a man pays the bride price and a woman brings the dowry into home after the marriage ceremony.and i think u exagerrated a bit when u said they r asked to bring a cock with 1 eye.it's not a ritual they r doin.anyway bride price where i come 4rm is 24naira and i'm sure most people if not everybody can aford 24naira.
in my opinion i think payin the bride price is also a way of thanking the girls family 4 lettin 1 marry their daughter.

otokx:

someone should please define bride price? then define dowry? then define that list that the inlaws bring which includes so many items some of which you can never see in this life time.

that list can include motor cycle, a white cock with one eye, one geepee tank, 10 george wrappers, etc, etc, etc - i mean at the site of it some people have suddenly developed temporal memory loss because it amounts to some good cash.

i wonder whats the point if after doing all the requirements you get into debt and can't even live life with the woman you love.

i am still waiting.

Exactly what is it that the man does which would potentially get him into debt?

BTW, you are assuming that the man is living under western principles of being able to get things on CREDIT. Its kinda hard to go into debt, when you have to pay for everything upfront.

this is what i heard happens in a village near umuahia, the youth association demanded settlement of about N50000 by this time they had less all the tyres of one of the cars in which the guy and his associates came, the women of the village demanded another N150000 to cook the food which they said will be served to the guy and his associates plus family members not exceeding fifteen by the way. This people had paid about N20000 for the cleaning of the compound.

Now to the real deal, the famous box wherein so many types of wrappers and clothes for the would be wife amounted to N200000 but they promised to help the guy so he could bring N100000 and they will lend him some to make the box heavy. It is pertinent to note that this box will be left in girl's fathers house for her sibblings to enjoy. N20000 was used by the boy to arrange the drinks for some special members of the girls family to accompany the invitation cards

The white wedding and reception is another thing altogether. Even if he earns N120000 a month that will be quite something.

i am still waiting for my definitions.

I've patiently waited to get married--dreaming up every girl's ideal wedding, and now when the time is at hand you're telling me not to do the whole thing! abeg o!!! our cultures are so deep and rich, my man has to pay bride price o! thank God my family's not desperate for money, so nobody's going to be exploiting anyone. After i've done my traditional wedding, whoever wants to throw out the tradition of bride price should go ahead, as for me, i'm holding on to it, and when i have a daughter or daughters, someone's going to pay bride price too! i don't feel less a woman because of bride price, i would think a woman would feel that she got into her husband's house through all the proper channels and every requirement fulfiled, i would!

Word!

no way bride price i cannot believe people still do this i want to marry an equal an intelligent woman that will stand by me through life. not a commodity that can be bought or haggled over.

my uncles wife died when i was a little boy and i remember the families fighting over her body, her mother stood in my fathers house shouting " when you paid the bride price you did not buy her bones" . my uncle gave in but i have alway remembered this paying money for a person is just wrong.

it continues the notion that a woman is a thing owned by her father and then her husband.

dearzi if your ideal man refuses to pay on principle will you refuse to wed him?

@alj
Hmmm, which principle are we talking about here? i doubt i can answer that, cuz the guy i'm with would want to make me happy, and i'm sure he sees as i do--wanting things done the right way. Plus, we both come from educated families, i don't see who wants to start haggling over my bones--i think i can leave proper instructions for where i want to be buried and my family would have to conform. He has sisters and their bride prices were paid, so why would he want to do otherwise! i don't think bride price is something that should be compromised, cuz i know of women who are married and their husbands didn't pay their bride price and everyday they keep crying "maybe if you'd paid my bride price you'd treat me better" for me i don't want to have that as an excuse,

i must agree if i meet a woman i really loved and this is what she wanted i would do it. reluctantly.

this is the 21st century!!! plz ohhh no one shd 'pay for my head'!!!

My yoruba friend told me y'day dt her maternal who's ibo warned him not 2 marry ibo girls so as not to "waste d money he would otherwise hav used 2 achieve good things on wedding". Pls my ibo 'landers,no offence meant.

@bunkbobo
are you a nigerian?

I would have supported bride price, earlier, but I feel that this practise is not relevant in today's society. Some of our practises need to be questioned, or would you support female circumcision because it part of our culture? How about some of the tribes in Northern Nigeria that lashes at the man with koboko, to test his strength? If he cries, then, that is assumed as a form of weakness, and the ceremony is cancelled. Lets do away with bride price, exchanging of gifts between families is more than enough to seal the bond. Or, what happens when a marriage ends in a divorce down the road, would the bride price be returned to the groom? And if so, how would the factor in the value of the money paid for the bride price, when you factor in INFLATION?

