waited by a path.

Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Oh
dad, there's one."
"No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to
even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."

Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The
son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough."
"No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the
fat in that one. We'll just wait."

About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous
woman. The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that
one dad. Let's eat her."
"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."
"Why not?" asked the son.

"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your
mother."

^^^^woe onto that ur photocopying machine

      ur photocopy machine no dey spoil?




   

      [img][/img]