I think this bride price should even go cuz some men take advnatge of it,

*hisses at topic *
lets scrap the whole idea of the marraige and the wedding ceremonies while we are it.
I personally feel that the only bad part about the culture is that it forces young men to part with a substantial part of their networth in the name of wedding.
I personally feel that cost ofwedding ceremonies should be limited to the financial capability of the man,

Imagine you are denied the marriage of a girl you truely love and truely loves you, just because you cannot pay the bride price.
The reality is that the imposition of exorbitant bride price has affected our girls in some quarters of Igbo society. Some Men will simply go bancrupt after fullfilling the the items in the "List"some will therefore go for a relatively fair bride price they can afford especially considering the present economic situation in the country.
I think the tradition is outdated and should be abandoned, for it is anti-marriage and anti-social. because the more marriage there are in the society, the more stable will be the society.

yes, lets do away with bride price .its a prmitive african custom
why not take up modern western customs like marriages that last only two years ,alimony and support payments.

the reason why bride prices are high is because they have kept up with modern times.do you think that the equivalent of what our parents paid is what we are paying now?think about it, when the bride price was invented, there wasn't money the way we know it now. we certainly did not have the naira. anyway, u guys over here don't have it too bad.theres a tribe in kenya, or myb ugandaa i read about. the dad pays, but he must then test and confirm that they haven't bought emm, 'already commissioned ' goods.

hmm so naija bros should now budjet for brideprice, traditional wedding, whitewedding, and divorce

lolol somethings gotta give.

i am neutral on the bride price issue, what i dont like is the useless vilage women, and youth association who i ahve never seen in my life comin into my house and demanding things of my husband to be because we come from the same village, when i get married if htey try tha tnonsense i will have bouncers there who will gladly kick them out. if i invite u to come and eat ogba and drink palmwine, bring ur self chopulate until u bellefull, then get out, whether u are aunty, uncle cousin or distant cousin. The moment u open your mouth talking about he should bring ke na ke, thats it u are OUT.

lol@ finemocha
so true though

in-laws think cos ure their son's wife, they own u as well,
make dem go siddon jare
i'm not goin to take shit from my husband, talkless of his family, allow that!!

wonder why our initial tendencies av always been to throw out the baby wit the bathwater!
latest discovery on some families:
brideprice = slavery
so wat should we do? me, me, me! yes? lets throw it all out! hurrraayyyyyy!

@bunkbobo
wat makes something culture? should it be defined by new-fangled understandings? i think u shld av first sounded us women out before goin all-out to defend wat u term 'our rights'!
well sorry prince charmin, in dis instance ur 'fight' is quite misguided, in our culture, it is the right of everywoman that her husband pay her brideprice, anything less wouldnt b marriage! also dont kno where u came about dis haggling angle, it isnt the norm neither does it mean the wife has been sold as it normally should just b a token symbollizing interconnection: exchange of treasure and resources, sharing and caring between both families.
that dere are individual families dat exploit d culture and harass their potential sons-in-law, i cannot deny. however, such cases cant be generalized and even den such intending couples shld b able 2 discuss and agree on that before sitting down wit deir respective families 2 talk sense into dem. if dey cant handle dat den dont think dey'v got business gettin married cos brideprice aint d only thing del'd av 2 contend wit in marriage.
really tho i believe it is d men i.e husbands dat need to change their mentality. paying brideprice is actually meant 2 make u treasure ur wife more not immediately make her a commodity dat ur family just bought for u! dat brideprice is paid shouldnt make any bride less lovable, she still is d same babe u fell for!
dear bunkbobo, if u r so bothered bout our plight in marriage why not demand such rights dat really would make a difference 2 us like demand that the children we bear carry our names seeing as we go thru more pain not just to birth dem but also do all ensure 2 a better future for dem!
please, lets not get unnecessarily sentimental ere, keep it real

Very interesting.

bride price is a part of our culture-yes,
but whats this buisness of bankrupting yourself to get married?
is that part of our culture as well,
spend big doe to do trad wedding and spend d next one year drinking garri and dodging creditors?
well apologies to any ibos in the house, but yall knew anyway, it b/c bride price so many of your guys marry late,and that is uncool. cause it implies that there will b a serious age gap between hubby and wife.

guy must reach age of 35 to make doe reqd

guy must marry fine babe( 4 d monee spent)

guy doesnot want 2 marry chick his age, esp when hes paying big monee, (smaller return on investment)

so guy marriies fine chick who he probably doesnt really know, but who is a trophy wife.

really, i don't think pple who are seriously into bride price are actualy marrying 4 love.

oyb

i agree with ya. anyway sha

Yesterday my dad told me that there would be no traditional marriage for me,just court and church wedding. I was really happy when he said that and rest assured he said no bride price too. I think this bride price thing should stop or if it must continue,let it be really low cos the amounts I hear are really outrageous!

its really annoying that shrivelled old men in the village who never contributed one pencil to a girls training and education should set a high bride price for her husband to pay b4 he can marry her. its greed!

thats why so many men treat their wives bad. because he had to virtually buy you.
the size of the bride price doesnt show how valuable your daughter is. they say the bride price for a university graduate is more than that of a secondary school or ond holder.
so if you wan marry girl wey get phd, that one na die!

A few years ago,a community in Rivers state took out a full page ad in a national newspaper to announce that their bride price has been reduced next to nothing in order to woo prospective grooms to come get their girls off their hands.

The community was said to be swarming with unmarried senior girls and they had to take drastic measures.
South East and South south are terrible in this bride price thing.
In some communities there is an exercise book full of "things to buy"
It's insane.

funny. drastic situations require drastic measures oh!

snazzydawn:

Yesterday my dad told me that there would be no traditional marriage for me,just court and church wedding. I was really happy when he said that and rest assured he said no bride price too. I think this bride price thing should stop or if it must continue,let it be really low because the amounts I hear are really outrageous!

what did you do that he decided to dash you away?


_{just kidding}

funny.

oyb:

bride price is a part of our culture-yes,
but whats this buisness of bankrupting yourself to get married?
is that part of our culture as well,
spend big doe to do trad wedding and spend d next one year drinking garri and dodging creditors?
well apologies to any ibos in the house, but yall knew anyway, it b/c bride price so many of your guys marry late,and that is uncool. cause it implies that there will b a serious age gap between hubby and wife.

guy must reach age of 35 to make doe reqd

guy must marry fine babe( 4 d monee spent)

guy doesnot want 2 marry chick his age, esp when hes paying big monee, (smaller return on investment)
so guy marriies fine chick who he probably doesnt really know, but who is a trophy wife.

really, i don't think people who are seriously into bride price are actualy marrying 4 love.

Ah, omo you said it all!! 

How come you know all these inner details of the South-East? Don't allow my Igbo brothers to fight you o!

But seriously though, among the Delta-Igbo communities, bride price is little - a mere token amount.  Among several communities in Anambra area, I hear it can go as high as 200,000 thousand naira, depending on the girl's qualifications & beauty. While in some areas of Enugu state which share the same border with Kogi state, bride price is also low.

Our girls are too precious to be dashed away for nothing.

babyosisi:

Our girls are too precious to be dashed away for nothing.

Um, strange. The Edo, Yoruba & Itsekiri people as well as some Delta-Igbo clans believe that their daughters are too valuable to be haggled over, like a mere commodity. They believe there is NO amount of money that would do justice to the value they attach to their daughters. So why on earth would they want to put a price tag on her head?

Quite often, they just name a symbolic figure, make a big show of collecting it from the groom's family & then return most of it (or all of it) back to them with the same flourish, after making a long speech about how their daughters are NOT for sale.

Equal how people are calling it #"bride price" or whatever. I am white and after i have been first time in Nigeria i have prayed the people not to loose all their culture. All over the world they had a lot of culture thousand years ago. I have grown up in Europe, by their euorpeen culture, where families are not standing beside anym,ore, etc. I don`t know , and it`s not my right to say anything to this bride prize but all the time i am hearing here, this culture is old, don´t belong in this world anymore, and and. Not only by this thread. Everybody who thinks like this pls. think about what makes human being to be an human being ? I think his culture is a big part of. Without the education is flowing away as well. If someone loose one part of culture he will loose another one as well.

Not to understand me wrong now, it gives a lot of culture thing to change there, about widows, about behavious to woman as well, but , Carefully and by thinking about if it is really good to run after the "white world".